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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 6:48 pm
Luo1304 Yeah technically, the Demascus clan is already established, plus as greg said you are technically an Uchiha to begin with. @Shaye: Why the banging of the forehead? I started writing a book and I have severe writer's block and I just reread what I have so far and it sucks. Srsly. __________[Sting]¬ "Forget the past, you can't change it so there's no use in thinking about it; live the present, because you could be dead; and dream the future, because it's not set in stone." _________[Prologue] There are some things that are a part of the reality in which we live. There are some things that are not a part of our reality. Separating the two is a fine line, a border, a gap in space-time, a void. What lies along that border, what fills that void, what makes up that fine line, is unbeknownst to many people with few standing as the lone exceptions, those that have the Sight. Bridging that gap, breaking that which forms a strict barrier to separate reality from that which is not, shattering all of the rules and twisting the world into exactly what it could potentially be, that is my job. Our job. To blur the line that divides reality from that which is not, while infiltrating the mind in its most vulnerable state, is our job, for we are the elite. We are the people who can bend, twist, or shatter people in mere seconds. By assaulting the mind, we have harnessed the power to manipulate and bend reality. My team and I are the top espionage agents of Sting. I’ve done a lot of things in my part that I’m not proud of. My name is Nike, and I have done terrible things. I have sworn my alliance, my soul, my physical being, to a dark empire. I have committed crimes in its name. Slowly, one by one, I have annihilated everything and everyone who had a chance of standing in my way. And with no one to stop us, Sting has brought entire metropolitan cities to their knees. Our strength is raw and at times, it cannot be controlled. At times, it wreaks havoc on the reality in which we have found ourselves imprisoned like animals. The few times that such has happened, the dictatorship that we have been suppressed by, properly named the Rising, has had to cover our tracks, relocate families, erase memories, and pay to keep people quiet. They keep trying to find us, but there is no way to pin down that which lurks in the corners of your mind, hovering on the edge of peoples’ subconscious. There is no way to pin down that which has not yet become tangible. My name is Nike, and I have done terrible things. I have held the most powerful people in the world at gunpoint, forcing them to do Sting’s bidding. I have burned homes to the ground, taken children from their families. I have annihilated everyone who has dared to stand in my way. I have caused people to bow to the will of Black Widow, our charismatic leader. My name means "victory". I have done terrible things. And I have absolutely no regrets.
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 8:49 pm
I personally like the prologue. As for the dialogue from Sting I like where he's going, but I think that you could make his statement more bold and appealing to any reader without using phrases that we all commonly know. If there is a certain style with which Sting is supposed to speak, then I suggest thinking about that style before writing his lines. And judging by what I can gather about this character from the prologue and his line here, I can sense that he's a lot more hardened and seasoned than your character. In saying that, I don't think he'd be one to be cliche you know? But I don't know, it is your character and I could be looking at him in the wrong light.
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 8:56 pm
Luo1304 The New LT Gregar828 The New LT Luo1304 Mistah BomChickaWahWah Excellent. twisted That means that Luo can now be the secret rival that I plan to one day clash with and destroy. Though I will be like Vegeta and you can be Goku. But unlike DBZ, Vegeta shall triumph each time and eventually kill Goku. Bwuahahaahahahahaaha! No you don't have any say in this. blaugh Tsk tsk tsk, you should pick your battles a bit more wisely there buddy. Especially considering I'm almost done with the official Ushio Oshi-ten Dageki style. Should i make a Demascus blood line? Oh and LT is on Luo's side. But you're already an Uchiha. That has nothing to do with the Demascus bloodline. LT is a born a Uchiha, and adopted into the Demascus. I was just wondering if i should make blood line for the Demascus, even though LT wont be one. Just figured that the mist needed some more clans because most are from Leaf. Hmmmm, I do see your point there. Well I'm figuring obviously it would be centered around weapons and weapon crafting if you did? It should be a weapon style so people can keep being Hyuga's and use this >>
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:00 pm
Luo1304 I personally like the prologue. As for the dialogue from Sting I like where he's going, but I think that you could make his statement more bold and appealing to any reader without using phrases that we all commonly know. If there is a certain style with which Sting is supposed to speak, then I suggest thinking about that style before writing his lines. And judging by what I can gather about this character from the prologue and his line here, I can sense that he's a lot more hardened and seasoned than your character. In saying that, I don't think he'd be one to be cliche you know? But I don't know, it is your character and I could be looking at him in the wrong light. Sting isn’t a person, unfortunately. Sting is the dark empire. Sting is an organization that Nike works for.
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:10 pm
@bb: Why hello there again bb, it's certainly been a while. Buuuut I don't think their clan should be a weapon style....we have enough of those in Kiri for now.
@Shaye: See what I mean, I had a feeling I might be wrong when reading that prologue. Sting felt like an entity, but whether physical or not I couldn't really decide. Well in that case I would definitely say that an organization like that would probably say the same thing, but with different words. Your story isn't at all bad it actually seems like something I might pick up and read in my spare time (which is rare mind you). But I'm sure you'll find the words and the muse you're looking for to write this the way you want it to be written. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:17 pm
Luo1304 @bb: Why hello there again bb, it's certainly been a while. Buuuut I don't think their clan should be a weapon style....we have enough of those in Kiri for now. @Shaye: See what I mean, I had a feeling I might be wrong when reading that prologue. Sting felt like an entity, but whether physical or not I couldn't really decide. Well in that case I would definitely say that an organization like that would probably say the same thing, but with different words. Your story isn't at all bad it actually seems like something I might pick up and read in my spare time (which is rare mind you). But I'm sure you'll find the words and the muse you're looking for to write this the way you want it to be written. 3nodding Three is not enough imo, especially when those 3 make up about 50% of the weapon styles in this guild...I just wanna forge weapons DX, or at least not have people go "oh the demascus forges weapons so you can't", cause that not cool dude. Oh and hello Luo, welcome back XD.
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:35 pm
bb3000ae Luo1304 @bb: Why hello there again bb, it's certainly been a while. Buuuut I don't think their clan should be a weapon style....we have enough of those in Kiri for now. @Shaye: See what I mean, I had a feeling I might be wrong when reading that prologue. Sting felt like an entity, but whether physical or not I couldn't really decide. Well in that case I would definitely say that an organization like that would probably say the same thing, but with different words. Your story isn't at all bad it actually seems like something I might pick up and read in my spare time (which is rare mind you). But I'm sure you'll find the words and the muse you're looking for to write this the way you want it to be written. 3nodding Three is not enough imo, especially when those 3 make up about 50% of the weapon styles in this guild...I just wanna forge weapons DX, or at least not have people go "oh the demascus forges weapons so you can't", cause that not cool dude. Oh and hello Luo, welcome back XD. Hahaha, well you've got me there. But in turn Kiri is supposed to be known for its weapon specialists. Just like basically every cannon clan comes from Konoha. Each village has to have something to call their own you know? Perhaps if other villages created their own weapon styles, you wouldn't feel that way. But that's really up to the villagers in those villages nes pas? And you can forge your own weapon, we never said you couldn't. However, judging on their description at their clan house it would just be noted that their clan has been doing it for centuries. Doesn't mean you can't know how either, just means they have more experience. And thanks xp
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:38 pm
Mist is the only one with a group of S rank ninja's that use swords as their main weapon XD
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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 12:29 am
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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 1:43 am
But we do have the hunter-nin xp
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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 2:34 pm
Luo1304 The New LT Gregar828 The New LT Luo1304 Mistah BomChickaWahWah Excellent. twisted That means that Luo can now be the secret rival that I plan to one day clash with and destroy. Though I will be like Vegeta and you can be Goku. But unlike DBZ, Vegeta shall triumph each time and eventually kill Goku. Bwuahahaahahahahaaha! No you don't have any say in this. blaugh Tsk tsk tsk, you should pick your battles a bit more wisely there buddy. Especially considering I'm almost done with the official Ushio Oshi-ten Dageki style. Should i make a Demascus blood line? Oh and LT is on Luo's side. But you're already an Uchiha. That has nothing to do with the Demascus bloodline. LT is a born a Uchiha, and adopted into the Demascus. I was just wondering if i should make blood line for the Demascus, even though LT wont be one. Just figured that the mist needed some more clans because most are from Leaf. Hmmmm, I do see your point there. Well I'm figuring obviously it would be centered around weapons and weapon crafting if you did? I was thinking more along the lines of the electronic manipulation of molecules, that is how they produce the perfect weapons. The required elements would be water and lightning of course.
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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 4:29 pm
The New LT Luo1304 The New LT Gregar828 The New LT Should i make a Demascus blood line? Oh and LT is on Luo's side. But you're already an Uchiha. That has nothing to do with the Demascus bloodline. LT is a born a Uchiha, and adopted into the Demascus. I was just wondering if i should make blood line for the Demascus, even though LT wont be one. Just figured that the mist needed some more clans because most are from Leaf. Hmmmm, I do see your point there. Well I'm figuring obviously it would be centered around weapons and weapon crafting if you did? I was thinking more along the lines of the electronic manipulation of molecules, that is how they produce the perfect weapons. The required elements would be water and lightning of course. So logic dictates that you make weapon forging into a style XD, and the higher up you go the better your materials get the stronger the weapons get muhahaha
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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 6:43 pm
bb3000ae The New LT Luo1304 The New LT Gregar828 The New LT Should i make a Demascus blood line? Oh and LT is on Luo's side. But you're already an Uchiha. That has nothing to do with the Demascus bloodline. LT is a born a Uchiha, and adopted into the Demascus. I was just wondering if i should make blood line for the Demascus, even though LT wont be one. Just figured that the mist needed some more clans because most are from Leaf. Hmmmm, I do see your point there. Well I'm figuring obviously it would be centered around weapons and weapon crafting if you did? I was thinking more along the lines of the electronic manipulation of molecules, that is how they produce the perfect weapons. The required elements would be water and lightning of course. So logic dictates that you make weapon forging into a style XD, and the higher up you go the better your materials get the stronger the weapons get muhahaha Of course, but i try to not god mode with weapons, at the very least i try not to god mode at all with LT or any of my RPC's and NPC's ....except for nikko blaugh , but the fact that if i make this clan and there is someone who is also a possible infinite one sword user makes if very difficult not to god mode.
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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 7:12 pm
Its not god mod if your actually a god XD, I could help you work on said style, it be fun : D speaking of weapons has anyone noticed no one has approved custom weapons in a month *cough* lol
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Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 8:15 pm
bb3000ae Its not god mod if your actually a god XD, I could help you work on said style, it be fun : D speaking of weapons has anyone noticed no one has approved custom weapons in a month *cough* lol *Rolls eyes*
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