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 Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 7:42 pm
Skaeryll Decavolty Skaeryll So yeah you all know how I'm pretty much working on becoming a YouTube celebrity. Well my dad thinks I should stick with my current job that even though I make great money it's just not what I want to do with my life getting partnered on YouTube would make my whole life get better. Really first and foremost I'd be doing something that would actually be cool to tell people when asked where I work (cause honestly saying I make movies on YouTube for a living is a hell of a lot cooler than being a Full time produce clerk at Stupid Store). On top of that I could potentially make more money than I do now which honestly I'd take making less to do something I love over making more at a dead end job where you have a skin head ******** for a boss who thinks you are a slacker if you're not going mach speed for 8 1/2 hours without taking any breaks. I'm gonna club his head into pulp....... Work the job while you do Youtube until you get to your celebrity status. Then just when people at your place go "wait aren't you that guy...." you quit your job, and just do youtube fulltime. Obvious solution is obvious. That's a good idea then I'd be making lots of cash. Say hello to NicePeter and DeStorm for me when you make it, bud.
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 10:12 pm
Decavolty Skaeryll Decavolty Skaeryll So yeah you all know how I'm pretty much working on becoming a YouTube celebrity. Well my dad thinks I should stick with my current job that even though I make great money it's just not what I want to do with my life getting partnered on YouTube would make my whole life get better. Really first and foremost I'd be doing something that would actually be cool to tell people when asked where I work (cause honestly saying I make movies on YouTube for a living is a hell of a lot cooler than being a Full time produce clerk at Stupid Store). On top of that I could potentially make more money than I do now which honestly I'd take making less to do something I love over making more at a dead end job where you have a skin head ******** for a boss who thinks you are a slacker if you're not going mach speed for 8 1/2 hours without taking any breaks. I'm gonna club his head into pulp....... Work the job while you do Youtube until you get to your celebrity status. Then just when people at your place go "wait aren't you that guy...." you quit your job, and just do youtube fulltime. Obvious solution is obvious. That's a good idea then I'd be making lots of cash. Say hello to NicePeter and DeStorm for me when you make it, bud. I will do that for you!
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 6:08 pm
Stop Asking Me How My Day Was
I made this a while ago for my parents, but I've decided to extend this to being a message to everyone:I hate small talk and most of my days are boring and not worth talking about. Yet, people insist on knowing how my day was going. My parents, friends, co-workers, cashiers, telemarketers, everyone always asks this question to break the ice when they're bored. Really, no one truly cares about how anyone's day is going, let alone me. If they do, it's only in the hopes that the other person's day is shittier than theirs so they can feel better about their vapid lives they piss away working 9 - 5 at a boring job no one really wants or spending all day studying because they think college is actually worth pissing away time and going into debt.
For those who ask this question to people (especially if you're thinking of asking me), I've created this flow chart to help you out the next time you feel like wasting someone's time asking them how their day is:
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Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 4:24 pm
>Time on Gaia has gone done
>Been on Skype lately
>yolo
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 12:39 am
This is a bad cover. This is a good cover. This is the original. /coversongnazi
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 10:17 am
Nothing that gives me flashbacks to Zoolander can be considered bad ever.
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 2:39 pm
Cabron LaSwan Nothing that gives me flashbacks to Zoolander can be considered bad ever. wat
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 2:42 pm
Decavolty Cabron LaSwan Nothing that gives me flashbacks to Zoolander can be considered bad ever. wat That bad cover plays right after this scene. I can't think poorly of it when it reminds me of this.
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 2:46 pm
Cabron LaSwan Decavolty Cabron LaSwan Nothing that gives me flashbacks to Zoolander can be considered bad ever. wat That bad cover plays right after this scene. I can't think poorly of it when it reminds me of this. It just doesn't have the same soul that the other two have ;_;
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 2:47 pm
Decavolty Cabron LaSwan Decavolty Cabron LaSwan Nothing that gives me flashbacks to Zoolander can be considered bad ever. wat That bad cover plays right after this scene. I can't think poorly of it when it reminds me of this. It just doesn't have the same soul that the other two have ;_; Yes, but it has ties with a giant spoon in my memory, soooooooooooo
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 7:58 pm
Apparently today was senior skip day at my school. My friend in Animation class skipped school, so I took a screenshot of his desktop, made it his desktop, and hid all his icons. That way he won't be able to open anything from the desktop until he realizes what I've done. C:<
Next, I changed the path to his Minecraft shortcut to the trollface image and then changed the icon back into the Minecraft icon. So when he finally opens Minecraft, it'll open the trollface image instead. c: I love senior skip day.
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 8:47 pm
I can remember when Christina Aguilera was a good singer.
It was at no point whatsoever in her entire career.
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Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 11:15 am
Watching your parents fight is the most uncomfortable thing. It's pretty awkward that they both expect me to pick a side, especially when I'm on the side of the one who isn't holding onto my money for me.
I mean, I see both of their points, but honestly, this time Mom has solid proof that a lot of money is coming to her. Dad's waited years and years for money he otherwise never would have seen, and now when it's all coming for sure, he wants to throw a s**t fit about waiting a few more months? I don't think he understands that the way he treats people is probably a large part of the reason so many people have gone '******** this guy' in regards to the money they owed him. And Mom is still taking his little temper tantrums personally when he's obviously in the middle of a work day and probably stressed about 10,000 other things. You know what you do when he's mad at everything and taking it out on you? You roll your eyes, you drop it, and you bring up the subject when he's not already stressed out.
They've known each other twice as long as I've been sentient and they still don't understand how the other works. rolleyes It's no wonder they got divorced; they're both too stubborn and determined to "win" to back out of an argument and save themselves the headache. It's cost both of them countless friendships; it's actually the reason for my dad's biggest regret.
Honestly, I think we're all like that, on both sides of the family. I'm glad I can recognize it, at least, because maybe that means I can catch myself doing it and break the mentality. I don't wanna go through life with a stormcloud over my head because I have a pathological need to prove everyone I disagree with wrong.
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Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 8:11 am
I'm not happy. Something is missing.
I think it's the feeling of satisfaction you experience when you commit fully to something, you truly give it your all, and then you take a step back and say "That exists because of me." But I haven't been able to commit to anything since I was... I dunno, 14?
I used to be passionate about a lot of things. I used to pour my heart and soul into everything I did and always be 100% physically and mentally 'there'. Not thinking about how long it's gonna take or what I want to eat for dinner or who is talking to me on Skype or how it's going to turn out. And you know, I always really liked how my creations turned out. And most importantly, I could enjoy others' creations and give them the credit they deserved without comparing my own to them and determining which one is better or worse. I used to appreciate beauty, not measure it.
The truth is, I think now that I've spent this much time on the internet and seen just how talented my peers are, I'm afraid to focus. I'm afraid to give absolutely anything 100% of my attention and effort because I'm afraid it will be subpar. So I just decide, hey let's not even bother because x-person-I-want-to-learn-from is better than me anyway and that means I'm terrible. I've even half given up on my weight loss goals because I can't afford skin tightening surgery so I'm always going to look worse than x-body-I-want-to-have whether I weigh 130 or 300. I don't want to go through life feeling like nothing is worth doing because someone is always gonna be better at it, but I don't know how to stop feeding into that need to be the best. I just know it hasn't always been like this. I used to be mediocre, and I used to be happy about it.
I need to catch myself in the act and reprogram myself out of the superior/inferior mentality. That's the cause of everything I can think of in my immediate reality making me unhappy. And you know, it's stupid because I know better. The conscious part of me knows everyone is different and comparing me and x stranger is comparing apples and oranges, but the thought goes into my head every time I see even the smallest similarity between myself and somebody else. I need to catch it, and slap it on the wrist, and tell it to gtfo my brain. And I can do that if I apply myself and commit to it.
I just want to look at something I did and say "I like this and I am proud of this." Nothing more. Not "this is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong, this entire thing is garbage." And when I see something someone else did, I want to say "I like this and you did a good job of this." Not "this is wrong, this is wrong, you could have done that better, keep practicing." I don't want to be that person who's constantly critical of everything. I know I have the potential not to be.
Maybe I'll get back into poetry. I don't read much of the stuff, so I'll be less likely to make comparisons than I would with music or drawings. It might make a better outlet for these tl;dr rants that make me feel bad for anyone who feels obligated to read them, too.
Maybe I could see a psychiatrist instead. I don't want to take pills, but it might be nice to have someone who knows their way around thought patterns to help me challenge and reform them. In the meantime, there's probably a meditation or two somewhere on Youtube.
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Sharkbutt The Orgiastic Crew
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Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 10:11 am
Cabron LaSwan I'm not happy. Something is missing.
I think it's the feeling of satisfaction you experience when you commit fully to something, you truly give it your all, and then you take a step back and say "That exists because of me." But I haven't been able to commit to anything since I was... I dunno, 14?
I used to be passionate about a lot of things. I used to pour my heart and soul into everything I did and always be 100% physically and mentally 'there'. Not thinking about how long it's gonna take or what I want to eat for dinner or who is talking to me on Skype or how it's going to turn out. And you know, I always really liked how my creations turned out. And most importantly, I could enjoy others' creations and give them the credit they deserved without comparing my own to them and determining which one is better or worse. I used to appreciate beauty, not measure it.
The truth is, I think now that I've spent this much time on the internet and seen just how talented my peers are, I'm afraid to focus. I'm afraid to give absolutely anything 100% of my attention and effort because I'm afraid it will be subpar. So I just decide, hey let's not even bother because x-person-I-want-to-learn-from is better than me anyway and that means I'm terrible. I've even half given up on my weight loss goals because I can't afford skin tightening surgery so I'm always going to look worse than x-body-I-want-to-have whether I weigh 130 or 300. I don't want to go through life feeling like nothing is worth doing because someone is always gonna be better at it, but I don't know how to stop feeding into that need to be the best. I just know it hasn't always been like this. I used to be mediocre, and I used to be happy about it.
I need to catch myself in the act and reprogram myself out of the superior/inferior mentality. That's the cause of everything I can think of in my immediate reality making me unhappy. And you know, it's stupid because I know better. The conscious part of me knows everyone is different and comparing me and x stranger is comparing apples and oranges, but the thought goes into my head every time I see even the smallest similarity between myself and somebody else. I need to catch it, and slap it on the wrist, and tell it to gtfo my brain. And I can do that if I apply myself and commit to it.
I just want to look at something I did and say "I like this and I am proud of this." Nothing more. Not "this is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong, this entire thing is garbage." And when I see something someone else did, I want to say "I like this and you did a good job of this." Not "this is wrong, this is wrong, you could have done that better, keep practicing." I don't want to be that person who's constantly critical of everything. I know I have the potential not to be.
Maybe I'll get back into poetry. I don't read much of the stuff, so I'll be less likely to make comparisons than I would with music or drawings. It might make a better outlet for these tl;dr rants that make me feel bad for anyone who feels obligated to read them, too.
Maybe I could see a psychiatrist instead. I don't want to take pills, but it might be nice to have someone who knows their way around thought patterns to help me challenge and reform them. In the meantime, there's probably a meditation or two somewhere on Youtube. Haha, I know that feeling. But it comes from the opposite direction, for me. I haven't done anything that I've felt is worth committing to in so long that I often feel like I can't put in the effort required. I mean, half the reason I enjoy baking so much is that it's creative, in the literal sense that something is created. It's more or less an art in itself, and I often bake just to feel better about myself. (Ironically, I've never eaten my way through depression. XD) Having created something of at least mediocre value helps me feel more confident about my skills in any situation, whether or not baking even applies. People always tell me that I'm really creative, and I always end up staring at them quizzically. But the truth is that I am creative, and it's demonstrated in the little things I do every day. People thought I would make a good engineer, solely because I'm good at solving problems since I try to approach things from different angles. I've had so many interesting ideas for stories or games or whatever, but I never bother to write them down since I know I haven't got the skills or resources to bring anything to fruition. Just ask Rhed, I once splayed out this entire set of characters and basic mechanics for an RPG, and he filled in a lot of the holes in my design. I just...What needs to happen is that I sit down and put effort into creating something. It doesn't matter what it is, and it doesn't matter if it's good. Setting that radio theater thing in motion in high school is one of the things I'm most proud of, and it's pretty terrible. But I'm proud of what it offers, and not for what it is. So I guess...I'm waiting. Not for something to come my way, but for something to strike me as an inspiring idea. Not as a writer, not as a baker, not as an engineer, and not as a designer, but just...as me. And that's fine, but I can't just wait. I have to go do things, meet people, find places, and have weird experiences. Because I can't just wait for inspiration to strike, I have to go find it myself. I don't even know what I'm writing, anymore. It's pretty much a jumble of ideas, and I know I'm going to regret saying so much about myself in one spot. But whatever, I guess. I'm just kind of...exhausted. No effort left, you know? Plenty of motivation, that's where people are wrong. Just no effort.
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