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 Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 9:44 pm
eek
"Umm.. Hi?!"
*Reads over the script*
"This is amazing. So notoriously awesome.
If I said it was too far fetched and out there for my character, I'd be lying, so I won't say it. wink
So.. where do we stand? Is there anything needed of me?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 10:30 pm
Admiral Lord Cochrane eek
"Umm.. Hi?!"
*Reads over the script*
"This is amazing. So notoriously awesome.
If I said it was too far fetched and out there for my character, I'd be lying, so I won't say it. wink
So.. where do we stand? Is there anything needed of me?" PM coming your way. mwahahaha.
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Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 7:52 pm
I'm posting it. SPI made come comments, I fixed em', tho haven't heard back quite yet, which I take as a 'oki'. Plus I'll be out and about tomorrow.
I had a feeling I could add more to this part, but I'm unsure of what. Since I dunno what's up with Psychobunnyfire, I leave most of the critique to the readers and to Mister Cochrane.
It's not AS good as the last part, but we get some mind games. And if you call can't tell, I love mind games. Hopefully it's stempunk, otherwise... <.< I got some studyin' to do! XD
EXT. ALLEYWAY
Swords CLASH.
Lynn, eyes closed, leans into her sword with all her strength, gritting her teeth.
Something occurs to her.
LYNN: “You’ll have to fight harder if you want to take me in! I won’t go down easily!”
There’s a slight LAUGH from the other person.
Lynn opens her eyes and sees Captain Cochrane standing before her, blocking her sword with his scabbard in one hand, and holding off the rest of the group with his sword in his other.
He‘s facing the group of men across from her, so she cannot see his expression.
COCHRANE: “NO one’s going down. This fight is over, gentlemen.”
He half turns to her and she sees his expression is severe, just like the force behind his words.
The group starts walking away, but Thaddeus remains, staring back at Lynn.
His sword shakes in his hands. His face is pale, almost greenish in tint, but he’s still ready to fight.
Captain Cochrane lowers his scabbard from Lynn and advances a few steps back with Thaddeus.
Lynn lowers her sword as Thaddeus’s attention goes from her to the Captain.
LYNN: “Do you…”
Captain Cochrane raises his scabbard hand, signaling her to stay back, and glances at her briefly with a calm expression.
COCHRANE: “No. He tends to get riled up at times, but he’s really a nice guy…”
Captain Cochran looks back at Thaddeus and the calm expression is gone, replaced with one of concentration.
COCHRANE: “Aren’t you, Thaddeus?”
Thaddeus struggles to move forwards, back towards Lynn.
The Captain leans against him, taking another step.
Thaddeus suddenly takes a jump back.
He swings his sword in a wide arc and charges, pulling a rather elaborate gear driven pistol from his belt and aims it just behind his sword.
Captain Cochran sidesteps.
Thaddeus rushes right by, with a smile on his face.
Lynn raises her sword and guards, ready to dodge.
Thaddeus’s pistol suddenly falls from his hands as Captain Cochran SLAMS his scabbard down on Thaddeus’s wrist.
Thaddeus is momentarily shocked, and then drops his sword.
He grabs his wrist in pain.
THADDEUS: “OW! I say, that was uncalled for!”
Captain Cochran shakes his head.
COCHRANE: “If you had listened to me the first time, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”
THADDEUS: “I was trying to help you, Captain! I was merely making sure that Pirate wasn't dangerous! I saw how he acted towards you earlier...”
He points at Lynn.
LYNN: “I’m NOT a pirate. I got pulled into BEING one by the director of your Captain’s play.”
COCHRANE: “See there? Now apologize to the good man, Thaddeus!”
Thaddeus eyes Lynn warily as he picks up his sword.
There’s a tense moment as he locks eyes with her.
Finally he puts his sword away.
THADDEUS: “I apologize, Mister Pyrite. I sometimes get…” He wipes a hand over his pale face. “...excited.”
He turns and heads out of the alleyway, accompanied by Captain Cochran.
Lynn puts away her sword and heaves a sigh.
LYNN: (to herself) “Now what? It’s doubtful I can pick up Myles’s trail in all this mess, so perhaps I should…”
Lynn reaches into her pocket and removes the letter she wrote earlier, giving it a quick once over.
COCHRANE: “Do you need directions?”
Lynn looks up and quickly puts the note away as the Captain comes back, his sword put away.
LYNN: “Oh… not really. I’m just… well, maybe I am a bit lost.”
COCHRANE: “I could give you better directions than your map. It’s my ship, you know. And it’s the least I can do for getting you involved in all this… (He raises and eyebrow, suspiciously, as if testing him.) Pyrite, was it?”
Lynn surreptitiously glances at the note and smiles uncomfortably.
LYNN: “How did you know it was a map?”
Captain Cochrane strolls up to her and looks over her.
Lynn studies him as well.
COCHRANE: “Well, it’s obvious you aren’t from around here.”
LYNN: “True enough. I was trying not to be too obvious… but I guess I-“
COCHRANE: “-First of all, I picked up on how you reacted to me in the play. You tried to challenge me when all the other actors backed off out of loyalty. No one here would ever stand against their Captain.”
LYNN: “And I suppose that Thaddeus is an exception?”
Captain Cochrane smiles and folds his arms.
COCHRANE: “If you couldn’t tell, he’s extremely loyal. He no doubt saw your actions in the play and took some sort of offence.”
LYNN: “Though I did yield in the end.”
Cochrane half shrugs and takes another step towards her.
COCHRANE: “Maybe he didn’t think you really meant it.”
Lynn feels herself flush a little and frowns. She sighs and starts walking past the Captain to the exit.
LYNN: “I-“
COCHRANE: “And you did say, YOUR Captain, didn’t you?”
Lynn looks back, perfectly calm.
LYNN: “Yes, Sir. As you said, I’m not from here. I’m usually the quarter master on a small airship but right now I’m here to gather some extra supplies and wait for some special parts to be finished.”
Cochrane starts moving up behind her.
COCHRANE: “Oh? Interesting. How long have you been here?”
Lynn blinks and stops in her tracks, looking partially insulted by his remark.
LYNN: “Does it matter?”
COCHRANE: “No, not really. I’d just find it a bit odd if you’ve been here awhile and still need a map to get around. You must have arrived fairly recently.”
Lynn continues to the street and turns and faces the Captain.
LYNN: “What are you getting at?”
COCHRANE: “You think I don’t have a right of being suspicious about people I don’t know who willingly challenge me?”
LYNN: “With all respect, Captain, it WAS a play.”
COCHRANE: “Yes, yes, true. Yet one has to be cautious with all the recent activity going on around here.”
Lynn looks at him thoughtfully and nods with a smile.
LYNN: “Fair enough. I have been stationed here for a couple of days now. I was dropped off on the ground and taxied up since our business was ground level anyway. I actually grew up here, but it’s been awhile so I do admit I’m a bit… lost.”
COCHRANE: “I see. I apologize for the barrage of questions,
Mister Pyrite. Perhaps I can guide you to your destination as a means of making it up to you?”
Captain Cochrane walks past her out into the street and waits expectantly.
Lynn takes a moment to think, still wearing a smile.
LYNN: “Actually, I think I could use a bit to eat. Do you know of any good places?”
COCHRANE: “A great many.”
LYNN: “Perhaps there’s one along the parade route. I’m sure you’d like to keep an eye on things there as well.”
Captain Cochrane nods and starts off back down the street.
COCHRANE: “Let’s do that. There are a few places along the way you can check out, and it might be good for you to rejoin the other actors as well… that way your absence doesn’t lead any more suspicion. I have quite a few loyal men on the Anachron, and I’d hate to have you get in anymore trouble, Mister Pyrite.”
Lynn remains rooted for the spot for a moment.
As Captain Cochrane turns, her smile falls into a frown.
It only lasts a moment though, and soon enough follows after the Captain.
(Edited some parts involving Thaddeus. His character will appear later and I promise he'll be much more like himself. I was showing a light appearance of the Zombie disease. Obviously Cochrane snapped him out of it, but in the future I'll do a little more with it.)
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Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 1:07 pm
Sorry to mention this so late but i would like to suggest a few alterations in Thaddeus' character.
1) Thaddeus is incredibly wealthy, he is friendly with all but speaks with a fairly upperclass articulate wording.
2) Not really a change but just to mention, he dimly believes there is some good in everyone (however he is not stupid just has a lot of faith in everyone)
3) I see him fighting with some kind of steam powerd pistol rather than a sword.
Sorry and Thanks
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Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 3:23 pm
Thaddeus Grimlock Sorry to mention this so late but i would like to suggest a few alterations in Thaddeus' character. 1) Thaddeus is incredibly wealthy, he is friendly with all but speaks with a fairly upperclass articulate wording. 2) Not really a change but just to mention, he dimly believes there is some good in everyone (however he is not stupid just has a lot of faith in everyone) 3) I see him fighting with some kind of steam powerd pistol rather than a sword. Sorry and Thanks Hmm... gotcha. I'll either switch the name and intro Thaddeus later, or else adjust the scene accordingly. Lemme think a little how I can use this information.
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Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 9:09 pm
Easy Fix: I require my crew to carry a basic form of cutlass. My officers would carry both a traditional sabre, and a pistol that would be worn slung on a sword belt with a pistol holster as a sign of rank.
Examples:
~ Standard Crew Issue:
~ Basic Officers Belt:
Note: The pouches are unnecessary and tend to clutter the wearer. They are an option for each wearer though.
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Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 9:16 pm
Admiral Lord Cochrane Easy Fix: I require my crew to carry a basic form of cutlass. My officers would carry both a traditional sabre, and a pistol that would be worn slung on a sword belt with a pistol holster as a sign of rank. Example: Note: The pouches are unnecessary and tend to clutter the wearer. They are an option for each wearer though. Noted. All that looks kinda heavy, but more so wicked cool. Hmm... I could, perhaps, use both the saber AND the gun. That way when Captain Cochrane charges at him with the sword and scabbard, I could have Thaddeus bring out the gun. The language, refining it more, is easy enough. I was thinking in this scene, he's starting to go into zombie mode, but Cochrane 'snaps him out of it.' Thus the zombiefication mail I sent you. :: digging at brain :: It'll all work out! mrgreen
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Posted: Tue Apr 27, 2010 3:00 pm
Okay, I'm not dead. I did some edits to the last part, and added a spiffy gun for Thaddeus. Let's hope the artists can do it justice. If I don't get to writing the next part wed, I have the weekend off to take care of it.
I do need to get Lynn/Cochrane and Miles/Jad to meet up before every thing goes down. I think of it as a means to an end... but not so dramatic-like. More in the means of the what I alluded to in the last parts and hoping that Psychobunnyfire gets back to me soon. <.<;
Again, sorry for the delay!
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Posted: Sat May 01, 2010 2:26 am
Believe it or not, the gear isn't heavy at all. The sword is heavy, but only if worn wrong. It's all easy to manouver in as well.
As for the belt itself, as I said.. the pouches are ones own personal choice. I prefer NOT to wear them. Also: Zombiefication?
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Posted: Sat May 01, 2010 2:02 pm
Admiral Lord Cochrane Believe it or not, the gear isn't heavy at all. The sword is heavy, but only if worn wrong. It's all easy to manouver in as well. As for the belt itself, as I said.. the pouches are ones own personal choice. I prefer NOT to wear them. Also: Zombiefication? Zombiefication: *See character profiles. Also, see Thaddeus for further questions on the matter.
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 7:17 pm
I think... SPI... has been abducted by aliens. <.< So, I'm putting up this part now, and await the report.
Ahem... without further ado, I present to you the end cap of Chapter 1 of our little story! (Now if the Directors and Artist's can get everything finalized up to this part and get some of the panels drawn, I can start chapter 2 with a more confident spirit.)
---
EXT: STREETS OF ANACHRON
Myles pushes his way through the crowed streets, going against the flow of people.
Up ahead is his shop, the TOY BOX.
He takes out his pocket watch and looks at the time.
MYLES: (to himself) “I hope he’s not too put off by me asking for it back. He said he already installed the part, but I can’t be sure that Sylvian didn’t tamper with it when I wasn’t looking.”
He reaches the door to the TOY BOX and unlocks it, shaking his head.
MYLES: “Enough is enough… I’m done with dealing with society today.”
Captain Cochrane and Lynn move through the crowd.
Captain Cochrane suddenly catches sight of him and smiles.
COCHRANE: “Half a minute, Mister Pyrite. Here’s a gentleman I must have a brief word with.”
Myles opens the door, and is suddenly alerted by a voice.
COCHRAN: “Good evening, Myles!”
Myles looks up, eye twitching, and glances over just in time to see Captain Cochran and Lynn(Pyrite) running over to him.
MYLES: “Ah… yes.”
Myles tries to offer a polite smile, but only manages a half hearted grimace.
Lynn and Captain Cochran come to a stop before him.
MYLES: “Good evening Captain. To what honor do I owe this visit?”
COCHRAN: “A small business matter, it won’t take long. I’m in the process of giving young Mister Pyrite here a tour of my Anachron!”
He looks past Captain Cochran to Lynn, who is half breathless from running and squints at him.
MYLES: “And you were in… the play, right?”
LYNN: “Yes. I do apologize for getting you involved in that.”
MYLES: “It’s ok. I’ve gotten over it.”
Myles gives a quick glance to the inside of his shop
LYNN: “I was hoping to catch you after the show to make good on my offer, but perhaps with the activity, another evening would be better.”
MYLES: “Yes, much better. Tomorrow would better, since I do have some work to catch up on tonight.”
Myles takes out his pocket watch and looks at it again and smiles uneasily.
He notices Captain Cochrane looking at him suspiciously and he quickly recovers.
MYLES: “Perhaps around seven at the Top Flight Grill. I suggest the place if you are looking for a bite to eat, it’s right on the parade route too. The Captain should know where it is.”
Lynn nods.
COCHRANE: “Yes, capital idea. That sounds like just the place, and I do need to keep an eye on the parade as well.”
Captain Cochrane glances down the road and shades his eyes.
He looks around, scanning the crowd.
He leans down to Lynn and points to the nearby street corner.
COCHRANE: “Would you mind running across the street to see how far they’ve come along? I’ll join you in half a minute.”
Lynn nods and rushes off across the street.
Myles looks up at the Captain uneasily, but remains calm.
MYLES: “Now you said you had some business with me?”
COCHANE: “So to speak. I was actually wondering if the lady of the house was in? I believe her name was, Sylvian?”
Captain Cochrane clasps his hands behind his back and raises his eyebrows innocently.
Myles shifts towards the door, glancing in.
MYLES: “I’m afraid not. She, ‘er, my assistant is out running a few errands for me.”
COCHRANE: “Do you expect her back any time soon.”
MYLES: (to himself, scanning the crowd) “I hope not…”
Captain Cochrane leans forward, cupping his hand to his ear.
COCHRANE: “Pardon?”
MYLES: “Oh, probably not. Odds are she’ll lose herself in the excitement and forget all about me.”
He shrugs.
COCHRANE: “Women can be like that. Let her know I stopped by, won’t you? I’ll send a note tomorrow for her to come up to my office at a later date. I’m afraid I’ve been quite busy and today’s been the only day I’ve been able to step out in awhile. Pity I missed her.”
MYLES: “Yeah. My apologies Captain, I’ll let her know as soon as I see her.”
COCHRANE: “That’s a good man. Now I must be off. Take care of yourself Myles, you look rather pale tonight.”
Captain Cochrane tips his hat and hurries off to catch up with Lynn.
Myles stares after, mystified.
He shakes his head and heads inside.
INT. THE LAUGHING EAGLE, AIR DOCKS
Jad sits in the Pilot’s seat, staring at the control panel, which has been taken apart.
JAD: “All this mess… ugh.”
He holds up a green METAL BOX with electrical wires hanging from it.
JAD: “The old guidance system works alright… but I was hoping to keep the new one a bit longer than a day.”
He frowns and carefully reaches for the part in the control panel.
The INSIDE of the control panel is connected to a familiar red box.
The red box sparks as Jad’s hand reaches towards it.
Jad flinches.
JAD: “That’s not supposed to happen…”
He turns aside and rummages.
He turns back with a smile, wearing rubber gloves.
JAD: “Muuuuch better!”
He leans forward and slowly, one by one, starts disconnecting the wires.
JAD: (as he’s disconnecting the wires) “I can understand Myles’s reasoning for wanting to examine the part again, but if it were dangerous, Sylvian wouldn’t have let me put it in. Well… rather, she would have let me put it in and then tried to get me off her back as soon as possible instead of hanging around me for most of the day.”
He sits up and wipes his forehead.
JAD: “I may not know what she’s up to, but…”
He goes back into the control panel, reaching for the last wire.
JAD: “… that’s no reason for me to be suspicious of her.”
A loud siren suddenly goes off. The cockpit is flooded with red as the emergency lights come on.
Jad Looks up and notices a message on the nearby monitor: “WARNING! INSTABILITY DETECTED IN USER!”
JAD: “… wha?”
Seconds later, everything goes dark.
END CHAPTER 1 ~ Prelude to Crisis
Prepare for Chapter 2 ~ Tools of War!
---
<.< Now onto planning the opening of the next Chapter.
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 7:39 pm
Ah, for the warning monitor I envision something like the style of clock where the numbers flip down as they rotate past the catch. But instead of separate flaps for numbers there'll just be one flap across, with various warnings painted on the flaps such that automatic mechanical rotation to the correct flap will reveal the correct warning or error message.
Or maybe even a grid of such barrels, each one set up to be capable of alphanumeric characters and punctuation.
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Posted: Mon May 10, 2010 8:15 pm
Mylian Ah, for the warning monitor I envision something like the style of clock where the numbers flip down as they rotate past the catch. But instead of separate flaps for numbers there'll just be one flap across, with various warnings painted on the flaps such that automatic mechanical rotation to the correct flap will reveal the correct warning or error message. Or maybe even a grid of such barrels, each one set up to be capable of alphanumeric characters and punctuation. That exact warning may not be used. It's just something I had for a scrolling screen saver on my last laptop (darn you Vista, for not having the 'scrolling marquee option!) and thought it alluded enough to what the warning might actually be for. But the flap idea is cool, for I can use it later for various messages of "WARNING!" "EVADE!" and other such things. I'm sure SPI can think up other things more witty. Perhaps when I pop back in on Jad in the next part I'll have a countdown clock beside the monitor, but I love that idea. I actually have something like that as a charging screen on my cell phone. Hmm... now, who do I start off with in the first part of chapter 2? Lynn and the Captain? Myles/Sylvian? Jad? Or... stare
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Posted: Tue May 11, 2010 12:47 am
Excellent i really think you captured Thaddeus' personality in that re-draft. Speech was perfect
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Posted: Tue May 11, 2010 2:21 pm
Thaddeus Grimlock Excellent i really think you captured Thaddeus' personality in that re-draft. Speech was perfect I am very much relieved at that! I'm planning on using him a bit more in the next chapter, so any tips are welcome! The better picture of the character I have, the more I tend to use them. <.< which is very obvious with how often I use Myles and Jad. Weeee.
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