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 Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:17 am
"Nah," she drew a sharp pained breath as she tried to turn to straighten her back. "Life is working well it's just... ... .. life... and I don't mean the division." She tried to laugh but it just really really hurt and resulted in a soft breathy hiss. "Damn man, you maimed me."
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:22 am
"You know I didn't." he said smugly. "This is just a couple of wee ******** scratches. You've had a hell of a lot worse." He did however lean off her enough for her to get relatively comfortable. "So if its no business then what is it? Pleasure?" He knew very little about what Rin did when she wasn't around him and he wasn't capable of keeping tabs on her all the time any longer. "Someone say something to you?" He found the idea of someone saying something that could impact Rin so heavily almost ludicrous, he was sure she had a thick skin.
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:27 am
"It would have been pleasure... had they not rejected me," Rin suggested cryptically with a sincere pout. She took the physical pain inflicted and used it to look emotionally pained in the same manner, even if the emotional in reality hurt far more...
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:33 am
"Someone ******** rejected you?!" his incredulousness was absolutely genuine, he couldn't imagine anyone on the entire island who would say no to any sort of proposition from Rin. Even he'd been entirely unable to say no on arrival at the island and his general attitude towards women was that of disdain, disgust and violence. "Who was it? They must be ******** in the head." he patted a boob. "Because there's nothing to reject here okay."
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:40 am
Rin wanted to laugh at the boob pat but knew she couldn't. Instead, she reached up to rake her fingers through Rep's hair, "I'd rather not hear 'I told you so' right now... it's the only thing that could make me feel any lower than I already do right now."
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:43 am
"Anything I told you like, I told you as advice at the time. I'm no going to say I told you so if I was right just, I dunno, hope you listen to me next time. I don't just say s**t for the sake of saying it." he leaned into her hand like a friendly dog. "Who was it? Because they have to be the queerest ******** on the whole island."
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:44 am
Rin sighed and set her jaw, "Melvin." She said with the straightest face ever.
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:54 am
Rep didn't even seem to skip a beat as Rin confirmed what had been a basic suspicion. Melvin hadn't even deemed fit to ******** tell him any of this, had just let him set himself on the line to try and cheer him up. He bet that was why the little s**t had been drinking, he'd missed out on one of the best women around. The anger was dark and bitter, that anyone could reduce Rin to this. He used her, they had used one another back at the start, but he hadn't left her broken, he still cared about her. Melvin hardly seemed to care about anyone, even his friends he didn't let anywhere near him and threw them insight like treats to a stupid pet.
"Melvin is probably ******** closeted if you ask me. Anyone who could say no has to be. That or maybe he's only ******** attracted to sweaters. He won't touch women and he sure as ******** won't touch men. Just ******** touching me before made him throw up." he set his lips in a thin line at just the memory of that, self conciousness surfacing. "He's not a nice ******** person." He considered him a friend, but he didn't consider him nice. "He's no worth feeling s**t about, he just doesn't care man."
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:58 am
"It's not just him," Rin ran her fingers along Rep's scalp with a distant frown. "It's a last straw. It's just. Any time I try. Why even try? What does it matter anymore?" She furrowed her brows, "It doesn't."
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 11:22 am
Rep gave Rin an odd look. "You can't just ******** give up. Life knocks you down, you get back up and kick life in the nuts." There was something oddly fearful and almost manic in his tone. There were some emotional and thought roads he just didn't go down. Giving up was one of them. There'd been a lot of times in his life when he could have given up, and as far as some people were concerned, should have. But he kept going because it was how he was. "Everything matters as long as you let it matter." His hair at least these days was clean and impeccably groomed, no thanks to his own efforts. "If someone as good and clever and beautiful as you gives up man, where does that leave people like me?"
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 11:40 am
"It doesn't leave you anywhere. You have people who care about you and look out for you and have your back... I mean, I'm not saying I don't appreciate you. I care about you deeply but you have your own life to live with your guys." She tugged Rep down by his hair, drawing them forehead to forehead if he allowed it. "As awesome as my achievements may be, I don't think think there is a pot of gold waiting at the end of my rainbow. The sooner I accept it the sooner I am better off."
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 12:00 pm
Rep didn't resist in the slightest as he was drawn forehead to forehead with Rin. "Naw man. I have people now, but for the longest, the longest ******** time man. It was just me. And it felt like you probably feel right now, like there'd never be any light, like there was nothing but black and hopelessness forever. " He didn't like talking about the negative, the low points in his life, they were a weakness and a vulnerability he liked to deny had ever existed. "I always see life like, like we are like, birds man. Sounds ******** gay, I know, but hear me out. We are like birds just flying in the night, and we can't stop, can't land, because things will kill and eat us. And we are just flying and hoping for that ******** moment where we find an open window and can fly into that lit room where theres joy and happiness and laughter and all the ******** things we want. And one day, we'll fly back out the other side into that night again. But its worth it for that unexpected ******** moment. Sometimes the windows are shut and we get hurt I guess. But you have to keep going, cause you won't see it coming but one day it will be there."
He expected her to laugh or at least wave off his comment as childish and a bit stupid, but it was what he earnestly believed with every inch of his being, and why he was so scared of losing the guys, losing Rin, losing everything he had.
"And like, I guess." he leaned back and looked away, unable to meet her gaze with the raw honesty of his words. "You guys are my lit room. I don't want you to give up on yours."
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 12:25 pm
"You think I didn't feel this way before coming here? My life may not have been as painful and dangerous as yours... but it was just as lonely and continues to be that way. It's still as lonely as it had always been. I don't know what to do anymore; I just don't see that light in the darkness. I'm at a point where I've realized it's not how I walk, not how I talk, not how I act or dress or do. It's just plain me. Something about me is just so innately..." Rin sniffed audibly as she felt wet warmth blurring her vision. "It's just so hard giving everything of myself time and again only for it to not be enough. To never be enough. People just take and take and take and then walk away the moment I ask for anything back. It's so easy for them to walk away when they never had to give anything. There was nothing for them to lose."
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 12:39 pm
"Naw man, I wasn't. I wasn't saying like your life was all sunshine and rainbows, and I wasn't saying my life was worse. My life was fine. I can't complain about the life I had man, there's people with a lot worse. But I know how you feel. I felt like that too. And I'm scared I guess. Because I don't know what to say to make you feel better, because words are just words when you can't see any light, when happiness feels like its not meant for you."
He reached out almost absently to wipe her eyes . "And I can say how I feel, that I want you, that you are important to me and all that. But those things are just selfish. Its all I realy know how to be. I have things. I want to keep those things. But I can't fix people, I can't pick them up. I try. I've tried a lot, and it just never works out."
"And aye. People just take. They always take and don't realise they are doing it. You can rip out your ******** heart and give it to some people, just in the ******** hope they'll give you a minute out of a day, and they'll turn their nose up at it and tell you it wasn't good enough or that you gave it too easily. And every time it feels like you lose a bit of yourself. Eventually I stopped giving anything and just took everything I could get, bad or good, just taking bits of other people's hearts away, their possessions, their beauty and s**t, their ego. But that was so ******** lonely." He still hoarded things, gathered up items, moments and thoughts from other people and coveted them as if they would give him safety when the world took away his important things.
"I wish there was an easy answer to give you man. But for me in the end it was just like. I looked right deep down in myself and there was that choice. Give up or fight. And with me, I was like, as long as I'm still breathing, I want to fight. Because the people I cared about in the end. They didn't."
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Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 1:06 pm
Rin quietly listened to him. Some of what he had to say spoke to her on levels he likely was not even the vaguest bit aware of. She sniffed again as he wiped her eyes dry. "I just.. I'm facing... I'm facing that exact question right now and I just. For days now I've struggled to see a reason to fight anymore. I know if I decide not to, that's a decision I can't take back... but I still just... I can't see anything in myself worth fighting for. I'm foolish, I'm weak, even when I wait and work and struggle and grow... I still come off as cheap in the end and not worth it. I just... I honestly don't know where I went wrong." She closed her eyes tightly and choked back on her feelings. "What did I do wrong?"
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