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 Posted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:04 pm
“Nuh uh.” Toulouse said waggling a finger at Julien. “Being around you makes my tongue loose. We’re talking about you today and that’s that.” Toulouse rolled his blue eyes a bit, not even knowing how to begin and not wanting to. Julien would probably have kittens over it. Nope. No way.
“Good for you!” Toulouse exclaimed focus going back to Love’s tail. “Don’t tire yourself out okay Julien? I know you can do it. Just remember what I said.”
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 7:21 am
Julien turned, spearing Toulouse with an unsmiling Look at the argument. "Toulouse," he said, his voice soft. "I'm worried. I'm also hurt, and both are because of you. You can't fix hurting me, and I'll get over it eventually, but you can fix the worry. What happened to you?"
He reached for Love, putting her on his lap and petting her gently, but there was no surge in magic just yet. Somehow, Julien suspected that when he was distracted the way Toulouse's comment had made him, attempting to heal anything would only end in disaster.
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:08 pm
Toulouse just stared into Julien‘s sharp gaze, unmoving and dumfounded. He had heard those words before, just once before. In that moment Julien looked and sounded so much like his late sister, Adelaide, that it took all his focus not to let his knees buckle. That was the last thing that she had ever said to him. “You wound me brother. I only worry for you.” Adelaide’s ghostly voice filled Toulouse’s mind just as his glassy blue eyes brimmed with tears. He had left her then, stormed out of her presence to stop a prophecy made before the sea’s receding, long ago. He had tried to stop Fate only to realize that even if everything ceased to exist, the earth would still continue around the galaxy without a second thought.
Toulouse leaned heavily against the bookcase, shoulders hunched, as he stared at the floor. He had left his sister with no explanation. He had killed her and she would never know why. Maybe he could make a little piece of it up somehow. In a surge of accustomed furious anger, Toulouse looked up at Julien. Adelaide had asked him and Toulouse hadn’t told her, in hopes of sparing her. Now, Julien was asking. Toulouse would say something this time. Maybe it would be different, maybe not. They all just worried needlessly in the end for him and for nothing. Let them know.
“I answer you this only because I didn’t for her and I owe her that much at least. But, know that you asked first. Is doesn't matter now.” Toulouse ground his heel into the carpet looking back down and away from Julien. “I was tortured to death protecting a prophecy of the Courts.” Toulouse’s words were slow and ponderous. He had never said such a thing before. “My family was killed for the same. I was the last of them, keeping a secret that should never have been heard.” Laughing without mirth hysterically, he added, “Even in death, I still triumphed over those bastards.”
Toulouse finally looked back at Julien. “You are naught but a child with the world Julien. Some things must be done, sacrifices made, but I would never willingly harm you. That is the way of it.”
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:21 pm
Julien picked up Love, setting her gently aside before reaching out one hand to Toulouse. "Come here," he directed softly, searching Toulouse's face with solemn eyes. "Does it help?" he asked as well, tugging on Toulouse's arm just a little, "to dismiss me as a child because I don't know everything?" But despite his words, there was no anger in his voice, no censure in his eyes. Though he didn't smile, he looked far more like the Julien that Toulouse had always known than the hurt face he'd worn a few moments before.
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:44 pm
“No.” Toulouse replied pulling away, crossing his arms over his stomach. He didn’t want Julien’s pity or worry, only acceptance. He leaned against the bookcase once again. This time, when Toulouse looked at Julien, it was with an old look of burning seas and melting rocks. It was a look that spoke of long ages past and of countless centuries of death and war and heartbreak.
“I don’t dismiss you as a child because of that. It is because you still hold the child’s folly of compassion for a soul who is Fated to die. It only causes you pain in the end and I don’t want that for you. You two are nearly the same.”
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:52 pm
"I guess there are some things you really don't understand," Julien sighed, shifting to his feet slowly, and moving to Toulouse, to wrap long arms around the boy loosely. "Would you kill my soul, to make me 'grow up'? Would you honestly want to?"
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:03 pm
Toulouse almost pulled away but didn’t want to hurt Julien anymore. He made himself relax, resting his golden head against Julien’s chest. “You misunderstand me. I love you for it but I don’t want that part of you for me. Save if for yourself and for those who truly deserve it. Don’t waste it upon a corpse.”
“Maybe I will never understand. I’ve never be good or brave or kind. Never compassionate like you or her. I was a fool for thinking of it.” Toulouse knew he was rambling now, but the past was beginning to mix with the present. It was all too terribly the same.
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:12 pm
"You can be such a fool, Toulouse," Julien said, hugging Toulouse tightly. "You make it sound like there's some limit somewhere, to how many people I can love. There's not. There's no way to 'waste' my worry on you, because that'd mean that there isn't enough for everyone else, and there is. I can love you and also love Aesop and Kashya and Mireille and even Felicity." Resting one hand on the back of Toulouse's head in a gentle touch, Julien sighed. "I don't care about anyone because they 'deserve' it... I care because it's how I feel, and nothing you can say will convince me to do otherwise."
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:27 pm
“And that is my downfall. One I don’t think I could ever understand and I won’t presume to make you believe otherwise then what you already believe.” Toulouse stepped back, craning to look up at Julien. He was done. Done with the conversation, done with the moment. Just done. “Now that we’ve thoroughly upset each other, do you think that you can fix Love’s tail now?” Toulouse asked hoarsely and a bit too loudly.
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:35 pm
Julien looked down at him, then sighed and shook his head, reaching out to ruffle Toulouse's hair. "I'll fix her tail and feed you," he agreed, moving to sit down again. "I'm not going to stop caring, though."
Reaching out, he clicked his tongue, coaxing Love over to him with gentle words. Eventually, somehow, he'd make Toulouse understand, he hoped... if not what it was to love, then at least he'd make it clear that what he felt was his own choice, and he wouldn't be deterred. "Let's fix that pretty tail of yours, hmm?"
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:47 pm
Toulouse wisely didn’t answer Julien and remained silent. He didn’t want Julien to stop caring. That wasn’t it at all. He just wanted him not to care so much about him. Julien would just set his hopes to high and come crashing down when those hopes were shattered to pieces. Toulouse always let everyone he loved down. He wanted to stop that before it happened to Julien. He didn’t want to ever get close enough to anyone again for fear of letting them down.
“Poor Love. He’ll make you all better.” Toulouse cooed giving Love a last little pet before Julien got to work.
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:53 pm
Julien drew a careful breath, closing his eyes and focusing himself once more. I need to be patient... I have to coax the bone, not force it, he reminded himself as he reached out, stroking the kitten with one hand as his power seeped into the cracked bone. No forcing, though it was hard to think of such things when he wanted to feel the break mend quickly, instead of focusing on it steadily. No force, because force would only destroy the bone more... it needed a caring touch, light and gentle.
A caring touch... Blinking at the thought, Julien impulsively let more of his power seep out, wrapping it around the whole cat rather like he might wrap a quilt around a cold friend. Now... now it felt like he was hugging the cat with invisible arms, and even as he imagined that, the crack began to close slowly, responding to the way Julien relaxed and smiled at the thought.
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 5:00 pm
Toulouse felt Julien magic, softer and lighter this time. He saw Julien relax with a smile, wrapping Love in his warm aura. It seemed that he’d finally gotten it. He was not being forceful this time. “You’re doing it.” Toulouse whispered, awed in the face of healing power. “You’re really doing it.”
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 5:02 pm
"What you said about a lover's touch," Julien said distantly, most of his focus still on the cat. "...It's all mixed in with love... I have to care, not see it as a challenge."
He leaned down, nuzzling his cheek against the top of the kitten's head. "It has to be important because I care, not because it needs to happen."
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 5:11 pm
“And here we find the crux of it all.” Toulouse nodded. “You’re power is subtle, but so very strong. Your kind of magic is a gift to both courts. Healers are so rare in these times.” Toulouse at Julien, smiling a little. “I’m glad that you were able to do it.”
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