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and_solo_said
Captain

PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:46 pm


Some of us finished yesterday Simon *taps foot impatiently*
PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:49 pm


and_solo_said
Some of us finished yesterday Simon *taps foot impatiently*


My my! Some of us can't use colour today! xp wink

Nebelstern
Vice Captain


and_solo_said
Captain

PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:53 pm


Nebelstern
and_solo_said
Some of us finished yesterday Simon *taps foot impatiently*


My my! Some of us can't use colour today! xp wink


Ah shuddup (that is a well established British imperative, not a common colloquialism)
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:25 am


*Kicks stupid Gaia for changing all her punctuation into question marks.*

stare

I'll get right onto editting chapter 6 now then. Only got a little while, so i doubt i'll finish it now! Going to Bradford to goth up my wardrobe and get my hair cut! ^_^ I can then play spike the hedgehog on thursday night! ^_^ And persuade my mum to colour it smile ((Just red highlights, nothing drastic!))

Heh heh.

Ara Azdaja

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Wiggster
Crew

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 9:17 am


I wish i could do anything with my hair. It just grows.
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 9:20 am


My'ne sticks up with just water! ^_^

*is going to have LOTS of fun with the shockwaves gel tomorrow... Devillish grin* Tis really light and fun now, and i got some new bracelets, black courderoy (spelling?) flares *loves charity shops*, a new book and the first two Devil May Cry games for my Playstation! ^_^

I'll just wait for Si to catch up then i'll post chapter 6 smile Unless he says otherwise! ^_^

Ara Azdaja

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Nebelstern
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:39 am


Wiggster
I wish i could do anything with my hair. It just grows.


stare
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 11:26 am


Great stuff so far! Two little criticisms though:

1. Towards the end of Chapter 4, there is a LOT going on in a little amount of explanation. Perhaps a bit more description of people's reactions or the main characters there - perhaps a little more bio of Woldbane etc.

2. Chapter 5 is an improvement, although I think a little more structuring could help, as the fast pace gets a little overwhelming. Perhaps a tad more description of feelings and emotions of the characters could help. One or two cliches also feel a little out of place in there as well that could be ironed out.

Overall, I really like the story and would love to see more of it when you are ready to post it!
biggrin

Nebelstern
Vice Captain


Ara Azdaja

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 11:50 am


[ Message temporarily off-line ]
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 12:25 pm


Editted chapter 4 for any interested smile

^_^

My hair didn't turn out as i had planned.... confused Looks firey if it is disturbed though! And there is a kewl red tinge round the edges. smile

Ara Azdaja

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Flames_Of_Fury
Crew

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 1:08 pm


Nebelstern
Wiggster
I wish i could do anything with my hair. It just grows.


stare


stressed
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 3:48 am


Eh.....My hair always has a red tinge

Lose Your Illusions


Lose Your Illusions

PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 10:43 am


Read chapter 6 btw
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 12:18 pm


Lose Your Illusions
Read chapter 6 btw


Any comments?

Is everyone happy for Chapter 7 to be put up?

*Goes to finish editting it.*

Ara Azdaja

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Lose Your Illusions

PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:53 pm


A couple of words seemed misplaced, and I think a few of the phrases, but nothing wrong apart from that
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