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 Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:15 pm
[I'M ALREADY SOBBING AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO THE DRAMA YET]
Yes, the door's hinges didn't squeak. No, Amelia hadn't raised her voice out loud within the building.
However, it was rather difficult to miss the sound of armored boots--not to mention the sounds of various pieces of armor being put down on the floor.
Amelia had finally finished putting away the last piece of armor. She could, at last, breathe a sigh of relief. Rhys never needed to know she'd--
"...So you had been planning on going after all."
Whoops. Spoke too soon.
If Amelia turned around, she'd see Rhys standing in the doorway, looking gloomily at her.
Rhys wasn't the sort of person who fit the definition of "angry"--that was better suited for people like Tibarn or Vaida or Rath, on occasion. Rhys just couldn't be suitably angry--never had been, never would be. His tone of voice, rather, suggested... disappointment. Sure, it may not have been anywhere near as intimidating as anger, but it could hurt people who cared about him far worse than any anger he could ever hope to muster.
The Bishop sighed. "...I figured you would want to go the moment I heard the news of the attack on Estarcia. But I'd really hoped you weren't really plotting on going. Look, I'm glad you're back, and I'm happy to see you're removing your armor rather than putting it on, but...
Why did you even put it on in the first place?"
Ah, wait! Disappointment turning to confusion--yes, hope for reconciliation, yes, yes, good, good, yes!
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:40 pm
 "You can't blame yourself. Blaming yourself and falling into depression, it won't change anything.
You have to look →forward→. Remember what you have here now.
Just think; if you hadn't come here, you wouldn't have met anyone here from Elibe or anywhere else!" {Amelia}Excellent, it was all off! Amelia brushed the sleeves of her shirt down and did the same with her leggings. She was kneeling down to begin gathering things up to move them, and then she heard him, and her heart fell down to the general vicinity of the arches of her feet.
"...So you had been planning on going after all."
Amelia very slowly turned to face Rhys, blonde hair falling over her eyes as she angled her expression to the ground. She slowly folded her arms under her chest--more appropriately, she was hugging herself, but she tried not to show it. Her eyes stayed away from Rhys for a little while. She couldn't take in that expression, it was... It'd be easier if he was angry. But he was so disappointed that Amelia couldn't bear to look at him.
"I was... selfish, I guess," she murmured. Her voice gathered an extra thread of strength every so often as she continued, though at the end, her voice fractured a little, a spiderweb of cracks across her defensive stance so that, by the end, she was turned to face Rhys, face unguarded and worried.
"I was scared. I thought... I thought I was losing something. I... Tibarn was telling me how I defeated Kyros, and I defeated Fenrir, but I wouldn't have done either on my own. I only didn't die against Kyros because Leon arrived to save my a** and if Isadora hadn't been distracting Fenrir I wouldn't have been able to kill him. I... thought I was useless, and... I needed to prove that... that I wasn't."
Amelia steeled herself just a little, arms moving to her sides, but her face still had that open look. "I'm not really sure anymore. I thought I was, Tibarn said I wasn't, but... I just don't know anymore. What worth I am, I mean." {Graceful Spear}  "What... I mean is... Being a member of the holy order doesn't mean you can't put your own wants first sometimes. The goddess is supposed to be all‑forgiving, right? You've worked hard and you deserve to do some things that make you happy.
I think she'd forgive you for it."
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:59 pm
Okay. So she was selfish. Well, he could relate to that. Selfishness was why he came to this world in the first place, wasn't it? Still... selfish? Here? After she'd already done so much?
But before Rhys could make a retort, she also admitted to being scared. Ahh... NOW the heart of the matter comes out. She was afraid of losing her ability to fight, so she wanted this last chance while she was still able to move, right? Still... all this, for glory?
"What you're worth? Amelia, when we fight, we don't fight alone. Nobody does. Not even the former King of Phoenicis himself ever stood alone against the fury of an army. Don't you remember the saying, 'Together we Ride'? There's meaning behind that saying--together, we can defeat our foes. Disparate and alone, however, we fall."
Rhys paused, gathering his words together.
"Yet with Kyros? Leon only dealt... what, one small blow? You took on the strongest of the Nine Heroes and came away the victor. And Fenrir? No matter what way you slice it, you still did most of the work. The other person was just there to give a small helping hand. So, if you could beat both of them while requiring barely any assistance..."
He grinned at her, clearly looking like he thought she was actually someone to be idolized.
"Why, those feats alone would make you worth--worth... umm, hang on... what's-it that heroes strive for... the glory of five... no, TEN run-of-the-mill heroes! Oh, and let's not forget that--oh, let's see--you fought Tacitus one-on-one and lived to tell about it, saved us from starvation by getting us those supplies, helped Rei realize that there were people who cared about him and in so doing brought him back to us... Do I need to keep going?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:20 pm
"You can't blame yourself. Blaming yourself and falling into depression, it won't change anything.
You have to look →forward→. Remember what you have here now.
Just think; if you hadn't come here, you wouldn't have met anyone here from Elibe or anywhere else!" {Amelia}Amelia resisted the urge to turn her gaze away from Rhys' orange eyes. She didn't respond to him the entire time he was speaking, not until he had finally fallen silent. Her hands were shaking a little, and as she started to speak again, she took a step forward, towards the man of the cloth standing in front of her.
"I know that. People don't fight alone. But people don't lose as often as I have. I fought Tacitus, but I nearly died and I wasn't able to stop him; I wasn't able to do much with getting those supplies and I couldn't do a damned thing against Molina; Rei brought himself back to us, he nearly killed me twice without even trying and in the end all I've really been good for is getting hurt, dragging people back home, and otherwise absorbing the blows for other people. I just... I don't know, Rhys. I've been a warrior almost all of my life. I lost my parents so soon and had to fight to find a place for myself, then fight for Grado, then fight to save Magvel, and I've been fighting here, and... and I thought that was what I was good for. For fighting and for protecting people. And I've barely been able to do that right."
Amelia paused in front of Rhys, moving one hand to trace it against his cheek. He looked so confident in himself, in her, that a little bit of that self-doubt was disappearing again. "Just... I'm sorry," she finished. She didn't know what else she was supposed to say.
Black-clothed arms, lean muscles below the skin trembling, wrapped around Rhys' torso. Amelia hugged him tightly, resting her forehead against his shoulder. "I'm sorry." {Graceful Spear} "What... I mean is... Being a member of the holy order doesn't mean you can't put your own wants first sometimes. The goddess is supposed to be all‑forgiving, right? You've worked hard and you deserve to do some things that make you happy.
I think she'd forgive you for it."
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:38 pm
Ahh, self-doubt. Rhys knew that feeling all too well. After all, what had he done, exactly? She thought she'd done poorly? Try nearly getting Alihi killed, staying safe in Fefga's while everyone else fought for their lives, and, well, nearly being decapitated by Misura. But he could at least say he was a top-notch healer, and he knew full well he'd saved lives on the battlefield. Sure, he wasn't a fantastic fighter, but he could empower and restore those who WERE. That he could save those fighters was... reassurance, of a sort.
"Well... if you ask me, Amelia, being a warrior isn't all about defeating your foes. Maybe this is just coming from a healer, but it's also about how many fail to defeat you. You could slay one hundred enemies and yet still be forgotten in a short time if the one hundred and first slays you.
Tacitus might have made you retreat, but he didn't kill you. From what I gather about Molina, very few people could actually hurt it, given its size. And Rei?" Rhys sighed, as if irritated at something. "...I don't know if he'll ever admit it, but I think if you hadn't shown compassion to him the first time... he wouldn't have stopped himself the second. The good bit of him that remained would not have had the confidence, the willpower to do so.
And... look, long story short, you faced half a dozen people or monsters that would tear most people to pieces and lived. Meanwhile, said half a dozen are either dead or back with us, and in most if not all of those cases you had a hand in that. So...
It's okay--I'm glad you had the sense to come back," he finished, hugging her back. "Just... love who you are. All right?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:57 pm
"You can't blame yourself. Blaming yourself and falling into depression, it won't change anything.
You have to look →forward→. Remember what you have here now.
Just think; if you hadn't come here, you wouldn't have met anyone here from Elibe or anywhere else!" {Amelia}Amelia tightened her arms around Rhys' back. She wanted to believe his words, she really, really wanted to believe his words. It was difficult for her to do so, though. The warrior that doesn't get defeated is the one that people remember? What about the warrior that saved the day? The warrior that beat the ninjas and was a bad enough dude to save the President (What's a President?) was the one that got remembered. The warrior that lived was the warrior that probably didn't do anything worth not forgetting.
She couldn't help but smile, a little pained, at his comment towards Rei. Sometimes she had to wonder how many friends he really had. Her thoughts derailed, though, when Rhys continued, and when he finally finished, Amelia's hands were shaking. Tears stained the shoulder of his robe, but when she pulled away to look at him, she was smiling.
She leaned up and kissed him, kissed him hard and with the intensity of someone who thought she wasn't going to get this chance again, even if she certainly was. When she pulled away, the tears had stopped, and while that same uncertain expression hadn't quite left, her smile was unconditionally warm.
"I can do that. And... and you're here. And Tibarn's here, and... and I can do this. I can do it." Amelia hugged him again, thinking of their (rather founded) suspicions of pregnancy. Her arms tightened a little more. Someone else was going to need her now, did need her now. And if Rhys was there, she could handle it as best as she possibly could.
Please let it be a girl. {Graceful Spear} "What... I mean is... Being a member of the holy order doesn't mean you can't put your own wants first sometimes. The goddess is supposed to be all‑forgiving, right? You've worked hard and you deserve to do some things that make you happy.
I think she'd forgive you for it."
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