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Alright, another weird conversation with Matt. If you are offended, that's ******** awesome.

Matt: Sometimes I wish I was black?
Me: To experiance in the struggle that plagues the black man?
Matt: Nah, so that I could be invisible at night. I want to be like charcoal black.
Me: What about your eyes and teeth? Those will give you away.
Matt: I can wear shades, and my teeth are more yellowish than white.
Me: Good point.
Matt: Does that mean that my teeth are Asian?
Me: I'm not sure, but just to be safe, don't let them drive.
Matt: Does that mean my teeth have a small p***s?
Me: Yeah, they do, but it's cool, you know what they say.
Matt: What who say?
Me: You know, it's not size that matters, it's how badly you beat the b***h so she won't say a word to anyone about it that does.
Matt: I should start working out.

This one's a little mean, but it had to be done.

I was hanging out with a friend, his cousin, and his cousins annoying girlfriend. I'm not sure why, but she annoys the hell out of me. Also, she's a whole lotta woman, yow-zah.

Annoying b***h: Fried cheese sticks, the breakfast of champions!

Me: And the morbidly obese.

Everyone: .....

Best awkward silence ever.

Thats freaking histerical

More, I say, more!

MOAR AMAZINGNESS!

Celiwifey has left the conversation.
Pixie: woot
Ska: Now that she's gone, I can rip into you. [cue evil laughter]
Pixie: ahhh so scared
Ska: dunt b scurred
Pixie: Where for?
Ska: Huh?
Pixie: *why?
Pixie: xD
Ska: Oh, Ionno.
Pixie: wow you accepted my add xD
Ska: Yeah.
Ska: I'm so going to block you.
Pixie: Awww
Pixie: I feel special xD
Ska: I didn't think you were much of a late nighter.
Pixie: Usually I'm not. Never stay up past 4, nout I woke up randomly at 6am today
Ska: Oh, I don't sleep.
Pixie: I thought so xD
Ska: Yup, it's great.
Pixie: And my cat is attacking my wires
Ska: I don't have wires, nor do i have a cat.
Pixie: dammit
Ska: I live an empty life.
Ska: Wireless and catless.
Pixie: aww so sad
Ska: /wrist.
Pixie: Dont cry, emo kid
Pixie: God hates you too
Ska: I have no tears left to shed, so I cry tears of blood.
Pixie: That's so gross xD
Ska: You're telling me, I wear contacts.
Pixie: Dude, that would sting.
Ska: My eyes are men, they don't feel pain.
Pixie: I wonder if blood has a higher or lower slat content than sweat
Pixie: haha that's a good one
Ska: Lower.
Ska: If you have salt in your blood you're ********.
Pixie: xD so it wouldn't hurt
Ska: Yeah it would.
Ska: It can blind you.
Pixie: eew
Pixie: wtf?
Ska: You've never had blood in your eyes?
Pixie: No, and I plan to keep it that way
Ska: Man, you don't know what livin' is 'til you've had blood in your eyes.
Ska: And how.
Pixie: I have no idea xD
Ska: It's not fun.
Pixie: how does it show me what living is then?
Ska: Because life is full of pain and misery.
Ska: /wrist
Pixie: Just like an emo kid xD
Ska: I'm emo.
Ska: I was told so earlier.
Pixie: You should see a doctor about that
Pixie: I think they have a vaccine
Ska: I would, but what's the point of prolonging my life? it would be just prolonging the pain.
Pixie: Take a one way ticket off a suspension bridge? xD
Pixie: or a long walk off a short pier?
Ska: That's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship.
Pixie: Yup
Pixie: Usually xD
Ska: Zoobat? [referring to display pic]
Pixie: Yup
Pixie: it rotates
Ska: Mine doesn't.
Pixie: I have a good 3 bilion of em
Ska: I have one. [the hamburglar]
Ska: It's gangsta
Pixie: so sad xD
Ska: I'mma change it to emo.
Pixie: He's a pimp
Ska: He's my hero.
Pixie: for what reason?
Ska: Steals cheese burgers and looks gangsta doing it.
Pixie: Why would stealing cheeseburgers be a good career choice? Dude, obesity. Srxly.
Ska: To stick it to the man.
Ska: This is going to be great.
Pixie: what?
Ska: That's great.
Pixie: omg xD
Pixie: I love it xD
Ska: See? Told you I'm emo kid.
Pixie: That's amazing xD
Ska: The mouth is a little lame, but meh.
Pixie: No it makes him look gay xD
Pixie: with lipstick on xD
Ska: I guess.
Ska: It'll do for now.
Ska: Don't hate me because I'm emo.
Pixie: No, I hate you b/c your beautiful at being emo
Pixie: xD
Ska: Nothing is beautiful. The world takes all the beauty in the world and crushes it under a wave of dirt and mud to suffocate a dark lonely death.
Pixie: I find beauty in that.
Ska: I should throw mud at you, but what's the point? We're all going to die anyway.
Pixie: I would like the mud too much xD
Ska: Until it turns it's back on you and denys ever loving you.
Ska: Pixie: Mud has no feelings. Much like a man XD
Ska: I'm a man, and I have feelings. All of them are sad and full of hate for myself.
Pixie: As expected. Poor lost soul. *pats*
Ska: How can I be lost if there is no where to go? We all wander alone, mislead, unguided, cold and abandoned.
Ska: I think I like being emo, it's fun.
Pixie: I laugh at every one of your statements xD
Ska: I'm pretty good at it.
Ska: On another website I had a shtick where people would spin a wheel of [screen name]. Whatever personality it would land on, that's what I would be.
Ska: Emo was one of them.
Pixie: Now you have to deny Xbox and playold school Nintendo
Pixie: XD thats amazing
Pixie: I never saw your "Gangsta"
Ska: Duck Hunt is the only game I keep next to my black heart. Because when it's over, I can do myself in like all those lucky dead ducks.
Ska: Gangsta was just the Hamburglar.
Pixie: XD
Pixie: He looks like he's whining to someone
Ska: He's pointing at the boys that shoved pine cones in his a**.
Pixie: o snap xD
Ska: And tweaking his n****e.
Ska: It's very risque.
Pixie: Never fails. Dude, you are hilarious. xD
Ska: I know. :B
Pixie: Now I' getting sleepy. Iono what that was about, but I'm glad I did wake up.
Ska: I'm not, I wish I could just slip away into my nightmares. Only then would I find peace in my own self created hell.
Pixie: YES! Self created Hells are the best.
Ska: Nothing I do is the best, there is always someone or something that proves to me on a daily bases that I mean s**t and matter s**t.
Pixie: Woooow
Ska: That one was pretty good.
Ska: Write that down, we'll mail it in to Green Day or Fallout Boy or some shizz.
Pixie: XD Will do

Drum roll, plx....

Dear Mrs. [last name],

I'm sending this note home with [nephew's name] because of a recent string of behavioral problems in class. Normaly [nephew's name] is a very well behaved student that needs no disiplanery actions. But recently, he has been using language that is not appropriate for class. After asking him where he picked up on such bad behavior, he mentioned over hearing his uncle using profane language and getting a laugh out of everyone around him. I realize that family is very important, but so is education and conduct. Please inform [nephew's name]'s uncle that he should not be using such language in front of or near children. I would like to meet with you so we can further discuss this issue, please call me at [some number] so we can arrange a meeting.

Thank you,

Some c**t.


So as you can all probably guess, my sister was pissed. And since I created the problem, I should be the one and fix it.

Me: Your mom wants me to talk to you.
Nephew: ...Ok.
Me: I heard what happend in school. You know you shouldn't be using that kind of language in class. And you should repspect your teacher and classmates.
Nephew: I know, I'm sorry.
Me: Promise me it won't happen again.
Nephew: I promise.
Me: Alright.
[Sister leaves the room]
Me: What the ********? Guess who's not getting a birthday or Christmas present this year?... Why'd you even bring me up anyway?

Nephew: [while laughing] I don't know, it was the first thing that came into my head. And they got more mad at you then they did at me.

Me: ********' c**t.
Nephew: What's a c**t?
Me: Ask your teacher, she's a c**t for sure.


Kids, gotta love the little bastards.

I...I think I might be fired because of this.

Oh well.


Me: Hey, do you have a minute? We need to talk.

Supervisor: What's up?

Me: I think I'm an alcoholic.

S: Oh, wow...Well it's not the end of the world, we can get you help. There are support groups, meetings you can attend, and friends you can count on. It's good that you've realised you have a problem, it means you want to better your life.

Me: I'm just ******** with you, I'm not an alcoholic. I smoke meth.

S: I'll see you tomorrow, go home.

Wooo, a joke gone way wrong.