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 Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 1:16 pm
MORE JOKES EVERYBODY!!!!!!
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 2:18 pm
The Fly
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, but then held it out over the beer and yelled, 'SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU b*****d!!!!!
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 2:32 pm
Graveyard Capers
Two women friends, incredibly drunk and walking home and really needed to use the bathroom. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head stone. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she'd take off her underwear and use them, then through them away. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive underwear set which she didn't want to ruin but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves and procedded to wipe herself with that. They then made off for home. The next day one woman's husband phoned the other husband and said "We'd better keep an eye on our wives, you know, mine came home last night without her underwear". "That's nothing" said the other "Mine came back with a card stuck to her arse that said, 'From all the lads at the fire station. We'll never forget you!'
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 2:45 pm
Magical Wish
One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole. The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for them two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first." The bear though for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female." For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well." the rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic things, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought those things. For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said "I wish that all bears in the world apart from me were female." The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 8:50 pm
Oh my goodness! I've got a good one. Why did the chicken cross the road? surprised
Just kiddin'. xd
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 5:54 pm
that first one cracked me up rofl
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 10:54 pm
LizzBlizz that first one cracked me up rofl Same here. Spit it out! scream xd
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 4:17 pm
Bud and Jim are a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta.
One day the airport was fogged in and they had nothing to do.
Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high-octane and got completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels great, no hangover, no bad side effects, nothing at all.
Then the phone rings, it's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't even get a hangover".
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well, there's just one thing." says Jim.
"What's that?" says Bud.
jim asks, "Have you farted yet?"
"No," says Bud.
Jim says, "Well, don't, 'cause I'm in Phoenix
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 2:31 am
I don't get it. sweatdrop I'm slow on these things.
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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:45 pm
I get it now! It's so funny! rofl
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:58 am
ooh the one that caitlyn told about the ugly people reminded me about my brother's comics....I should go find em ninja
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:22 am
Wolfey Fireborn Bud and Jim are a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta.
One day the airport was fogged in and they had nothing to do.
Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high-octane and got completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels great, no hangover, no bad side effects, nothing at all.
Then the phone rings, it's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't even get a hangover".
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well, there's just one thing." says Jim.
"What's that?" says Bud.
jim asks, "Have you farted yet?"
"No," says Bud.
Jim says, "Well, don't, 'cause I'm in Phoenix
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:41 am
oooh ok here's the link. These are the comics he made, some of them you guys probably wouldn't get because they're about the site.....When he showed em to me like a year ago I laughed my head off (I'm still young, I think everything's funny xp ) Edited: Omg, I'm so dumb I forgot to put the link xD http://neotwist.com/showthread.php?t=8679Hope my brother won't get mad... Edited again: Hmmm..I wonder if you need a account to see the forums... Once again Edited: ok you NEED an account to see them so I'll just copy the links or post the picture
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 10:08 am
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic10.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic11.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic12.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic13.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic14.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic15.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic17.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic18.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic2.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic20.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic3.gif
http://matrix.senecac.on.ca/~zwang31/nnn/venom/comic7.gif
These are the remaining ones...the others got deleted T.T
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:57 pm
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers". And the congregation said, "amen."
***************
Deep in the back woods of Indiana, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one c! oming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, .
"You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
***************
Mr. Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk
to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years
mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million
dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
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