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 Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 5:26 pm
Stop...
Stop what? Should he stop? Or was it a voice in his head? He wasn't sure -- and he wasn't sure how to help. The question seemed to bring his mind off of the topic, but he was out of them, now. There was nothing left that he really wanted to talk about... he didn't really care much about the renegades. In the past, the only association he'd gotten from them was negative feedback from the humans around him - often putting him at great risk whenever they pulled a stunt near by.
"Oh... I guess there isn't really a lot of us, is there." He blinked, now just making statements.. What now, what now...
You're so useless.
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 5:54 pm
Rasiel opened his eyes to look at Deskri, "I don't-... I'm not sure." he forced the reply. He honestly did know how many more Metas were out there, but from what he could tell, there certainly wasn't as many as there used to be. But essentially, that could be fixed as Delilah was going to help him create more Metas again like his mother did. Well, whenever she calmed down over being mad at him, or decided to tolerate him for the while.
Then it was silent, the questions had seemed to stop.
There's no more distractions.
Rasiel's eyes were stern as he thought against the voice in his mind.
You can't keep ignoring me forever. You'll eventually comply.
'Leave me alone.'
The voice laughed as it continued to chatter on annoyingly. It was starting to irritate him as it prodded at him to see things for more than what they were.
Your instincts can't resist Deskri, you know.
'Yes they can. I'm not ruled by sex like you are.'
Are you sure of that, Rasiel? Are you?
He rolled onto his back away from Deskri but still beside him as he pulled his arm up over his eyes as he buried his face into the crook of his elbow and sighed. The voice was right, if he stayed too close to Deskri, he was scared he might break his word to stay is safe areas. A fact that he was ashamed and angered over. Had he really lost his self-control so much that he couldn't handle even this. He thought himself pretty pathetic as he closed his eyes under his arm, trying to keep calm, trying to stay in control.
You'll give into me. You always do.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 6:06 pm
"It didn't seem like there were a lot before..." He sighed softly, finally getting to a point where he might be comfortable again and then-- Rasiel pulled away. He emitted a soft sound of protest- the temperature difference was not one he enjoyed. To make up for it, he pulled the blanket up a little more, tucking himself in as he looked over at Rasiel.
"What's wrong..?"
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 6:17 pm
"I just.. I don't want to hurt you..." he blurted out, then thought over his words, "I mean, I don't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable.. I guess." he attempted to clarify. He was struggling, battling against the voice in his mind for control of his thoughts. It was urging him to do all sorts of things, and it would not seem to let up. It was frustrating that all he could do was listen to it babble on like it knew him.
"...the voice is just... loud." he muttered softly. He was trying. Everything had been going so well it seemed and he was scared of ruining it after all the progress they were making. He just remained on his back, eyes covered as he concentrated.
You know, this kind of feels like when you wear the mask.
You could easily just hide from your feelings.
Become Rhun again.
Just run and hide from it all.
Rasiel groaned lightly in annoyance. "...i wish it would just stop talking..."
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 6:28 pm
He furrowed his brows, thinking.. what did he mean by that...? It took him a moment, but once he figured it out he frowned deeply - not fully understanding his reasoning for it. "Why is that on your mind?" It probably sounded a lot harsher than he'd meant it, but he was honestly taken aback that he could even think of something like that at this moment. After he'd been clear about how uncomfortable he was - after they'd both just disclosed certain statuses...
He needed to know why. He just...hadn't been sure how to ask without sounding at least somewhat accusatory.
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 6:43 pm
Deskri was upset. Why was he thinking about that? His own guilt for saying anything causing his anger to ignite slowly. He took in a deep breath quickly as he clenched his teeth hard, his body already tensing.
Yes, why are you thinking about it?
T e l l h i m~
Rasiel was getting angry at himself fast. This was not what he intended. But he couldn't take it back now, and it wasn't like he wasn't actually thinking about it. He was mad that he had to listen to this stupid voice, the one that mocked him, the one sounded like HER. He sat up, not giving an answer, he couldn't. His emotions were quickly getting out of control as his mouth refused to give out the answer and his mind refused to give him a good response anyway.
This is what you've become.
What I've made you.
Just like me...
He buried his face into his hands angrily, trying to find any solution to releasing his angry that was welling up within him, at this rate his mind would race and he'd completely lose control. He didn't want to scare Deskri. Not again.
Just let it happen. Submit to your anger.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 7:15 pm
He watched, not sure if he was alright with where this was going, but it wasn't like he was able to do anything about it. Rasiel seemed troubled, very troubled - like something was digging at him... the realization hit him like a tonne of bricks. He frowned deeply, shifting to free an arm from his blanket safe-haven. He reached out, and gently placed a hand on his side.
"Rasiel. Look at me." He spoke quietly, guarding his tone much more carefully now that he knew what was going on.
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 7:46 pm
Rasiel was tense, he was desperately trying to hold back the anger that threatened to break through his thoughts into the forefront. He bit down on his lip again, about to break skin easily if he continued.
He felt a hand against his side as he began to tremble with anger. He was scared, he didn't want to lash out again. The voice continued to prod at him, knowing it was about to break him and it was more than eager to see the wreckage as it happened before it's eyes.
You can't stop yourself from thinking about it. Because I make you think about it.
You are my slave.
Soon your play time will be over.
And I will c o m e f o r y o u ~
Rasiel heard another voice. Who's was that? He jolted a bit as he lifted his head to look at Deskri again, trying to get his bearings, the fury still burning deep within him.
You always do what you're told.
What a good slave.
He was breathing heavy, his eyes heated as he focused on Deskri. "Make her stop!!!" he howled, his fists clenched so tightly his knuckles were white. He was truly fighting off her words the best he could, "Just make her stop!!!" he screamed again, shaking so violently as he refused to move.
Lose control.
It's so easy.
Let him see what you've really become.
A creature so hungry he can't even tell friend from foe.
"Obscurite.. stop.. please.." he was begging to himself as he wrapped his arms around himself, almost like he was trying to physically contain his wrath. As if it helped.
Do it.
".. no. I won't. Leave me alone."
Rasiel~
"Stop talking.. Just stop talking!!"
I command you. Take Deskri. NOW
"I don't take orders from you anymore! You're not here!!! LEAVE!!!" he was digging his nails into his arms pretty hard now as blood began to stain his shirt, the pain from it helping subside his anger. Self-destruction always helped, even though it had not been intentional this time. He was still breathing hard, shivering from the aftermath.
You will regret this.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 7:52 pm
He pushed himself up, only removing his hand for a brief moment. It terrified him to see Rasiel like this, barely keeping himself together -- barely containing the urge to lash out. Still, he couldn't just leave him like this. Pushing his own fears aside, he forced himself to stop holding back. Rasiel needed him- he couldn't sit by idly and watch him suffer.
"Rasiel, please..." He reached out, gently placing a hand over one of Rasiel's own, then slowly - ever so slowly - scooted himself across the bed to wrap his arms around him gently. It would probably backfire - he'd probably suffer a good deal of damage for this... but he couldn't just let him be - not like this... not when he was suffering so badly.
"It's okay... just listen to me... ...she's not here... ...i'm here..."
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 8:16 pm
Rasiel was staring off nowhere at all, all his focus on fighting off the echoes of Obscurite in his mind which did such a good job in her stead to effectively torment him. Like a feral animal, ready to lash out at any moment, his heartbeat raced. Where was he? Was he in her house again? Was she coming? He was really going to get it for fighting her went she got there.
He felt something touch his hand as his arm jerked slightly, his whole body tensing further. This was it, he'd be at the hands of her wrath for the remainder of the evening, he was sure of it. They were getting closer, his breath was quickening in panic, anticipating the pain that was soon to come, closing his eyes tightly, biting through his lip as it began to bleed a bit.
Then he heard a voice. This wasn't her voice. No, someone else. Someone... familiar. It was soft, reassuring him. It took a moment to take it in, the command was clear, Listen to me. He complied. He always did.
'..she's not... here' he followed along in his head. His mind was quiet, it could not compete with Deskri's so it remained silent.
"..wh-who's..." he opened his eyes slowly and turned to look at Deskri, his body relaxing more as he was finally realizing where he was. Who he was with. How did this happen. "Did I... lose control?" his voice was small, almost as though he was still talking to himself. He was trying to remind himself of how he got here. They were... talking. About what?
His eyes widened a bit as he realized what set him off, what ignited the flame, what Obscurite had latched onto to jab at him as hard as she could until he broke. "...deskri... I... I wasn't going to.... I wasn't..... it was her..." he stammered out words, trying to put out a coherent sentence to try to explain. To answer his earlier question. Before he started losing control.
Rasiel sighed, he felt horrible that not only did he accidentally insinuate that he was going to try to do something to Deskri, but that he'd gotten so worked up over the accusation that he could have lost complete control and scared Deskri, or even hurt him. He dare not even touch his self-loathing at that point in fear of having another fit, only remaining silent as he lowered his head slightly, letting his black hair fall into his face to cover his own shame.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 8:24 pm
He was so scared, so terrified... He held on gently, just praying to whatever deity may or may not exist that he didn't lash out - didn't hurt him... He seemed to be coming out of it a moment later, voice quiet, as if he'd been recently beaten and was terrified of another attack coming. It tore him up, heart aching as it felt like it might shatter into a million pieces. It seemed that Obscurite had been more hands-on than Kagyaku had, and he wasn't sure how to handle that.
"It's okay..." He murmured against his shoulder, one hand gently petting his back, away from the scars of wings that had been removed. He refused to think on what he meant - I wasn't going to... - he couldn't bear to think about it. Didn't want to think about it. Something told him that if he did, he'd regret it.
"You didn't lose control... it's okay... you didn't hurt me..." Scared him a little, yes, but not hurt... he could handle the fear at this point - he'd been allowed to be calm for long enough.
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 8:48 pm
Rasiel felt his hands on his back, his voice was reassuring. Though his eyes looked so very tired, distressed from all that had happened. He felt a wave of relief hit him as Deskri told him that he didn't lose control, and further more that he didn't hurt him. He would have been ecstatic had he not been so close to losing it anyway. The commands were always so hard to ignore, he'd gone so long obeying them that he didn't even feel like he could stop himself from complying. An effect that Obscurite had purposefully managed to embed in him.
"..I'm glad." he managed to say softly. He could taste blood and his arm hurt. He didn't feel like he had won against his anger. Only managed to keep it contained long enough to direct his wrath upon himself.
"I'm sorry..." he stared down at the blankets, hair still in his face.
"I think... her voice is gone.... for now." he disclosed, trying to keep Deskri informed.
"We... can lay down... she'll be quiet long enough... that-.." he was trying to find the best way to say it, that it would be okay now. That he wasn't going to do anything. That she wasn't going to bring it up or command his to do anything. He sighed, "...nevermind..".
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 8:55 pm
He sighed softly, relieved that he seemed to be calming down... He wasn't really sure what to do now - any questions he had wouldn't be safe to ask... wouldn't be safe to learn the answers to.. Eventually he released him, sitting upright, though he kept his eyes on Rasiel. "It's okay." He nodded a little, this time actually meaning it. He scooted back into place, and then laid down again, burrowing under the blankets. "I... I think I want to try to go to sleep...." He yawned a little, rubbing at his eyes. "It--... it's okay if you don't want to... I'm just... so tired..."
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 9:43 pm
He was glad that things were winding back down, and that Deskri didn't get offended by the insinuation this time. He nodded, acknowledging Deskri's want to sleep. Rasiel contemplated joining him. He could always just lay there quietly while Deskri slept, comforting him. Or he could actually try to sleep.
He decided on the former, sighing lightly as he laid down next to him. Wrapping his arms over his shoulders again like he had before. "It's safe to sleep.... I'll be here when you wake up..." he spoke softly. He felt bad that Deskri had to see him at his worst. This relationship was volatile at best, but he was determined not to give up. He was sure of his love for Deskri. Nothing could change that. He would gladly do anything he told him to, even if it ended up hurting him. He didn't care.
He laid there, eyes open and staring off to nothing as his breathing slowed and his heartbeat became tranquil, as though he had actually fallen asleep, but he continued to focus elsewhere.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 11:17 am
"Okay..." He was, admittedly, a little disappointed that Rasiel wouldn't be joining him but he had said that it was okay. He nestled himself in, pressed up against Rasiel as close as he could manage without feeling too uncomfortable. He focused his attention on the sound of Rasiel breathing, allowing his consciousness to get wrapped up in it - to only hear that one thing until finally... finally he drifted off. His own breathing leveled out, slow and deep, the most relaxed he'd felt in years.
Perhaps things would go better now...
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