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a-disgruntled-dragon


PostPosted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 5:33 am


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 8:24 am


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I can see you have a good basic idea going on behind your character concept, but it could use a little fiddling with to bring it out more. One thing I want to touch on is the role of 'Edmund' in your roleplays - interesting concept, but sounds difficult to make relevant because it's so heavily internalized. Other characters can't respond to Edmund's voice, and the way he's written out you might end up having more roleplay going on with yourself than with other characters in moments where a Mean Voice in Alexandra's Head would manifest itself.

As a general rule of thumb, I tend to suggest avoiding severe psychological / health problems in character concepts, because they create a trend of relying on "Issues" to make a character interesting instead of using the form properly to achieve the same ends. Granted, there are several characters with blatant psych issues (look at half of the Negaverse, for example), but the key to making it work is structuring it in such a way that 1- makes it interactive, and 2- incorporates it well enough into your character that you're still roleplaying a character and not an illness. And you already have plenty of this going on without needing a voice in Alex's said, so I suggest focusing more on her control issues and tendency to panic and less on a possible case of schizophrenia. <3 That's seriously plenty to work with to make an RP interesting, and I really appreciate seeing a flaw set that contains a lot of personal weaknesses.

I would recommend a second look at the Self-Doubt flaw, though, since if it's all "going on in her head" no one can see it, which robs it of its value as a weakness -- how can it affect roleplay if no one can see signs of it? There's no need to go so far as to have her go BAWWW I SUCK BAWWW at everyone, but if she's that depressive about herself it would make her a lot more interesting if people could see signs of it in her behavior. I'd also consider linking this with her Control Freak trait somehow, does she act this way because she thinks it will make her feel less worthless?

Really, right now her Cry Baby trait is more of an appropriate weakness than any of her other traits are; a tendency to lose self-control like that has the potential to lead to a lot of conflict / Bad Things along with some pretty fun stories.

The last thing I want to touch on personality-wise is her Empathy virtue. The write-up you have for it really doesn't seem like a unique character trait -- it's more like a standard characteristic of a human being. She cares about her friends a whole lot and can tell when they're upset after she's gotten to know them? It would be a more appropos personality trait if someone didn't have these tendencies, not if someone did. XDD I think you can pull some better-fitting virtues out of her hobbies, like, if she's been dancing since she was four, that implies she has a capacity to be dedicated to a cause.


HOKAY SENSHI-CONCEPT.

Okay, Spinning Deflection. This is more of a suggestion, but have you thought of the attack working as just one spin and deflecting one attack instead of having a duration period? It could flow really well if this were something she could use occasionally in a fight, with the use of a random dance spin able to block an attack. c: I'd also suggest noting that since she bounces back projectiles in a more or less random angle, there's always a chance that anything that gets deflected can end up hitting an ally. Also, do her spins still hold up against higher-tier opponents like super senshi and Negaverse captains, or would they be able to break through her blocks?

Really, I'm being kind of shameless with my suggesting here since I've wanted to see a senshi of Dance for a really long time and always thought that using dance moves as a physical combat style would be a lot of fun. XD;; I'm not going to force you in that direction since you want a support senshi, but just bear with me.

Her Eternal attack needs to have more to do with her sphere of Dance and less to do with healing - you have the dancing part sort of as a secondary characteristic to it at this stage. I'm liking what you're kind of going on with the Super attack, since it's sort of a reference to dancing as a form of entertainment -> people like to watch dancers; maybe have Captivating Dance be the Eternal attack and create room for more crowd control? <3 You could also pull slightly from Dance Till Morn and instead of outright forcing opponents to dance, it gives them an inexplicably strong urge to shirk their duties in favor of dancing themselves. Basically, Terpsichore Tries to Start a Spontaneous Dance Party. 8D Could be fun, man.

cibarium

Noob



a-disgruntled-dragon


PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 7:59 pm


Oh... Yes, I can see what you are talking about, Mouse. She actually /was/ an attack senshi before but it seemed her attacks were too Princess Tutu like and I scrapped the whole thing. I want her to be an attack senshi, I'm just not sure how to go about it.

Would it be alright if I PMed you about this, as I really want Alex to get marked and I'd like the help. ^^
PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 8:18 pm


You can, but please keep in mind the personality's more important than the senshi concept when we look at who to stamp! <3

cibarium

Noob



a-disgruntled-dragon


PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 8:28 pm


Okay! I'm gonna ask about that too, if that's alright as well. ^^
PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 8:46 pm


Go ahead and shoot me a message. XD I'm about to go sleep though, so I probably won't be able to reply until tomorrow.

cibarium

Noob



a-disgruntled-dragon


PostPosted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 12:39 am


In the process of reworking Terpsi again.
PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 2:44 pm


How did you change the title

Urimian

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Urimian

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 3:04 pm


Hey Makette. Remember me? Would it be OK if my character Jerry Timblex, be Alexandra's friend?
PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:20 pm


-dusts off the thread- I need to edit this so bad.

Much thanks to Mouse, again. ^^ Sorry I didn't PM you back; school ate my life. D:

@Urimian: Hmm... -checks his character- I'd like to see him developed a little more before I decide, if that's alright. ^^


a-disgruntled-dragon



Urimian

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 6:21 pm


OK. Now i have updated Jerry, so check it out now.plz.
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:22 pm


Sorry Urimian, but I just can't see Alex being friends with him. I just don't think it would click.


Updated 29/03/2010

Finished updating her attacks, and reworked some of her flaws.

Thanks to Mouse... again. xD


a-disgruntled-dragon



litian

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 2:31 am


Hi Makette, I've read through Terpsichore's profile and she reads really well. I also really like her updated attacks.

I did try to think up a crit, but to be honest nothing comes to mind.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2010 5:17 pm


Thanks for looking her over litian. ^^


a-disgruntled-dragon




a-disgruntled-dragon


PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 9:06 pm


Updated 08/04/2010

-Changed her hair color to deep purple with black tips
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