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 Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 5:19 pm
Quote: Dec. 1st.Dear Journal,
There's a layer of dust on you. I cannot believe I forgot to write in you for so long!
Maybe I was just ashamed. See, I've not really spoken to anyone for a very long time. First it was training, it meant so much to me. But of course, I didn't speak to anyone or tell anyone... and then I felt a little detached. They'd all been having things happening, while I spent time secretly training. But I don't regret that.
Miss Eirnae has not been around. And Pappila is also not around. I think they went to Gaia. Neith's been writing to me still, of course. I can't tell her either though.
But a wedding is so soon! It's time to shake the layer of dust off that dress that Rosa would love, and that I find irratating. I need to be social. Let's hope no one notices the changes.
-Countess Filix.
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Posted: Sat Dec 18, 2004 8:43 pm
A small package is left outside your chamber door wrapped in festive cloth. Inside is a small card and a toy. The card reads: Happy Yule, Filix!
Always,
Cervus
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:26 pm
 Quote: Dec 30th
Journal,
I've found myself in the strangest mood lately, I've been trying to change the appearance of my chambers. Nothing too drastic, a few color changes, a lot of dusting and cleaning, sewing... perhaps I have been spending too much time alone?
My sword work has rewarded me, however! Isolation seems to have helped me keep my focus on what my goal was, and I do believe that my skills may be that of a warrior of the Sun Court!
Of course, I cannot say that it is so without testing my skills upon a warrior. And without Eirnae or Equus to speak to, I feel a little lost.
....my feelings for the squire have faded though, I fear. I adore him, as a sister loves a brother, but that rush of young romantic fancy has passed over now.
It is time I returned back to the social life I abandoned for my training. I wonder what I've missed, in the Sun Court. Who's grown up, who's new?
-Filix
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Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2005 2:12 pm
It was a cool day, a wind blowing the curtains in the windows and sending the trees outside bending over, and over, and over as if bowing to the wind.
Filix shut her window, and sat beside it to watch the world's slightly wild weather. IT wasn't sunny and perfect, but Filix loved to watch the wild ways of the wind, recalling her father's tales about the spirits of the wind in her mind.
The opening of her chamber doors made Filix stand stiffly, surprised. When did anyone enter without permission like that?
And then Neith walked in, and Filix's Countess posture dropped as she ran over to embrace her kithain like she would have if she was younger. "Neith!"
"Filix!" Neith laughed, and pulled someone else into the room. "I brought Winny."
A short bright eyed girl stared up at Filix, her hair combed into a neat plait. Her little white scaled dragon tail swished, Winny's curious eyes drifting from Filix to the chambers.
"Hello Winny." Filix smiled, kneeling down beside the child. She tugged Winny over for a hug, finding herself making a face at Winny's choice of clothing. Pink with a little bit of red. "You're both just in time!"
"In time?" Neith sat down on a chair, as Winny ran off to find something to play with. "For?"
"There is to be a magnificent ball, to welcome the New Year. A Masquerade Ball, and although I'm not usually one to enjoy strutting around in fancy gowns and jewels, the challenge of remaining unknown till Midnight is one that sounds enjoyable."
"Why do you talk funny?" Winny was now tugging on Filix's skirts, looking a bit amazed at Filix.
"Um..."
Neith picked up Winny, and shrugged helplessly at Filix, trying to find the right words as she replied, "Because she's a Countess. She's apart of the castle, a special part. Like a princess, but not as important."
"Oh." Winny seemed satisfied, and wriggled out of Neith's arms. She went back to exploring Filix's chambers, leaving them both alone again.
Neith took Filix's arm, and led her over to the window seat, where they both sat. "You wrote me a note about sword training?" She asked, in a quiet voice.
Filix nodded. "Yes, I was asking you if you had books."
"I might have, I'll check." Neith smiled a tiny bit, and leaned out to affectionately stroke some of Filix's hair. "It's so amazing, isn't it? You've grown the fastest out of any of the children I adopted as my own, and you're now a Countess. Did you know that Kia is pregnant?"
"Isn't she young?" Filix's warm fuzzy mood drained away, as the news sunk in. "Too young, I mean? Is she to be married, and what is the man like?"
"She is too young in my eyes, there is no engagement as of yet, and the man's just a boy, another teenager." Neith sighed, resting her head on the glass. "But she's also strong, and happy about it. There isn't much more I can expect from her now than that. It's not really too much of a problem, she has a good doctor." Another sigh, but then Neith asked Filix in a clearly happier tone, "But you! Have you found a lover?"
"No!" Filix replied, but her face had gone a bit scarlet. "I mean... there was a chance of it, but it seems to have come and gone. And I have not... there were other feelings, and I shied away from them."
"Are those feelings still alive?"
Filix replied truthfully, "I don't know," remembering just how long it had been since she'd seen the one she was talking about. "I was thinking, Neith, would I be too outrageous if I dared go to the Ball with a sword in a male's costume? I would disguise myself as one, naturally."
"It... could be risky, you know." Neith replied, glancing outside and then to Filix. "Perhaps it could only be for an hour or two. Besides, I can make you a beautiful dress! I have some fabric at home, a soft blue-white; you would be stunning in the color?"
Filix shrugged, forcing a smile onto her face. She'd forgotten, Neith loved dresses, and the suggestion was one Filix should have expected. "That sounds lovely." Filix half-lied, adding, "But please, not too much like what Rosa would wear?"
"No, of course not." Neith replied, and stood up. "How about you take care of Winny," Filix made a rather childish face, "And I'll return home for what I need? I'll come back later!"
She hurried out of the chamber.
Filix scratched her head, and stood up. She HAD to have told Neith about the ball!
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Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 7:04 pm
Filix sat at the window, with a needle and thread in one hand, and a soft green silk fabric in the other. She was sewing, as unlikely as that'd seem to anyone who knew her. The green fabric had a slightly darker embodied pattern of leaves that vaguely resembled ferns, something she and Neith had picked out in Gaia.
These pieces were to make a waistcoat, one that was a tiny bit narrower in the top half than what would fit her normally. Nearby, Filix had a soft white shirt that was also a bit too small in the chest area, and a pair of silk black pants, both bought already made in Gaia.
And near those two pieces, was folded black fabric. It too had been cut for Filix's shape, but it was specially designed to hide her hips and chest area. Filix had earlier had a slightly wicked idea, and she was now acting on it. With these clothes, she'd found that she could easily pass off as a man, and be able to carry her sword. She had a special wig, silver haired, and a large mask that hid all of her face, save for her eyes and mouth. Filix even had a long tight elastic piece of black material, for making her chest smaller.
If she was spoken to, Filix could pretend to be mute or something. Even if she'd only wear this costume for a few hours, Filix would be satisfied. She did have another costume, and another wig for a switchover. Or, if in case she decided she wouldn't do it after all.
The other dress was one mostly picked out by Neith. Filix secretly did find it nice, but she did also think that it looked a bit tight. And fancy. Almost like it was more for Rosa than herself. It was shiny, the fabric rustled gently like wind through leafy trees, the mask glittered and shimmered and the full skirt was rather large, requiring a special petticoat, and a corset. Neith had told Filix though, when she had shown her, that Neith would wear it if Filix didn't feel up to wearing such a fancy gown. Filix had told Neith at the time that she'd have to decide later.
Neith had also picked out the twin's outfits and another that would suit both Filix and Neith, and all of them were now hanging from Filix's canopy bed in special black costume bags. The other adult sized outfit was less traditional, a 'Witch' costume that was really quite beautiful. It had a short but full skirt, a corset, and it was a beautiful color that reminded Filix of roses and the deep red that could sometimes be seen in a beautiful sunrise or sunset.
The twins were both here now, sleeping on camping beds on the floor nearby. They were both sweet, and good mannered, Filix was glad to find. Winny did get on Filix's nerves occasionally, always asking questions, never shy about her curiosity. It was Elle that Filix bonded with, the quieter one.
"Ow." Filix muttered, as she pricked her finger. She dropped the green waistcoat, and wrapped her bleeding finger with a piece of scrap fabric. "I never did enjoy sewing."
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Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 4:54 pm
"What's this?" Filix picked up a new... and strangly suspious... package.
"Open it!"
Filix unwrapped the brown paper, and blinked as she opened a white box and tugged out a few things, one by one. First, was a white wig. It wasn't too realistic looking, but it looked like it'd stay on well. Beside it was a mask with little leaf like decorations at each end, holding up a shiny gold bell. Next, was a blue jacket... skirt... thing. It was very shapely, and tight. And narrow. After that, were white-gold shoes. Filix paused there, looking back up at Neith.
"It reminded me of a bright sunny day! Sun court, sunny day, you know?" Neith cheerfully told Filix. "So I got all of the set. Look, you can hide your wing color with this!"
She held up a powder, which made Filix grow a bit nervous at the idea of hiding her wings in powder. One twitched even, but if Neith noticed, she pretended not to. She was all alight with glee, and Filix felt like she HAD to show that she liked this stuff. She didn't want to hurt Neith's feelings.
"See, this goes over the gold dress I got." Neith held the blue over-dress over the other, and Filix had to admit. It did look rather nice. "I can easily do your hair, no problem. I know you want to wear the other badly," Filix flushed a bit, she'd hoped Neith hadn't noticed, ", so this hair can be used for both. It's a tough wig, so we can pull it into any hairstyle. I'll do you a fancy hairstyle for when you put this gown on! ...if you still want to?" The last part Neith had said a bit more uncertainly, as if it'd only just occurred to her that perhaps Filix wouldn't like the dress.
Rosa would like that idea, Filix thought, but she put on a bright cheerful smile. "I'll wear the dress, of course!"
"Great!" Neith's face lit up again. "I'll do the corset, of course. And while you pretend to be a man, it might make you look ... more narrow?"
"...Great." Filix echoed. She wasn't sure if she was looking forward to the night as much now, was dancing in a corset even possible? But she reminded herself that Neith was a descendent of her family line. Meaning that Neith did have some of Rosa in her, she wasn't to blame for her love of shiny gowns. "I guess I'll go... um... do some things in the library. I'll come back later."
"All right." Neith hadn't even heard Filix, she was arranging the outfit on the bed to admire the colors together.
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Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 11:16 am
Neith stood in the center of the chambers, tugging at something. In each of her hands were strings, attached to a corset that was wrapped around Filix's middle. Neith continued to tug hard, ignoring the faces Filix was making.
"Ow! Carefull!" Filix complained, pondering the idea of slapping Neith's hands away. She had wanted to wear her other outfit, the one that was more comfortable. But she couldn't escape Neith, who'd jumped at her with the dress, Neith's face all aglow with excitement. And now she was standing there, being suffocated by the most ridicules invention for beauty that ever had possibly been made. Why did people wear these? There wasn't; much beauty in a body that was shaped like a deformed cow.
Neith ignored Filix, stringing the corset. She tugged a thin bodice over that, then helped Filix into the over-dress and the shoes. Then, the wig, that was a little itchy, and above that to hide the ferns, a 'crown' of flowers, ferns and leaves.
The shoes at least, Filix thought glumly as she wriggled, were a good fit. If she didn't like Neith so much, she wouldn't be doing this. But Neith ad gone to all that effort, it would be disrespectful of Filix to ignore it.
She'd just have to sneak back and change later. If anyone asked about her absence, Filix had gone for a quiet walk in the gardens.
As Neith dressed in her own 'vampire' outfit and wig, Filix stood in the middle of the room, watching the twins. The girls were both dressed to match, both in 'Aurora' outfits from the movie Sleeping Beauty. Elle was in blue, Winny was in pink, and they both had white face paint with glittery swirls. It was hard to tell them apart if you didn't know who preferred what color.
"Shall we go?" Neith called, and Winny sprinted for the door. Elle lingered behind, glancing back at Filix.
"I'll follow." Filix answered, and Elle stepped back to take Filix's hand and echoed the same words. As soon as Neith and Winny had gone downstairs, Filix whispered to Elle, "Loosen the corset, please?"
She sighed a sigh of relief when the strings were loosened slightly, reaching back to fix them till they were just right. Then Filix took Elle's hand and together they trailed after the other two.
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Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 12:37 pm
Leaving Filix behind, Neith made her way stubbornly towards the portal to Gaia with Elle under one arm. She was holding Filix's sword tightly, glaring into the dark as if she was expecting to see some hideous mutated Moon Court fey coming for the twin of Winny.
She almost felt like going there right that very second, but even in Neith's anger; she knew that wasn't possible, it would only result in a worse situation. So Neith had decided, she first had to get Elle home where Kochi would be able to take care of her. Then she'd return with her own sword, and follow the Sun Court fey. That made a lot more sense to Neith.
It was a quiet and hurried walk from the portal to Neith's home. Once they'd reached Neith's home safely, Neith scribbled a short note explaining teh situation and made Elle promise to stay indoors.
"But I want to come!" Elle whined, clinging to Neith's arm as Neith stormed into her bedroom, mind a slow swirl of thoughts. She felt strange still, as if she'd been given something that made her think slower. Neith knew that wasn't right, usually she'd think fast and act quickly. It'd taken her fifteen minutes to decide what to do. Finally, she looked up at Elle and answered,
"You're just little, Elle, you can't do anything." as Neith climbed up a ladder to take down the sword that had been stored in a locked cabinet. She climbed down, and started to change out of the vampire costume, into something a little more practical
After a few minutes of watching, Elle said simply, "I can bite them?"
Neith froze, dropped the sword on the bed and bent down. She put both hands on each of Elle's shoulders, and looked the little girl straight in her eyes. "Never bite anyone, okay? It's bad."
"I know, I know." Elle jerked away, sitting on the bed and crossing her arms.
Neith kissed Elle's forehead, picked up the sword and rushed out again, making her way back to the castle.
Meanwhile, Filix was standing blankly in the hall and watching the room. With a quiet muttered, "I've got to go." to Aesculus, she was slipping out of the door and away for her chambers. She felt heavy with guilt, and Filix was sure that her clouded mind was only more guilt over the situation. Besides, he'd hardly notice, he probably had to talk with the King. Manly Chats, wasn't that what Neith called them?
Filix would let them have their manly chats, while she tried to hatch a plan. She HAD to follow them, and unless she came up with no idea how, Filix intended on doing it. She wasn't going to listen to the stupid 'woman, fix my sock, while we men go out and do real work'.
But as soon as she'd reached her chambers, Filix collapsed on the bed. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, she was just resting her head... but she DID fall asleep, and all plots were set aside.
Maybe she'd plot her rebellious ride later.
That being finished... I won't do any sort of plot without Sajhiri's permission. XD She can think of it... but it may not happen. o.o
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Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2005 4:18 am
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Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2005 4:44 am
Quote: Feb 18th
Journal,
The ball wasn't quite as joyful as I'd expected it to be. It started well, I was dressed in the most uncomfortable outfit, but I found company in Aesculus. But later, Neith's little girl was kidnapped. Alces and Muris are going soon as scouts, and meanwhile, we all have to wait. A... I'm not sure who she is. She claims to be of the Moon Court, and yet she wishes to help us? I cannot trust her, but I do trust my king's judgment. If he trusts her, I'll allow some trust.
The meeting has taken a while to make things happening... or perhaps Alces and Muris have already left? I hope they have, I love that little girl. We have time though. And during those few days, I found myself wondering more about Aesculus. I can't help it! He makes me feel... well, I'm less in control and it frightens me sometimes. And I get urges, urges that aren't quite normal to the etiquette of courtship. I kissed him first, for example. Next time I see him, I'll apologize for being so forward.
But secretly, I didn't mind it. The fact that we'd kissed was what mattered, an still matters most of all. Only, with that kiss comes more confusion. I was sure it would be easy after this, but I was wrong!
I sit in my chambers, staring out the window, pretending to not be looking out for him... and yet, I do. And pretend to not be waiting... but I feel slightly awkward about this romance thing. I've never really had much experience apart from kisses with Equus. And what's even more confusing to me is that I am now doing exactly what I couldn't do before. I'm sitting patiently, and I'm waiting. And I don't mind that I am doing so...
It's like he's calming down the side of me that wants to always be moving, always be doing something. I don't feel like I need to now, although I still practice with my beloved sword when I am sure that there'll be no interrupting.
I cannot go to him again first, I've got to let him decide to come to me. Or to send word, or anything? As much as I'd love to be free to walk back to his chambers, and act upon my urges for more contact (Kissing, hugging, ect.) being a Countess means I have to behave properly once in a while.
...but maybe I'll send him one letter. Or gift. If I find myself unable to wait, that is. For now, I'm content. (It has been only a few days since, mind you.)
A horrible thought just entered my mind.
What if he only kissed back to be polite? After all... I entered his chambers, announced my feelings to him, and kissed him first. He made no direct sign that indicated my feelings were returned, he acted as any loving friend might, right?
Have I made a mistake, did I act too impulsively?
-Filix
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 5:26 pm
Filix paced up and down in her garden that she'd awoken in, waiting for news from the scouting party. It hadn't been that long since she'd claimed she'd wait for Aesculus in her chambers...
But who could sit in chambers forever?
Besides, there was something peaceful about this garden. She'd sat for thousands of years before it, staring at it. At the time, Filix had always thought she'd be more than happy to never see it again. But no matter what, it calmed her.
She crawled into the ferns, right in amungst the weeds, the grass and the brush. It was damp here, but Filix didn't mind. She curled up to a fern's rough stem, the stem bumpy with little nobs. Each ring, Filix had discovered, meant a year. This fern was born in front of her window as a tiny green shoot that'd risen through the weeds and the other ferns, overcome all and had grown into a giant towering living thing. It was taller than her now.
The damp air filled her nostrils, as Filix breathed in and out slowly, and she tried to slow her thoughts.
Okay.
She knew she liked Aesculus, and Filix had no patience. She had none, and now the poor man was running for his life from the woman who'd make moves before anyone else.
And Winny was captured by the Moon Court, and Filix was worried about feelings?
She felt pretty bad, really. Filix stood up, picked up her sword and headed away from the garden and for the forest. Pappila was missing, so there probably was danger. Good! Let THAT distract Filix's mind away from her selfish worries for a bit.
Half way there, she stopped, sighed and turned around. Filix would probably see Neith soon, and she'd need to be strong for the rescue. She'd train in the forest later.
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Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 9:46 am
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Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 3:49 am
Neith-Kia Quote: Feb 18thDear Diary
It's really strange to be writing about something that happened a while ago, but I've been unable to know what to say. I don't even know now, but now that emotions have calmed slightly, I think I'm more able than before.
Firstly, Aesculus and I are courting. The only person I've told is Alces, who in return, told me that he and Muris were also doing the same thing. Without saying the word.
And we're not hiding it, I am just not as social these days. I'm sure it'll become common knowledge soon enough.
Aesculus met me in the gardens, and asked me for permission. Of course I said yes, how could I not? I'd been waiting for him to ask for so long, and patiently. I've never enjoyed being patient, I've always felt that I must be doing something. But for once, I was content to wait. It's a good sign.
Muris still isn't home, and I hope she's all right. She's a strong woman, I know, but torture can break the strongest of fey. They wouldn't do that to her, would they? I usually argue against separating women and men... but this is very different. Hopefully, she knows we haven't abandoned her. We'd never do that. I hope there are plans being formed, I'll take off in an instant to bring her back.
I've been thinking about Rosa. I know she didn't approve of Aesculus from the start, and I really hadn't thought about how she'd feel. Conceited and vain she may be, but Rosa is also my little sister. Hopefully, she'll forget her looks and her jealousy of him for a few moments when she finds out? And she should find out from me. Perhaps I'll write her a letter, Neith always said that letters were the best way to break bad news.
Speaking of Neith, she's been very distant. Her life in Gaia's been traumatic, she's lost a daughter and I think her grief is causing her to have blackouts and mood swings. Maybe I can see Ursa about something to help Neith, she seems rather upset? But the problem is catching Neith... She does come here still, but she never stays long.
I don't know. Something about Neith's current condition worries me.
So much to think about...
Well, I'll head off to the stables. Muris is gone, and I'm quite happy to help out. I remember watching her parents when we were children and playing secretly in the hay, and my poor boy seems bored now that Muris isn't around to talk to him. I think he had taken quite a liking to her.
-Filix
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 8:44 pm
Aesculus quietly approached the door and folded his note in half, then placed it carefully under the globe so that it would not easily be missed or lost. He could knock, but he'd rather have her caught completely surprised at a gift left outside her door.  Aesculus Dearest Filix, I hope you don't think too poorly of me giving you such a small token of my affection, but my wandering among the stores of Gaia has left me disillusioned. Nothing I found completely matched your beauty, and so I found this globe that mirrored to me the tranquil night on which I asked permission to court you. I hope this globe brings as fond of memories for you as it does me. Sincerely, Aesculus
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Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 10:04 am
It was probably one of the few moments in Filix's life that she'd felt like this. It wasn't even easy to explain, and the best Filix could do when she read the letter was to let out a very un-Filix girly giggle a few times, causing Filix to go bright red when she realised just how... how... girlish that sounded. But she wasn't too upset with the idea. Filix folded the note and tucked it into a little box with other treasures.
Then she picked up the globe and flopped onto the bed, staring into the globe intensely for a good long while. The rest of the world faded into an odd blur of nothingness, and only one subject dominated Filix's thoughts.
Over the past few days, Filix had dwelled on that night. It'd been replayed in her head so many times, that Filix was probably going to remember the details fifty years from that moment. And the feelings she was feeling now, it was nothing compared to what she'd ever felt before. For anyone.
And it seemed to tame a side of Filix that used to take over her life. She hadn't even picked up the sword for a good few days, and Filix wasn't as worried about vanity. True, she hadn't seen Rosa for a while and the memories of Rosa's worse side had faded to leave the good memories around. But the compliment about Filix's beauty, when might once have made her wonder if it was the best she had, now made Filix go bright red.
It even made her want to attempt to work a little harder on her looks...
"Rosa would have a heart attack." Filix said out loud, and laughed. That jolted her enough for her mind to start working again, and she stood up. Filix wanted to reply, but that meant thinking. At the moment, Filix's mind was too numb with emotion to really know how to respond.
And seeing as thinking usually was done best riding and taking care of Fera, it was time to head to the stables.
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