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The last person I dated was gender fluid or gender queer like that. Some days he was a he and other days she was a she and sometimes if I was watching closely I could actually see where he switched to she and visa a versa.

It was hard on zim because people who meant to be supportive and helpful kept trying to make hir choose one or the other. It was hard for them to understand that sometimes he was Ralf* and sometimes she was Kaliegh*.

It was hard as someone solid in my gender identity to always remember and appreciate what it means to be accepted at face value. I might not always like how I'm being treated but no one ever mistakes me for a male, not even when I cross dressed to intentionally appear male.

I can remember one time we were out at the movies, and he was dressed male to suit his physical sex, cause we wanted to go out and we didn't want there to be any mishaps. She was a little bit miffed because she felt like a she but didn't feel safe enough to dress like one. Anyhow we were walking into the theater and someone shouts at us that we're a bunch of sinful hairy lesbians and if we we're so ugly maybe we'd be able to find a man who could really satisfy us. I'm getting ready to fire back an insult about them having tiny dicks and loser jobs when I realize what's happened. They just thought my bio male date in his gender male clothes was a girl. She was so happy, being acknowledged in the gender she felt even though it was negative and a border rape threat had totally made her night.

Moments like that helped me understand that I was never going to really understand. I want people to feel comfortable in their own skin and to be happy and free. If they can achieve that without hurting others, then I want to support whatever steps they take to get there.



*Neither of the names I used belong to the person I know.

I identify mostly as female. Occasionally, I'll feel more masculine, but it's usually a response to a situation, if that makes any sense. At least, that's what I've noticed.

I'm mostly pansexual. I haven't found myself attracted primarily to a single gender and usually am only attracted to a person after I've spent time with them and gotten to know them. This isn't to say I don't find people attractive. I love the human body, but I think it's from an artistic point of view.

Why do I think this? I'm very disinterested in sex. I can be intimate with someone, but as soon as sex is the topic, I'm incredibly turned off and want nothing more to do with it. Don't know why, but I've survived it thus far.

Reading through the thread has reminded me of an experience I had back in college. It was a social work class of sorts and the topic of discussion was homosexuality. Needless to say, after this class, I was almost certain I no longer wanted to be a social worker.

Anyway, the consensus of the class (save for a select few, but we were "homosexual" so our opinion didn't count apparently ) was that yes, people could be gay or straight. Emphasis on or. This room full of potential social workers all agreed that there was no such thing as bisexual (the idea of being polyamorous wasn't even brought up). I think there were only two or three of us who didn't say "Bisexuality is just an excuse for someone who can't make up their mind."

I was appalled. As someone who for awhile identified as bisexual (and a bit polyamorous) it was an unsettling situation to be in. Not only did they have this opinion, but they were vehement about it and almost violent. Stuck in a room surrounded by people who I thought could potentially cause me harm was incredibly disturbing.

Just a topic for discussion I suppose.

Exactly. Imagine sitting there listening to the whole thing unfold for thirty minutes. It was terrible. I hadn't openly announced my sexuality, but one of the girls in class had and she looked so miserable. Some of the stuff said was almost personal and to this day I wish I'd have gotten up and walked out. So awful. Never want to have that experience again. These are the people that are supposed to be open and helpful, I was so shocked.

My only advice is to be upfront with any potential partners about that. Being a "test" anything can be really hurtful if it isn't agreed to up front.


How horrible!
I'm so sorry you had to go through that Garrett!

It was an incredibly uncomfortable situation, but I think it helped me make my decision about my major. So not all was lost, lol. I'm still kinda shocked that it happened at all, but, just goes to show how messed up social systems still are.

Why do people equate bisexuality with promiscuity? Just because you're open to more than one option, it doesn't mean you hop into bed with everything with a pulse.

I tried to tell my mom the first time I realized I was attracted to my best friend and she brushed it of as just "familiarity". You only think you're attracted to her because you spend all your time with her. Not as bad as just assuming bisexuals are all sluts, but it's annoying when people assume you don't know what you're talking about in regards to your own feelings. Especially people you care about.

I think it has to do with this strange idea that people should only have eyes for their 1 twue wuv!!!1~!

rolleyes

If that's how it is for someone- great. My Annette is like that, but projecting that onto other people is bs.