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 Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:27 am
Alex wasn't exactly a stranger to deflecting with humor, so he wasn't going to pick on Hitch for it. Being targeted, threatened ole that by a Negaverse General? The thought was terrifying. There was no way he would ever want to be on the other end of it. Especially not one like Cinnabar.
"No, she's not." It wasn't reassuring, but better he knew how screwed he was. "She made her promotion by leading a team to drag back some poor sucker of a Knight who'd purified." Which might even explain some of his reluctance to pursue it. It could all be undone at the hands of one sufficiently dedicated, sufficiently pissed General. And he was pretty sure Schörl would never let him go completely.
He considered Hitch's second point, turning it over carefully in his head. Sure, he was subjecting himself to breaking further under Metallia's will - but what did it matter, in the end? "I've already seen the worst it can make me. That's not something I'm scared of. Well alright, it is, I'm ******** terrified - but there are people who have promised to help make sure I don't fall that far. Other officers, I mean." He had fallen into the abyss. There was no way he was falling back.
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 2:11 am
"Oh. Well that's just ********' peachy then, ain't it?" he droned dryly, and yup, it was totally time for another cigarette then. All the ******** demon women in the world (god don't tell him there were more like her), and he just had to piss off that one. "Can't wait until I ********' level up or ********' whatever - when I hit eternal, just you ********' wait, I'll take that b***h right outta commission."
That day was a long way away though, with his ******** luck. And what he'd do until then... good ******** question. Run in packs. Hope for the best. What else could he really do?
"You don't know that, " and what did Hitch know, really? He didn't know a damn thing about a messed up future dream. But he did know, "Whatever you think's the worst, there can always be worse, an' - besides that, like, wouldn't it be better to just remove yourself from the damn situation an' not take stupid a** chances? - the sooner you drop this shitstick, the less likely your duty ******** over another person. Not to mention, uh, reason three - "
He tapped his forehead. "I wouldn't usually ********' say this, but. If you're so ********' miserable right now, honestly, is a little memory loss really gonna kill you?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 2:17 am
"No, dude, I promise, it literally does not get worse than broken-porcelain-doll-container-for-Metallia's-will." Alex said, and his tone was entirely serious - there was no room to interpret him as exaggerating. "Sure, I could get out, but when I've already seen the worst hole I can fall in? Everything else really doesn't seem so bad." It was a bizarrely optimistic outlook, compared to everything else.
It was an excuse to avoid continuing to push to purify.
"And the memory loss would he a blessing. I used to worry about it, but my reason for worrying is gone, so..." He waved a hand. "You're right, it wouldn't be all that terrible." He could handle forgetting. He wanted to forget - all of it, everything. He didn't want to be Alex or Kerberos, all things considered. Both of them kind of sucked.
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 2:33 am
Hitch stared at him. He stared at him really, really hard, for a long time, kind of idly stroking his chin, dark eyes thoughtful, pursuing the unlit cigarettes between his lips.
Finally, he waved Alex off with a snort. "Y'know what? Don't think I even wanna know." ******** weird a** magic s**t needed to stop getting increasingly ******** weird for five minutes of his life.
"Anyway, okay. Two. We're up to two then, " he held up three fingers though, because, "Reason three. I'm totally willing to let the whole kiss thing go, 'cause things, " like he was out of the damn closet now, thanks Tolliver, "An' you're just lucky my damn wallet wasn't with me, but - see, here's the thing. I'd totally be cool with being friends (if you'd wanna be), an' I'm sure lots of other people would also ********' get over it an' wanna be your friend too - an' I'm not totally ********' terrible or anythin' so you should definitely want easy access to my hugs an' s**t - I'd try an' help you get settled or whatever - but - "
His eyes darkened. "I can't help you if you ********' choose this. Not just 'cause you're puttin' me in danger, or my - friends, " one, Tolliver Tolliver Tolliver, "But I can't ********' be friends with someone that goes around hefting energy orbs. I got drained twice before you. I nearly ********' got blown up or digested by ********' train stomach juice. I got no love in my heart for you ********' people. I can't ********' respect someone that would choose that when they can walk away, when they know better. If it can't get any worse than whatever the ******** the doll bullshit was, then seriously, why the ******** are we even havin' this conversation?"
He looked vaguely unsure as his shoulders sunk, because 'being friends' with someone like him didn't seem like much of a good reason to do anything. But he'd tried, and he grunted in a non-committal way as he lit up his cigarette.
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 10:48 am
Alwx nodded amiably. "You don't. It's a really long story anyway," he said, and now wasn't the time for "my future is just as shitty as my past and I don't think I can change it because I don't know where it went wrong." Plus, if Eurydike was like Aegir, and hadn't seen any of it...it was hard to convey the impact. So he just let it go, because pressing that particular issue didn't lead anywhere pretty.
And besides, it was pretty easy to tell how Reason Number Three was affecting him. It was something he'd thought about a lot - that eventually all the people who had reached out to him would turn on him eventually because they would have to realize he couldn't be saved. That he'd fallen too far, was really a monster underneath it regardless of the Negaverse's influence - but it still made him shrink in, thinking about it.
"You wouldn't be the only one," he said. "And I mean, I wouldn't blame you either, or anyone else, I know it's terrible but I can't...I mean, even if I get out, what if they just drag me back? And then it'll be even worse," because he would probably be leashed to a handler, treated like a traitor rather than even the slight bits of latitude he got now. It was so easy to see it as bleak as hopeless - that even out didn't mean out, it just meant target.
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 3:21 pm
"Okay, " Hitch arched a brow and reached out to lightly punch Alex's shoulder. "If we're doin' s**t fatally like that, what if I'm walkin' down the street tomorrow, Cinnabar sees me, follows me, kills everyone I love an' then me just like she promised?" He took a nice long drag of his cigarette and forced a laugh. "What if's are a b***h. But you can't let your life be ruled by 'em, an' you've sure as hell got more support than me, I promise."
He paused, and then quickly added, "I'm not trying to say my s**t stinks more than yours or nothin' - just - what if's just depress the s**t outta me an' weigh me down when I oughta be ********' movin'. What if's make more mistakes than the outcome sometimes. Y'know? Have a little faith in the people that care."
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:31 pm
Alex frowned, and reached up to rub his arm. "It's not...!" He shook his head, and felt a settling guilt, because it sort of was that simple. Part of him knew he was overthinking it, but it didn't stop him from being afraid.
And he was terrified, he knew that much. He'd been afraid for a long time, even before things had started to fall apart.
"What ifs are important. What ifs mean you're thinking about the future. I didn't think about consequences enough, now look where I am." He shook his head. "I have to think about what might happen - and it's not the same, anyway. All I have to do to prevent all these terrible possibilities is just...not purify."
He curled up, again, knees against his chest. "I'm scared." He confessed, like it wasn't obvious. "I'm scared of the Negaverse, I'm scared that if I ask a Royal to help me they'll turn me away..."
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 12:55 am
Hitch hated that his base instinct when another man touched him was still a flinch - it was subtle, but he was hyper aware of it. Even with Tolliver, in his darker moments, once in awhile he still did it. He hoped Alex didn't notice, shaking it off with a laugh and a nudge of his elbow. "You keep tellin' yourself that."
He drew his knees up, then, slinging an arm over them, leaning back to rest on his other hand as he drew a long, slow breath, cigarette dangling from the corner of his lips. "Look, my situation's really not like your's at all - an' I ain't about to get into it - but I sorta get it. Goin' with the flow ******** me over. What if's ******** me over too." Again, though, they still were - both of them - he still didn't know how to do what and when. But he wasn't going to say that. There was nothing comforting in hearing Hitch admit he didn't have a ******** idea what he was doing.
He leaned forward again and casually flung an arm around Alex's shoulders. "At least you finally ********' admitted you're scared. That's the first time you ********' did, you stubborn a**." One to talk, he ******** was. "But see, here's the thing. You got friends already. I'm gonna get stronger too." He had to. "So anyone ********' gives you a hard time for tryin' to do right by you, royal or negaverse or ********' whatever - gimme a call an' I'll come ******** kick their a** for you."
His grin softened a little, less cocky and playful then. "Just... do yourself a favor an' talk to your friend? Can you do that for me?"
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 1:35 am
Alex did notice the flinch, but it wasn't hard to write it off. This wasn't exactly an ideal situation, anyway. He withdrew his hand easily enough, wrapping both arms back around his knees.
Hitch made it sound so easy. So appealing. All he had to do was trust, apparently, and if he did, it would all work out. God, how tempting it was to just accept the offer. To let himself believe that everything could be okay, if he just...stepped into the light.
And oddly enough, it was comforting to hear Hitch say he didn't know what the hell he was doing either. It wasn't just magic that was tripping Alwx up, after all. It was his own self-doubt. And maybe if he could push past that...
"I'll talk to her," he said. "She...I dunno. Maybe she can make this a little easier, or something. Maybe she knows somebody." Maybe if Hvergelmir Knight of Cosmos put in a good word for him, whatever Royal she wrangled wouldn't realize he was worthless.
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 1:46 am
Hitch pursed his lips as Alex withdrew his hand, and although nothing else in his face changed besides a slight furrowing of his brows, he was left sputtering under a wave of guilt that almost left him reeling. Alex was in a bad place, needing help, and he just -<******** him. ******** him and his ******** inability to do the right ******** thing at any given time.
"Do it. Talk to her, " he insisted warmly, giving Alex's arm a reassuring squeeze and he flashed him a lopsided smile. "She's your friend. Can't hurt anymore then the s**t you already been through. - an' if you want - " Hitch fidgeted a little. "Look, if you're really gonna try, like - we should, I don't ********' know - figure somethin' out so I know what ********' happens to you? Keep in touch or whatever, if you want."
Because he really couldn't totally ******** blame Alex if he didn't.
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 2:02 am
Alex actually made an effort at a smile back - and it sat on his face easier than the grimness that had been more common of late. H was still curled up and small, and the smile didn't quite all the way reach his eyes - but it was something.
He would lose nothing by talking, he supposed, and it wasn't like he had to do it now - he could take a few days and gather his thoughts and then go to Hver ready to ask for help. Because he needed it. And if he was lucky, she would provide.
"I can, um - " Alex fiddled briefly with the back of his lip piercing with his tongue, considering. "I dunno, I know Knights can send letters to anyone - if I go through with it, I can ask Hver if I can send you a note?" It seemed like the best solution, if an awkward one. "Or um, I guess like, Muggle means of contact work too." The scheme he'd worked up with Aegir - notes and sometimes gifts taped to a bench - was a bit too complex here.
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 2:12 am
Hitch saw the smile, saw the effort - and kind of hated how much of himself he saw in it. No one else deserved to feel that way, to have to wear a smile like that. Especially not someone who seemed like a pretty ******** decent guy just trying to do the right thing.
He sucked in a sharp breath and suddenly the hand lifted from Alex's shoulder, only to land in his hair, ruffling it messily. "Cut the Harry Potter s**t, my boyfriend's practically a ********' Weasley as it is." He chuckled and clenched the cigarette between his teeth as he flashed Alex a toothy smile. "I don't get ********' knights at all, but yeah - magic notes are fine by me. Make her do the thing."
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 7:52 am
Alex made a noise of surprise, reaching up to bat playfully at Hitch's hand - and that was when the smile, and the little bit of a laugh that came with it, actually looked and sounded totally genuine.
"Hey, whoa, watch the hair, I put a lot of effort into that!" He said, but it came out more light and teasing and easy. The mention of a boyfriend had his eyebrows going up, and once again he wondered how much of Hitch's reluctance had been related to "creepy dude" and how much had been "closet case."
"Boyfriend? I'm glad you extricated yourself from Narnia since the last time we met, lovely place but the talking lion is judgemental as ******** class="quote">frayedflower
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 8:00 am
See, now this was more his ******** speed. Hitch snickered gruffly, ruffling his locks one more time and rolling some of the blue between his fingers. "I can ********' imagine - my ********' hair pisses me off already an' it ain't even that ********' long, " he snorted, making a face of displeasure as he shook his own head, bangs flopping messily into his eyes as they tended to do all on their own. "The knots you get must be a goddamn ********' nightmare."
Abruptly, he stopped short, his hand falling from Alex's head as he tilted his head to a side. " -- huh? The ******** do you mean? - an' what the ******** a talkin' lion got to do with anythin'? - is this like - code for somethin' or - no ********' lions are gonna shoot lasers at me are they?" Really, in this city, WAS ANYTHING NOT A ******** POSSIBILITY?
(This was from a boy who'd spent the greater part of his childhood with no TV that would've rather tackled other boys into the dirt or listened to the radio than put his nose in a book.)
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 8:21 am
Alex kept laughing,reaching up to par his hair as if that would do anything to put it back in place. (It wouldn't, really.) "The tangles are horrible, I am so glad the ridiculous floor-length magical corrupt Senshi hair handles itself or I would hack it off every time I powered up. Very pretty - terribly obnoxious." It was so easy to just let himself be happy, to laugh and joke and have fun as if this wasn't part of a terribly, horrifically serious situation.
Hitch's confusion made him raise an eyebrow, at first, but as soon as he realized how deep it went it was a desperate struggle for him not to collapse back into hopeless laughter because that would have been cruel and at Hitch's expense. "Oh, my god, no, The Chronicles of Narnia is a book series and a couple of movies, there's this magical place called Narnia that you get to through the back of a closet." He hoped his emphasis would make the joke just a little bit more clear. "The lion is like, the ruler of Narnia slash really lazy Jesus allegory."
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