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 Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:37 pm
 BLINDSIDEDI am blind.
It seems like such a trivial phrase. Simple. Quiet. Three words to describe what might have - and almost did - ruin my entire life. As it was, it very nearly destroyed me from the inside out.
About a week ago I was out training with the men from my battalion when we were ambushed by a group of rogue Nobles intent on wiping out the Legion forces.
...no. Ambushed is too kind of a word. Too light of a phrase to cover in entirety what happened that day.
We were slaughtered. Massacred. Bloodied, stabbed, shot, and murdered without so much as a second thought or a split hesitation. Sahas, Aram, Aran...every man that I have trained with over the years. Dead. Gone.
All in a matter of moments.
In the heat of things, I tried to defend myself. But I am afraid that it did not help much. I was reckless. Uncautious. My idiocy precedes me. For I did not see the arrow, did not hear the archer's twang of the bowstring. The arrow pierced through my stomach, as easily as a needle would.
And then there was the man. The one who did this to me.
His knife cut through my skin like rain cuts through water. Easy. Fast. Smooth, though the line from my forehead to my chin is jagged and has not fully healed.
My eye will never heal, they say. The blindness is permanent.
I am a blind archer. A half blinded man.
It is...unthinkable.
When I awoke I found myself in the house of Tenjou, leader of the Noble Retainers. I do not know how he found me, but it was there that he informed me of his actions against his own men, there he told me of what had happened.
There that I learned of my blindness.
I have never felt such darkness as I did that night. An overwhelming, all-consuming blackness that threatened to choke the very life from me, thrusting itself into my heart and seizing my blood.
I did not want to live.
I wanted to die.
I tried to kill myself. It would have been easy. Simple. Clean, as the white snow before blood spilled across it, before the knife at my face. All it would take would be one simple leap. One jump, and it would be over.
But I did not. Tenjou convinced me otherwise. His words, though sharp, were clear and filled with the years of his experiences. I am going to live.
I am going to live for the ones who did not get a chance to.
My bow was snapped in the struggle for my life, and I did not know if I would be able to shoot again. My eye would never again see, and my arm is weak, unable to hold the bowstring as it once did. Once more, despair took me. Once more, Tenjou found a solution.
A crossbow.
It is a curious invention. Small, yet powerful, with a metal front that has the face of a hawk, and its speed is nearly unmatchable. My aim is still off, and I cannot yet hit the center of the target as I once was able.
But I can shoot.
I can shoot.
All is not lost. Not yet.
I am an archer once more.
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Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 5:03 pm
WINE TASTINGAfter a particularly grueling day of training, I decided, quite on a whim, to stop by the Ichi-Koi Inn and Bar to have a drink before heading home. I was exhausted, worn out, and irritated, and to my surprise, when I sat down I was accosted by a most unusual person. A girl, a few years younger than myself, offered me to taste a wine that she had created herself. I recognized her vaguely from the incident at the Academy a few months back, but her name did not register. However, I accepted her advances and tasted the wine. This lead into a discussion with her, with led into a very nice, very interesting conversation, that soon led to a few games of cards afterwards.
Her name is Yue Lao, and she is...not like those I have met before. She is brash and confident, flirtatious and careful, but there is something about her that relaxes me. I enjoyed her company very much, and I found that after some time I was able to calm down and feel at ease with her. She is cheerfully pleasant, always with a wink and a smile to ease the tension of a first conversation, and I found that I had no trouble conversing with her whatsoever. It was really quite...refreshing. I felt relieved. Comfortable, for the first time in months. I am happy to say that we have become somewhat instant friends, and I am looking forward to seeing her once more.
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Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 1:27 pm
THE BEGINNING IN THE ENDAs I write this, my hand is shaking nearly too much to have it be legible. It is late, far past midnight, and the only light around comes from the half-burnt candle at the edge of my desk. Everyone but me is asleep, lost in the land of dreams and false realities, while I...I am stuck facing a reality that I wished might never have happened.
Bataar and I have parted ways. And although both of us believe it to be the only way to move forward, it hurts far more than I care to admit. The differences between us were just too great to work cohesively with what we were trying to achieve. Although I have complained about Bataar many times in the past, the truth of the matter is that he was...is...and most likely always will be....very dear to me.
Both my head and my heart ache as I sit here. It has not even been twenty-four hours, and I keep seeing our last meeting over and over again in my mind. It hurts to think about it, about how it will never be what we had hoped it would. I have to remind myself constantly that this is for the best, that even though the both of us are in pain, that there was no way that this could work out. We knew that from the beginning.
But it still hurts. Like something is crushing my chest. Although I know what I want my future to be like, right now it is almost too hard to get past the present moment, to get past the almost unbearable ache in my heart. I need to focus on something else, to continually tell myself of the things that I can work on to move forward with my life and with my feelings. I have to move forward. It is the only solution to this that I can see.
I just have to move forward.
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:36 pm
WHAT'S WRONG?I have come to the understanding that there are those in this world who you come to trust and those that come to trust you, regardless of what might happen. Yue Lao is the latter of those two options.
After that night with Bataar, I secluded myself away. I did not wish to speak to anyone, nor did I wish to see anyone. My mother and father tried to persuade me into leaving the house, to talk about what had happened, but I did not wish to. I had no desire to discuss the events of what had let up to that day, no desire to even think about what had happened. I spent most of my time in my room, either sleeping or reading in order to take my mind of of things. Obviously it did not work, for my mind kept running the scene over and over again, not letting me forget, keeping the pain fresh and raw in my heart.
That was when Yue came. It had become a habit of mine to stop by the Ichi-Koi Inn and Bar on the way home from training to visit her, and she had noticed that I had not been by for quite some time. Worried, she came to visit me at night (more like snuck in, rather) and found me in a rather melancholy state. However, that melancholy rapidly turned to anger and frustration.
Why was it so hard to let go? It was not so much the romantic aspect of our relationship. I loved Bataar. Whether or not that love was romantic or not, I still do not know. Perhaps a small bit of me was always in love with him, but losing that is not what hurts me. It's the mere fact that I lost someone that I care a great deal for, that I loved and wished to spend time with. A part of me felt ashamed and humiliated, like I was the only one suffering, since I do not know how Bataar dealt with this ending to our relationship. However, another part of me felt angry that I had to go through it, that I had to suffer through this sort of heartbreak.
Yue, however...Yue did not judge me. She merely listened to me, let me say what was in my head and in my heart. She gave me a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to, and that in of itself was more than enough. She got me to speak of things that I would not have normally. And I am more thankful to her than she probably realizes.
That night something changed. Standing out in that enclosure, with Yue next to me, staring up at the moon and the endless stars, I felt it. The pain is still here; it did not just dissipate entirely in one night. But it lessened. And it is healing.
I am moving forward again.
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:55 pm
BLOODSHEDA few days ago, I met Yue at her place where she taught me how to make wine. Several days after that we were going for a walk when we were ambushed...by a group of rogue Nobles.
The nightmares had lessened, but now they have grown strong again.
We fought. Yue was brave. I told her to run, but as usual, she was stubborn and did not do as I had ordered. It was raining - a thunderstorm, to be exact - which prohibited my vision even further. I managed to take out the first of them without much difficulty, but the third one nearly succeeded in strangling me. Were it not for the fact that I had my crossbow in my hand, I would have blacked out before I had a chance. As it was, I shot him through his chin upwards; a rather gory death, but necessary.
The bruises on my neck have not disappeared.
The third one went down without much of a fight, and Yue was the one who slit the throat of the fourth. I was accosted by the fifth one and had thought to have slain him, but as it turned out, I was mistaken. As I was walking towards Yue to take her home, he reached up and stabbed me in the side.
I blacked out almost immediately.
When I awoke again, I was in an unfamiliar place. Yue slept beside me, and I was relieved to see that other than a few minor injuries, she was all right. She told me later it was the home of a family friend. I admit, I do not recall much about that time. I developed a fever from my injury and drifted in and out of consciousness for several days until the fever broke. After that, I was taken back to my own home and my parents tended to me.
I had thought that I had grown accustomed to these fights. After all, the only nightmares I have had lately have been the ones where I was blinded. But now my dreams are invaded by horrific dreams of Yue getting injured, of my parents getting attacked. My father is a strong man, but in these hellish nightmares he is easily taken down. I have nearly become an insomniac in order to avoid seeing these images.
They will not go away.
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:12 pm
THEY DID WHAT?!This is ridiculous. Something preposterous has happened, something so incredibly outrageous and infuriating that I find it difficult to even right about.
Junjie has eloped.
That is not the bad part, however. Everyone in my family is quite aware of just how stupid and irrational Junjie can be. After all, he is the type of man who simply does not think before he does things, and therefore, usually has no idea as to the consequences of his actions.
Junjie eloping was not the surprising part - although it was quite shocking at first. No, it was the who he had eloped with that had me completely flumoxxed. The girl's name is Natsuko.
Koga Natsuko.
Sister of none other than that innkeeper, that damned innkeeper Koga Yuudai. It was only after I had stormed his place of residence and demanded an explanation that I realized yet another horrifying truth:
That Yuudai and I are now related.
We are brothers. Well, brothers-in-law, to be more formal. But brothers nonetheless. Out of all of the thousands of citizens of Lunaria, how is it that Junjie picked the sister of the one person with whom I hold a grudge with? It is almost unbelievable.
Yuudai was quite abrupt with me when I spoke to him. Admittedly, I may have been a little rash with him, and perhaps could have reigned in my own temper, but the truth is that I was much too angry to even consider being rational. We ended up brawling outside on the lawn behind the Koga Inn like two schoolboys bickering. Needless to say, I came out the victor in that fight.
However, after our squabble, we did manage to go down to the magistrate's office to confirm one thing - that our siblings were, in fact, legally married. To our combined relief and horror, they were, which means that legally Yuudai and I are family now.
It is a horrid situation. I am not so sure as to how I should act now, especially considering how our last meeting ended.
Although I may feel the slightest bit guilty as to my actions. Just the tiniest twinge of guilt that I pinned him to the ground to fight him.
But only the tiniest twinge.
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Posted: Wed Oct 27, 2010 1:23 am
OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAINSomething has happened that I had not thought possible. Years of training, of working myself to the death, of spending hours upon hours of practicing, shooting, running, dodging, and yes killing, all to lead up to where I am right now.
A Captain.
I have been promoted. It seems almost...unthinkable. After all, what company would promote a blind archer? Though it is only my left eye that is completely blind, the fact is that I am hindered in my abilities; my skills as an archer have lessened significantly from what they used to be. Before my injury, I could have shot an apple off of someone's head from fifty feet away. Now I would not trust myself to do so, for fear that I would kill the person. My shots are at best far and wide from their original targets, though the crossbow that Tenjou fashioned for me is aeons better than anything I could have ever asked for. I know it is laughable that the leader of one of the greatest Noble factions would give a Legion archer a weapon to use against him, but Tenjou was different than what I had expected. He seemed to understand what it was that I was going through, and he provided me with more assistance than I would have thought possible for a man of his stature and rank. I am grateful for his help and his encouragement. After all, had it not been for his intervention, I would have leapt from the window ledge he found me on.
His efforts have not gone to naught. I have made it to where I should be, to where I have strived to be, where I have shed blood, sweat and tears to be.
I am a Captain of the Legion.
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Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 12:59 pm
IN FOR A DRINK, GENTLEMEN?It was quiet outside; too quiet. Jianyu crossed over Main Street with an apprehensive glance over his shoulder. Lunaria had grown too reckless as of late, not nearly as cautious as they should have been at night. The dark of night was by far the time when its citizens should have been the most careful, yet things kept getting out of hand when they should have been calm.
Like tonight, for instance. Jianyu could feel the penetrating gaze of someone boring into his back. Years upon years of training had long since taught him to realize when he was being watched, yet he didn't make a move just yet. Stepping up to the doors of the darkened Ichi-Koi Inn and Bar, Jianyu raised a hand to knock, hoping Yue would be inside cleaning up to let him in.
Whoosh.
"Damn bastards," Jianyu snarled, his crossbow jutting into the stomach of the man who was standing in front of him. He had twisted around just in time, his free hand raised to grip the wrist of the offending Noble, keeping the dagger from coming near to his neck. The Noble let out a hiss of irritation.
"Damn Legionnaires." he snarled and shoved, hard. Jianyu stumbled backwards unexpectedly, his head hitting the door with a loud crack. For a second his vision went black, wavering in and out, and his opponent pushed harder, sending him crashing through the doors of the closed bar.
Inside it was black, all silent. Everyone had gone home and Jianyu slid across the floor, barely managing to keep his balance as he ran into several chairs, knocking them over. The man leapt towards him again, and Jianyu swung his crossbow, hearing a satisfying crunch as it connected with his skull. With a roar of pain and anger, the man fell sideways into one of the tables, a loud crash rendering it useless as he fell broken to the floor. Jianyu darted to the side, his feet slipping on the sleek wood floor. Grappling for the bolts he kept in the pouch tied around his upper thigh, he managed to seize one and fumbled to slide it into its slot.
"b*****d!" came the furious voice and Jianyu felt something collide with the back of his head. Stars exploded in his vision and the crossbow dropped from his hands, clattering to the floor. Jianyu staggered forward, coughing as he fell to his knees, gasping for breath. There were two of them, one in back and one in front, closing in. Someone's arms locked around his waist, intent on dragging him back to his feet, but Jianyu kicked out angrily, using the man in front of him as leverage to swing himself up and over the man behind him, slipping out of his grasp - one of the finer aspects of being small and lithe was that he could maneuver himself easily. He landed with a loud - and rather painful - thud on one of the tables, which cracked instantly, collapsing in pieces. Head spinning, Jianyu struggled out of the debris and quickly ducked back down, whipping his leg out in a rapid roundhouse kick. The man fell instantly, and Jianyu's fingers finally closed around his loaded crossbow. Getting to his feet, he placed his foot on the man's jugular, his crossbow directed at the first man, still standing a few feet in front of him.
"Get out." Jianyu snapped. "Or I'll kill both of you right now."
The man standing let out an obscene, snarled curse. "Fine," he spat out. "Let him go."
Keeping his gaze on him, Jianyu lifted his foot, and the second man scrambled to his feet, swearing profusely.
"It's not over, Legion. he growled and the two of them disappeared out of the Inn. Jianyu stood there, crossbow still locked and loaded, just in case they decided to come back, but when there was only silence after nearly twenty minutes, he dropped his arm, his muscles burning from the effort. His back hurt, and there was blood running down the side of his face from a gash on his temple (wood from the broken table had managed to snag at his head), but he was otherwise fine. Wiping his mouth, he glanced around the half-destroyed room.
The owners are going kill me.
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Posted: Thu Dec 09, 2010 1:19 am
IN OUR HEARTSWhy is it so hard to let go of things, I wonder..? Why is it so difficult to let things die down, to put them to rest? Why must we carry these burdens with us, weighted down by their gravity and their significance? Is it because we believe that if we let go, the importance is lost?
Or is it simply because we are afraid of what might happen if we give ourselves back to reality?
I had a mission a few days ago. While on it, I was sent to the forests to search for a Legion family in hiding. I found them, slaughtered, bloodied, and battered, with someone I knew, someone I trusted standing over their dead bodies. I fought Xiu, tried to kill him...but he wasn't the one who had done it. He reached out to me, with small, shaking arms, and did nothing but hold me, even after I fought him, nearly killed him. He held me and let me lose what I had been holding onto so dearly inside.
It's difficult to know what is in one's heart. I have never been one to dwell on unnecessary things, to have extraneous and "extravagant" feelings, mostly because I just...have not had a chance to experience things that would allow me to feel like that.
What I have held onto for so long are my own troubles, my own demons. The blindness in my eye is a constant, everyday reminder of what it is that I have deep inside of my heart. I cannot forgive the Noble who did this to me, but I do not harbor ill feelings towards the other members of that faction, and that is something that I do not understand, cannot understand. I have had a Noble lover, who's relationship with me ended on a terrible note, yet I cannot hate him. I have had my eye stabbed, my vision lost, my life as an archer threatened, yet I cannot blame anyone but that specific man, that one Noble.
Why can I not hate them? Why can I not let out these feelings inside of me, let them erupt and rage and pour all of my anger and frustration, my hurt and guilt and sadness, let it all out and into my fingers as I pull that bowstring back? Something draws me to them, yet I cannot imagine what that is. Perhaps it is because we are both fighting for what we believe in.
Fighting to stay alive. To feel alive.
Sometimes I do not feel as if I am really here. Am I...really here? I feel alone in this world, inside of my heart.
Why do I feel so...outside of my own self..?
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Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:48 pm
STILL I SUFFOCATEThings have been...difficult, as of late. I have not found time to write in my own journal for several months, which is unusual for someone like me. I feel there is both too much and too little to say, if that makes sense. My thoughts are extremely convoluted. Sometimes I know what I wish to say, what I wish to hear. Other days there is nothing but a blank void filled with nothing but...nothing.
I still have nightmares. They plague my thoughts nearly every time I close my eyes to sleep. I had thought that since that incident was so long ago (I am nearly seven months blind now), that eventually the black stained dreams would fade, that I would be able to sleep well at night without the constant worry of coldness seizing my heart. However, even after all this time, it seems as if I was wrong.
The nightmares still plague me.
Sakngea came to me the other day, or rather night, considering most everyone was asleep by then. The last time I had spoken to him, we had fought, and it ended relatively badly. This time, however, he was in such a distraught state that it took me by surprise. His mentor had been murdered, and he was setting out to find the killer. Though I tried to warn him of the dangers of being reckless, he chose not to listen to me. That boy is more stubborn than I thought he was, and less obtuse and obnoxious than I had believed him to be. There is something...something that I cannot figure out about him, but regardless of our alliances we seemed to come to a mutual understanding of sorts. I promised to take care of Xiu for him - Xiu, of all people. At first I was confused as to why; they are just friends, or so I thought. My assumptions were incorrect on that matter, for I believe that Sakngea is in love with Xiu. These beliefs were made clearer to me when he (unwittingly) confirmed them.
I must admit - it has been a long time since I have...felt that sort of connection to another human being. What Bataar and I had was real, oh yes. I would have given my life for him - I still would - but since our breakup those many months ago, I have not yet found someone to fill what I fear will be a permanent void in my heart. It aches sometimes; more often than naught, for that matter. Sakngea is a boorish, loud, sarcastic individual who does not know how to keep his mouth shut most of the time, but I must admit I was...envious of this relationship he has with Xiu. This bond of absolute trust, of devotion towards the younger man. Though he did not say as much out loud, his eyes spoke volumes, and so did his actions.
I wonder if it is possible for me to ever feel that way again..? I do not wish for it; do not even dare to hope for it, for I do not believe that I am deserving in that matter at all, but...I do wonder, from time to time, whether or not my heart will stop aching the way it does.
On another note, I am going to go meet with Ran today. He does not know this; I did not send a note, since this was a last minute decision of mine. I have a debt to repay for a kindness he did me many months ago, and today I will go return that kindness. When I return from seeing him, I will write more. Until then.
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kuropeco generated a random number between
1 and 3 ...
1!
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 11:01 pm
IN THE MIDST OF IT ALLThere was something to be said about the fact that Jianyu was still a Captain. At first glance, one might have disregarded him easily because of the black cloth spread across his left eye - and many still did, even nearing six months after the incident, but upon a second glance - if granted even that - it was to be seen that Qián Jianyu was better than he appeared. In fact, if the opponent was a Noble, there was little to be said before the steel of a crossbow arrow embedded itself into the skin, driving deep into the body of its victim.
Qián Jianyu might have been partially blind, but he was no where near useless, nor incompetent. Perhaps at the beginning he had - a daily struggle to prove himself to his superiors, to himself, to anyone who believed that there was no such thing as a half blinded archer. And it had taken time - a long time, more so than what Jianyu would have wanted. And for a short time - a very short time - there had been the added difficulty of his shallow hope that maybe, just maybe his vision might be restored.
But it never would be. Six months later, and the left side of Jianyu's vision was as black as ever. Except now he had grown used to it, learned to use it, learned to train his other eye to be stronger so that he could still fight, so that he could still do the one thing in his life that he was the most passionate about.
So that he could still be an archer.
And it had paid off. His struggles, his pain, his desire, his sheer and overwhelming determination had finally paid off, and Captain Qián Jianyu had been granted what he had worked his entire life towards.
Only it seemed as if some did not feel the same way as he did.
"Can you believe they gave us a blind Captain? What good is he out on the battlefield, anyway? What use is he to us?"
The voice rose above the din of the people gathered in the mess hall during lunchtime. The training had ceased for the hour, most of the men and women moving to find sustenance, perhaps take a short rest to recuperate until their free time was up and it would be time to return to the field. Jianyu found himself walking slower, carrying nothing but an apple in one hand to staunch the mild hunger he felt.
"I mean, it's one thing to give us a Captain with an injured leg or something. At least he can still see."
A calm anger boiled beneath Jianyu's veins. The man in question suddenly had a man standing behind him, arms folded across an armored chest.
"Kindly do not talk rudely about someone when they are within hearing distance," Jianyu said. "It is considered inconsiderate, not to mention pathetic. If you have an issue with who your commanding officer is, then take it up with your superiors."
There was an audible silence in the tent. Most had stopped eating to stare across the room, the tension as thick as something tangible. The man - a Fighter named Niran - slowly set down his utensils.
"That's not what's pathetic, Captain," he said, the sarcasm clearly audible in his rough voice. "What's pathetic is the fact that my superiors believe you to be capable at all."
Crash.
A few plates went flying; something shattered loudly, breaking the silence. The men and women at the table scattered and fled back a few paces, eyes wide with shock and confusion. A circle had formed, the rest of the tent's occupants crowding around to see what was going on.
"Who says I am not capable?"
Niran, pinned to the table by Jianyu's hand against his throat, gave a derisive snort at Jianyu's question, a sneer twisting his lips. "Nobody has to say it," he hissed, without struggling. "But it doesn't mean we can't see it."
With a quick jerk of his body, Niran raised his leg, slamming his foot into Jianyu's midriff. He stumbled backwards, releasing the other man instantly, coughing and sputtering, one hand pressed to his stomach. Anger flashed through his eyes as Niran pushed himself to his feet, already in an offensive stance. Jianyu scowled.
"You forget your place," he snapped, and dived forward, throwing a punch at the other man's face. Niran pivoted sideways, and Jianyu's fist merely grazed his cheek, but Jianyu had already moved, his leg swinging upwards in a swift roundhouse kick to Niran's head. There was a shout of pain from the man, a series of obscenities falling from his lips as he staggered, reeling and holding his head between his hands. Then he leapt forward, his fist catching Jianyu's stomach. Jianyu raised his knee, ramming it into Niran's torso, then spun around, his elbow slamming into the small of the other man's back. Niran coughed, spitting blood, though he was still standing. Around them the crowds of Fighters tittered and gasped, unsure whether they should step in and stop the fight or let it continue until the end. Jianyu paid them no mind, however, instead bending back to dodge another swing by Niran.
"F***ing scum," the man hissed. "You're pathetic. You should have stayed dead instead of being made into anything. What did you do, bribe the Generals? Maybe have a little thing with them?"
A white hot rage enveloped Jianyu's mind and with a roar he threw himself towards Niran, executing another roundhouse kick, this one much harder. The man took longer to recover this time, giving Jianyu the opportunity to slam another hit to his stomach. Niran, however, let out a swear, his fist moving to the back of Jianyu's head. Stars exploded behind Jianyu's eyes, he staggered forward, feeling rough fingers tearing at the cloth that covered his eye. Within seconds it was gone, the rush of cool air against that side of his face unfamiliar, unwelcome.
Yet another crash. More dishes fell. And Niran found himself, quite suddenly, pinned against a wall of the tent with a crossbow pointing directly against his forehead. Jianyu was breathing heavily, dragging in ragged gulps of air. The left side of his vision was still black, but now there was no weight over it, no feel of the cloth protecting the once blue eye that was now nothing but a milky white.
"Stand down, Niran Santisakul," Jianyu said, his voice deathly calm. "I will not miss at this distance."
There was a horrible silence. Nobody dared speak, even breathe, practically. Niran looked at Jianyu with hatred in his eyes, but Jianyu was not about to back down. Not now. Not ever.
"I...stand down. Captain."
An audible sigh of relief from the watching crowds. Jianyu slowly (very slowly) lowered the crossbow, though his eyes were still dangerous.
"Do not cross me again."
Sliding the crossbow back into its place against his hip, Qián Jianyu gave one last, disdainful look at Niran and then turned and left, disappearing back out into the Legion fields.
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kuropeco generated a random number between
1 and 3 ...
1!
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Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 9:56 pm
COUNTING BREATHSIt was midnight.
Black.
Solid black, as far as the eyes - or eye - could see. Twisting, contorting, suffocating black without the hopeful glimmer of starlight, devoid of the usual pale blue of the moon's rays.
Just a simple black.
Captain Qian Jianyu stood at the precipice of a large building that overlooked a good portion of Lunaria; it was an abandoned building, formerly an inn of sorts, but as of now it had been left to die. A decrepit place streaked with dirt and grime and blood; evidence of the many scuffles that had taken place over the past few months. Wood littered the dusty floor, broken and splintered remains of what had once been tables and chairs, and there were glass fragments sticking out of a long frame that had once been a bar. It was now used as a hideout, mostly; rogue men and women on the hunt for Legion or Noble blood, or perhaps a place for one to hide and watch - such as Jianyu was doing right now.
He was technically on a mission; his superiors had ordered him to discover the whereabouts of a known Noble group who were assassinating members of prominent political families. At least as of right now they had only succeeded once; the other three times their attempts had been stopped by Jianyu's men. But right now he had no basis in being where he was; the mission was dwindling, coming to a harsh stalemate with no leads. Dead ends were all he saw, and most of his informants had ended up dead with no way of telling who had killed them. Not only that, but Jianyu's superiors were beginning to lose faith in the mission; they were almost to the point of dropping it, but Jianyu had vigorously protested, claiming that he could figure things out himself.
Now he was wondering if he had been too hasty; too arrogant with his words. The past week had given him no more answers than before, and he was becoming increasingly more frustrated with the lack of information that he so desperately needed to pursue the Nobles.
So here he stood, on the roof of a dilapidated old building, his booted feet pressed against the crumbling brick wall that lined the top. He supposed it perhaps wasn't the safest place, but the wall was sturdy enough and he was enshrouded in darkness as it was; the moon was hidden behind a large smear of cloud that made it nearly impossible to distinguish one thing from another.
Jianyu crouched down, the blunt end of his crossbow digging uncomfortably into his side, but he ignored it, squinting into the darkness. He could see a flash of light in one of the buildings to his left; someone had lit a candle. Rotating slowly so as to not make any noise, Jianyu turned to face the building; it seemed like a small collection of various offices, perhaps for healing or some sort of judicial processes. Whatever it was, it was quite formal. Through the clear glass window Jianyu could make out several men sitting around a polished wood table, their hands folded together neatly in their sleeves. A series of candles lined the center of the table, and there were several sheets of parchment spread out in front of everyone.
Curious, Jianyu thought, and crept down from his perch, making his way towards the rickety staircase. He went down a floor, then pushed a few cracked and stained beds aside to step to the window that faced the building. For a few moments he stood to the side of the window, wondering if it would be wise to look outside; after all, in the blackness the paleness of his skin would make a stark contrast and he would be clearly visible. Jianyu's fingers fumbled at his neckline and he unclasped the dark brown cloak he wore, throwing it over his head. He used the top of one his arrows to slice a line through the fabric to see, then slipped cautiously towards the window.
He could not hear anything, obviously; the building was at least a good ten feet away, and with both of the windows closed, there was not much he could do about that. The glass was smeared with dust and dirt, and quietly Jianyu rubbed a gloved fist over it, attempting to see better. That meeting, with all of those men together - men who Jianyu knew weren't healers or members of the courts - was drawing his suspicions towards them. It was especially curious, seeing as how it was so late at night; why meet in the pitch black of a place where none were awake to see you? Jianyu pressed a bit further, trying to see. He couldn't make out the writing on the parchment; it was far too far away for him to make out anything other than a blurry seal of something; but at the same time, he pressed too hard on the glass of the window.
Crash.
With a shuddering sound, the old, overused panes cracked and splintered, shattering into thousands of pieces. Jianyu automatically jumped back to avoid any of the sharp shards, but as he did so the cloak fell from his head and the men across the way had all turned their heads.
Eyes so murderous they could kill on sight. Jianyu stared at them, feeling the adrenaline course through his veins.
They had seen him.
There was a muted thump as the table was overturned; the men had jumped to their feet, pointing towards where Jianyu stood in the building opposite them. Within seconds the room emptied, and Jianyu knew that it was time to go. Darting from the room, he clattered down the hole-filled stairs, leaping the last few steps to go faster, faster.
Down one flight.
Then another.
Ground floor. He was not out of breath, not yet, but he could feel it catching in his throat as the door to the abandoned inn was suddenly flung open, footsteps heavy and menacing as several men came rushing in.
His timing had been off; he hadn't made it in time.
With a shout, one of the men pointed towards him; Jianyu heard him say something about Legion scum, but he had already grabbed his crossbow, sliding a bolt expertly into the metal slot. It was difficult to see in the dark, especially since there was still hardly any moonlight, but he shot anyway, guessing in the blackness. There was a muffled thwack, and a shadow fell; a lucky shot, one that he would probably not be able to make again.
"There!"
One of the men was pointing in his direction; Jianyu darted forward without giving him a chance to attack, swinging the heavy metal crossbow as hard as he could. It connected with the side of the man's face with a sickening crunch and he dropped like a stone, wailing in pain.
Something hit him from behind; a rock? A board? Whatever it was, it rang in Jianyu's ears, his vision wavering in and out for a brief moment, and he staggered, trying to regain his sense of self.
A movement to his right - Jianyu lashed out, swinging the crossbow again without loading it. He could not shoot well at night, but his precious bow was made of a heavy steel, the eyes of the eagle adorned with sharp rubies that made it still a viable weapon, even in the darkness. It hit something, though what or who it was, Jianyu could not tell.
Something warm and wet trickled down the side of his face - blood?
He tasted copper on his tongue.
"LEGION b*****d!"
Another voice, this one to his left. Jianyu swung blindly, feeling horribly ill at ease and vulnerable. It was bad enough that he was fighting at night, with no real light; having to fight without the use of one his eyes made things much worse.
Fortunately - and with a satisfying thunk - the crossbow connected with yet another person. But this one did not fall as easily as the first, and Jianyu felt a fist graze his cheek. It was not nearly as painful as it would have been had the man hit him full out, but it would still leave a significant bruise in the morning. Jianyu raised his knee automatically, ramming it into the man's midsection. There was a horrible grunt, and he made a wheezing noise before doubling over, shadowy hands clutching a black stomach.
I need to leave.
The thought pressed down on Jianyu's mind, as heavy and tangible as a physical weight. He pushed aside the man in front of him, shoving a broken table from his path and leapt over a rotting chair, towards the doorway. Ignoring the angry, murderous shouts that were being rained from behind, he only barely managed to dodge the small dagger flung at his back. It made a rip in his cloak, tore through the fabric of his shirt and left a two inch long cut along his upper arm. Still he ran, faster and faster, until he could scarcely breathe, and the pain from the movement began to tear at his side and stumbling to an ungraceful halt, he dragged in ragged breaths of air. For a few moments he did not dare to move, ears alert and straining to hear any signs of footsteps, any indication of a pursuit, but there was nothing; nothing but silence.
Jianyu closed his eyes briefly, inhaling sharply as he attempted to calm his mind. And then, after a few moments, he turned down the familiar, worn street and made his way back home.
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Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 9:19 pm
CAPTUREIt was late evening, and Jianyu was sitting at the small desk in his family's home, the candle on his desk beginning to dwindle down. Wax was melting into the small dish, and the scent of the flame was drifting lazily throughout the room. The time was probably past midnight, but Jianyu was not yet ready to sleep; or rather, his work would not allow for him to drop into the throes of slumber just yet, as much as he wanted to. Dark circles were clearly evident beneath his eyes, and his hair had begun to fall free of its tie, slipping against his haggard face, and Jianyu raised a hand, pinching two fingers against the bridge of his nose.
For two months now, he had been working on developing a reconnaissance plan to discover the details of a particular group of Nobles. The family, which consisted of two brothers and their sister, were suspected of being involved in several cases of assassination that had recently begun to develop throughout Lunaria, though there had been no leads and hardly any clues left behind to decipher just who was behind the killings. Jianyu's superiors had assigned him the duties of planning a sort of undercover mission to out the suspects, but it was a dead end mission; it had been going on since the beginning of the hot season, and already it had started to shift into the cool breezes of autumn, the leaves of the wizened old cherry tree at the top of the hill beginning to fall. No one had wanted the mission, and most of the people in Jianyu's company had grown weary of the endless and fruitless watching of the Nobles. This left only Jianyu to keep working; after all, he had no choice in the matter, and though strictly speaking neither did his company, he did not restrict them into something that would take their time away from training. Instead, it was only he that worked, late into the night most of the time, to figure out the mysterious puzzle.
Jianyu sighed, leaning back in his chair and closed his eyes briefly. He desperately wanted to sleep, but he had the nagging feeling he was missing something from his notes; something crucial, that would allow him to figure out what was going on. His eye strayed towards the small box on the end of his desk, and without really realizing what he was doing, Jianyu pulled it towards him, fingers running along the lid. It was made of simple wood, perhaps a foot or so long in length and slightly less in width, and within it were a few of the things for which Jianyu was careful to keep locked away. They were for him alone; special things that his friends and family had either given or made for him. There was a small wooden carving that his little sisters had given him; the tiny, delicate gold and white hawk which Huang-Fu had gotten for him once they had reunited after a long separation from each other. This particular bird Jianyu wore often, hidden beneath his uniform on a thin gold chain, pressed against his breastbone to keep it safe. It was a mark of the bond between he and Huang; a symbol of their unshakable loyalty towards one another. Underneath that were the beads from Yuudai, and then a note from Bataar, and beneath those a ribbon; one of Yue's hair ribbons that she had playfully wrapped around his finger one evening, proclaiming it to be a reminder of her when he needed it.
Jianyu's fingers gently ran over these items, lingering briefly on the soft satin of the ribbon. He frowned a bit, then sighed, eyes falling shut once more. He was fortunate; a very fortunate and blessed man indeed. After all, he had managed to fall in love - and that was something he had never thought possible. Bataar was not exactly the most ideal partner, certainly, but despite their unusual and outlandish relationship, Jianyu had been happy. And he had loved Bataar; that was what had mattered.
Love is such a complicated thing, is it not? Jianyu thought, idly rubbing his thumb over the glass of the miniature hawk. It twists and contorts the mind, numbs and revitalizes the soul...and there are different types as well; it is not set into one specific thing. For instance, the love I hold for Huang-Fu, and the love I hold for my family are two separate things, though they are similar in ways. Just as the love I felt for Bataar and the love I feel for Yue are separate, but similar. It is curious that it should be such a deep and detailed thing; intricacies that the mind cannot even begin to comprehend.
Something was stirring in Jianyu's mind, something very odd. He pressed his lips together, nearly biting his lip with an expression of...what exactly? He was not exactly an anxious person, yet his current state of mind could quite easily be called that. His chest felt tighter than normal, his head spinning.
Oh, he thought, rubbing his fingers over his brow as a thought suddenly entered his mind. Oh. So that's how it is. How very...interesting...and strangely simple.
Jianyu glanced down at the papers strewn over his desktop, eyes scanning over every minute detail. The pieces of his puzzle were beginning to fall together now, slowly but surely, and Jianyu shuffled them around, fingers running along the ink left from his pen. Countless notes, endless amounts of careful thought and scrutinization.
Yet such a very simple answer. How very...infuriating.
It was going to be a long night.
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:23 pm
FATHER KNOWS BESTThree days before his wedding to Yue Lao, and Jianyu found himself sitting, once more, at the desk inside of his room. Papers were strewn across the smooth oak wood, their edges curled from the heat of the weather and from being rolled up, bound with small string ties. His superiors were bearing down on him now, insistent that he discover the identity of the man who had kidnapped two Legion women - Fighters - but Jianyu could not, for the life of him, decipher the evidence inadvertently left behind by the Noble in question.
He sighed, leaning back in his chair. Beside the papers, the light of the candle was growing steadily dimmer, the wick all but burned down. The smell of wax and smoke was heavy in the air, and that, combined with the pressure beginning to mount in Jianyu's skull, was making him slightly lightheaded. His room was small, without a window, which meant that the air staled more quickly, and it was a little too stuffy inside the enclosed space to make his mind work properly.
Standing, Jianyu pushed his seat back, gathered his papers together, blew out what remained of the flame, and made his way out of his room. It was late, past midnight at least, and the halls of the Qian House were shadowed and silent. Most of the family were asleep, tucked safely into onto their sleeping pallets, and the only sounds were that of the very soft footsteps of the servants as they went and performed their nighttime duties. Jianyu paid them no mind; he made his way quietly down the hall towards the central living area, intent on working there instead. Strangely, however, as he moved closer, he could see a faint light up ahead, and when he rounded the corner he found the living area unexpectedly occupied.
"...Father?" Jianyu said, his brows lifting in surprise. Liwei was sitting on one of the low, black-wooded couches, one leg over the other, one hand raised as he lifted a cup of what appeared to be tea to his lips. He paused when he heard his son's voice, turning his head to smile up at Jianyu.
"Good evening," he said lightly. "What an unusual meeting. Care to join me, Jianyu?"
With a slightly bemused nod, Jianyu nodded, stepping across the sleek wooden floor towards his father. Liwei was holding something in his other hand, and as Jianyu drew nearer he could see it was a sheaf of papers not unlike the one he held. Sitting down beside his father, he said "What is that? What are you doing up so late?"
His father gave him a somewhat crooked smile. "Business, I'm afraid," he responded, and his eyes were tired. Jianyu frowned.
"What sort of business? You retired from the Legion army, did you not?"
"I did," Liwei said, settling the papers in his lap and taking a sip of his tea. "These are notices from the generals of your branch, however. They wish for me to return to my "duties" with them."
It was phrased oddly; there was a mild note of exasperation clearly evident within Liwei's words. Jianyu's head tilted to one side as he scrutinized his father.
It was not the first time this had happened; Qian Liwei was well known throughout Lunaria for being a strong, capable leader, as he had been a Captain in the Legion army just as Jianyu was now. He was brave, had fought hard and battled many, but he had chosen to leave them just when the fight was getting strongest, ready to ignite the further sparks of hatred on either side of the war. Since his removal of himself nearly sixteen years prior, Liwei had been getting notices from the superiors of the Legion forces, all of them demanding his return. Usually he responded quickly, cheerfully informing them that he had no desire to return, and they left it at that for a few years before trying again. And it was not just him; both the Legions and the Nobles wanted as many able-bodied men and women on their side as they could. Liwei was just one of many.
Jianyu's frown was still prominent, but for a moment he said nothing. Then finally, as though he had meant to ask it all along, he said quietly "What made you choose to leave the faction?"
It was strange; though Jianyu was nearing twenty-four, he had never once thought to actually ask his father that singularly important question. Even now he had not actually intended to; it had slipped from his lips unexpectedly, as if it been lying patiently in wait to be let go. But now that he had said it, Jianyu realized that the answer was incredibly important to him.
Several beats passed where neither said anything. Then Liwei gave him a smile, his eyes gentle over his cup of tea, which he had raised to his mouth again.
"Because I felt the need for a change," he said simply. "That, and my wanting to be at a job that was closer to home so I could protect my family was more important to me than the protection of those I did not know."
Liwei gave a small sigh, setting his teacup down on the table. "I suppose that makes me a little cold hearted," he said, with a quiet laugh and a single shake of his head. "But I wanted to be nearer to my family; and I had always wanted to work as a tattoo artist. My uncle had been in the business when I was a child, and I had grown fascinated with the ability to engrave beautiful designs upon a person's skin."
He lapsed into silence for a moment. Jianyu glanced down at the papers held loosely in his arms, trying to gather all of this in his mind properly. Then he said "...so you left because you felt a desire to be with your family, rather than a desire to fight for Lunaria?"
It was not an accusation; in fact, Jianyu felt a strong surge of respect and love for his father that he had not always felt. He had always admired his father, loved him greatly for the support Liwei had continually showed him, but never before had he felt the respect he now felt for the man sitting beside him. Liwei's calm determination; his simple and truthful nature of dealing with things made him more impressive than the strongest general of the Legion armies.
Liwei gave his son another crooked smile, this time with a glint of pride in his eyes as he answered "Yes. But just because I chose this path and you have not does not mean that you are in the wrong or somehow less of a man than I am. You love what you do, despite the constant complaints, the stress, and the dangers that come with being a Captain."
Another silence fell, this one very gentle. Liwei spoke again. "You love Yue, Jianyu. She will be your wife, and you her husband. Do not think for a moment that because you are going to continue being a Captain in the Legion forces, rather than follow in my footsteps, that this means your connection with her is any less. You are a pair that is truly made for each other, and you will be happy.
"And I love you, my son," Liwei continued softly. "I have never been as proud of you as I am right at this moment."
Jianyu's cheeks had flushed red unexpectedly. He turned his head away from his father, his gaze down as he tried to regain his normal stance. It was unusual, this much conversation with his father; though they were close, it had been some years since either one had sat down and talked as intimately as they were now.
"...thank you, Father," he said quietly.
The candles on the table in front of them flickered merrily, their lights dancing off the glass top, creating spindly shadows along the walls and both of their faces. And Jianyu, feeling something he had not felt in a very long time and in a gesture he had not done since he had been a young child, leaned to the side and quietly rested his head against his father's shoulder.
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:20 am
INKDEATH"Are you entirely certain that this is what you want to do?"
Qian Liwei's voice was gentle, but firm in Jianyu's ear. Standing behind his son, he was holding a needle in one hand, a cloth in the other, using it to slowly and carefully wipe the point of the needle.
Jianyu gave a short nod, lips pressed together in a sort of grim determination. "Yes."
The Qian Tattoo House was quiet for a weekday. There were the usual sounds of Chuntao bustling around in the common area where the patrons waited, the sound of muted voices, muffled through the closed door, talking about one thing or another. The window of Jianyu's room faced Main Street, and outside came the the dim laughter, footsteps, and life of Lunaria as people outside walked from one place to another, visited with each other, store owners calling out good prices, and the telltale c***k of glasses as several citizens of Lunaria ate their breakfast at the small cafe nestled just beside the tattoo house.
Inside, however, there was only Jianyu and his father in this room. Jianyu sat on the pallet on the floor, which was similar to the one he slept on, except less comfortable and familiar. His torso was bare, revealing the broad, sharp black markings that covered nearly his entire back, the spindly one that surrounded his navel, as well as the two more delicate ones on the inside of his wrists. Last but not least was the small, barely visible one just below the waistband of his pants; this one bore a heart, followed by the name of his former lover in curly script. This particular one, Jianyu usually forgot about, and when he did remember, he attempted to keep it covered up. After all, his relationship with Bataar was in the past now, and though he was very glad and relieved to have made up with his best friend, he did not particularly want to remember the drunken night where they had both woken up to find tattoos of each other's names on their lower backs.
To Jianyu, tattoos were a mark of something; each one of his meant something, were not just drawn on carelessly and without intent (with the exception of one). There were those who came into the Qian Tattoo House with nothing concrete in mind, who simply wanted something beautiful or impressive. It was these people for whom it hurt the most.
Liwei settled down cross-legged beside his son, keeping the instruments necessary close to him on a small tray. There were the usual bottles of ink and paint, as well as several clean brushes and needles, a large basin of water, several cloths, and a pile of clean bandages. Liwei picked up a particularly long and pointed needle, moving closer to his son and taking his arm in his free hand.
"If you are ready, I will begin," he said, and Jianyu nodded.
Settling with his son's arm pulled towards him, Jianyu's hand in his lap, Liwei bent over him, pressing the needle into Jianyu's skin.
It hurt, of course; the first p***k always did. Jianyu, however, did not flinch, though his eyes flickered briefly. He was used to pain, used to the feeling of the needle as it slid beneath his skin, and he kept his lips pressed together, his teeth clenched slightly, determined to not show any signs that it hurt. That was not how it worked for a Captain; he was to show his strength and determination, not his weaknesses.
"You do not have to be so brave all the time, you know," Liwei said gently as he worked, tracing the outline of a curve. "I am merely your father, not someone for whom you have to put on a face for."
Jianyu gave a small snort, shaking his head, but he relaxed slightly, his rigid posture releasing some of the tension in his back and between his shoulders.
To Jianyu, tattoos were a mark of something; each one of his meant something, were not just drawn on carelessly and without intent (with the exception of one). There were those who came into the Qian Tattoo House with nothing concrete in mind, who simply wanted something beautiful or impressive. It was these people for whom it hurt the most; for whom the needle seemed to pierce more deeply, the lines cutting skin that had never been meant to cut. Liwei treated these people with a careful kindness, letting them have their moments of privacy while they took in what they had decided to do - most of the time on a whim.
However, there were also those that came into the House with a purpose; a specific idea in mind, something for which they wanted to have a deeper meaning than just art. And it was those men and women that Liwei performed the greatest, the intricate details of his work clearly and magnificently visible on the skin of those who cared enough to know exactly what it was that they wanted.
Finished with the initial outline, the grooves in Jianyu's shoulder reddened and raw, Liwei dipped a cloth into the basin and gently ran it over his son's upper arm. The cool water felt wonderful against his heated skin, and for a few moments Jianyu let his eyes close, breathing deeply. Then it came time for the black, the permanent paint that would forever be imprinted onto his body.
This part was not nearly as painful as the first, for Liwei was simply filling in the grooves left by the first needle with the necessary ink and paint. It was not quick work by any means, however; Qian Liwei never rushed. he worked meticulously and carefully, his lines strong and purposeful as he drew, and Jianyu turned his head to watch him. His father's expression was one of great concentration, but there was also a serene calmness about him that automatically made one feel unexpectedly relaxed. Liwei gave off a kind and gentle air that made his patrons comfortable around him, and Jianyu was no different.
He let his father work in silence, neither of them speaking for a long time. Then, after an hour had passed, Liwei straightened, setting the needle down on the tray and once again dipping the cloth into the basin, rubbing it over Jianyu's shoulder to get rid of any excess ink that had strayed from its proper place and to soothe the aching redness.
"What do you think?" Liwei asked gently, and Jianyu stood, crossing to stand in front of the full-length mirror that hung on the wall opposite.
The wings of the hawk stood out prominently, stretching from his upper arm and spreading elegantly across his shoulder and partially onto his back. It was as if it were reaching towards the limitless sky, desperate and determined for flight, to soar above the clouds and lose itself in the clear, crystalline blue. Jianyu gazed at it for a few moments, then lifted his hand, gently running his fingers along the warm lines carved into his skin, brushing over the ink and the redness.
"It's perfect."
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