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 Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 7:20 pm
::eye twitches:: Asterisks.... for actions.....
It's not only my personal preference, but guild policy that you don't use ** for actions, Out Of Character (OOC) being the exception. In addition to that, your profile needs SERIOUS work. Bakutou are not allowed unless you want your character to die. No exceptions. Also, your zanpokuto is Cloud Strife's Buster Sword. Try to think up an original design. Unless cleared by a captain, who agrees to be your parent, you can't be the son of a captain. You don't know shunpo yet, because a captain or Vice Captain hasn't taught it to you yet. According to another version of your profile, which I will be referencing here in a moment in another post, you are a Kenpachi. The Squad 11 captain is the current Kenpachi, no matter what. You most certainly aren't strong enough to compete with a captain level shinigami, or even 5th seat shinigami yet. To say you're nearly invincible is out of the question. Unlimited amounts of reiatsu are also not allowed. Every person has a limit.
I'm willing to work with you to fix it and make it as good as possible.
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Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 7:52 pm
~Click them please~*Shock*
Even Iu?
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Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 8:01 pm
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Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 8:09 pm
Please take those comments seriously, Zenjin-san. I've also been meaning to talk about it with you since you've posted your profile, however, due to a promise with Kamashiro-taicho of to not act without his consent, I was unable to. However, now is different. Aside from the major profile overhaul, I also recommend that you change your sword's pics. Note that we are not here to criticize you, we merely want to help you have a good stay here, without the unnecessary nagging by a Captain or two. Also note that we are here if you need help with adjusting your profile. Please don't think badly of us, we are just doing our jobs, okay?
3nodding
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 1:23 am
of course, I would never try to hold something like that against anybody.
I just hope that there are no further misunderstandings on it. And the whole concept of my character's reiatsu and the reference towards Kenpachi were only because they were the simplest things i could use in example at the time.
((i was merely trying to express the characteristics in my character by pointing them out in other characters that have already had them identified i.e-Kenpachi, Ichimaki, Ichigo, etc.))
As for the Captain thing, completely-personal for my story's character. I don't expect anyone else to acknowledge this fact in the slightest, of have to respect it in any RP fashion. But I wasn't expecting any quarrel about the Kenpachi-thing.((i definately don't want a problem with the Squad 11 captain about that))
and technically, I am not a Kenpachi myself, I just put that it was a common-name thing in his family's history........
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 5:46 pm
Naraku Ronsha, requesting to join Squad 9
Profile:
((Thing in Bold are not attained))
Name: Naraku Ronsha
Age: 16
Real Age: 21
Height: 5’ 8”
Weight: 140
Eye Color: Yellow
Hair Color: White
Reiatsu Color: White
Appearance: Naraku
Personality: Naraku does not live up to his name. Instead of being evil and bloodthirsty, he is kind and gentle, to the point of trying to avoid fighting at all costs. While he tries to do this, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to fight. He sees fighting an ally as a way to improve, while he sees fighting an enemy as a duty. While he likes fighting, like his personality otherwise, he tries all ways to avoid it, even going so far as to try and reason with the one he is about to fight. Outside of battle, Naraku is carefree and likes to roam around, exploring everything around him. After his previous life, he tries to go everywhere he can.
Abilities: Naraku is able to wield a blade very well, ever since he was able to fight. Since he was a child, he was raised to fight and fight with any weapon, no matter how big or small. Of course, since his small size, he is best with a short sword or a dagger, easily able to find weak points in an enemy’s stance or movements.
Naraku is also able to see in the dark, since he spent most of his life in the darkness of a cell, a cage, or a basement.
Powers: ((None yet, but I will add them as I learn new ones, or come up with them.))
Rank:
History: Naraku is one of the souls who is able to remember his past life. All his memories were of fighting. As he grew up, he was thrown into a ring, in an underground fighting league where they pitted one person against another to fight to the death, while the people who watched betted on who would win. As he was first thrown into the ring, he was badly beaten, to the point where he went crazy, almost. Stopping the one he was fighting from killing him, Naraku fought back, beating the man to a bloody pulp, before he slowly killed him. That is how he got his name, Naraku Ronsha, otherwise meaning, “Hades Advocate”. He accepted the name, since he had nothing else to go by. As he fought time and time again, he came to realize that as long as he fought and won, everyone loved him. As he kept winning, the one who ‘owned’ him got richer and richer, moving him from the underground fighting league’s quarters to a basement in a house. While it seemed like a mansion to him, it was really just as filthy as the Underground’s quarters. Though, he fought over and over, the fighting becoming harder and harder. As he won time and time again, the truth hit him. He was nothing more than a slave. Something to be used to gain money. The happiness that he had felt, the love he thought everyone had for him, was false. He began to try and escape. Although, every time he would try, he would be caught, and then thrown back into the cellar. Over time, he began to hate everything around him. And then, he met her. His ‘owner’ had found a woman and married her, and one day, against her husband’s words, went into the basement, and found Naraku. In secret, she took care of him and showed him kindness. This, was to be both their downfall. One day, his owner came home early, finding his wife taking care of Naraku. Enraged, he tied her up, as well as Naraku, and then slowly killed her in front of him. Then, he turned to Naraku, stabbing the knife he had into Naraku’s gut. He bled out, right there. It was then, he was transported to Soul Society.
Zanpaktou
Spirit Name: Toko Shisou
Translation: Endless Thought
Spirit Appearance: Toko Shisou takes the form of two angels, Shinri, and Jiri, or Truth and Reason.
Spirit's Personalities: Shinri, or Truth, is sweet and gentle, always trying to help Naraku and show him the right way. Living up to her name, Shinri will always tell Naraku the truth, even if it hurts. Though, she always does it as nicely as she can.
Jiri, or Reason, is much more blunt, telling Naraku what he is doing, mainly pointing out his mistakes and what he can do. Unlike Shinri, Jiri is blunt and uncaring, usually yelling at Naraku and telling him what to do.
Zanpaktou Appearance:
Naraku's spirits take the form of two zanpaktou, a kodachi, and a flyssa, both on his right hip. The flyssa's hilt is wrapped in a scaly green leather, and has a sideways teardrop ending. Overall, the guard and hilt look like a snake, the part of the guard facing away from the sharp side of the sword the open mouth of the snake. The kodachi, sheath and all, while sheathed, looks like a shortsword. This is because there are actually two kodachi's in the sheath, one that looks like the actual sword, and then another built into the end of the sheath, to be drawn secretly. The second kodachi can be considered another zanpaktou, but it is only a precaution if the first is thrown from Naraku. The only way to draw the second blade, is to be unable to wield the first. The hilt and sheath are made of very hard wood, and are a dark brown color.
Shikai
Release phrase: Release me, Toko Shisou!
Shikai appearance: When Naraku releases his shikai, one thing happens, and really only one thing. His zanpaktou, both of them, disappear. When this happens, Naraku gains the ability to 'project' his thoughts into the real word. This means that he is able to think of say, a katana, and it would be made. While in his shikai, Naraku is more or less disarmed, to start out with. Yet, he can think of what he wants, and it would appear. Though, the cost of using such a versatile skill comes with a price. After a while, the reprocussions of using such a power draw a mental-as well as physical-drain on Naraku, after using the skill to make things out of pure imagination.
Shikai Powers:
Tai((Reality)): The main ability of Naraku's shikai, this is what enables him to make what he is thinking. Though, the most he can make at one time is two things at once, and they cannot be taller than him, or above his own weight.
Bankai
Bankai Name: Omoi Kaihou, Toko Shisou
Translation: Mind's Release, Endless Thought
Bankai Appearance: As Naraku uses his bankai, nothing really seems to change with his physical appearance. Although, in his bankai, two tonfas appear over his arms, looking like small wings. While in his bankai, Naraku gains the ability to make much larger items, and make smaller ones much easier to make. While he cannot make a huge monster or something very large like that, his ability is increased to the point where the mental drain is dramatically reduced, to the point where he can make four or five items at a time. There is still a limit, though. While he can make whatever he is thinking, it is still impossible for him to make something much larger than he is. The limit is something twice his size and weight.
Rp Sample:
As Naraku was led down a hall, he already knew where his destination lay. In this world he lived in, in all his life, he only went to and from two places. The first, was where he was being taken from. That, was his home. His Cage in the barracks of the Underground Fighting League. Of course, that left only one place to go. To the ring itself. Well, the ring wasn't really a ring. It was more of a large enclosure, made so that only the person who controlled the locks on the outside could open the doors. The 'Pit' as it was called, was made of five thick chin-linked fences, and then enclosed in barbed wire. It was made, so that there was no escape. The only way out, was to win. To kill the one you fought. It was the only way he had survived this long.
Naraku at that time was about thirteen, and at around Five Seven. For the League, he was short, but his fighitng skills far surpassed what people thought of him when they first laid eyes on him. Of course, he was nothing to really look at. He was only a kid, raised-well, bred would be a batter term-to do one thing, and one thing only. Fight. And, that is what he did. As he was led into the large room that held the Pit, as well as the area around the Pit where everyone was seated, the blindfold was taken off him. Closing his eyes quickly, Naraku's eyes burned as the light touched them. After living in the dark for your whole life, save for the few times you were allowed out-to fight-he had never really gotten used to the light.
Walking forward, Naraku waited for the large door leading into the Pit to be opened. As it did, Naraku slowly walked in, gauging the opponent right from the start. This time, the opponent was much larger than the last one he had fought. Seeming to be around six three, the man was large and well built, looking like he was made of only pure muscle. This one wouldn't be too heard to kill, though. The muscle type was always too stupid. Only traing to beat away at the opponent, never trained to think for himself. No. That was his type. The small and agile. The ones who could get in close and hack away at you before you even knew what was coming.
And, as soon as he walked in, the door was slammed shut behind him. He heard the loud clank of the metal chains being put over the door, and then the oh too familiar sound of barbed wire being scratched over the door next, to make sure they didn't try to escape. Ignoring everything else, Naraku only focused on his opponent, his catlike yellow eyes staying planted on the man in front of him. In the next few seconds, it would decide the rest of the fight. And, as soon as he had thought it, the weapons were thrown in from above them, coming down from the higher levels of the Pit, where the people who worked the controls were at.
The weapon that was thrown on his side was a medium sized shank, a man-made knife. It was made of a crude blade, around five inches long. It was rusty, and the edges were sharper than even a real blade. The weapons of the Pit, even though they were crappy, were kept as sharp as they could get, to make sure they worked. Looking over his shank, the handle was a bone, probably human, the last one who fought and lost, he guessed. the thing that tied the two together, was even more disgusting than the shank's blade and hilt were. He didn't even want to look at it.
Looking up at the opponent, he saw the weapon he had gotten. It was a bad sign. It had seemed that someone had a death wish against him up in the Controls, probably because he was one of the best fighters in the League. A lot of people, even people who worked there, lost money betting against him. And, the thing that was in front of him, the best that was a man, had a damn sledge hammer in his hand. His face betraying no emotion, Naraku crouched low, as the man in front of him let out a gutteral moan, he guessed to try and say something. Guess he wasn't taught how to speak.
No matter, as he had picked up the sledge hammer now. Now, it was time to fight. Do or die. And he would do just that.
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 7:02 pm
Yet another pacifist joins the ranks of the peace-loving Squad Nine. Judging from your profile and seeing as we have a lot of things in common, Naraku-san, I think you'll fit in just fine. (-^_^-)
Since I'm only Vice Captain, you still have to wait for Kamashiro-taicho's approval of your profile. However, in my book, you pass with flying colors. (-^_^-)v
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 7:28 pm
Bravo. XD One of the longest Rp samples I've seen since the Zanpakuto training grounds way back in BSS. ((*Cough*involvesalustfulzanpakutoandapacifist*cough*))
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 7:53 pm
sweatdrop
Thank you both, Xeion-fukutaicho, Oath-kun.
Once I start typing I can't really stop until I run out of ideas.
But I was hoping that my profile was subdued enough. After trying to think of a way to water down the Projection skill I didn't know if it was still too powerful.
Too much Fate/Stay night I guess ^_^
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 7:55 pm
Lol. xD
And don't underestimate anyone in this squad. We're all around 3rd seat-vice captain level in strength. Besides one or two.
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 7:58 pm
gonk
No hope for me...
crying
I can see...that this will take some training...
more like a LOT, unfortunately.
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 8:36 pm
I wouldn't say that. Very well done! You keep posting like that, and you'll be going places! Totally accepted.
And Xeion? I gave you full clearance to approve new squad members, so don't be so hesitant! I trust your judgment.
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 8:44 pm
iOath Bravo. XD One of the longest Rp samples I've seen since the Zanpakuto training grounds way back in BSS. ((*Cough*involvesalustfulzanpakutoandapacifist*cough*)) Ah, good times... Well, don't lose hope, Naraku-san; just keep at it and you'll be at the top in no time, ne? And yes, I've sort of noticed it as well -- are you trying to be like Archer or something? Hehe. Oh, and in my opinion, I think the projection skill is okay just as long as you stay within the lines of weapons and limit its release to two. However, to be realistic, you should mention that after using it a couple of times, it would drain the user's stamina due to the complexity of making something out of pure imagination like Shiro. In addition, you should also mention that the "copy" is never as "good" as the "real" one. Also, try to revamp your Bankai since it's a bit overpowered in my opinion. Creating something crazy like a monster out of nothing without serious repercussions would be like god-modding and would be the least bit unfair to your opponent. Try and stick to reality as much as possible, but that doesn't meant that you can't make it as flashy as you can, ne? Try and put some restrictions to your Bankai as well, but other than those minor fixes, like Kamashiro-taicho had said, you're going places. 3nodding Fighting Fefnir
I wouldn't say that. Very well done! You keep posting like that, and you'll be going places! Totally accepted.
And Xeion? I gave you full clearance to approve new squad members, so don't be so hesitant! I trust you're judgment.Thanks, Kamashiro-taicho. I shall do my best to be worthy of your trust. 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:17 am
Aha, yes. Archer and Shiro. But, weren't they the same person, just different time periods? Thats what I got from it...
But thanks, Xeion, I will ^_^
Although, the part where they aren't as strong as the real one, might be a little trouble. After all, if they're easy to break as Shiro's blades, I'd be in trouble >_<
And thanks for accepting me, Fefnir-taichou ^_^
I won't let any of you down!
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