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 Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:27 am
Toulouse’s breath came a little rapidly as he looked at Julien, surprised that he wasn’t even more angry with him. Lord knew that Toulouse deserved whatever Julien had to say to him. He was out of line again. He just…didn’t know what came over him when Julien started saying things like that to him. Toulouse brought his hand up slowly, palm facing him. Near the center of his hand, a thin silver pin protruded halfway from the soft flesh like some strange form a of acupuncture. He blushed deeply in embarrassment, hiding both his hands behind his back and out of sight.
“I-I’m fine.” Toulouse said weakly, scooting away from Julien so that his back was up against the far wall with his hands still behind him. He did want Julien to have to heal him again. Everything was just so screwed up. He thought that if he was sneaky about it, he could remove the pin without Julien ever knowing. It’s not like it was bleeding or anything. “Please forgive me Julien. You say things like that and I…I get so angry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It just sort of spills over onto you.”
“I bet I will! I like all the books I read…well mostly.” Felicity said with a laugh. “You don’t by chance have any copies laying around do you?”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:34 am
Julien watched him tug away and sighed, moving to sit with his back against the side of the bed, hunched over. "Say which?" he asked, voice quiet. "That you were being an a*****e, or that I love you?" He didn't look at Toulouse as he asked, instead just staring at the mess they'd made of the quilt backing. It wouldn't really take much to fix... a new sheet of paper and a few pins... but that wasn't the point.
"Because you were," he added softly. "And I do."
"I should have one somewhere," Mireille said, getting up from the table with something like relief. "Let me go find it. I'll be back in just a bit."
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:04 am
Toulouse pressed himself up against the wall a bit harder as he began to pull on the pin blindly. His toes curled a bit as he tugged it out bit by bit. It hurt but nothing unbearable and he answered Julien with an even voice and an expressionless face, “The…second one sort of.” The pin slide out of his skin and it was the grossed feeling of metal on muscle he had ever felt. Toulouse clenched his jaw and made an angry face. “I understand, but I don’t want you to love me.” He dropped his head to his chest just a he dropped the freed pin from his hand to the floor. “I don’t want you to die too. I am what you say but that is how I feel about it.” This Toulouse said mournfully to the carpet.
“Wonderful!” Felicity clapped. “I shall then buy it from you and have you sign it for me!” She cried happily half in jest.
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:14 am
"You don't get to control how I feel," Julien countered quietly, shaking his head. "I'm going to love you whether you want me to or not." He sighed, drawing his legs up so that his arms could drape over his knees. "And I know I said I thought you looked good, but it's not that way. I'm not in love with you. I know that much. I just care. I want to stop your pain, and make you happy. What's that but love?"
One hand lifted, scrubbing at his face as Julien tried to gather his thoughts. It was odd, how his chest felt tight at the thought of trying to explain this. After a moment, he shoved himself to his feet, getting up without a word to stalk out of the room. He was gone only a moment - it didn't take long to walk the few feet through the hall to his own room and back - and he dropped a quilt down atop Toulouse.
"There," he muttered, moving to stand at the window himself. "You probably don't want me touching you right now, so... consider that a hug, okay?" He didn't look at Toulouse, not quite sure he could take it if the golden teen chose to reject the offering.
"Okay, I'll sign it for you," Mireille chuckled, relaxing further as she called out the words. That, she knew how to handle. That was expected, and she liked the thought of giving this woman a little gift.
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 3:44 pm
Julien had left the room before Toulouse even had a chance to respond. He was shocked, supposing he had made Julien more angry after all. He took the moment of aloneness to gather his cluttered thoughts and to look at his injured right hand. He brought it out from behind his back, examining it closely. It wasn’t bleeding and it didn’t really hurt, but Toulouse could see the hole where the pin went through.
He flexed his fingers thoughtfully for any aches only to thrust his hand deep into his pocket as Julien burst back into the room, dropping a quilt on him suddenly. A hug? He watched Julien stand by the window not looking at him. Toulouse wasn’t about to discard the blanket that Julien had given him in kindness.
“Thank you.” Toulouse whispered with his face pressed against the blanket, knees drawn up. It smelled exactly like Julien and he wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. Face still nestled in the quilt, Toulouse made an irritated noise. “It seems we’ve had this conversation before. I never really did explain. I’m not trying to control how you feel. I know that people with think and speak and do whatever they will. I can’t change that, but just because someone does something, doesn't mean I have to agree with it. I’m just saying how I feel about it.” He bit his lip still not looking up. “I don’t want to be like my father, the poor b*****d, rest his soul.”
“Yeah!” Felicity called excitedly. “I’ve never read a book before where I knew the author personally.”
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:41 am
"What was your father like?" Julien asked, hesitating a moment before finally turning to look at Toulouse. He froze when he saw the teen clinging to his blanket, eyes swimming with sudden tears as he tried to figure out exactly what to do or say to Toulouse. Would a real hug really be so unwelcome, given the way Toulouse was nestling into the fabric?
But... no, it wasn't the right time, however much Julien longed to go to his friend and cuddle him close. He needed to listen and understand right now, not push his own needs on Toulouse. Moving to the bed, Julien sat down on it slowly, just watching Toulouse as he listened.
"You may hate it," Mireille countered. "It's more awkward when you know the author. You feel obliged to like it, even when you don't." She stepped back into the kitchen with one of the books, moving to get a pen from the container near the phone. "Do you want any special message?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:26 am
“A b*****d.” Toulouse said angrily distracted, finally looking up to see that Julien was staring at him peculiarly. “He was everything that he was supposed to be: cold, arrogant, conceited, controlling. He was right and you were wrong. He’d say jump and you’d say how high?” He paused clenching his fists tightly in the blanket, then continued. “I was his only son and he hated me. I was never good enough. My hair was too golden, my skin to pale. He never did let me forget my inadequacies.” This he said wryly with a mocking sort of laugh.
Toulouse had no idea why he was suddenly telling this to Julien. At was as if years of all his pent up perceptions of his father just suddenly burst out. He had never really told anyone before what he truly thought of the man…but now that he was dead, Toulouse could say what he liked with no consequences.
“He did love my mother though and my sisters…and that was what made him great, saved him in a way.” Toulouse said this softly. There was no envy or anger in his voice, only a deep kind of penetrating fondness. He realized that he still held some perverse kind of love for his tyrannical father.
“I seriously doubt that, but on the off shoot that I do, you’ll be the first to know it.” Felicity replied gaily. “I always give my true opinion of the book no matter what.” Felicity watched as Mir opened the book and took out a pen. “Special message? I don’t know, surprise me!” She smiled.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:00 pm
Julien considered for a several long moments, then looked over at Toulouse again. "You don't sound anything like him to me, really," he offered quietly. "I may not be your only son, but you've accepted me as I am, and we're true friends. I guess I don't understand why you wouldn't want me to love you, especially after what you've said." He paused, hesitating a moment before asking quietly, "Is it because you think I'd do something you don't want? Because I think you're attractive?"
"Hmm," Mireille said thoughtfully for a moment, then began to write, her handwriting flawless as she signed the book. She'd practiced for this for years, at first in wishful thinking, and then in honest expectation, and though she didn't sign books constantly, she signed enough to be used to the way the papers lay. "To Felicity, may the friends you find in books be mirrored in life. Yours, Mireille Lemieux," she penned, then pushed the book over for Felicity to see.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:21 pm
Toulouse jumped at Julien’s last question as if he’d been slapped. It was so untoward and random that he had not been expecting the other boy to say such a thing. He didn’t even think of Julien in that way nor did he think that the other boy would make any unwanted advances. Yet, the question had hit a bleeding nerve that made Toulouse’s chest tight with fear and anger with a twinge of wanted revenge. Toulouse’s magic rose up around him as he envisioned killing a certain person. He felt his aura thicken and snap with power, readying for a phantom battle.
He suddenly buried his face back into the blanket in his arms not wanting Julien to see the malicious sneer that twisted across his face as he tried to control himself. He shut his eye tight not sure how to answer a question like that when all he could seem to think about was the feel of cold hands on his skin and hushed voices in the dark. “No.” He replied hoarsely looking over the blanket at Julien with two smoldering eyes of blue. “I would never think you capable of such a thing. It‘s just-just that I don‘t feel like I can live up to your expectations of love. I failed my sisters and I don‘t want to fail you.” The last part came out harder than he wanted as Toulouse willed Julien to understand something he did even understand in himself.
“Thank you so much!” Felicity gushed grabbing the book and holding it close to her chest. “I’m excited now. I can’t wait to read it! How long did it take you to write this book?”
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:42 pm
Julien sighed, shaking his head and dropping back to lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling as he thought about what Toulouse said. His arms splayed out to either side, stretching the length of the bed. "I don't have... no, that's not right," he corrected himself after a moment. "I do have expectations. But... you're not going to fail me, or not live up to them. Just because I love you doesn't make me blind to your faults, any more than you being my friend keeps you from wanting to knock my head in sometimes. Don't push this away because you're scared of disappointing me, okay? All that will do is hurt me more."
Julien rolled to his stomach, arms folding in to pillow under his chin as he closed his eyes, his back more or less to Toulouse. "Neither of us are the people we were before, you know. We can't be. Time doesn't stop or go back just because we got reborn. Our friendship with each other alone has changed us, and that's just one thing, let alone all the others."
"I don't really know," Mireille admitted, blushing and looking away. "I never really focused on that part." She hesitated, then admitted quietly, "I don't like to think about that time of my life."
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 9:09 pm
Toulouse crawled across the floor to the edge of the bed with Julien’s quilt still in hand. He rose up on his knees and placed his elbows on the side of the mattress, propping his head on his folded arms. “But I don’t want to disappoint you.” He said plaintively grasping at the thought. “I don’t want to make you unhappy either…but it seems I always do.” He had a feeling that Julien was going to win this in the end and that Toulouse was going to love him just as much.
Toulouse stared at the back of Julien’s pale hair for a moment not saying that he thought that time had stopped and that he hadn’t changed at all. Not really.
Felicity realized that she had unwittingly stepped into something unpleasant and she tried to backtrack. “Oh, that’s okay.” She said with a wave of her hand not wanting Mir to feel bad. She wasn‘t going to ask what was wrong and would let Mir tell her when she was ready.. “It’s not the time you spent on the book but the finished product, right? That’s all the really matters. I‘m glad that you‘re an author.”
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:27 pm
"You're being true to yourself," Julien murmured softly, hearing the way Toulouse's voice grew closer and resisting the urge to look back at him. "And you make me happy as much as you make me unhappy, you know," he added, fighting himself for a long moment before finally giving in and looking back at Toulouse. "You still staying tonight, so we can get more work on the quilt done?" he asked, fighting to keep the hint of vulnerability from his voice.
Mireille let Felicity push her back into the present, and she smiled, nodding back to the woman. "Thank you," she murmured, not sure what else to say. "I guess it's probably about time to start thinking about dinner, isn't it?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:54 pm
“I guess…that it even things out then.” Toulouse said after a moment, head still resting on his arms as he looked at Julien. Did he want to stay the night? Toulouse wasn’t quite sure. That was a long space of time for him to mess up and make Jules angry at him again. If that happened it could be permanent. He didn’t want that to happen but…
“Yes, I‘ll stay. If Mir is alright with that. I wouldn’t want to impose or anything. I’m really-er sorry about the quilt. I didn’t mean to trip over it. Can it be put right?” He asked this slowly and cautiously, not sure how Julien was going to react to having his hard work being destroyed.
“Oh my goodness yes! I feel like I could eat a horse…well, I always feel like that but still! What are we going to do about it? Shall we enlist Julien’s help?” Felicity asked excitedly not sure what they were going to do.
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 12:06 am
As Toulouse agreed, Julien relaxed a little, daring to reach out and brush his fingers through the blond hair before moving to sit up, nodding. "You didn't do anything that can't be fixed in a few minutes," he assured Toulouse, no anger in his voice. If anything, it held relief to it, and a quiet certainty that things were going to be okay.
"Wanna work on those squares again? I think I know how big to make them, now," he added, resisting the urge to touch Toulouse again as he moved to drop off the side of the bed and settle near the remains of the quilt-backing.
"Actually, I thought this time I might order in fried chicken?" Mireille suggested. "I try to give him a break from the kitchen sometimes, and he was so excited about whatever project they're working on up there."
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 6:14 pm
Toulouse was mildly startled when Julien reached out and touched him, but he regained his composure quickly. “I think I shall watch you first to see how it’s done. Then I’ll give it a go.” Toulouse replied some of his old spark returning from earlier.
“I love ordering out! Sounds good to me.” Felicity smiled. “Let me call Toulouse down and see what he thinks. Sometimes he’s a bit picky about things like this.” Felicity promptly called up to Toulouse.
“Oh!” Toulouse heard Felicity’s distant voice from downstairs call up to him. She wanted to see him. “Hang on. I’ll be right back. The mistress has summoned me.” He suppressed a sigh of relief, glad that Felicity wanted him. Toulouse would’ve have left the room otherwise but he still was thankful for the reprieve. The room was getting a little stuffy and he needed a break. He made his way to the door. Wondering what Felicity wanted.
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