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 Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 1:14 am
Walk On The Edge[Aquarius] Aquarius wakes up and discovers she's not in Kansas anymore. Despite some apprehension, she sets out to look for more information.
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Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 1:15 am
In the chaos that was the epidemic, little coincidences seemed like miracles. It was a miracle, for example, that the potted plant Tara had been slumped against when she was found was sent along to the hospital with her, and like the rest of her possessions, it followed her to her room. It sat on a tiny table underneath the equipment that monitored her heart, the pattern of "beep-beep, beep-beep" a far cry from the constant chatter it was used to.
It was probably a miracle that she was alive. The slow traffic on that busy street had been a blessing in disguise for those inside automobiles. Even though three different cars and a van hit the bus, none were moving particularly fast. Escaping from a moving vehicle with a concussion and a couple of broken bones was extremely good luck, especially considering the outcomes of other collisions.
It was a further miracle that Tara's identity was known to the staff. Even though she had forgotten her wallet and had had to scrape the pockets of her bag to find enough change for her bus fare, even though her brother was unable to identify her because he, too, was comatose, even though their parents were stuck outside the lockdown. In the end it was one of the coma ward nurses that recognized the frequent visitor, the girl who had often bribed her for an extra few minutes with her friend with cookies or cake, heavy on the frosting. The fact that she had been one of the survivors of an organ ring hadn't hurt either; all her records were already on file.
It was another miracle that Tara ended up in a room, instead of a corridor or another hospital altogether. That, too, was probably due to sympathetic nurses who remembered her from her previous stay and her frequent visits. So Tara was put in the coma ward, the halls of which she knew so well she could practically navigate them with her eyes closed. One day, when she'd been bored, she had even tried, but it had taken three tries to get to the right room. Still, she'd done it in the end.
Now her eyes were closed, but she wasn't wandering the hospital. She couldn't know that the friend she had left behind was just a few rooms away. She had no idea of the panic that was spreading, or the theories that ran rampant through the city. If she had been awake to speculate, her choice would have been alien weapon, possibly tested on Destiny City to gauge its effects on humans. But if she had been awake, she would have been too busy worrying over Kent, over Calintha Johnson and Howl Wickham, over people she had never met. And wondering, as she did with Laney Sutton, if there was something she could have done, or some way to bring them all back.
While the nurses tutted about the tragic irony- how the poor thing was now just like the friend she came to visit- being awake would have been a far crueler fate. Tara never liked being left behind.
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Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 1:19 am
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered[Aquarius + Walküre] A frustrated Aquarius meets an equally frustrated Super Sailor Walküre, and the two set off in search of answers. They don't find them, but stumble across other things that provide plenty of questions.
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 5:09 pm
Stage One: The Storybook Woods
[Aquarius + Many]
Aquarius wakes up again, this time in a cottage with a bunch of strangers. The situation does not improve from there, and they have to escape a witch before she returns to dine on them.
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 5:58 pm
Things got very hazy very quickly. Aquarius looked around her prison, her allies and enemies, wondering what she could use and what would kill her. She closed her eyes, opened them again, and saw nothing but sterile white ceiling and walls. When had she fallen over? And hadn't the Witch's house been made of wood? Unable to deal with the parallel images in her mind, she shut her eyes again and focused on her other senses.
All she could hear was a dull, rhythmic beeping in the background. She couldn't smell or taste anything. There was someone gripping her arm tightly. She tried to shake it off, but her muscles felt like overcooked pasta. "Stop," she tried to say, but her voice worked no better than her arms. "S'taah. Gosa go 'fosa w-w-iiih co ba."
The grip on her arm tightened, which only made her more anxious. "It's okay, baby." Aquarius couldn't identify the voice, but she knew it was one she trusted. Somebody began to stroke her hair. "Oh, thank god, thank god. You're going to be fine, baby, just fine."
If whoever was there was so grateful, Aquarius reasoned drowsily, she didn't have to be on high alert. Which was good, because despite the alarming amount of sleeping she seemed to be doing lately, on the bus and again on the road, she felt like she needed a nap. Just a little one, to get her strength back. Surely with all she did, she was due that much.
Sailor Aquarius went to sleep.
Tara Kavanaugh woke up.
It was a hospital room. She had been in enough of them to recognize it instantly, as soon as she was conscious enough. There was the white ceiling, and the edge of the curtain separating her bed from the next one over. Slowly, gently, she turned her head to the side. There was the equipment she had come to know over the months. She wouldn't have been able to name any of it if asked, other than the obvious heart monitor, but she recognized life support when she saw it. Whatever she'd gotten herself into, it was bad. Again.
Groaning a little with effort, Tara tilted her head to the other side. There were chairs there, three of them. Two were filled with old magazines and newspapers, a handful of cheap romance paperbacks, and an old tray of hospital food. The chair closest to the head of the bed was occupied, the man in it looking older than Tara remembered. His face was a little thinner, with a few more wrinkles. That might have been due to the unnatural position he was sleeping in, which explained his wrinkled clothes and sour expression, but somehow, she doubted it.
Had she missed this the first time she woke up in the hospital? The worrying people waiting for her to grace them with her consciousness? She tried not to think about it. This wasn't something she planned on making a habit out of, but her life rarely went according to plan. It took a couple of tries for her to get her voice, rusty from disuse, to work properly. "Daa." She coughed, tried to swallow, and found her throat dry and sticky. "Dad."
Even as lacking in volume as she was, Gregory Kavanaugh started to stir as soon as she started coughing. By the time she managed to speak, he was leaning in towards her, staring as if she was a ghost. For a terrible moment, Tara wondered if she had died after all, and was having an out of body experience. Then she felt him squeeze her hand, and realized that she really was alive.
"Tara. How do you feel? Do you know where you are? Do-" For a moment Gregory was overcome by his emotions, but he swallowed and was able to go on. "Do you remember what happened?"
If one of her parents had to be there for her grand awakening, Tara was glad it was her father. Her mother would have weeped and wailed, and while it was nice to be the center of attention, all that crying always made her uncomfortable. Being stuck in a hospital bed feeling like she'd been put through the proverbial wringer was uncomfortable enough. Her father was far more reasonable, more grounded. He was worried, and he was only barely hanging on, but he managed far better than her mother would have. He wanted to know more, and that made Tara smile. It was clear who she took after most.
"Like I died again," she answered, without really thinking. Too late, she realized her slip and tried to cover it up with humor. "Kinda sore. I've been here enough to recognize the decor, Dad."
Coming up with something on the fly had been tough, but she was rewarded by a flash of a smile on her father's face. It quickly disappeared, reaffirming Tara's concern that the situation was bad. "I... was on the bus, I think." That seemed like it was a thousand years ago now. "I was meeting Kent, but I don't remember getting there."
Gregory hesitated, either wondering what to tell her or how to phrase it. "You didn't," he said finally. "The bus was in an accident. A few people died. You got out with a concussion and some broken bones."
"I'm here for a concussion?" Tara tried to shake her head, but found that only made her dizzy. She didn't even think to ask what she had broken. "I've had a concussion before, and it didn't make me feel like this."
"Repeated concussions can result in permanent brain injury," Gregory said. "And the leg began to heal badly, so they had to reset it." He was stalling for time, trying to figure out what to say next. Eventually, he ran out of options. "But that's not all of it. Nobody's sure what happened, but that day, everyone in that area of the city suddenly fell into vegetative states. Everyone. That's why the bus crashed, the driver was asleep."
Tara's eyes widened. Gregory kept talking, trying to get everything out as quickly as possible. "Nobody knows what caused it. The initial thought was a virus, so they quarantined the whole city. When they saw it wasn't contagious, they thought it was a bioweapon, but they're still studying it. A few days ago, some of the victims..." he frowned at his use of the word, but went on, "started to wake up. We've been here ever since... hoping."
It was a lot to digest. A city-wide human blackout of unknown origin was the scientific phenomena Tara drank like nectar, but it was less exciting when she had to suffer the consequences. As she took that in, she started to realize the smaller bits of what her father was saying. "Some people aren't waking up. Or..."
"Some are fading." He couldn't meet her eyes as he said that. What wasn't he saying? Tara tried to form a question, couldn't, and just looked at her father askingly. "Nobody you know, I think," he said soothingly, a little too quickly. "Kent woke up yesterday. Your mother's with him now, talking to doctors, but I should let them know you're awake. She said she saw you open your eyes yesterday, but, well, I suppose I had to see it for myself to believe it."
"Like any true scientist. You missed your calling," Tara joked, trying to hide a whirlwind of thoughts. Had Kent experienced what she had, or was that just because she was Aquarius? What was her father hiding from her? And moreover, what happened? "Dad, how long has it been?"
Gregory, halfway out the door, paused. "You should get some more rest, sweetie. I know that's all you've been doing lately, but you have to work on these things slowly. I'll get your mother."
"Dad, I'll find out either way." Was this what he was trying to hide? Had it been days, or weeks-
"August. It's been almost three months." Gregory clearly wanted to leave, but he waited to see if Tara had anything else to say before he did.
Three months... "Well," Tara murmured, drifting off to sleep again, "at least it's not another year gone this time."
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:02 pm
"You have got to stop doing this to me," Melanie Kavanaugh complained, setting aside her third used handkerchief. "And you're a bad influence on your brother. The two of you will be the death of me at this rate."
"We wouldn't be good kids if we didn't test your constitution every now and then," Kent retorted. He had been given a clean bill of health, and while he had yet to be discharged, he was allowed to walk around. "And I can't let Tara have all the fun, can I?" He squeezed her hand tightly.
Tara rolled her head from side to side. "Think of us as giving your heart a workout. Now you don't need to exercise!"
"Enough of that talk. Is that the way I raised you, to treat your elders this way?" Melanie swatted first Kent, then Tara, with her fresh handkerchief. She sported a few new gray hairs that Tara didn't remember, but also looked happier than she had in a long time; after she'd finished almost a full day of crying, they had agreed to only speak of it in a good light. Small jokes helped keep their hearts light and their minds busy.
Maybe almost dying (again) had a few good side effects too, Tara reflected, though it still wasn't something she wanted to do as often as she did. Her mother hadn't entirely been joking, and everyone's hearts- and souls- had limits as to what they could take.
Gregory peeked into the room, smiling as well. "Dear, the doctor wants to talk to us." He offered his wife a hand up, escorting her out ahead of him. "If you need us, we'll be right outside."
"Leave it to Dad to think we'll perish if he leaves for a minute." Kent rolled his eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Then again, after this, I can't really blame him."
Tara frowned and looked at Kent. "You're taking this well," she said, not bothering to hide her suspicion. Was he keeping something from her as well?
Kent shrugged. "If there's one thing the incident last year taught me, Tara, it's that life is precious. Am I thrilled about missing three months of it? Not really. But compared with what could have happened, it's really not important."
"Not important," Tara repeated, raising her eyebrows. Even from her normally calm and controlled brother, this was a bit much.
"Think of it this way," Kent went on. "If you meet a mugger, the best advice is to let him have what he wants. Money and valuables are replaceable. Your life isn't. This... whatever it was, it was just a well-disguised mugger. It took three months, but what does that matter when I have the rest of my life- and yours- to look forward to?"
Tara thought about it. Even though the analogy was a bit off- three months of life were hardly "replaceable" in her mind- what he said made a lot of sense. Not everyone got a second chance in life. She had lost track of what chance she was on. "What would I do," she sighed, "without you here to put things in perspective for me?"
Grinning, Kent gave a mock bow. "Always glad to serve."
"In that case..." Tara paused and listened, the noise outside convincing her that her parents weren't eavesdropping. "Tell me what they're hiding from me,"
"Tara-"
"I'll find out sooner or later, you know that. Why can't I know now and deal with it?" Tara would have crossed her arms, but one was still in a cast. She had to settle for looking irate.
Kent sighed. "You were never one for blissful ignorance, were you?"
"Is it Laney?" she asked, out of the blue.
"What? Oh, no, she's fine. She didn't wake up," he added quickly, noticing the hope on Tara's face. "No change. But her coma is normal, not like whatever caused ours."
"Yvette, then? Are you going to make me guess?" Tara demanded, close to tears. "Something happened to somebody I care about. If you don't tell me, I'll think everyone I know has died, so just tell me already."
She thought he would tell her it was too soon, or that she had to rest. Instead, he rifled through the stack of old newspapers, pulling out one dated some time after the accident. "I don't know how close you were, but I remembered hearing you mention the name. Maybe it's nothing. But this is all I know. If they're hiding anything, they haven't told me either."
The thought of there being multiple secrets was disturbing, but Tara tried not to think about it as she reached for the newspaper. It was folded to an expose in the local news section, about a recent uptick in the violent deaths of Destiny City teenagers. Even before she read the names, she knew it was talking about senshi, and maybe their enemies as well. Some names were vaguely familiar- wasn't there a Daniela Rymner in her class? Some were a totally foreign. And there, near the top, one she knew well indeed.
Adelaide Hero Barrett
It had to be a mistake. Hero Barrett didn't just die. Aries was a fighter, a leader. Not Aquarius' leader- except she was. Aries was their leader, and Aquarius hadn't followed the lead. She had patrolled alone. She ended up in a random coma, and Aries had ended up dead.
"Maybe this is how it's supposed to be," she murmured. "Eon's gone, and Jude. Are we all supposed to die here?"
"Tara?" Kent's concern was obvious as he scooted closer and rested a hand on her head. "Are you okay?"
Not as long as Aries was gone, and Sagittarius, and Eon. Not as long as parts of her were dead. They might as well have chopped off one of her legs and told her to go on living, without bothering to staunch the bleeding. Aries' death- Aries, of all people!- was a raw wound on top of so many, infected, ready to burst.
Kent came closer, started to put an arm around her, but Tara moved away. She couldn't stand to be close to anybody right then, not when she felt a million miles away. "I'm fine," she said with false cheeriness, knowing she had to say something. "Can I just be alone for a little bit, please?"
She suspected Kent would be listening from outside, that he would tell their parents something was wrong. She didn't care, or couldn't. Crumpling the paper up, she rolled over and cried in her pillow. For her rival, her leader, someone she respected but never liked. For the deaths too close to feel and too alien to understand. And for herself, broken and mangled, with no way of knowing if she'd ever find a way to make herself whole again.
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 7:33 pm
Things happened quickly after that, but Tara was too wrapped up in her thoughts to notice. When she finally stopped thinking about Aries and whether she was supposed to have woken up, things were slightly different in her hospital room. The mess had been cleaned up; not so much as a dirty napkin or unwrapped plastic straw remained. The newspapers and magazines were gone as well. If she hadn't seen them earlier, Tara might have believed that her parents hadn't so much as looked in on her the entire time she was asleep.
Kent was back in the bed next to her, the curtains parted so that they could see each other. That wasn't too strange. The day she'd woken up they had pulled the curtain back, and never really fussed over it since. Kent was back in bed, reading a book. Or so she was supposed to believe.
"Have you really taken an interest in Harlequin romances, Kent?"
When he noticed her looking in his direction, he'd tried to look busy. It didn't work. Surprised by her sudden comment, he looked at the cover of the book, eyes wide. "Oops. I'd meant to grab my murder mystery, but I must've taken Mom's book by mistake." He tried to laugh it off. "I don't think she'll be too happy."
He wasn't a bad liar when it came to other people, but when she was little, Tara had learned the trick. When he was lying, Kent had a tendency to jiggle his left foot. Even when he was in bed, it seemed he did the same thing. It was lucky for Tara that his tell was so obvious, but even without it, she would have suspected. "What's going on?"
"Mom and Dad are talking to the doctors again. I'll probably be discharged soon. You need some more time to regain your strength, and for therapy, and they'll have to take the cast off, of course." Usually when Kent was uncomfortable, he didn't look at her. This time, he never looked away.
He was watching her. The book was a ruse, but now she knew why, or at least had a very good idea. Except it was a very bad idea, one that she wouldn't think about if she didn't have to. Unfortunately, she did.
"Is this a suicide watch?" Tara asked abruptly.
Kent didn't even flinch. That was disturbing. He set the book down, still watching Tara, and continued to watch as he decided what to say. "Should it be?" he asked mildly.
"If you're asking if I plan on killing myself, you should know me well enough by now to figure that out. I don't want to die, Kent." It was uncomfortable, saying something that wasn't entirely true, but she'd already lied to her brother more times than she cared to count. This was just one more to add to the list.
Sighing, Kent swung his legs over the side of the bed, but didn't stand up. "I like to think I know you pretty well. You and I both know that it was mostly us as kids- no offense to Mom and Dad," he added quickly.
"And no offense to you, but you were hardly a kid then," Tara put in, a mad attempt to change the subject. She didn't really expect it to work.
It didn't. "You wound me, but I'm not finished. Our parents are trying to tiptoe around the subject because they're not sure what's okay to mention, and what will send you over the edge. I know you well enough to know that you want the facts. So here they are: we're worried about you. You've been put through things nobody should have to deal with, and you've come out alive. But you're not the kid sister I chased after at home, and I don't know that you'll be there when I wake up, not after everything that's happened."
"That wasn't my fault!" Tara said sharply. "I didn't ask to be shipped off to an organ ring, or to wind up in a coma for months, or have my friends killed while I couldn't do anything!" Hero Barrett was not a friend, her mind argued, had never been a friend, but Kent couldn't know the truth. "I didn't ask for all this responsibility, and memories I can't understand, and people I don't know what to do with. I didn't ask to be-"
She caught herself just in time. Airing her feelings to Kent was one thing, but she couldn't tell him who she really was. Not when she had the sneaking suspicion that he would believe her.
"You didn't ask to be what?" Kent asked quietly. He hoped that if he was willing enough, accepting enough, she would finally trust him. He didn't expect it, but he could always hope.
"To be here. Here, and everyone else is leaving without me, and..." Tara started to cry, balling the sheets up in her hands and covering her face with them. After a few seconds she felt Kent's arm around her shoulder and leaned into him, crying into his sweater instead. He didn't move, didn't speak, just sat there and let her let it all out.
When she had recovered enough to speak, she looked up at him and asked one thing that had been bothering her. "When I was dead, how did you convince yourself to keep going?"
"Are you expecting a simple answer to that?"
Tara shrugged. She wasn't sure what she was expecting, but Kent's sense had helped her out before. Maybe it would again.
"It wasn't easy, but I'm sure you figured that. I kept wondering if there was something I should have done. Should I have not let them send you away?" Tara was surprised- neither of them had openly acknowledged that she was being sent away before- but that wasn't the issue at hand. "Should I have gone with you to make sure you were okay? You were angry then, and I was too. Did I let that get in the way of my better judgement?
"Everyone who's lost a loved one has these kinds of feelings. I did, Mom and Dad did, and I promise you that you'll go through this more. I wish I could protect you from it, but I can't. What I can say is that it's not worth it. Even if you could have done something- which I highly doubt- thinking about it after someone died isn't going to help them, and it won't help you. You did everything that you could. All you can do is accept that and move on.
"It isn't easy, and I'm sure you'll cry and grieve and keep wondering what might have been for a long time to come. I wish I had a better answer for you. But I still know you well enough to know that you're strong. You're stronger than just about anyone I know, and you can get through this. Because even if you can't do it for yourself, I know you can do it for the people you're missing. Just like I... I kept going for you. But you'll do a much better job at it, I'm sure."
Tara kept sniffling as she listened, not quite sure what to think. There were differences between when she had died and now. Tara was a senshi; she should have been able to prevent this. If not, what was she fighting for? But Kent was right about one thing, at least. Dwelling on the past wasn't helping anything. If Hero saw her sitting there bawling over her- not something Tara would ever admit to doing- she would have a number of words for her, none of them sympathetic. Their leader was gone. It was up to her now, to do what she felt was right. To do what she had to do.
Knowing that, there was something else Kent was right about. She wasn't going to be ready to stop grieving yet. Not for a while. "Kent?"
"Mmm?" He hugged her more tightly, accidentally smooshing her face into his chest.
Tara turned her head so she could breathe, but didn't pull away. "Stay with me until I fall asleep."
It wasn't a question, because she knew that he would. Without further prompting, he leaned back against her pillows and swung his legs onto the small hospital bed. It was a tight fit, with the two of them there, but Tara wasn't complaining. She was too busy letting the tears come, for once not trying to be strong.
Today she could cry. Tomorrow, she would be strong. For Hero. For Barren Pines. For everyone who had left her behind. She owed them that, and she wouldn't let them down again.
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:24 am
I Did Not Forget
[Tara + Yvette]
Yvette visits Tara in the hospital, and Tara finds something in her war-torn life to be thankful for.
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:29 am
"This is the place."
Kent stopped outside a door. "How do you know she wasn't moved?"
Tara shrugged. "I don't. But I can't see why they would have bothered. Maybe she had a few extra roommates, but now..." She trailed off. "Anyway, we won't know until we go in."
"Shouldn't we ask?" Kent wondered, not convinced. Tara didn't answer, but just stared at the door. "Tara?"
She tilted her head. Unsure whether to take that as a yes or a no, Kent pushed the door open and, using his foot as a doorstop, wheeled Tara's chair in. Other than biting her lip, Tara didn't move, even when Kent wheeled her right up to the edge of the bed. He waited for a minute, then put one hand on her shoulder gently. "Won't you introduce us?"
Startled, Tara looked up at him. "Oh! Yes, of course." Turning back to the bed, she rested her hand on her shoulder, overlapping his. "This is my brother, Kent. I guess you haven't met yet, but he's really cool. Kent, this is Laney. We met at sch- well, you know where we met," she said quickly, covering up her flub. "Anyway, can I just have a minute?"
"I'll give you five. Any more and Mom'll call security. Again." He smirked, inviting Tara to share in his joke, but she didn't seem to notice. Sighing, he pulled away. "It was nice to meet you, Laney. I hope next time is under better circumstances. Five minutes, Tara," he reminded, shutting the door behind him.
Tara waited until she was sure that he was out of earshot. "I'm sure he thinks I'm hiding something from him. And what can I tell him? He's not wrong, but for once, it's not about that." She leaned forward, placing both of her hands on top of Laney's, and just sat there for a moment, letting the warmth assure her that they were both still alive.
"I think I don't want to share you."
It was shocking to hear herself say things like that. Usually Tara was pretty hard to embarrass, but admitting her innermost fears, the faults that made her dislike herself, definitely did it. Even when it was to someone who, in all likelihood, would never remember. And even if she did, she wouldn't rub it in.
"This is all we have right now. All I can do is come and talk to you, make sure you're still alive, and... and I know other people visit you, and I'm glad about that, really! You deserve it. I mean, you deserve to not be in a coma, but life's not always fair. I'm sure getting a crash course in that lesson. But I am glad people are coming here, that they're not forgetting you."
Tara took a deep breath. Speaking quickly helped her get it all out, but it was also kind of tiring. "But when it's just us, I can think that we're back at Barren Pines- or whatever it was- and you just fell asleep watching a movie or something. When I'm with other people, I can't do that. I know I'm supposed to focus on what's real, but with this, I'm fine living the dream while I can."
There. Now Laney probably thought she was being an idiot. Or maybe not. Laney tended to think the best of everyone. She wouldn't have been friends with Tara for however long she had been- even Tara was unsure about how the timeline worked out- without knowing her faults, and accepting them. Telling her that it was okay to just be her. Tara had tried, and failed, to decide what she missed about Laney the most, but that definitely ranked up there.
"But hey, if this taught me anything, it's that comas are totally temporary." Tara winked and held both of her arms above her head in a victory pose. "I woke up, right? And so did hundreds of other people!" There were, of course, people who didn't wake up, but Tara refused to think about them. Laney was strong. She wasn't going to let a coma beat her. "So I'm going to keep this up until you talk to me. And if you're sick of it, well, you'll just have to tell me yourself."
Which reminded Tara of why she had come in the first place, other than to make sure that Laney was really okay. Or as okay as she got in this place. "My parents are scared. I'm never going to bring them here, that's for sure. I don't really want you to meet them, and right now you'd just convince them that I have some curse on my back." Even though curses were totally unscientific and Tara didn't usually believe in them, she was starting to wonder if there was some truth in that. "First Barren Pines, then the whole coma thing- sorry for not visiting, by the way. Yvette said that she came, but it's not really the same.
"I won't be coming again for a while." Tara closed her eyes for this part. "Mom and Dad are taking me back home to... how did they put it? To recuperate. Can you believe they're taking me out of school for this? When I argued, they said that I'd already missed so much that a few weeks more wouldn't matter." She laughed hollowly. "Now my own parents have given up on me. I think they're trying to make me come home like a good little girl. But I'll be back, sooner or later. I just had to tell you that. So please..."
Please what? Please wake up? Tara had said that so many times already that she was starting to censor herself for it. Please forgive her? Laney would; she always did.
"Please be here when I get back."
There was a knock at the door. Kent didn't want to walk in unannounced, even though it wasn't even Tara's room. "This is why he's my favorite parent," she confided in Laney.
"Are you ready to go, Tara?"
She wasn't, not by a long shot. Tara didn't want to leave Laney, even though, in a way, Laney had already left her. She wanted to leave Destiny City even less. It was where the fight was, where her princess and comrades were. It was where her friends, the waking and the sleeping, were. But higher powers were at work here. "I'll come back," she said again. "I promise."
The knocking came again, more urgently. "Tara?"
"It's okay, Kent." Tara took a deep breath. "I'm ready."
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:31 am
"Do you know why you're here, Tara?"
It was, in every way, exactly what Tara had expected a psychiatrist's office to look like. It was well-furnished, with a large, imposing desk that was polished to perfection, and a couch for the patient- her- to lie on. The psychiatrist in question, Dr. Halloway, was sitting in a plush armchair next to her, legs crossed, a legal pad on his lap, and a fountain pen in his hand.
"Close your eyes please, Tara. I don't want you do be distracted." Tara rolled her eyes but did as ask, and heard the doctor lean back in his chair. "Would you like me to repeat the question?"
"I'm here because my parents are paranoid," Tara replied abruptly. "I'm here because I've gotten the short end of the stick a lot, and they think it's making me loopy. Of course, if they bothered to pay attention, they would have noticed that I've been loopy for years. Is that what you wanted to know?"
There was more rustling, as Dr. Halloway wrote something on his pad and flipped the page. "Thank you for answering me so honestly, Tara. Now, you must know that your parents only want what's best for you."
Tara jerked a little, but didn't open her eyes. "Is that what they told you?"
"Yes, but I can also tell from talking to them. Besides, it's any parent's wish for their children to be safe and happy."
"Do you have children?" Tara asked, shifting so she was lying on her side.
Dr. Halloway frowned, but decided to play along. "I have a daughter who's a little bit younger than you. And yes, of course I want her to be safe and happy."
He thought she was going for the obvious, Tara realized, and smiled. "Of course you do. I bet you go to all her school plays and everything, huh?"
"Well, I'm as active in her life as I can be." The doctor shook his head. "Your parents believe that you have some unsettled feelings about the fact that they were both very busy with their jobs when you were younger. Is this true?"
Tara laughed. "Listen, Doc, if that's all it was, things would be a lot easier." She hesistated. "Yeah, they were busy, and yeah, it makes me upset. But parents have lives before their kids come along, I get that. And no, I'm not jealous of Kent because he got them all to himself. Not anymore, anyway."
"Then why do you still seem upset with them?" Dr. Halloway asked calmly.
"Because even when they were home, they didn't care, okay?" Eyes flying open, Tara sat up and faced the doctor. "I was an afterthought. They'd be fine talking about what they were doing, but turn it to something that I was interested in, and it wasn't appropriate dinner conversation- assuming they even noticed, that is." She pounded a fist on the headrest angrily. "They didn't try to become part of my life, unless it involved molding me into an opening in theirs.
"And you know the worst part?" She laughed bitterly. "They both work with kids! And they have all these horror stories about what bad parenting can do. The hypocrites." By this point, Tara was pounding the pillows repeatedly. The doctor made no attempts to stop her. "It's only after I got back that they started paying attention, but they're still doing the same thing! I have to play by their rules if I want to be in their lives. They took me out of school for this! What the hell kind of parent does that, huh?"
Dr. Halloway waited until she was finished before speaking. "I'd like to have your parents in here as well, so we can discuss this together. I think that you need to tell them how you are feeling if any side is going to make progress on this issue. How does that sound to you?"
"Mom will faint and cry, and Dad will keep his poker face on the whole time and spout some weird metaphors to try and explain things," Tara predicted, crossing her arms. "If this sounds like good times to you, Doc, then I'm game. Maybe with you here, she won't send me on a guilt trip."
This was definitely an issue to be handled with the parents, Dr. Halloway decided, making another note on his pad. "I'll mention it when they schedule your next appointment. Now then, Tara, this is good so far, so let's keep going. I understand you've been the victim of some... unfortunate incidents. Would you like to-"
"Tell you about them? Come on, Doc. Are you really asking me to relive a year spent in an organ ring? And there's not much to tell about the coma. Fell asleep on a bus, woke up in a hospital with a twice-busted leg. Hell, most of my injuries healed while I was asleep, so maybe the whole coma thing was for the best." Even as she spoke dismissively, her mind was awash in images of the past. Shooting herself in the head, the monster slamming her into the wall, the fire, the black sky. She closed her eyes, trying to shut them out, but that only made them more vivid.
The doctor shook his head. "I would rather not burden you with having to detail these experiences. Rather, I was hoping you would tell me how you feel now? Naturally, such events have left their mark on you. Many trauma survivors are fearful for their lives and end up shutting people out. Others make such a point of embracing them that they endanger themselves in the process. Is any of this ringing a bell?" He hesitated, then continued when she didn't speak. "Your brother mentioned that you'd been coming home with injuries more frequently before the accident."
That tattletale! Tara frowned, but couldn't stay mad at him for long. It was only natural that he'd notice, though perhaps less so that he'd actually tell anyone without asking her about it. Which meant that he believed she was mentally ill too.
"I'm just trying to live my life," she pleaded. "I don't want to stay shut in a box, but I don't want to get hurt either. Unfortunately, my life's not exactly sunshine and lollipops. Where I live, people get hurt. It's the location equivalent of an occupational hazard. I live there too, so I get hurt. It happens. I get over it." Except this last time, she hadn't quite gotten over it yet.
This was painfully obvious to Dr. Halloway. "Yes, I've read about the violence in Destiny City. Your parents have expressed a strong desire for me to convince you that returning home is in your best interest. What do you think about that?"
Tara paled slightly and gripped the edge of the couch. "They just won't listen to me," she said softly. "Please, Doc, don't let them do that. I know they're scared, but... but they're just trying to do what you said, with the shutting people out. Except they're shutting me in, and I don't want that! I want to go out and do things, okay? They may be scared of the big bad world, but I'm not!"
There was a long moment of silence. Slowly, Dr. Halloway made another note on his pad, then looked up. "It's only natural to be scared after what you've been through, Tara. Fear can debilitate people if they let it consume them, but it's also a tool. Fear tells us what we should be careful with. If you're truly not afraid, then I am concerned that you're being reckless." He paused, waiting for Tara to look at him. "But you are afraid, aren't you, Tara?"
She didn't answer, but she was squeezing the couch cushion so tightly that her knuckles were turning white.
"It is my guess, Tara, that you fear fear itself. And regardless of what notable men like Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Albus Dumbledore have to say on the matter, you do yourself a disservice by shying away from your fear. By not knowing when to be afraid, you only put yourself in more danger. There are times when it's okay to retreat, no matter what the storybooks say." Dr. Halloway folded his hands in his lap and stopped. He clearly had more to say, but he wanted to know what Tara was thinking first.
If he was hoping for a revelation, he would have been disappointed. "I'm afraid that the next time I go down, I won't get back up," she said firmly. "So what am I suppsed to do, be afraid of living? If it's fight or die, I'll fight, same as anyone else."
The doctor was surprised. "Who says that it's a choice between fighting and dying?"
The Negaverse, for starters, Tara shot back in her mind. Outwardly, all she replied with was a contemptuous shrug. He didn't know her, or what she had gone through. He had no right to judge her.
"Clearly you're stuck in the belief that you have to fight to survive. And you're not entirely wrong- if you hadn't fought, before, you might have died. But your life needs to be less about fighting, and more about living, and you have to allow that to happen."
"Once things change, they can't go back to the way they were." Tara's parents had tried to pretend that now that she was home again, everything was magically okay. It wasn't. She hadn't known about the past before. Now she did, and she couldn't magically not know.
Dr. Halloway raised his eyebrows. "I said nothing about going back to the way they were. You're a different person now than you were two years ago. But you've fallen into a 'normal' where you have to fight to survive. That may well have been the norm for you, but now you don't have to dight. You can choose to make your normal life based on living."
Tara snorted. "Right. Just choose to change overnight. And even assuming that's possible, what happens to the part of me that needs to fight? What if I have to fight again?" Like, say, as soon as she got back? "What do I do if I'm not strong enough to take it?"
"The strong part of you won't go away just because you decide to live differently," Dr. Halloway assured her. "As long as you know it's there, it'll always be a part of you. But if you focus less on fighting and more on just living, maybe you'll find that you don't need that part of you anymore."
What he was saying was ridiculous. A Senshi couldn't just decide not to fight anymore. Tara wanted to tell him that, but she couldn't. Some of what he was saying was actually striking a chord deep inside her. For the first time since she woke up, she didn't feel caged by her parents, or forced forward by destiny. Maybe she really did have more choices than she had realize.
There was a soft chime coming from the desk. "Our time is up for today, it seems." Dr. Halloway stood and offered Tara a hand so she could get to her feet. She swayed slightly, but managed to stay upright. "I think your parents wanted you to have another appointment next week. Should I invite them to that one?"
"Uh... yeah, I guess so." Tara shrugged. After hearing all of that, parental troubles were the last of her worries.
"Good. I'll arrange for that, then. In the meantime, think about what we talked about. Life is what you make of it, Tara. Don't waste it all in meaningless battles."
There was no way for Dr. Halloway to know what she had meant. Maybe he assumed she was getting into fights at school, or fighting her parents, or having some sort of inner battle. Even so, Tara felt oddly reassured. Maybe there was another way out. Maybe nobody else had to die.
"I will," she said. "I promise."
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:38 am
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:05 am
Kent had described the effort it took to get their parents let them come back to Destiny City as "superhuman." Tara knew better. She was, in theory, a superhuman. She fought bad guys on a regular basis and could punch holes in walls with a little magic and some iron in her diet. Convincing their parents to let them come back took effort that was beyond superhuman.
What Dr. Halloway said had stuck in her mind. His bright idea to have her parents sit in on a session hadn't been as successful as he'd hoped: not convinced that she was in her right mind, they dismissed most of her claims and insisted that what they were doing was out of concern for her safety. Fortunately, he had advised that a change in lifestyle was probably a bad idea, given how disjointed her life was. What she needed now was routine, and Destiny City was where hers was.
Of course, that routine essentially boiled down to "wake up, go to school, save the world," but nobody else knew that.
There was a Halloween Carnival invitation in their mailbox, along with several weeks worth of bills, catalogs, and credit card offers. Kent had insisted that they go together, and they did, once or twice. One night they had planned to meet there, Kent had to work late, so Tara went by herself. She was starting to have fun again, in her Marvin the Martian costume. It didn't have pockets, so she'd ended up hiding her henshin pen in her trick or treat bag. It was dangerous, but worth it, since she'd wound up reaching for it that night.
Later, she wondered if her being unable to transform was not a trap, but a sign.
Despite a few truly harrowing run-ins, the corn maze ended uneventfully. Tara didn't win, but came close enough to win a consolation prize, and got another for her costume. She even won a bunch of mutant piranhas from a fishing game! Feeling better than she had in weeks, Tara returned home with her swag. She didn't make it back to the carnival, but considering how well she had made out, she didn't mind too much.
Halloween itself boasted a costume ball, but Tara decided to give that one a miss in favor of going trick or treating. She couldn't keep going for much longer. Already some houses turned her away for being too old. This year's costume solved a lot of those problems; as long as she remembered to bend her knees, she could pass for a kid with a very cool costume. She returned home that night, with five pounds of candy and a barrel of exhaustion, and fell asleep.
The next morning, Kent showed her an article in the paper. "I'm so glad we didn't go to that ball. It looks like there was some sort of gang warfare there!"
Tara read the article while eating her toast. It described a madhouse free-for all, with everyone who wasn't cowering trying to find some sort of jewel. Even though she had no idea what the gem they were referring to was, it was impossible for her not to recognize the fact that the senshi and the Negaverse had had a huge battle while she slept off her candy binge.
And yet, the article mentioned nothing about fatalities. A number of injuries, yes, but the people had held their own. Nothing truly bad happened by her not being there. And while they were fighting, she'd been off having a great time, living her life the way everyone wanted her to.
Was this, too, a sign?
Kent watched her read the article, offering her more tea when she put the paper down. "Did you have fun trick or treating last night?"
"Of course!" Tara winked, pointing to her bulging bag of candy. "And everyone loved my costume. Thanks for helping with it!"
"It was fun to help make," Kent admitted. "We'll have to do more fun stuff now, I guess. Take advantage of the fact that we're still kicking."
Tara stirred her tea absently. Then, as if making a decision, she stood up and nodded. "I think you're right, Kent. If not now, when?" If she didn't make herself take some time to live her life, nobody else would. She couldn't ever give it up completely, but when it came time for her to die for real, she wanted to know that she had no regrets. She could go back to the superhero business when she was feeling better. In the meantime, she had earned a vacation.
That morning, before school, Tara took out her henshin pen. After looking at it for a long time, she dug out the jewelry box her mother had given her when she was ten, which was home to a collection of ribbons and her diary from the same age, and put the pen inside. It took a few minutes for her to find the key, but when she did, she locked the box and caught up to Kent as he was leaving for work.
"Aren't you going to be late for school?" Kent frowned, seeing that she hadn't brushed her hair or put on her makeup yet.
Tara shrugged. "I'll leave in a minute. Before I do... would you take this, please?" She held out the key. "If I ask for it back... ask me why I want it. Will you do that for me, Kent? Please?"
Kent eyed the key warily, but took it and put it in his wallet. "I'll find a better home for it later. Are you sure that this is what you want me to do, Tara?"
"I am!" she insisted, a little too quickly. "I don't know if this'll make sense later or not, but... I really need to do this."
"Then I support your decision." Kent ruffled her hair. "And I look forward to when you ask for it back, as well. Now hurry up. You'll be late."
He wanted to know what she was hiding. Tara wasn't sure what she was going to tell him when the time came, but tried not to worry about it. This was her vacation, and she was going to enjoy it for as long as she could. If there were consequences, well...
Until she had to, she just wasn't going to think about the consequences.
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Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:31 pm
A Rare Face
[Tara + Talim]
Tara's on vacation! And what does she want to do first? Video games, of course!
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Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:33 pm
Kent was sitting in front of the television when Tara got home. That wasn't terribly unusual; when Kent was the first one home, he'd usually start dinner, then watch the news while it finished cooking. This time, however, there were no telltale delicious smells, and the racket coming from the TV sounded like it belonged at a rock concert rather than a news studio.
Tara facepalmed. She loved her brother, but some of his interests were truly bewildering to her, and this was one of them.
Before she could say anything, Kent was on his feet, trying to guide her over to the couch. "It's a great match tonight," he told her, excitement evident in his voice. "Don Diablo is taking on all comers, at the same time! Right here in Destiny City! I tried to get tickets, but by the time I heard, they were sold out." He sighed, imagining what it would be like to be there, live, for the biggest wrestling event of the season- possibly of all time. Then he put it out of his head. In a way, watching on TV would be better. At least he had more ammunition when it came to his viewing partner of choice.
"I made popcorn for us," he told Tara, tugging her arm as she tried to resist. "Sort of a stadium food, you know? If we can't be there in person, we might as well eat like we are. And-"
"No, Kent."
"But Tara-"
Tara shook her head, trying not to let her amusement show on her face. He really was funny when he went on and on about macho men in tights whacking each other with folding chairs. Even funnier was the fact that he didn't realize it. But while she got a kick out of watching him get worked up, she had no desire to join him. He'd made her sit through a couple of wrestling matches before, but they bored her to tears. Something about other people fighting and faking it was really unappealing to her.
Kent was still rambling on and on about Don Diablo and his latest misadventures, but Tara cut him off sternly. "You know I don't get into this stuff," she reminded him.
"I know you've never given it a chance," Kent countered. "But this match is going to blow your mind, I promise. And in the extremely unlikely event that it doesn't..." He paused for dramatic effect, then winked. "Well, at least you'll have had a good meal."
So it was to be bribery. Some days, Tara wished that her brother didn't know her quite so well. Since he did, she had to milk it for everything it was worth. "A meal of popcorn, huh?" She eyed the bowl dubiously. "Even I can do better than that."
"What do you take me for?" Slightly offended, Kent set the bowl down on the coffee table. "That's just the appetizer. For the main course, I've taken the liberty of ordering from Big Niko's," he said smugly, naming their favorite pizza place. "It should be here anytime." Quickly, he risked looking at Tara, and was pleased with what he saw. While she wasn't sold yet, she was wavering. Time for the final move. "And I picked up Endymann's brownies for dessert. The ones with the frosting on them."
Tara waited for a moment, then sighed. "And if I go to my room, I'll be forced to live on... what? Instant noodles? TV dinners?"
"Would I do that to my favorite sister?" Kent sighed. "Then again, you know how hungry I get when I'm excited. With nothing to keep me grounded, I might just eat it all before I can bring you any..."
"Okay, okay, you got me. Let's just get this over with, okay?" Tara rolled her eyes and plopped down on the couch. As usual, Kent had won this round. But sometimes defeat was sweeter than victory.
Later, as they ate their pizza and brownies, they would watch a horde of amateur wrestlers take on an enraged and extremely powerful Don Diablo. They would see most get flung out of the ring. They would witness one lone wrestler reach the goal, and vanish instantly. Tara would freeze, refuse dessert, and lock herself in her room. Kent would wonder what he had done wrong this time, and how to get her to talk to him, for the seventeenth time that month.
In the meantime, Tara elbowed Kent playfully. "You know, you had me at the pizza."
"I know." Kent pulled her into a play headlock. "Lesson number one, Tara- there is no kill like overkill. Well, you'll learn that tonight, anyway." And how.
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Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:34 pm
Popular winter hang out?[Tara + Lily] Ice skating is too cold for Tara's tastes, and her balance is too poor for her to get into it easily. Thankfully, Lily's there to help!
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