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Guilt struck her like an ice lance to the chest, the coldness of it spreading throughout her with how dismissive he was after asking her to be honest with her answer. There was a wall between then of his own making, she could feel it the moment he simply said ‘Thank you’.

Marissa shook her head; “No.” he may be done talking about it but she wasn’t. “We’re not finished with this one yet. Tell me what’s on your mind.” There was no bite in her demand or irritation, concern perhaps but there was no need for him to be gentle about it either.

“Call me nieve, or a fool, I don’t care. But say something, please.”

“First off your opinions do matter, so stop that.” Apart of her wanted to hit him in the shoulder, or n** at his ear if only her weren’t glamoured, for being so irritatingly self-loathing. This was not the Wolframite, or Winter, she was used to seeing. He had been strongwilled and passionate about his opinions to the point that this demeanor just felt wrong.

“You’re right, I have no way out.” For five months I’ve been looking and still nothing. The last part went unsaid as she didn’t want to let on that she hadn’t quite given up yet despite her willingness to learn to accept who she was becoming and reconcile with her youma half. Some day, perhaps sooner than she’d like, hopes of achieving a normal life would become nothing more than a distant yearning of a forgotten memory. The salty winds that swept over the sandy shores were often strong and unfortunately the little candle of light of hope she held onto could only hold out for so long.

“It’s not a matter of ‘if’ but rather ‘when’ those things happen, I’ll deal with them then. Otherwise, if I worry about them now, I can’t enjoy my life as is.” Assuming you could say she felt any joy about her circumstances, but she was at least learning to have a bit of fun with it; kind of anyway.

Marissa’s heart ached at the thought of her descent being because of one of them, but she felt no desire to give voice to that worry, not right now. She was under no illusion that she could simply hold their hand, or paw, forever. The day will come when she would have to let go and learn to survive on her own.

“So here’s the question for you.” She paused for a moment, in part to prepare herself for the answer to come. “If I do fall apart, or lose myself… Will you be there to help me as you did after our spar? Or will you walk away because of my weakness?” Would he help bring her back into focus or leave her to wither away?

When he moved forward into her space closing that small gap she had allowed between them until they were nearly toe-to-toe, Marissa remained unafraid and stood her ground.

“Need I remind you that you’ve already pushed me past a breaking point.” She turned her head to the path they had come from to make sure none had followed before dropping her glamour. It was a dangerous thing to do but she didn’t care right now if it would make him pissed. He could reprimand her later, but right now she had a point to make and this was the only way she knew how to get it through to him.

Laven covered her chest with one webbed clawed hand and with the other slid the strap off her shoulder so he could see where her scales had already started to grow back, a lighter hue than the others around them but a scar nonetheless. She looked at him squarely in the eyes as she curled her fingers around his wrist and placed his hand atop the bite mark he had given her.

“You did this.” Her pupils fluctuated now that the youma in her was no longer suppressed by the glamour. “You even admitted that you took it too far and regardless of your intent, some might see this as unforgivable. Maybe it’s just that you might not be able to forgive yourself for it; but I can!”

“I don’t know what happened in your past that has you so worried, it’s not my place to pry, but you can’t project what happened then onto to me because I’m not them. Yes, I wanted to run away but I’m still here and a part of that is because you wouldn’t let me escape.“ Had she woken up in her own room or the infirmary instead it was likely she would not have had the courage to confront him again; perhaps even asked for a room change if only to get some distance between them. But that was not the case, because he didn’t leave neither could she.

“You may have been the one to knock me down but you were also the one to help me back up. So, if there ever comes a day that you trust me enough to tell me then I’ll listen but until that time comes I’m not going anywhere.” For as uncertain as she had been in her feelings earlier, Lavendulan felt very sure of herself now.

“If you’re the one that chases me into the woods then you better not stop following. Because the moment you give up will be the moment I’ll truly be lost.” Lavendulan released her hold on his wrist then, with some effort, donned the glamour again.

“Alright? Marissa couldn’t help but feel inexplicably disappointed by his almost distant reply. “Just… Alright?”

Her heart sank as she watched him withdraw further into himself. Winter was sinking right before her eyes, drowning in his own insecurities, sinking further into that dark place where light could not reach.

“Ok,” she said quietly as if she were considering not pressing him further.

He said he would find her if she was lost, chased in the woods even if by his own inner demon. I guess it’s a good thing I know how to swim. Now was about as good a time as any to allow her youma nature to frolic and play, to have some fun while his guard was down.

Without dropping her glamour she smiled softly, head tilting to the side ever slightly her gaze remained focused on his. Winter’s hand moved away slowly but she was not ready to break contact just yet. “You know what I think?” There was an almost purr in her voice as her hands fanned out against his chest.

The cotton fabric felt warm beneath her fingertips and she leaned in. She moved her foot between his, hooking the toe of her shoes behind Winter's ankle and gave him a push.

Marissa shifted on top of him but made no move to get up. Her knee was definitely bruised from being brought down with him but in all honesty, she really couldn’t bring herself to care.

“Misery loves company, or so they say, but I’m not here to join that party.” Her youma side stirred, pleased that it was finally able to tease him the way it practically begged to earlier. Icy currents stirred as she looked down into the darkening heart of the forest and she did not feel cowed by the bite in his voice.

Rather, she moved her face to the side so their eyes were level and whispered in his ear, “I think I should just get it over with and bite you back. That way we can call it even and you can stop feeling sorry for what happened so we can move on.” Swept away by the raging rapids, Marissa had lost the reigns to her youma desire. All she could do now was wait for the waters to calm or for them to throw her off the edge of a waterfall onto the shallow rocks beneath it.

“What are your thoughts on that?” A questioning “Hmmm?” reverberated in her chest as she nuzzled the side of his face almost affectionately before turning her head to n** playfully at his sweater right where he had bitten her.

Marissa winced at the sharp reminder of who was in control; not that she offered any resistance when he, in turn, flipped her on her back. But while the n** wasn’t hard enough to make her ear bleed it would no doubt be bruised in the morning and uncomfortable to sleep on when she went to bed later this evening.

You’re awfully cocky for someone who got knocked on their a** not once but twice. She smirked inwardly but kept that thought to herself.

With his full weight on top of her, it made it a bit difficult to breathe but at least he didn’t knock the air from her lungs or take this lesson a step further and try choking as she had done to him. He was irritated but Marissa accepted it knowing full well that she deserved his ire and so, rather than struggle or drop her glamour to use her magic and get free, Marissa simply relaxed.

“There you are,” She spoke quietly, a satisfied smile upon her lips she lifted her arm to comb lithe fingers through his inky black hair. Not as soft as his fur but she still quite liked the texture of it. “Welcome back, I thought I lost you.” For Winter had withdrawn so far into himself that she had lost sight of the man, or rather half-youma, she had come here with.

There were so many things that she could have said but kept them to herself instead. He had already been ran through the wringer a few times already, no reason to push him any further than she already had.

“I can get it later on my own time, why don’t we go get some ice cream or a crepe then head back?” As they made their way back down the path they had traveled Marissa slowed down just enough to fall a step behind him. While he had been kind enough to pull the leaf from her hair she, in turn, brushed the trail debris off the back of his hoodie. Small rocks and pine needles fell freely but there were a few dirt smudges that wouldn’t come off.

“When we get back to the barracks, why don’t you give me this,” She tugged his sleeve gently. “I’ll get it washed for you since it’s my fault it got dirty.”

Glad that the awkwardness had seemed to subside Marissa fell into step beside him, easily matching his step stride for stride. “Now who’s getting comfortable quickly?” She jested with a friendly nudge of her own.

There was a genuine smile on her face when she glanced over at him. “Thank you for asking me to come here with you,” She said with a sincerity that left little room to doubt her words.

Sure they had a few hiccups but that’s to be expected as they continued to learn more about each other. Not every day would be full of happy moments or good memories. There would be pain no doubt from future sparings, heartache on her part from miss communications, but more importantly he had warned her of moments where she may want to run away from duty, obligation and even him. However, as long as he kept his word, she had no doubt that one way or another they’d pull through and be better for it in the end.

Only time would tell, but for now she much preferred to live in the moment rather than worry about such things, at least not now anyway. Especially when those moments included spending time with a friend enjoying ice cream on a beautiful Fall day.