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Harry blinked, tilting his head slightly. "Yeah, I guess she's pretty cute," he finally agreed after a moment, though it was a little hesitant; sure, the spider certainly seemed cute, but those fangs and front legs were a predator's, meant to maim and kill.
The spider chirped happily, skittering into her new owner's hand.
Phobius quirked an eyebrow at Hermione as he noticed the spike of fear coming from her, but didn't comment, instead giving her hand a light, comforting squeeze.

The spider chirruped, indicating that she liked the first name more than the second; being compared to the Devil was good for her ego.
Phobius simply nodded in understanding, giving her a light, comforting squeeze back.

Eris nodded before leading them back to the fireplace they'd come from, the lot of them Flooing back to her home.
Once they were back, Phobius quirked an eyebrow in surprise as seeing Mitis sitting in the living room with a box in his lap. "Why are you in my living room?"
"Minion Scarface's Chrissy-mass present was getting impatient, so Mitis figured Mitis might as well give it now," Mitis explained cheerfully, holding out the box (which, upon further inspection, had air holes) to Harry. "Mitis met him in woods. He say he going to Brazil, but he get interested when Mitis mention Minion Scarface, so he agree to be Mitis Crissy-mass prezzie to Minion Scarface!"
Harry blinked, hesitantly taking the present as if it were going to explode any moment now... which, knowing Mitis, was a distinct possibility.

(Quick question (which just so happens to be relevant to the current situation): are we basing this RP off the books, the movies, or a mix of the two?)

Harry nodded, opening the large box... and then blinked as a familiar scaled head poked out. The boa constrictor looked around lazily before focusing on Harry. ~Yo. Got any mice, amigo?~
He blinked several times, then spoke. ~Er, no, sorry.~
~Eh, it's all right, amigo; just make sure to feed me at some point. And don't forget to give me a name - I want a name.~
~Okay, I can do that.~ He then looked up from his new familiar to see everyone staring at him (with the exception of Mitis, who was looking rather gleeful). "What? Is there something on my face?"

~Thanks. And relax, señora, I wouldn't hurt a Speaker,~ the snake answered amicably, taking the mouse and swallowing it whole. With that, he slithered up onto Harry's shoulders.
Phobius, meanwhile, had gotten over his shock and gave the two a deadpan look. "Exactly when were you two planning on telling us you could speak Parseltongue?"
Harry blinked, turning to his friend with a blank stare. "Par-what?"
"Parseltongue," Mitis explained helpfully. "'S what humans call snake-language."
Harry blinked. "Er, you mean speaking snake's not a normal thing for wizards?"
"Hardly - Parseltongue's a genetic gift, and it's pretty damn rare in England," Eris put in her two cents, having similarly snapped out of her shock. "That being said, I'm going to be making an Inheritance Potion for you two to figure out exactly where the hell you got it from."
Mitis just gave a knowing, maniacal giggle.

Eris paused, considering that a moment. "...Okay, that could be it, but you'll be using the Inheritance Potion anyway just to check."
"Well, Mitis gave Harry a pet boa constrictor, and apparently Harry and Katherine are Parselmouths - in other words, they speak snake," Phobius summed up dryly. "Which begs the question: Mitis, exactly how did you know they were Parselmouths?"
"Mitis didn't - Mitis knew Minion Scarface was Snake-speaker. Minion Kitty being snake-speaker unexpected," Mitis corrected.
"And how did you know Harry was a Parselmouth?" Phobius asked dryly.
"Mitis speak Draconian," was the amicable reply. "Draconian is to Snake-speak as Ye Olde English is to modern English: one nearly incomprehensible to other unless you really think through... or have magical gift for languages... but can still get general point across. Can't speak Draconian without dragon blood, though."
"...I see... that makes sense, I suppose..." was all Phobius said, his tone indicating it did not make sense in the slightest, and that if the world didn't resume making sense soon, he was going to snap someone's neck... probably Mitis's.
Harry, meanwhile, had gotten tired of this conversation and was currently discussing possible names with his new boa constrictor.

"Quite. That's the thing about situations where Mitis is involved: they tend to escalate into absurdity at an astounding rate - even faster if any fire is involved or someone is stupid enough to provoke him," Phobius answered in a monotone that indicated he was repressing traumatic memories.
Mitis giggled insanely. "Fetchez la vache, fetchez la vache, fetchez la vache," he chanted, causing Phobius to visibly cringe.
Harry nodded slowly and thoughtfully before resuming suggesting names to the snake, obviously firmly ignoring the world around him lest Mitis scar him for life.

Mitis hissed, dodging the spell with surprising ease and immediately darted to the corner of the room, hissing at Hermione and glaring with disturbingly piercing eyes.
~That name sounds good; looks like I'm a Diego,~ the newly named Diego decided happily before glancing over at the hissing Mitis curiously. ~What's with him? Is he shedding or something?~