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 Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 10:56 pm
"Scott.. " His friend's voice, just how soft and weak it was made the throbbing in his chest so much deeper, so much more painful that even if it were a terrible idea, he could not just let him suffer like such. Though a step was made away from him, Isha closed the space between them, feeling small when compared to the other's height. How could finally being honest with himself just make him hurt more?! Why did Scott have to respond in such a way? Why couldn't he get angry or beg him to stay or even just say silent. Why..?
"Why does it have to be indecisive..?" He whispered softly, reaching up to give Scott's cheek a little stroke, his own tears not stopping just yet. With each word his voice cracked a little more, and it took so much of the broken pieces inside of him to keep from gripping onto his beloved and never letting him go. It wasn't a point in time where he was to make the choices; he had been making them so long, so quickly that he just wanted his mind to rot, to finally relax and find a reason with someone else to remain the same.
"I believe so much in you Scott.. I believe in the honesty you show me, show your siblings.. I believe in the way that you smile and the way you get excited about what you are passionate about.. I believe in the timidness you show at times and how even the very thought of you makes me smile and think that if only for that moment, when you smile at me, when we laugh and joke around together that everything in this damned world would be alright. I want you to stop me, and I want you to hold me, to tell me that It's okay, that I should stay, that you would be happy to have me as yours, but I just.. I can't force you to say that. I can't just keep thinking to myself that everything is going to be okay anymore, can I? This world, this life, every second of existence seems to just.. To just be collapsing in on it self and you.. You are my last connection to it.. " A sleeve covered arm came up and rubbed away at the tears that seemed to be endless at this point. What use were they?
"I'm sorry.. I'm so damned sorry, Scott, to have put such a burden on you, To have ruined such a perfect night. I could have just kept quiet, and just faded away in your memory, but I just had to be like this.. It's all my fault, Please.. Please don't waste any tears on someone as.. As foolish as I am! I am a fool to have tried to place so much on someone who I could not have as my own.. And I am a fool to have left my emotions overtake me, to have violated your space in your own home.. I'm so sorry.. I'm so so sorry.. "
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Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 2:02 pm
Scott was never good at holding in his emotions and he was certain that his fear could be seen in his eyes when Isha drew close again, and while his body screamed at him to break away and reestablish the distance between them, he simply froze in place. What did Isha want from him?!
The stroke to his cheek didn't help and he tried to stop the shiver that passed down his spine before it completely consumed him, though the feat felt impossible. He grew stiff once more, biting his tongue and trying to hear his friend out. Yet, as terrified as he was, he couldn't ignore Isha's pain, and the guilt was becoming increasingly difficult to contain as he blinked back tears. He may not have understood a lot of it, but he understood enough to assume it was his fault. Maybe not Scott Erlea's fault, but Vespa, and the entirety of the Negaverse, and that was enough to verify in his mind that he was the reason Isha was leaving. He was the source of Isha's unhappiness. He knew what the solution would be, but his body refused to move. His mind refused to melt into the idea. His heart simply did not wish to open its door to Isha like that.
Scott knew that Isha loved him. LOVED him. And yet… even if it would have made his friend stay, Scott couldn't lie to him, nor to himself. He couldn't. His entire existence was already a lie and what was one more lie to throw into the pile when he sat on a throne of lies, but this was just one lie he couldn't tell.
Now Isha was crying and apologizing, and Scott simply had enough. In the brewing mix of emotions they were starting to bubble over, and why was it always anger that reached the spilled over first? He forced himself to take another step back, trying so hard not to yell but unable to hide the edge in his voice now. "Stop it. Stop apologizing. You can't help how you feel and I know that! But… sorry, but I just don't… look, you're just going back to India, so stop making it seem like anything else! I get it… I understand, your parents want to leave this stupid city because of all the violence and the 'wars' and I wish I could make you stay, but I can't. Even if I did love you, I… couldn't…"
'I can't protect you from the Negaverse. I can't protect you from me.'
He wanted to say that. He wanted to confess what he was, but for all of his anger and fury, somehow he just knew not to let that kind of information slip. Would that have salvaged the situation? Would it have made it worse? Scott wouldn't know, and he turned away from Isha, shaking his head and trying to hide his own tears as he pointed to the door. "Just… get going. Maybe if I shout and yell at you, it'll be easier for you to leave, so… get out. Go home. Get out of Destiny City, while you still can."Cooro Cooro We can see about wrapping this up soon. Now that my heart's broken into a million pieces…
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Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 7:39 pm
Though he asked for it, Isha still flinched at the sharpness that came with Scott's eventual response. Nothing more could be said from him.. If he were to lean in, to touch him, to take his hand or anything, his could just feel his skin start to burn. But the pain subsided faster than he had expected, leaving a simple dull throbbing. Still, it couldn't open his mouth anymore.. The relief that he felt for finally letting that off of his chest, of being able to tell his best friend.. Or ex best friend good bye and his true feelings and the boy actually understanding.
In silence he gathered his belongings, not that he would even need them anymore, keeping his eyes to himself and not allowing Scott to see his face, if he happened to look this way, because though his breathing regulated, he could no stop his tears.
Only moments passed as he scurried around to gather his belongings, and made his way towards the door. There wasn't any time to say goodbye to the kids who had showed him such a wonderful time this evening, just time to leave.
"I hope you don't think poorly of me.. I just.. Good bye, Scott.. Please stay safe.. And stay happy.. " The door quietly opened and closed behind him, and he began to walk down pavement, heading towards the first dumpster he could find. these things.. He wouldn't be needing them anymore. He couldn't take them with him either.. It all had to go. Everything had to be let go.
ChibiGingi Okity dokity~ We'll close in the next couple of posts! Or your next one if it sits right with you!
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Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:49 am
Time flowed differently now that his heart and his mind was racing. Despite the speed of his angry thoughts, he felt as though the rest of him was slowed down, as if his body was simply unable to keep up and thus tried to force the world around it to grind to a crawl to compensate. Despite the way his heart thrashed about in his chest, he appeared frozen on the outside, glaring at the floor as Isha moved around him, gathering his belongings and probably trying to avoid eye contact with him. It was for the best, Scott told himself.
If Isha hated him, that'd be for the best. He'd go back to India with his family, where it was safe from the Negaverse and this war. He'd think of Scott and hopefully think of only how much of a heartless jerk he was and that'd make it easier for him to cope with. It was a horrible thing to do, but it was all Scott could think to do. He didn't want Isha miserable in India… he was doing this for Isha's sake.
At least, that's what he kept telling himself. He was doing a poor job in convincing himself, because he, too, was crying, and now more than ever he tried to keep his back turned to Isha. He didn't want him to see him crying and try to comfort him, so he turned away and tried to wipe them away as stealthily as possible, catching little Paul poking his head out of the room at the end of the hallway and cursing beneath his breath and motioning him to scoot back to the room. The tired boy said nothing but disappeared behind the door again, letting Scott know that he'd have to explain this to him and the rest sooner than he'd like. Such was life!
Then Isha returned to the living room and time flowed correctly again, and despite himself, he looked over his shoulder and watched him leave. Someone was screaming at him to chase after him, but Scott couldn't bring himself to move. There came a tug to his pants and he looked down to see Paul's green eyes, wide and curious as he asked, "Why is Isha going home? Did his parents call? Did something go wrong? Scotty?"
"Yeah… something went wrong. Me… I went wrong." Scott said, wiping away the last of his tears and scooping Paul back into his arms to carry him off to bed. He tried so hard not to cry in front of Paul, but… it was just too hard. He messed up, big time...
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