[IC] =Epine de Rose's Teepee= (Paramekia)

[Epine de Rose]

[.PLOT . LOG.]
...To Make the Blind See...
"...Following a rather rocky encounter with Anelisse, Fenghuang finds himself in a rather unusual predicament. At first compelled through moral compass alone he charged himself with her protection - however, over the course of the days in which he observes her he grows to realise he's developing an unhealthy obssession.

Unhappy with what he is turning into he turns towards an altnerative answer to his problem in the hope of finding a simpler solution - but is this masked mare really in possession of the answers he seeks...?"

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It wasn't healthy, even in his current state who could have told himself that. Yet here he was, bewitched by a mare and some meddling spirits. They had feasted upon his vulnerabilities, the spirits aware of his moral code and more importantly to the slight inferiority he felt when placed beside his brothers. While they were significantly older than he was, each one of them had achieved so much and at some point in their lives an act of heroism had not been uncommon. They'd fallen in love, sired children and seemed to live almost ideal and picturesque lives. When Fenghuang compared himself to such things, it was safe to say that he had achieved nothing and acts of heroism were not something he was accustomed to - it was a bit of a blow to the ego. Admittedly, his family would never place such expectations on him in the first place but there was only so much a stallion could listen to regarding the historical strength his herd possessed before he would crumble.

...The spirits had sensed that.

Without batting an eyelid they had systematically coaxed him from his home and in an instant had thrust him into a world so unlike his own. Before him had stood a princess, blessed with great beauty and grace yet with a terrible 'curse'. She had been raised in such a manner that had blinded her to the truth, the world she saw was rose tinted and harmless whereas reality was not. She lived out her days in solitude and secrecy, her expectations considerably more than that of a normal soquili and remained oblivious to the nature of her own weaknesses. Obssessed with perfection she had 'permitted' him to entertain her (an apology for her subjects theft) and in doing so, he had completely disrupted her world.

She had been furious of course but through their dispute the spirits had unveiled her terrible curse bit by bit. Her world was so small, so vulnerable and she clung to it with such desperation. She heard only what she chose to, ignored statements of truth and instead accused him of being mad. He hadn't conformed and she hadn't liked it, yet throughout her insults he had been drawn towards her like a moth to the flame. She hadn't said it and the gods would know that pride would probably never permit her to, but she needed him - the spirits had placed a soquili directly in his path who genuinely needed him!

Now, as a rogue he should have been one of the first to cast such a thing aside. He had no obligations towards her, barely knew the exotic beauty. Her life was her own to lead and yet that bloody moral compass had stepped in, she was blind and what she failed to see where things he could see. Rogue or not, as part of Islagiatt he couldn't have permitted her to be hurt just to teach her a lesson - it was wrong. Guilt would have plagued him, would have torn him apart and so he found himself in his current predicament... Having left her company a few days ago he had remained relatively close (yet out of her sight) in favour of keeping a watch. It was with a rather bitter chuckle that he questioned himself on his intentions to become a guard dog to one such as this.

In all honesty though, many would have proclaimed that her beauty held him in check. Unfortunately Fenghuang had never been a believer in 'love at first sight' and to begin with it had merely been obligation and a rather insistant moral compass. However over the course of these days, as he patrolled around the mare in a preplanned route and observed her activities it had become decidedly more complex than just a moral compass. Generally speaking one might have questioned said moral compass given that he was spying on the mare in the first place but that was beside the point...

When he had first met her he had sensed something within her, it had been gut instinct on his part, beneath that bubble he had sworn he could sense a light - a beacon of hope. Nevertheless no sooner had he sensed this than he had been dismissed and shortly afterwards he had questioned his own instincts. He was 'insufferable' in her eyes, or had been at the time... Luckily she had yet to realise he remained in her immediate vicinity and thus further clashes had yet to occur. However, while he had initially questioned his gut feelings his confidence was soon renewed with each passing observation he made regarding the female (and her habits) as he made his patrols. When no one was around to trouble here she was one of the most serene mares in existence and the raccoon absolutely doted on her...it was as if the bubble vanished entirely or merely enveloped both in their own secret world.

She had no reason to hide.

In a manner of speaking the stallion envied Raccoon for her closeness to the mare and her ability to connect with her on so many levels. Unfortunately he couldn't forgive the furry companion for encouraging her to live a life of such risk as well. Granted everyone needed to grow and develop through experience but the risk of being brutally hurt both mentally and physically were just so...

"Urgh," he came to a halt in his pacing and released a sigh, tossing the red locks of hair away from his dark gaze. His lips pursed and he turned his head towards the river in which both mare and raccoon had hidden their baskets. The majority of individuals would have called him stupid for this, informed him that he was wasting his time and while he could agree with them in part he just...couldn't.

It was infuriating, that's what it was!

It was no longer a question of heroics or a desire to prove himself to his brothers as an equal anymore. It was a question of an unhealthy and albeit idealistic picture he seemed to have painted in his head. The stallion who protects the mare from all danger until she finally realises what he's trying to teach her. Who the hell was he trying to kid? He'd disappeared and from that point on didn't exist in her life anymore so why daydream or ponder like an over soppy mare? Yes she was beautiful, yes he sensed a light within her but such heroics and tales were just that - goddamn fairy tales.

"You're an idiot, Feng..." He sucked in a deep breath and encouraged his legs to move forward, keeping his gaze set upon the undergrowth ahead of him.

SO WHY STAY?!

In truth it was because he was blind too...

She had indeed bewitched him heart and soul, captured him in every way with the help of the spirits but he wasn't bound in chains or forced to 'save' anyone. No, he had strapped those chains to his own legs when he had chosen to protect a mare from the world that he was ultimately trying to show her. Bad experiences were one thing but traumatic ones were simply something he couldn't permit...

Over the course of the last few days, while touching upon the outskirts of her little safe haven he had heard whispers of a new face in the Kawani. Originally he hadn't shown a great deal of interest to it, but as the hours passed by and his situation became more complex she had begun to peak his interest. The strangers who had drifted passed him towards the meadows had spoken of a masked mare who could solve 'any problem', one such stranger had complained of riddles but frankly the young stallion was becoming desperate. He had wracked his brain in an attempt to figure out how to pop a bubble and had found nothing, more to the point the mare could scarcely stand him so perhaps - just maybe - this stranger might know how to fix his problem instead.

It might have been a quick fix, but even if it was...at least she would open her eyes to the world and maybe realise the truth. It was certainly a longshot but heh, it couldn't possibly get anyworse that it already was. So far he had sank so low as to develop stalker like tendencies and rogue or not, even he found this utterly ridiculous.

Pretty mare or not!

 

[Epine de Rose]

[.PLOT . LOG.]
...To Make the Blind See...
"...Part Two..."

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He'd done a bad thing... He'd bribed a certain rodent to keep watch on his Princess and had since strayed from his patrol paths in search of this mystery mare. The rodent in question had assured him that the guard would be maintained and that he would be alerted if anything went wrong but neither had really thought things through. For a start the rodent lacked wings and birds were more inclined to eat it than negotiate with it - secondly, Fenghuang hadn't specified where he would be so in the event of an emergency it would have taken a considerably long time to find him. It was a testament to his youth at the very least, his intentions had been good even if his solution had been flawed when it came to keeping watch.

Nevertheless after a considerable amount of running around the meadows he had gathered enough information to locate this 'masked mare' and now stood before her with an albeit dumbstruck expression. For all the strangers' remarks he had expected something more extravagant, something to dazzle the eye and inspire awe within all who saw her. What he had encountered was something significantly more understated - she was petite, robed and a wistful smile lined her lips. She made no attempt to approach him but neither did she run away...for all intents and purposes she was rather expectant.

"You..." he sighed and took a step forward, pausing soon after with his leg still lifted as he mused over the best method of approaching the subject. He'd always been direct in his own right, had preferred honesty over dancing around the truth. However he knew the stupidity of his query and it was only right of him to worry a little. He already knew his predicament was laughable and 'easy solved' by certain individuals but it was a little different for him. After everything he had witnessed he just couldn't let it slide, whether Anelisse knew it or liked it she was his charge and he would keep her safe...

"You're the one they say can fix anything, right?" He asked at last.

"Some would say I possess such a skill," the mare agreed quietly, tilting her head to shift the rather rebellious strands of ebony hair from her eyes. Her hazel eyes flickered briefly, settling at last on his shifting form to watch as the stallion struggled with his own request. He was young, it was obvious by the very way in which he twitched and tensed. He was also agitated, conflicted in his query as though an internal battle raged in the depths of his chest.

"Can you cure the blind?"

"Those who have wounded their eyes are beyond my care, medical -"

"I mean...she's not really blind," he struggled to express himself and gritted his teeth. His jaw tightened and it was with a snort that he looked away and stared hard at the snow kissed grass beneath his hooves. "She lives in a world of illusion, in her own bubble. She can only see the images she paints and hear the voices that pander to her whims."

"You dislike this?"

"It frightens me," he confessed, his shoulders slumping. He pulled a face in obvious discomfort and quickly shook his head. He still struggled to understand it, still couldn't quite grasp how it was possible that any parent could leave their child in such a state. That being said he had grown up in such a fairy tale environment himself that he had yet to understand that some soquili were simply like that. The parenting styles and views upon the world were different, they may be wrong in his eyes, but that was how they did things. "She just doesn't understand and she could get hurt."

"Life is not always without it's pains, sometimes that is how one must learn..."

"But it can be avoided, surely you know some way!"

His outburst caused silence to fall upon the immediate vicinity and while his gaze remained fierce, the mare's remained neutral. Her expression gave away nothing, there was no indication that she agreed or disagreed with his words. Nor did she show any intention of providing him aid either - it was simply one of those moments when an elder creature looked down upon a child and pondered. He'd seen this look before in the form of a number of adults, but never had he experienced such irritation when they didn't give him an answer...especially when it was something so incredibly important as protecting another. Surely she understood?

"I do know a way," she replied at last, the wistful smile reappearing on her lips as she continued to observe the stallion. By now Feng's expression had lightened considerably, his eyes had widened and he almost seemed startled by her response. "However it will not be easy and there are many trials between you and the jewel in which you seek. For one to open an individuals eyes they must often sacrifice something of equal value. While I can give you directions to this treasure it is you who must make the decision as to whether or not you will continue."

"Tell me."

There was no hesitation and the mare shook her head with mild disappointment. As she had suspected, the stallion was blind in his own right. While she was unaware of the reasons behind this, the apparent love and duty he felt was enough to shield him from reality in his own right. He was in much the same predicament as his charge - yet if he truly wished to ensure she was not hurt then he would be subject to the brutal treatment of reality in her place. There were only so many creatures in the world who would stomach such punishment willingly and few still who would continue with it. In her place he would suffer and in her place he would open his eyes - or at least, that was as the mare intended. If he were to return with an awareness of the world and still held his desire to protect this 'blind mare', then he would do so willingly...but with patience and understanding that it was not his place to affect the free will of another.

Ahhh yes, Aziza could cure many ailments and solve many problems but they often involved showing the individual who sought her out the reality of the situation. It was unfortunate, but if this was what he truly sought then she would grant him passage.

"Far to the north, in the furthest reaches of this continent there exists a cave of great beauty and wonder. Shrouded and hidden from view, it takes refuge in the shadows of the mountains of ice. In it's depths you will find a jewel that shines with a light so bright, that it will purge any veil. If you wish to make the blind see...that would be the object you seek..."  

[Epine de Rose]

Memoir #1

I would speak of this as though it would be a memoire, but one might call me an even bigger fool than I already am. There will be none to record this tale other than myself, no bard to sing my praises and yet I continue on despite all this. I can't even begin to comprehend why, nor can I explain the rasons behind my actions other than that I believe them to be right... It's not supposed to make sense, or at least I don't think it's meant to. I'm sure my brothers would understand in their own ways for they were also driven and compelled by forces that they couldn't fully explain. All I know is that I am drawn towards a goal and failure is not an option.

It is utterly ridiculous to some, to think that I would do this for a total stranger but if you had watched her, if you had seen that light deep within then perhaps you would understand too. They say love acts in peculiar ways, perhaps it is mere infatuation but it is all the same to me at this point in time. What love I have experienced and observed has been that of a fairy tale and I begin to realise that the relationships painted within my herd are beautiful but not attainable by all with such ease... I don't know what it is that I feel, I suspect it is one of these two emotions but given my current obssession hardly conforms to the typical mare it is difficult to say.

For now I have no other choice than to adhere to my own desires and to progress north into the frozen wastes in search of this so-called jewel. I know not what powers it possesses, nor how it is meant to function but perhaps that will become clear in time. All that remains to be said and recognised is that I am prepared for the trials that await me. I recall my training well and I suspect it is time that I place it into practice - let nothing stand in my way, for my patience may be likely to wane swiftly in such circumstances.

I can only hope though, that my message reaches the ears of at least one of my brothers so that they need not worry too much about my absence. After all...it is not the first time one of us has disappeared in search of adventure...  

[Epine de Rose]

Memoir #2

I can't say I'd ever really given my cousin a great deal of credit when he disappeared. Now and again he would always come home, spouting stories and relaying adventures to all those who would listen. I had always assumed they had been fairy tales that he had come across on his travels but when one embarks on a journey of their own they can begin to truly grasp the trials he under went. The landscape differs completely from that I am accustomed to, the winds have a greater bite to them and the good that had once been so plentiful is now all but gone. When my cousin had spoke of wandering on the edges of the Frozen Wastes he had not been kidding about it's barren landscape. Here it seems that mother nature has little care for her children...

I admit that it has taken me quite some time to adapt to this climate and my fur has thickened considerably yet the exact dates remain a mystery to me. For some reason it seems that the sun shifts in the sky at a different speed and is almost sluggish in comparison to what it was in the Kawani. I would hazard that it has been a few weeks since I last looked back upon the Kawani lands and was graced with such magnificent sights. Then again if one is to assume it has been weeks then I must begin to wonder if my charge remains safe. I had hoped that she would remain hidden from the world as she had for so long but one can only begin to wonder what the spirits have in store now.

My mother trusts them far too much, but as I wander across such barren plains and wade through endless seas of snow I question their intentions in much the same manner that the Seer within our herd does. Cyn Generis has always regarded the spirits with suspicious, been aware that they often toy with mere mortals and for this reason I worry. If I am to return to news that the spirits have torn her asunder before I can reach her, I am not entirely certain that I would be capable of forgiving myself for such a failing. I know she is well cared for by her companion, but I doubt that even such a doting raccoon could ensure her survival in the worst of events.

Alas I am not sure for how much longer I am expected to travel over such empty and dead lands. There are no signs of life within my immediate vicinity and there have been none for days. No vultures, no wolves - it is as though the living avoid this area and I cannot place my hoof on the reasoning behind such behaviour. Perhaps it is the lack of nourishment, it have felt the strain of such things myself though I think it is safe to say that I can thank my eldest brother for his training.

Rest when tired.

Eat when necessary.

Proceed at a pace that is comfortable and not one that is out of desperation.

It is with a sigh that I do my best to remain positive in such situations, I try not to regard the spirits with such suspicion but my heart calls out to them and pleads with them to wait a little longer at the very least. At least give me a chance before harming one who knows no better...  

[Epine de Rose]

Memoir #3

Okay so I change my mind, I confess that I underestimated the strain that came from travelling for such extensive periods of time. I didn't honestly think that I would run out of food quite so quickly either. The necessity to dig deep beneath the snow to find any signs of food is becoming more and more apparent. My progress is slowing considerably and though I am loathe to admit it I must spend more time digging for my supper than I am in moving forward. The energy expended in ensuring I can move a few miles a day in comparison to the energy required to dig is ridiculously out of proportion and in these lands I do not think that true equilibrium exists. It is a foul joke to play on a creature, to thrust them into a land of water yet have it so barren that they simply cannot survive!

Food and water, they are so simple as requirements...

Yet the spirits insist on providing only one and dangling the other in front of my nose as some bitter jest. The further I progress through this wasteland the more infuriated I become at the gall of these immortals and their lack of consideration for the lives they toy with. I have half a mind to follow the path of the Seer and forsake these devils in favour of a more atheist approah. I fail to see how my mother could regard them with such love when they play such foul games, with the lives of others at stake. Have they no regard, no consideration for those who simply wish to do the right thing for another being? I have never once asked for their help, I have never cried out in anguish for them to provide their aid to me in a time of need. All I have ever done is walk forward with purpose and they play games.

Perhaps freedom is an illusion if this is the case and a world within a bubble is so much more pleasant if this is the truth. Anelisse is content in her own world, untouched and untainted by the reality that exists outside it and if I am honest I envy her for that much. That being said, I have come to realise more than ever that now that she has been unveiled to me there is that continued risk that such meddling spirits will turn their cruel gaze on her. Content she may be, but she is no longer safe now that I paid heed to their calls and took their bait. Had I never pursued the raccoon then perhaps things may have been so much different. Then again, I would have never met her and I cannot help but wonder if perhaps that would have meant she would end up in far more pain.

I've always been told by my family that you should never reach a point when you ask yourself 'what if' and yet I see myself there now. I cannot fault the scenary, had I not been compelled to find a cure for this blindness I would have not seen such wonderous sights and often stared in awe at the magnificence of the mountains that lay beyond the Kawani. My home seems tame in comparison to the wild lands that lay beyond the protective embrace of the more amiable spirits. However, is it right for me to force one I barely know to open her eyes? I will not deny that I lost my breath more than once as I watched her, I will not deny that I did not see a light in her...but at the same time I know not of her desires or thoughts. I recognise a vulnerability but I begin to suspect that in pursuing this jewel I attempt to meddle in much the same fashion as the spirits do.

I wish to make her see so that she is not at so much risk but at the same time...

My thoughts are incoherent from lack of sleep and food, I am not certain of anything anymore.

I am conflicted.  

[Epine de Rose]

Memoir #4

You know, the Soquili of the Kawani get it easy on the lowlands. It's really freaking COLD out here. Even in the lowlands the rivers and stones are encrusted in ice - the snow is even hard, frozen underneath the top most layer. Each morning I wake up shivering, coated in snow from further snow fall in the night. With little to no shelter everything is suseptible to the weather and I will here and now apologise profusely to Moppet for destroying my hair...

I am most definitely a wreck now, the epitome of 'ugliness' in the eyes of any Princess. My hair is in tatters and I would go into detail about the appearance of my coat but it is safe to say I have grown accustomed to it by now and simply don't care. Let us be assured that it is fully grime encrusted and while not 'filthy' in a traditional sense...has certainly developed even a scent I can smell and wrinkle my nose at in distaste.

What worries me most as I struggle through worsening terrain is the forboding horizon and the dark clouds that have all but devoured the mountains in my immediate line of sight. I have experienced storms at home, but by the discomfort I feel in my current state I suspect that these are far, far worse than even my thickened coat can handle.

...Now is not the time to admit I am homesick, is it?  

[Epine de Rose]

Memoir #5

...So cold!  

[Epine de Rose]

Memoir #6

The fates jest and the masked mare did not lie. In order to restore another's sight you must sacrifice something of equal or greater value and I have lost mine. I... I can't recall where it went wrong, I can scarcely remember a damn thing. It grew so very cold and mother nature turned her wrathful gaze upon the wastelands to ravage across it's open expanse. What occured from that point on is beyond my knowledge or recollection but I... I can't see. The world is dark and my eyes are pressed shut as the spirits jeer and giggle at my own naivity.

When I awoke to what now seems to be an eternal darkness my limbs had throbbed in agony - every part of my body shrieked in fury at whatever abuse I had placed upon it in the previous night. However as the morning (is it even morning?) progressed well...Let us just say I am not alone. I am not entirely sure whether or not I should panic or just lie still, I know they are human and recognised the moment the hand touched my flank. That being said I am also injured and having experienced this wasteland and it's hardships first hand I question whether it is my right to expect their help. There should be no doubt that their gesture is appreciated and the warmth that now pulses through me is not savoured but I would slow them. I have no right to devour their resources nor to subject them to the further wrath of mother nature.

Urgh...

A blind soquili cannot protect anyone.

A blind soquili without a guide is even more vulnerable to the violence that exists in this world than a mare who can't see beyond the bubble she lives in!

I can't help but wonder if that world is nice or is it as dark as mine? Does she have courtiers that only she can see and hear? Does she dance with her Prince in the night? The imagination is such a powerful thing and the deeper I wander into these empty lands, the more I begin to wonder if what I do is right. After all, I don't know her do I... I had good intentions, I just wanted to keep her safe but perhaps living in the depths of a world painted and tailor made to her desire is the safest place for her to be...It is simply the duty of those who recognise that vulnerability to ensure that she is not subject to the brutalities of the world.

I think that I begin to understand now, though I could never follow in her into that dream...  

[Epine de Rose]

Memoir #7

It seems the humans in the north are as attentive to one another and to the animals in their care as much as they are in the south. Though their touch is rougher here, their voices assertive, they are patient and though I may stumble they guide me with each step. I can no longer look to the horizon and turn myself northwards - nor can I even turn my gaze to the path that leads home. One might say this was a risk I took in order to find this legendary jewel but the outcome is bittersweet. I have gained an understanding of what the masked mare spoke of, I have been graced with that at the cost of my sight but she had warned me...

My heart goes out to my family as I only sent a sparing word to them and I apologise for my recklessness, but had I not tried I suspect I would have regretted such a decision until the day I died. I will not live a life of regret and while I now find myself in the care of humans I will keep my thoughts with those I have treasured since birth. While you may always wonder where my hooves have led me and may sometimes doubt that my heart still beats, my thoughts shall always be with you and perhaps if the gods are willing someone may very well stumble upon me in the distant future.

I cannot promise recognition, I cannot promise tearful reunions or promises that I will follow you home but if you should be nearby and should you see me, please tell my family that I am safe. Sightless and tamed, I will be content to carry the possessions of those that have saved me this day. It is a mundane life, but I can expect little when I now see nothing through these eyes - I failed to grant my Princess freedom because it is not my right to set her free. I see that now and my vision is clear in that regard - though I can never apologise to her in person for my behaviour on that faithful day I can only hope that the spirits let her be.

Place your scorn on the selfish creature who sought to force her hand and he will bear it willingly, but let her remain a secret to the world...if only to keep her safe.

I have asked nothing of the spirits until now, so grant me this one request.  

[Epine de Rose]

Memoir #8

Life without one's vision is often difficult to become accustomed to, but as one sense fails another heightens to take it's place. Over the last few weeks (or I'd assume it has been that long) I have learnt to adapt and can now walk without a great deal of guidance provided it's in a straight line. However, life within the human camps is decidedly different - more often than not I spend much of my time expressing my irritation that they lack consideration for their placement of particular objects. More than once I have found my hoof caught in woven baskets and it begs to question why they insist on putting the things so damn close to me. Really, I knew that humans could be peculiar from my mother's bonded but sometimes their logic is utterly ridiculous.

I'm sure they mean well but when they express their frustration at me ruining their baskets (or I think that's what they're saying) I can't help but wonder why they just don't move the bloody things. Put them closer to the entrances of your little homes or something and stop leaving them in the middle of my pathway! Other than that I have very few complaints - they ensure I remain warm and I seem to have acquired some type of covering to keep the heat within my body... Fires burn out eventually, but I have begun to appreciate that these humans know their way through the wastelands and are aware of how to live in such climates. While I have indeed lost my sight I have at least been granted the priviledge of living within a community that cares for me.

At the very least I am of use each time they must move, I carry much more weight than most and as such...blind or not I can provide aid. I suppose it is the least I can do in return for their hospitality even if their habits are somewhat bizarre. More to the point, as we progress across the wastelands each day I cannot help but take note that we seem to have wandered into new lands at some point. The terrain remains the same but I can now hear life, it gulps, clicks and chatters at me in a less than musical tone but it is there. It is unfortunate I have lost my sight as I'm sure that some of the creatures would have been most intriguing to face but alas - this is how it was meant to be.

Sometimes though, I wish I could share it with someone other than the rough hand that checks my limbs each day and guides me further into the unknown.

Nevertheless I hope you are all safe and well, I trust my nieces and nephews are maturing fast and they will be as courageous as the rest of Islagiatt. Know that I miss you and wish I could share my stories as Biscuit did around the camp fire - Lord knows I could bet mine are now more interesting than his anyway!

Hug mother for me too...