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 Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2004 12:48 pm
Graceangel Well.. here's the thing... if you find someone who is a Christian and has a similar doctrinal belief as you.... some say it doesn't matter... but doctrine can become quite an issue between people. it probably won't really show up while you're dating too much.. but say if you're relationship did go to the point of getting married... and all of a sudden, you are living with this person... and let me tell you all.. there is a entire world of differnece between just dating someone and living with them. i mean.. besides the sexual implications into a relationship.. it's true a lot of new married couples go through all kinds of a time trying to mesh their lives. up till then, they've been used to living their life how they wanted. When you are living together with someone else, you have to blend them. For some people, it's not so easy. Example, some people turn their alarm off right away.. whereas someone else might not like it turned off at all as that's the only way they can wake up. Some people go to sleep with music or tv, some need total darkness and quiet. Some people are ultra neat in their living space; some are total slobs... and the process of going through the merging of this can really take it's toll... and i know that people think.. well, i'm just dating htem. it's not like i'm gonna marry them.. well, you never know.. because when you're not looking for it is usually when you fall in love... and then head down the road of together foreverness.... that's probably why there are so many divorces. it's not that they don't love each other or have a good enough intimacy... but, they aren't able to find ways of mixing their every day habits and lives... and grow to despise each other's ways. I love hearing what you have to say! Alot of people don't quite get the things that you talk about and those people need to. Izsocool... whee heart domokun
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Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 9:59 am
Graceangel Well.. here's the thing... if you find someone who is a Christian and has a similar doctrinal belief as you.... some say it doesn't matter... but doctrine can become quite an issue between people. it probably won't really show up while you're dating too much.. but say if you're relationship did go to the point of getting married... and all of a sudden, you are living with this person... and let me tell you all.. there is a entire world of differnece between just dating someone and living with them. i mean.. besides the sexual implications into a relationship.. it's true a lot of new married couples go through all kinds of a time trying to mesh their lives. up till then, they've been used to living their life how they wanted. When you are living together with someone else, you have to blend them. For some people, it's not so easy. Example, some people turn their alarm off right away.. whereas someone else might not like it turned off at all as that's the only way they can wake up. Some people go to sleep with music or tv, some need total darkness and quiet. Some people are ultra neat in their living space; some are total slobs... and the process of going through the merging of this can really take it's toll... and i know that people think.. well, i'm just dating htem. it's not like i'm gonna marry them.. well, you never know.. because when you're not looking for it is usually when you fall in love... and then head down the road of together foreverness.... that's probably why there are so many divorces. it's not that they don't love each other or have a good enough intimacy... but, they aren't able to find ways of mixing their every day habits and lives... and grow to despise each other's ways. In my opinion, when dating you should be looking for a mate, not just a partner with benfits, which is becoming the trend for today. When you date for a permenant mate, you will choose people more suited for you, then when you choose someone for looks, wealth, etc. Some people who "fall in love" with the people that they hooked up with, just for looks especialy, are usually not really in a loving relationship. This phrase "falling in love" is mostly associated with lust. Loving someone is not just a feeling, but an action. The feeling is can be described as a warm fuzzy feeling similar to that felt with that of family members(that your on good terms with). The action, one of the most important parts that is not usually assiated with lust. By loving someone you are doing something for the other even at the expense of yourself. Lust is an intense craving that easily can lead to intense selfishness. Even though there is an intense bond from lust, if there is no love to keep in check that intense longing then it is selfishness that controls that bond, which becomes more of an addiction then love. Lets say a couple has a fight over the alarm clock. In a lustful/selfish relationship, parnter A may not want to allow the alarm clock be turned off quickly and refuses to change for parnter B, because they don't feel like doing anything they don't want to. If this trend continues, this will only further tension in the relationship, therefore possibly causing a break up in the future. A loving relationship in the same situation would instead try to come to an agreement which would involve compromise. In order to compromise you must be able to give up winning your side of the argument in some way, if it works out well the two can work something out that they can both agree with. Now these are extreme cases, but you can see the difference. In real life this usually a mix of love and lust, which makes life very complicated, but at the same time a perfect blend can make an intense and wonderful relationship. When you are in a relationship that you are not planning to stay long in, you act on the idea of, I can bail out at anytime, so when times get tough that is what you do. But, if you go into the relationship thinking, I might spend the rest of my life with this person, you are more likely to solve your differences and keep a loving, meaningful relationship. These are things you have to realize when geting involved in these relationships.
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Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 4:55 pm
Lithanus In my opinion, when dating you should be looking for a mate, not just a partner with benfits, which is becoming the trend for today.
Joseph was bout 25 when he married the 13/14 year old Marry. Marry had Jesus about around 13 to 14 years of age. At age 25, Joseph would be just get out on his own after studying under a master of building. Being a tekton, KJV has carpenter but Joseph built with stone as well, had a job to support a family and he traveled were he could find work. A beast like a donkey was not own by poor men.
One reason they married girls so young is because of the ablity to have more children. Children died at a very young age so you want as many as you can to carry one the family name. Problem is that many women died in given birth for different reasons, this was one reason why some men, who had money, had more then one wife.
There wasn't much in the form of dating at these time. The man like Joseph would work out a dealing with the father of the girl he has his eyes on. Mary was espouse or betrothed to Joseph which basically mean she was married to him, they just had not have the ceremony yet.
The whole idea of getting married becuase you love some is still a very young and new idea. Still many people live by the old way of finding a partner to support a family. Even poeple that study human behavoirs says this is our basic instint to find some one the have health children and a means to support them.
Even in countries where they still marry for other things then love has some of fewer devorice rates then America. They know a marriage or better yet a family, requires work on both parties. These people enter into the marriage with the same understanding. Problem with us, we get married becuase we think the person is sexy and expect love to hold it together and that it will be cloud nine forever. For some, it is becuase they can't see past the sex and find out after they are married what a jerk they married.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 5:25 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 7:11 pm
personally, i have a problem with dating. i personally find sex a hard issue to aviod and deal with. so i dont think dating would be good for me right now because i know that im not mature enough to handle it, so i discourage others from it. i think that dating should wait until you are seriously considering that person for marriage. dating is supposed to be getting to know someone intimately and if we are not even old enough to get married, then why should we be preparing ourselves for it. and we shouldnt consider someone neccisarily a good mate just because they "make love" in the right way, or they can sweet talk you, or they pay for your dinner once a week. i dont really think that teen dating is a good idea because it leads to too many "alone" situations and jazz even if you are not trying to head in that direction. instead of seeing how close to the line that God set for us, i think we should flee from evil, and yes, teen relationship that become too close are evil...
wink
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Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 6:38 pm
It's fine. You just have to be careful. You also need to be outspoken about your beliefs. My boyfriend now is a good bit older than me, but we're at about the same level (he's nine years older if you wanna know lol). Now. I assume the reason most are looking down on it is because of sex. You can still date, but you CANNOT be shy about it. In this day and age, you don't have that luxury. You have to let the other person know where you stand. That's not to say you need to blurt out "There's no way I'm going to bed with you." on the first date, but you need to talk to them at some point in those first few weeks of dating. Be polite. Be honest. But tell them. Most people will respect you for it. Most of them. The ones that don't...well...they're the reason I carry a flatsap wink . My boyfriend knows all about it and he respects it, my beliefs, and (most of all) me. If you're still at a point where you just don't think you could have a talk like that with someone. I'd say don't date just yet. Wait a while. For bringing it up, I always wear a TLW ring. It's a program we had at church a few years back. I've worn it on my "wedding ring finger" ever since. It's a fairly good looking ring. I have a picture of it here. It's a nice convo starter. People ask me why I wear it on that finger and I tell them. There's no reason to miss out on high school dating because you're worried about that. You -may- just find the person you're to spend the rest of your life with. Who knows. I know a lot of people that married from high school. Now, if you think dating is just for finding that one person to spend the rest of your life with, that's different. I myself believe that, but I know that I may miss the man God has intended for me if I dismiss men idly. It's just up to you. Whatever you do, you need to be careful when it comes to dating. Even when you're older these issues will still be there. Sex doesn't go away. Temptation will still be there. People will still try to take advantage of you. They may try to guilt you or force you into things you don't want. You just have to be willing to deal with that possibility and be very careful of who you date. I've got some links for TLW. http://www.stanford.edu/group/tlw/http://www.lifeway.com/tlw/News articles about it. http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?ID=17818http://www.christianpost.com/article/society/426/full/true.love.waits.offers.christian.abstinence.program/1.htmThe Jewelry for it if your church doesn't do TLW and you still want to. I've found several nice-looking things on these sites smile . I'd just rather wear the one I got at the ceremony.http://www.scripturejewelry.com/ChastityRingThumbs.htmlhttp://www.factory79.com/catalog.php?category=True Love Waitshttp://www.bobsiemon.com/truelovewaitsThis is the Catholic one. I know this is a Christian guild, but we serve the same God. http://www.nfcym.org/v3/programs/tlw.html(Woah...long post. I just thought the links might be helpful smile .)
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Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 8:15 am
Here's what I'd say just off the top of my head. Unless you're really, really, really certain that you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy/girl, I would avoid dating, just because it could lead to bad places while never taking you to any of the good ones... if that makes any sense. I think it may be a good idea to hang out with that person and a few other people (sort of group dating, but not "dating" - just hanging out) to get to know him/her better. Keep up a strong friendship with the person, and see if it develops from there. I just think highschool isn't a good time for romantic relationships - I'm busy enough as it is (sure, I want to have a relationship with a girl, but I know it's not the best thing for me right now).
I hope that made sense...
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Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 4:06 pm
i agree with wat the above says heart
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 4:55 pm
Actually I have no problem with highschool dating. Though I have been single for a while and I am in highschool myself, I see dating as an opportunity. Not saying that someone should just go out and date the first person that asks them. I agree that it is best to become good friends and get to know them better that way. Then if it progresses from there then date them. That way you know them and can tell if they could be your type. I don't see much harm coming from highschool dating. It can give some experience. It can also be seen as a way of figuring out what you really want in a spouse. It helps to narrow the search a bit. Now when it comes to ages I believe that anything younger than 16 is too young. I'm not gonna let my kids single date till they are 17 at least. 16 can be when they are with friends like a double date.
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Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 1:49 pm
^ Yah, makes sense. It probably isn't for me, though.
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 3:22 am
once again im not a member of your guild but here is my opinion
i guess maybe im a rare case but im wedded to my high school boyfriend! and we have a beautiful little girl named Trinity together so i say it can work but it depend's how serios about it you are or wether your just thinking with what's under your clothing!
plus have any of you ever looked at how young The Vergin Mary was?
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 9:29 pm
of corse you all so relize you can date without haveing sex! so as long as you stick to that i see no harm!
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 2:59 pm
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
-Song of Solomon 2:7 (also repeated in 3:5 and 8:4)
You should not date someone you do not plan to marry. It's not wise to date in highschool if you are not mature and independant.
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 3:04 pm
sweatdrop If you don't date how will you know if they are the one you want to marry?
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 3:15 pm
if you are a 19 yr old chick and you just got a car, you're taking a few classes and hoping to travel the world and are by no means planning to get hitched for a couple of years then you should not be going out to the movies and to parties with several guys... otherwise you are asking for trouble.
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