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"The condoms I gave you were normal, the kind you can fund anywhere." She picked up the condom and began to tear open the wrapper, revealing something that glowed softly in her hand. "But sometimes a lab tech might try to offer you something more experimental. She placed the condom over the tip and smoothly rolled it down over the banana. "They'll make all sorts of tempting claims about trying their latest runic condoms, and most of those claims will be true."

Clarice set the banana down, and it began to grow longer and thicker. "This is one someone came up with a couple months ago." The fruit continued growing and soon the desk began time creak under it's weight. "The side effects are really something," she continued, watching calmly as the fruit began to shift and wriggle beneath the thin latex sheath.

There was an odd squealing sound and suddenly the massive banana exploded into a writhing mass of yellow tentacles. Clarice batted at one that strayed toward her skirt hem and reassured them, "Don't worry! It should hit the next stage quickly." As if on cue there was another squeal and the tentacles shuddered and went stiff. After a moment the began to shrink and sag down. In the end what remained on the desk was a tiny shriveled prune-like banana, and a large latex bag of what looked entirely too much like the delicious banana pudding that was being served in the cafeteria prior to the kitchen's destruction.

"It lasts a bit longer on humans, and it takes weeks to return to it's previous size and shape. All in all, just say no."

Jordan scooted his chair back slightly. Tentacles. All the nope.

Clarice beamed at her favourite and then clapped her hands together, "There's a few other things I thought you might like," some nice underwear of excellent quality and equal good taste, "as well as a few hygiene items," several kinds of a cleansing products for before and after, their use detailed in chapter 2 of the booklet.

Smiling at the boys, she continued cheerfully, "You know, I thought it would be kind of awkward, but I'm really glad we could all have this little talk. If you have any more questions or problems or strange injuries, just come ask me, kay?"

"Right."

Clarice proceeded to dote for a moment, and then put on her best professional demeanor as she answered, "Photographic evidence followed up by personal investigation." Then she returned to doting, "But you don't really need to worry, most people could care less, as there's a few more pressing concerns at the moment. There isn't even time enough right now for the techs to start up betting pools, so you guys even get to skip that portion of public speculation."

Photographic evidence? Jordan's eyes narrowed slightly as he recalled a certain picture and the picture that served as wallpaper on Clerise's phone. Yeah, he was pretty sure Clerise would have shared with "miss lady."

He sighed. "I guess it's not like anyone can keep their complicated stuff a secret around here without serious concerted effort." The corner of his mouth quirked up slightly at Rep's question. "You've been here a few months, man, you know how little there is to do on the island and how fast gossip goes around. People bet on everything."

The blonde nodded at Jordan's explanation and beamed brightly at Harrison, "Yeah, you guys took this really well. I shouldn't have doubted it." Clarice glanced at her desk and then frowned, she honestly didn't want to leave. She wanted to be there when if they needed help or advice. She wanted to be minutes away, not months.

When the assistant glanced up her smile was a bit tremulous, "If you guys get into any trouble Aria is really amazing, and Edith is like a wall when you need defense. If you can't reach them, H is an a*****e but he's also really effective when s**t hits the fan, and Killzone too. Ummm..."

She should probably be saying goodbye, or something like that, but the awkwardness had returned to Clarice. She hated goodbyes and a part of her was still searching for things to warn them against, just in case they were tempted to stick their hands into garbage disposals and insert knives into electrical outlets. And eating healthy was important, it couldn't all be chocolate and Slim Jims, William. And Jordan for godsake, stay away from Sunny, she thinks you're up to something and is quick with needles, and also take better care of yourself. Making sure everybody pulls through is nice, but not if you're in need of medical attention yourself. And Harrison...just...god...damnit...

In the end she just glanced down at her desk again and concluded lamely, "So...yeah. I'm sure you guys have other things you want to do, so I won't take up more of your time."

Jordan gave Clarice a long, sympathetic look; the tremor in her voice and the awkward, almost-shy way she dismissed them caught at some emotion he couldn't quite identify. Out of all the higher-ranked Hunters he'd met, she seemed to do the most to make sure her people were well taken care of, and even beyond that, that everyone was as well looked after as she could manage. "We'll get out of your way," he said, then, "Good luck, ma'am."

He rose and picked up the bag, then hesitated for long moments. "If there's anything I can help with," he said, and left the offer at that.