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Chapter XXIII: Sigurd's Late Birthday Present

Chapter 5 Map

Plan of assault: Spawn point is in northwest corner and we are pincered to the left and to the right. Some tanky troops who can't reach the right army (which needs to be killed ASAP) will go to take on the left army and everyone else will take on the right army, who I will go into details about why we need to kill them in the LP. After that, simple castle siege with holy weapon (ie: Holsety assault.) Next castle is dreaded desert navigation with meteors and Sleep Staffs flying everywhere then like a billion turns after that when that castle is taken, it's onward to storm the other castles with just "simple" wars in our way.



Remember the whole year differences between Chapters 1-2 and 2-3 and 3-4? Screw that, Sigurd's old enough now. Let's just get some war up in this b***h a day after killing all the monarchs save one in Silesia!



Mainly due to Byron being a lazy p***k and being too lazy to deal with them on his own, thus his son has to do the job for him.



Blah, blah, blah, people who we're going to fight, redhead's Ida by the way.



Via censoring everything, but we're agnsty teens and hate when the government censors our s**t.



Mmmkay, so the final chapter, sounds like a rather anti-climatic ending..



Because you know how mother nature likes to s**t six feet of snow randomly in the middle of spring to d**k tease the world. :/



Hey, it's Byron not enjoying being attacked by Langobolt!



Yes, yes you do I suppose.. <33333



Now there's a smart man who knows how to look out a window.



Apparently, the time stops in the battlemaps when plot happens so Byron can't make an escape whilst these guys tl;dr it up.



Yeah, ever heard of the Master Knight class? It has usage to the staff to heal his manly a** up.



Dannan is Langobart's son and Lex's brother, and note that he's talking to someone else now who looks strikingly similar to the other guy.



Issac consists of sword fighters, sir, lrn2webbintriangel.



ie: The guys who killed Mahnya. mad



Eh, at least Langobart has SOME common sense and hates Andre like everyone else.



Eh, what the hell? He's a good man when he's not killing people for power.



Meanwhile in Zaxon, Sigurd enjoys overreacting.



Sounds like fun, army vs. single knight...



T-that's a bit overkill for one single knight. gonk



He's the main boss of Lubeck, note his holy weapon, sadly Lex is a half breed and only has minor blood so he can't equip his dad's weapon even if he dropped it. sad



Apparently the RNG gods weren't so kind to Byron also, what the hell man, what kind of Master Knight only brings one weapon to war?! mad



Which is why the right army needs to be dealt with ASAP because Byron is an impatient mofo and dashes straight into them, if they're there or not, and if they're alive, it won't end so pretty for him..



Army o' axes, one or two properly trained units can easily decimate them on their own, or god forbid: make them guard Zaxon and save moving the unit that far.



Whoops, I forgot to show you who Fury is fighting, but yes, that is a reference to Nabarl from FE1/3/11/12 (he's holding a Wind Sword) and yes, he even has the exact pallet he would be expected to have. =o



Fo shizel my nizel. cool



Real creative name. stare



Err, no, she was sort of in the castle all this time, which part, killing your dad/his dad, or killing Mahnya?



Sibling violence, where would FE4 be without you? 4laugh



B-because you're going to help us like you helped us in the Prologue, right? D;



Just in case you're confused about everything, here's another rehash moment.



Basically, Alvis dun' like Byron because he's all for this scandal of Byron killing Kurth (Dierdre's dad), so he wants to kill Byron to avenge him for Dierdre.



...and naturally for whatever reason, Sigurd = Byron, so he's against us as well. mad



Oh, I'm sure the Roten Ritter will be rotting in the desert when we're done with them, then it'll be you next! 4laugh



Of course, important revealing facts about Dierdre get cut short by the amnesic b***h herself.



As she is the last remaining person in this world with pure Narga blood apparently.



As we know, she was livin' it up in the middle of a dense forest for whatever reasons, but meh, details..



Hur hurr, dramatic emphasis to show the player that she doesn't remember spitting out a baby with the hero. cool



So basically, Manfroy teleported her there, dropped her off and vanished.



Creepy~.



Yeah, so many peasants wear tiaras, silk gowns and have long flowy silver hair. confused



So, if you know anyone IRL who wears golden circuits people, remove them when they're asleep and look for a birthmark on their forehead!



Yeah, yeah, she's one of few surviving Narga descent people who are the only people in this world who can stop the dark dragon Lopto. :/



Oh, oh my, I think this is just about to get even more creepier, not only is Alvis marrying his half sister, but is going to have a kid with her. gonk



But, in the other case, if he inherit's Cigyun's Lopto blood and not Kurth's Narga, he'll be an evil monster with the power to destroy the world, let's take the risk!



King Alvis, has a nice ring to it.



Note: He's not saying that to Alvis, but you.



Apparently, it's flu season in Grandbell.



Yeah, just hold on a couple of hours, Alvis's head will be on a pike and Dierdre will be prancing around naked as usual, I guarantee you.



Tiltyu: "This old stick?"



And he dies, shame he couldn't stick around to watch me kick the s**t out of Langobart, Reptor and Alvis like he said he was like two seconds ago.



Right, so this is the guy who was looking out the window in the beginning of this chapter. Fun fact: Slayder is a major boss in FE2 who was a very prickly Paladin. How do I know this? Why, I am the .2% of the FE fanbase who can actually say I've crashed through that 8bit Sacred Stones hellhole!



The other wandering boss, melee weapons are so sexy.. <3



They lasted.. two turns tops?



Well, that was.. anti-climatic.



100% bows? Pfft, my team is 90% melee! 4laugh



They don't really go into details who the "Queen" is, but it definitely ain't Lachesis, creepy fanbase. mad



Same age as Celice, convenient.



Hur hurr.. karma at its finest, although it's kind of weird Fury doesn't have a pre-battle quote, nor Levin for that manner..



In any case, I apparently wasn't thinking and didn't let Fury, Levin, Brigid or even Adean (she is promoted by now) get the kill, aw well, Azel's gotta be buff for taking his brother on! By the way, Scorpio is his kid, just one of those FE4's "SINCE WHEN?" moments.



Maybe the ones without holy weapons, but I got a book full of trolly wind, and I ain't scared to use it!



And because I'm a p***k and endorse the idea of perpetuating family violence, Lex even gets a round in with his old man. cool



But in the end, I'm canon and let Sigurd deal with this monstrosity.



Yeah, yeah, we'll send him on his shota way back to Issac when the time comes.



If he ever comes back from Issac that is. 4laugh



A-at least that was 90% of the melee troops? Ah s**t, we still have to deal with the mage troops. gonk



Yay, plot enhancements!



That would be Darna, sir, Issac is beyond the scorching desert that surely spells doom for travelers.



Sure, why the hell not? Let's send a twelve year old kid in the middle of a desert with a baby, they'll be fine!



And no an experienced woman who's also the Princess of Issac, like Ira. :/



In case you're wondering, Oifaye tries to pull the NO U thing, but Sigurd, being an ex-noble is a master of the "But thou must" loop.



"Drive me back from Issac with your bitchin' motorcycle when you kill everyone, just so I know you're safe, if you don't come, I'll just be an ugly hermit and stay in the desert."



Eh, close enough.



Can't forget about our other young un', and now you're not as you are apparently a terrible bodyguard!



Uh, sure buddy, why don't you go find her and ask her then?



If you ask me, sending Ira along as well would be cool too, but nope, let's send two prepubescent boys into the middle of a desert, surely nothing bad will happen, right?



Just don't turn into an insane ninja who has the power to take on an entire army, alright? D;



And off they go, GOOD LUCK BOYS, IF ALL ELSE FAILS, HOLD "A" TO CHARGE YOUR LASER! Geez, we should have sent an adult with them..



Now all we need is a Dierdre. cool

Next chapter- the biggest DUN DUN DUN yet, sadness, rage, apparently forgetting to bring your s**t to war, the beginning of my love/hate relation with Thracia and dreaded desert navigation!

Chapter XXV: Shakespeare Has Nothing on this b***h

My apologies (says Ethlin from her place in Hell from all the people she killed), this will be a big BIG update, mainly due to this part being like the climax of the entire game (IMO) and I want to place it all in one big TL;DR.



Welp, with every other Grandbell power dead but you and Alvis, you're their only hope, sir.



Hhrrrrrgh, but at least wind (ie: Holsety) is stronger than fire, so after this p***k, Levin can handle the rest. -__-



You're just a wuss. mad



Oh Alvis, you card, I knew you were going to help us! 4laugh



As in wait literally ten turns for the team to navigate through the rough back into the greens. gonk



Only 10 Res? Oh hoh hoh, you're just asking for it! 4laugh Granted Thunder > Wind, but Holsety is still ******** yeah even if it has the disadvantage.



OH GOD, DREADED DESERT NAVIGATION WITH METEOR MAGIC USERS OUTSIDE MY RANGE POUNDING ME! gonk



That's... what she said. >_>



Known her since a kid? Sir, we met you as a washed out drunk in an arena who got his a** kicked by a girl who says she's sorry to everyone she kills!



And there you go, Aira and Holyn are cousins, isn't family love great?



Eh, what the hell, let's have a lover fest in the middle of the desert to draw this part of the game out!



b***h, I ain't crazy enough to level her up (mainly due to my lack of interest in Mage Fighters), and besides, we already had one of those moments, like with Lex?



WELL ISN'T THAT IRONIC.. As the loverless Lex cries because he now has no one to care for him.



Meanwhile, Fury stops to have a lovely chat with Levin whist she wipes mage blood off of her.



B-but you have so many more mages to kill, Fury! You can't leave us already. D;



D'aww, actual, non-creepy love in FE4 for once! 4laugh



Don't worry, this is the last sexiest manly lover convo. >_>



*Child* Ethlin thought it was a good idea to bring a kid into a desert if you forgot. stare



I'm not sure now Beowulf's comment is related, but..



rolleyes Unless you mean to say you knocked her up twice just for the hell of it. :/
PS: Her lover convo with Dew is ******** creepy. gonk



Half a billion turns later..



It still seems like Alvis is helping us though, yay!



Neutral army aiding, ftw!



As meteors fly towards him from everywhere.



DUN DUN GENERIC RETORT.



Which is why you're being eliminated and Alvis as aiding me. :/



However, Sigurd is just a bit sassier than Reptor and Reptor is forced to violence.



Which.. doesn't end well for him.



At least we don't have to deal with seizing anymore castles!



See? I told you Alvis was along with us all along! Me and him will rule the world together!



I bet he has gold and rewards to hand out. whee



And so we begin our glorious march to Barhara.



It's the Medieval times, Sigurd, a small cough is deadly! D;



I would too, you killed just about everyone in Grandbell. stare



B-because the King knows about all of this too? D:



FINALLY, I CAN SAY FOR A FACT: DUN DUN FREAKING DUN.



Just as a fact: Alvis's plan: Let Sigurd deal with all the military powers, sandwich him between all of Alvis's knights, THEN kill him, that quadruple-crossing b*****d. mad mad mad mad mad



He even goes on to be a bigger p***k, such as:



Yup, he's totally going to show Sigurd that he got down his old girlfriend's pants.



I suppose that's one good way to blow off your ex.



Oh man, she's hardcore. cool



Sigurd's not lovin' this s**t.



Just a small step. wink



She must at least get to spit on the traitor, Sigurd!



And off she goes, my theory is he was scared she was remembering Sigurd, all the more reason to press this show on further, what show you ask?



Any by seizing he means:



gonk



...final last words, spoken like a champ, I want that to be my death quote when I die in the FE world.



sad x100.



So... that'd be Arden, Lex, Noishe, Alec and Jamka (who is now officially without any monarchs) gone in one haxx Meteor that usually doesn't do much damage?



And don't even ask about Sigurd sticking the Tyrfing up Alvis's a*****e, Alvis "burned" him so bad, Sigurd didn't have a sassy comeback.



Welp, and that's that for Sigurd, too bad this ain't Chrono Trigger so his allies- oh wait, they're all dead too. D:



So kind of a more epic ending rehash of Final Fantasy Tactics in the way they give you the big middle finger, but with more death.



Then they decide to do a big rehash of all the character's names and I go pee, make a sandwich and come back.

Everyone who died (for sure):
Sigurd
Ethlin
Cuan

Everyone who probably ran like a p***y and might have survived:
Everyone else.

Literally, play the game, they say that, I'm not even kidding.



Well, except for the p***y part, but you get my point.



HA!... pun.



We killed Reptor and Langobart! Why do make my accomplishments seem like nothing, FE4? D;



As in the big ******** cancerous ray that hit Sigurd.



Welp, everyone is dead and Alvis is the king of the world, what now? Are we going to be some crappy a** Grandbell soldiers raiding countries for the next six chapters? Find the ******** out later on.

While we're on the topic of "********" allow me to write my "******** you" ******** you Ethlin, you should have just ran like a ******** you Ethlin, who brings a baby to a desert ******** you Ethlin, who the ******** forgets to bring a light saber to a ******** you Ethlin, just for dramatic ******** you Cuan, we were just fine without ******** you Thracia, you killed ******** you Sigurd, you had so much time to chop the b***h in ******** you Azel, may you enjoy your house arrest for ******** you Levin, Holsety, that is ******** you Alvis, stop double crossing ******** you Lachesis, Master Knight phoned
And most importantly: ******** YOU IS FOR MAKING A SET OF CHARACTERS I ACTUALLY LIKED FOR ONCE AND KILLING THEM ALL OFF! mad