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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 11:47 pm
I'm not a GM but as some one who plays an eternal/royal I am going to say you either need to be more clear on his attacks limitations, or tone them down because right now, they make me feel uncomfortable as a player because they do look OP.
His base attack in how it's written does THREE things at the same time, one of which could over power someone above him, which in general, just does not happen. If he is the senshi of NULL then why is his attack having a physical effect when logically, it would only be magical? It seems like on his starter attack, he'd just make an attack weaker or tone down an enemy's power. At starter stage, senshi are more or less weak Mcweak pants. Giving your stage one an attack that could overpower eternal stage senshi is OP. Also, why is it disrupting? He is null. Nullification, canceling out. Not distorting. I am going to sound nit-picking but to me it is needlessly overlapping. There is no need for the senshi of null to distort anything. Also 4 times per battle is A LOT. I'd tone it down to two AT BEST. Most starter senshi are one hit wonders. Battles are often short, and IC last only maybe a minute or two. Maybe 5 max. So giving stage one an attack that has 3 effects, one of which can over power a eternal, and can be used 4 times in one battle? I am going to call it OP. I would say focus on the debuff factor. He is the senshi of NULL, just starting out. For him to have absolute null at stage one is OP, but his powers might be building UP to that. so the idea he shoots them with a beam that debuffs them works. The rest is just over kill.
Attack two: three people...at once? okay. I expect a AoE attack then. BUT. SAME problem as stage one. Needless overlap, way to overpowered. AND HE CAN TAKE AWAY ONE OF HIS ENEMIES ATTACKS? HOLD UP BRO. LETS PUT THIS INTO PERSPECTIVE. I have an eternal who can use his attack once per day, (his second use costing him a lot of energy and leaving him weaker), it's really ******** strong and can kill. You use this attack on him, not only do you get to disrupt his attack, you take away his ONLY remaining attempt at attacking? He's a level above you. This does not jive. WAIT HOLD UP. Not only does you boy do this, but he losses all buffs, is does (again) needless distortion, and can hit OTHERS and debuff them as well? And your senshi can use this twice? OP MAN. WAY OP. I'd say tone it down to an AoE, where he shoots a ray and after it hits 2 targets, they lose some power, which would increase in effectivness over time. Keep with the debuff theme. He's the senshi of again, nullification. not the senshi of charlie sheen.
Eternal level. OKAY THIS IS WHERE YOU CAN BE PIMP WITHIN REASON. Uh.we've covered why distortion is needless, moving on. BUT WOAH WOAH. ANYONE LOOSE ALL POWERS? DEFENDS AGAINST ALL ATTACKS YET 3 HITS AND ITS GONE? 5 MINS LASTING. OKAY MINOR BACK UP HERE. 5 mins-> wayyyyy to long. IC again, battles are very short. I do like the idea of the AoE and if caught in the area, all stuff is nulled. (At this stage, his powers would make sense to have fully manifested) both physical and magical. But here is where I am stuck. What does that mean if things are thrown? are they also effected? Clarify a bit more on this. how do you attack that AoE, fists, magic, ect? It could be that your dude has to focus to maintain it, or, it only lasts so long as he's in a certain range?
Null is a naturally OP power sphere. I think you have a great thing going with the de-buff idea, but everything else, the needless distortion, the amount of attacks and number of times for possible use, are way overkill. Your senshi starting out, should not be able to take on my eternal, and have a high chance of winning. You say they are not disruptive, but you use the word. People will read this, and take it as it is worded and labeled. It is a simple fix and prevents possible over lap. You say its for looks, but the fact remain, it's needless. It steps into a completely other power sphere. Null shouldn't be distracting or bothersome, it just just null. cancel.
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 10:57 am
umm, if you didn't read, i already changed them alot rofl you might want to look at the newer versions, if it took you a while to type this out. if not, then i totally didn't see this when i was toning them down XD
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 12:36 pm
amicableAggressor Sailor Scout Attack: Null Ray Limonite bunches his hands together and extends the index fingers to form a 'gun', amassing a ball of dark smoke above them, then fires it off at an enemy in a small ray. When hit, it cancels the current attack from the target. This attack can also be used against projectiles fired at him, cancelling their attack. If they are physical objects, their momentum will be removed and they will fall to the ground. If the target has any buffs or debuffs on them, getting hit will remove one for 5 seconds. This can allow him to accidentally remove a debuff on an enemy. Limonite can use this 3 times per battle. Super Sailor Scout Attack: Null Beam This attack targets three people. Limonite bunches his hands together and extends the index fingers to form a 'gun', amassing a larger ball of dark smoke above them, then fires it off at an enemy in a large beam. The target hit with the beam has their attack cancelled. As the beam hits, it sends off a small wave of dark smoke rings around the target, which can hit up to two other senshi/negaverses and removes all buffs/debuffs/damage over time on them, regardless of their side. He can use this power 2 times per battle. Eternal Sailor Attack: Null Pool Limonite wraps his arms around himself, then whips them out, releasing a vortex of dark smoke, which expands to roughly 2x his height on the groud under his feet. Anyone who enters this vortex is unable to use any of their powers, looses all buffs/debuffs/damage over time effecting them, and any physical damage feels like light slaps or pokes. Leaving the vortex removes this effect, and return the buffs/debuffs/damage over time. It lasts for 10 seconds. He can use this power once per battle. At the time of when I wrote that your attacks were the same as were. But that is here nor there. Right now, Your attacks are STILL OP to me. Toned down, but OP. The fact is, null is an OP sphere. And I am going to flatly say, you really might want to consider changing it. This aside: As they are, your starter senshi should NOT be able to trump my eternal senshi on his starting stage. He shouldn't be able to trump my prince using his crystal. Let's set up a hypothetical battle here. For some reason, (TBH I don't see it happening unless some sparkle desu reason was going on like a meta) Castor is in full regalia prince form, and has called out his crystal. He can summon down deadly falling ice and frankly, it's going to go BATSHIT. Royals calling on their crystal costs them a HELL of a lot of power, often rendering them weak and prone. IC right now he had almost NO control of who or what it hits, how large an area, ect ect. It's just massive ******** devastation. But wait, your senshi is present! He casts his attack and now, your starting senshi can cancel out Castor's attack. I'm sorry, but as an RPer, I am going to call shenanigans. The ONLY other characters that could logically stop, slow, or completely defend from this are: Other royals, and general queens/kings and beryl/cosmos. Eternals might be able to have a good effect, but in no way should a starting level senshi have the ability to take on a royal and win. Get it? That said he still is OP just in the fact he has multiple effects going on. He's canceling attacks at starting stage, but ALSO debuffing. Pick one or the other, not both. Again, it might be good to clarifiy. If he gets to null at stage one, limit it to those at his power level. he can null attacks at his own power level but not at above. Again, starts are WEAK. They typically DO NOT WIN a good majority of their battles. 3 times per battle is still way to many times in general. one or twice. OR Go with the idea he debuff attacks, he's nulling the effectiveness of their attacks. (keeping in mind the others above his level thing) he's new to being a senshi. he's not at max power but at this stage, this is what he can do. Side note: why the smoke? You do not need smoke. we have a senshi of smoke. if this is just for looks, it's pointless. His power sphere has nothing to do with smoke. needless layover. attack 1.5: A little bit better, but since it carries some of the same problems of his base attack, it would be pointless of me to adress the same issues twice. attack 2: I LIKE THIS A LOT. The only problem is the smoke thing. Easy enough to fix. Consider the fact that perhaps his attack is unseen. Null isn't something physical so much as it is magical. It's an unseen force, much like sound or noise. Once more, consider the fact null is a naturally OP sphere. Changing might be best if just to keep away from the OP factors.
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 2:17 pm
I've been worried that null might be, which is why I'm still keeping all the attacks of the previous sphere in backup in case I can't fix this one. the smoke, and previously the distortion, was me trying to find a way to show the attack, so people can still dodge out of the way/ find ways to avoid it. i don't want his attacks to auto-hit, since he has to aim them. null is a pretty hard thing to represent, but every single sailor senshi in the show has had some way of showing their attack, even for abstract spheres like 'love'. if you have any suggestions for how his power can manifest, i'd love to hear them. originally i had it just as warped air, but someone else said it was to close to their sphere. perhaps if you're hit by the beam you're unable to use your powers for one post after? rather than the current attack being cancelled. thanks for helping me with this by the way!
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 2:36 pm
Hi amicable,
Had a skim through Limonite's attacks.
Maybe his powers could work something like this.
Senshi: Attack takes form of a beam (maybe dull black beam), if it hits target 'nullifys' targets at his level's ability to use their magic attack for x time (e.g. 15 - 20 secs)
Super: Same as senshi, but target's ability to use magic attack nullified for longer (maybe now 30 - 40 secs)
Eternal: AoE attack that nullifies target(s) ability to use magic attack within x radius for 30 - 40 secs (maybe 1 minute max)
Maybe if using senshi/super attack more than once then Limonite needs a re-charge period (x amount of posts or something) before he can use it again
Just tossing some ideas your way
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 3:11 pm
that's kind of what i was suggesting, only for one post instead of x amount of times. (i find the time thing is so difficult since battles don't actually move in real time)
thanks! smile i think i'm getting kind of closer to having a more balanced power with peoples suggestions
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 4:38 pm
Oh dude, don't feel like you have to actually show the attack! A few senshi have attacks that you can't even see aside from the hand motions they make. Many times when people are in battles, what other readers might not see is that the two are talking via IMs, PMs, ect ect to determine how the battle is and will progress. It's not uncommon for people to plan battles way a head of time, determining the 'winner' and 'looser' before they even start. Moon shop is kind of unique in this aspect. Also don't feel like you need to always have a flat 'rule' on post limits, since sometimes, you might want to have some epic banter with your arch rival or some s**t like that. it is a good thing to have, but to me, post limits are kinda wonky and since time passing is also is a wonky way to measure with battles. A lot of the time it just ends up fluctuating anyway because of plots, IC actions, or things you might want to have happen. The only real thing I personally like knowing for absolutely sure is how many times a person can use their attack. Magic for the senshi draws from themselves, so if they hit their 'daily limit' anything more would weaken them like crazy.
Battling. Its srs moon bsns. : |
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 8:38 pm
I understand that 1 on 1 battles might be highly orchestrated, (although I usually prefer more spontaneous stuff) but i really would like his attacks to be visible.
maybe the next time they try and draw on their attack, nothing happens?? i'm just trying to make it so that one time they try and attack, nothing happens. surely the idea of that isn't op. that's what i mean by 'cancel', i don't want them to be unable to use them again, or run out of energy, just the one time they try and use an attack, nothing happens.
that's why i was trying to figure out a timer for how long it lasts.
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 12:24 pm
I don't really see how it's not OP, to be honest. A first stage senshi able to stop a General from using an attack? That's insanely powerful. Perhaps if they simply reduced the effectiveness of said attack, to the point where, if the other character is also at the same stage, it cancels their attack.
On top of stopping ANYONE'S magic attack, it also stops their physical attacks? Or projectiles? It debuffs them?
That is way too much. It's like you have three attacks in one, and that's just their basic, first stage attack.
It'd be one thing, if it focused on one area in particular, but this is a bit much. Think about it. Not only can the character not use magic against him, they can't strike him, or throw things.
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 10:07 pm
thats what i was thinking, the first level attack only works against first level opponents, and same with the second. i need to add that in.
---
ok i think i have everything i was planning to change changed. now he has no power that can stop a third level or prince/princess attack. smile
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Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 8:06 am
Hola, amicable! You've asked for criticism on the quest, and I'm here to give it. I also drop off a little disclaimer when I'm giving raw crit. Basically, some of the things I might express will be my opinion on what could strengthen your quest, which you may take or leave. Any tips about making a "stronger" quest normally fall into this category, as that would denote a crit I am giving to make it more competitive. SO. Without further ado... ON THE CIVILIAN: Hobbies are one of the best places for you to really make your character stand out. It is the first thing that a person reads, and it can set the tone for your profile. It is also where you can stuff in some unique quirks/details about who your character is beyond their emotional makeup. I am much more likely to remember the Star Trek fanatic who loves trying to beat extreme food challenges and spends afternoons picking up trash for fun than I am that guy who likes reading, writing, and hanging with friends. This doesn't mean that you need to give Michael a ridiculous hobby for the sake of being outlandish; it is just a recommendation that you do all that you can to differentiate him from the masses. All of his hobbies are really well-written and totally stampable, but most of them are solo things. I would definitely recommend dropping in a hobby that could be a vast source of RP potential for you. If he loves playing board games and is interested in medieval architecture, then someone who wants to plot with you can read this profile and then say, "Hey, my character likes board games too! Let's have them play Medieval Monopoly." Or something. His character reads as a bit of a loner so I don't think you should make him adore karaoke or team sports, but I would definitely give him more specific hobbies. The three you have now are a touch generic, and I have seen those traits on many profiles -- though there is nothing wrong with that! You mention he wants to try to fix things to bring the world to utopia -- is he a part of any clubs or interest groups? Is he in a blogging community? This is just some food for thought. PEOPLE WATCHING is a trait until the last sentence. I would restructure these so that the focus is on the activity itself and not on the emotional/personality component behind it. Otherwise, you could flip it to an OBSERVANT virtue, which you don't have room for on the form currently. Virtues and flaws work for me just fine. ON THE SENSHI: On the appearance, corrupted senshi have black bodices and dark coloring so you wouldn't be able to give him that large white piece for the majority of his outfit. His sphere is a tricky one. You'll need to be careful because we also have a Corrupted Senshi of the Void, which is fairly close to the concept of nothingness/emptiness and the whole “null and void” idea as well. Sailor Tisiphone’s current attack focuses on voiding out physical things, but since these spheres are incredibly similar (and she still has an unrevealed super and eternal attack yet to come) you will need to exercise some caution in treading too close to her realm. I think that you should rename this "Nullification" to really clearly define it as a different power sphere, especially since the spirit of your power set seems to be stopping attacks. Otherwise, "null" and "void" are basically synonyms. His regular power is too strong right now. I would take off all of the buff/debuff removal. It is already an incredibly strong ability to stop an attack without that extra bonus ability. I don’t think you need that mention of projectiles. Limonite can shoot a senshi with his attack, which keeps them from using magic for ten seconds, or if someone has thrown a weapon at him and he has really incredible aim, he can hit a weapon with his ray and it will fall to the ground. Make sure you add in how this can be blocked/avoided. For super, I think it is fine that it can hit up to three people now and also lasts a bit longer, but I would also get rid of the buff/debuff thing. It just gives him more power on top of his already strong power. I’d strip it from his power set entirely. At eternal, the attack can be powerful, definitely. At this stage, I would be okay with people who enter his Null Pool losing their buffs/debuffs, ability to cast magic, and ability to properly mount an attack for as long as they are inside his zone. Could you be clearer about how wide the area of effect is? If Limonite moves, does the zone move with him (though I’d assume not)? I like this attack as a bizarre sort of shield. He could cast it and bring his allies inside to protect them. I actually think it could last longer too – maybe 30 seconds? – since it is basically a unique defensive shield. All in all, these attacks are super cool. [edit] Whoops, just read all the stuff people said above me. I actually play the Senshi of Smoke here! You might want to add in a line like, "The smoke is not actually smoke and does not inhibit vision/negatively affect anyone in any way. It is essentially harmless colored air." I read the smoke as not actually being smoke, but it would be a good idea to say that. The smoke he creates in his attack should NOT be real smoke in any way, shape, or form -- and Vamps is right that you should probably say that explicitly -- though I totally understand keeping it there as a visual for attack avoidance (which you should also mention in the power description).
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Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 2:50 pm
thank you very much! : ))
i've been thinking of re-looking at his hobbies, as they're pretty much the only part of him that i didn't re-do from his previous incarnation.
for the senshi outfit, i've been re-doing it so that one isn't the version i'm considering. but i'll keep that in mind and try and darken it up further.
i spent a while staring at the dictionary definition for null, and looking through current senshi, trying to find how similar i was/overlapping to other spheres. it's been my biggest worry so far, that i'll overstep onto other people. nullification basically means the same thing as null, so i don't think that really changes it. idk i think i'll send a message to the player of the void girl and see if my other attacks don't overlap with hers.
thanks for giving void a try, i'll keep cutting it back as best I can.
um! for the second attack, the other people that are hit do not loose their ability to attack, only the buff/debuff. i think you misread it as they lost their attack as well??
i'm glad at least people like the third attack. 30 seconds is ok? i wasnt sure how long it should last. uh, i was thinking if he moves it will dissipate, it kind of requires him to stand and concentrate. i should add that!
and for the smoke, i've been trying to think about another way to represent his attack, or at least describe it. coloured air was what i was going for.
edit: got an ok from the player of the senshi of void's character on my attacks not overlapping with hers, so that's all good.
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:21 pm
aaa ok holy cow i think i finally designed an outfit i'm satisfied works with him
only took me forever!!!!
& i think attacks are done and balanced ... rubs hands ... plus got him a new hobby ....
... i think thats everything on the list 3__3
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Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 6:41 pm
I feel like there isn't much for me to say at all! I've read through all 4 pages of crit and fixes that you and others in the shop have done and I think you've really come a long way with him! Always happy to see more Dark Mirror Senshi, so I may be a little biased. wink heart His Senshi outfit is going to need some work in order to fit in with the requirements of the DMC, but beyond that I think you have a very well thought-out character that will be interesting to play with. I can't wait to see how your loner character will do with a close-knit team! I'm going to go ahead and give you a trial stamp and poke a GM to double check everything for you~
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Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:25 pm
A few notes on the powers before this will be approved. You're missing some things from Akina's critique that I agree with. He still has too much going on.
The general rule: Scout attack is the basic attack Super is an UPGRADED basic attack. You can add an effect OR make it more powerful. Eternal can either be a new attack or an even stronger version of the super attack.
The issue here is that you've got all of it going on at once. You've got the stronger attack AND bonus effects.
You will need to remove the additional buff/debuff bonus effect on the super level of your attack, this constitutes almost a second power. Specifically, the issues are:Super Getting hit with the 'wave' removes one buff/debuff/damage over time effect on the characters, regardless of their side. Eternal looses all buffs/debuffs/damage over time effecting them, and any physical damage feels like light slaps or pokes. Leaving the vortex removes this effect, and return the buffs/debuffs/damage over time. For the Eternal, I would make it simpler, and more clear, namely saying that anyone within his zone can neither attack, or be attacked, if they are of equal or lesser rank to him.
Completely null, and depending on his target [allies or friends] that would be either a good or bad thing.
As for the uniform, he has already been drawn, so that's taken care of. As soon as you clean up his attacks, I'll come back through and stamp this. Feel free to quote me.
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