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 Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:13 pm
Toulouse took a deep shuddering breath, cuddling even more against Julien. “I won’t mourn their deaths by crying. It’s not our way. It’s the only thing I have left.” Toulouse blinked his wet eyes hard, willing the tears not to come. He could not cry. Not for anyone. No one deserved that. He knew he should be happy, but he just couldn't bear that.
Toulouse’s thin arms wrapped around Julien’s waist in a clenching hug. Julien said he was good, but he knew he wasn’t. He knew what was hidden in the light. “I’m not good.” Toulouse breathed in reply to Julien. “If I was good they’d be alive. If I was good then I would’ve killed that b*****d. If I was good, I wouldn’t have been reborn in such a place as this.” Toulouse said his last words barely above a whisper, most of the letters were jumbled up because of Julien’s shirt. “Are there no second chances for those who are truly good?”
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Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:33 pm
"It's not their deaths you're mourning," Julien countered, petting Toulouse's hair gently, not willing to pull away even when Toulouse's grip became painful. "It's your own loss, and everyone should have some outlet to release the pain before it explodes." He paused, then cuddled Toulouse a bit. "You have more than just that."
And then the question came, and Julien leaned his head back against the tree, staring up at the leaves as he considered the question. His hand never faltered in how it was petting Toulouse's hair gently, but his attention was elsewhere, considering the words, and just what to say... both what he believed, and whether what he believed was really what Toulouse needed to hear.
"Maybe you weren't good before," he finally said quietly, watching the way the sun dappled through the filmy green of the leaves. "But you are now. I know that as surely as I know that you're my friend." He sighed softly. "This... this is your second chance, Toulouse. It's a whole other life for you to figure out what to do with. It's up to you whether you let this entire life be centered on mistakes of the past... or whether you let yourself learn how to fix the mistakes you can and accept the ones you can't."
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Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:54 pm
“Perhaps.” Toulouse conceded quietly. He snuggled a bit against Julien again, forgetting what it was like to be with one of his own kind. That thought alone, if anything, comforted him. He tried to listen to Julien’s word and knew he was right. However, just because he was right didn’t mean Toulouse had to like it. The truth was always harder for him to accept than a pretty lie, always. Maybe it was time for him to finally search out the truth.
Toulouse settled against Julien with a sigh, letting the boy’s own warmth and the warmth of the noon day sun soothe him. He closed his eyes, just listening to Julien’s heartbeat. “Thanks,” Toulouse whispered. “For being my friend Julien.”
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Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:19 pm
"I'll always be your friend," Julien returned, his voice soft. "No matter what." It was an easy promise to make, and Julien suspected it would be a hard promise to keep... but it was one he wouldn't shy away from, regardless of the reason.
And maybe someday, Toulouse would tell him what he was still hiding.
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