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 Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:36 pm
Finally done with working on Drama.
I'm so exhausted. My back has gone to extreme pain and I feel like I have carpal tunnel in one wrist from freaking gluing and spray painting allllllll day.
We've got almost everything done, though. Thank God. And our tees and hoodies are coming in next Friday.
The play is in two weeks and I must learn the whole play plus have all the props ready and down. Blaghghlgandf.amdgeihna
Annoying.
I just hope everyone will come up and be like 'hey' an dI'll be like 'here ya go' and that's that.
But who knows....I hope I don't have to move anything either. That always sucks.
I freaking look like King Mitos or whatever you spell it. My fingers had gold paint all over them.
And don't get me started on my poor coat.
Which reminds me who knows when I'll ever get a new coat.
Father returned from his little trip. I missed him greatly and yet I have this overwhelming anxiety coming over me. I guess it's because we haven't even talked as of yet.
Ahh, I think I hear him right now.
Edit: Hmm, it seemed so false. He didn't seem to come in to say hi, just to see if the dog was in here. Then without further adieu he left. I feel kind of...depressed about it.
I'm so exhausted and tired, but I want to stay up to see if I can talk to my friend.
Probably won't get to talk to her. Hmm. Feels like all of my friends seem to be going.
I noticed my dog doesn't seem to make me love him more. So far he's crapped all over the floor, bitten my face, ripped at my throat, left scars on my arms though that's a norm for me, and chewed on the cable to my laptop and completely obliterated it.
I'm getting that severe depression. I think I know why, but really it seems so unclear. I wish I could sleep it away...
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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 2:01 pm
I'm homeschooled again, but I'll be taking classes at out community college. Finaly no more public high school.
This means I can compete in the envirothon on the homeschool team with my friend. The sad thing is that instead of the people who decide what the topics are on, seemed to think that rather than piicking a select few things to study, we were going to learn it all. All.
For example, we have to learn to ideantify seventy different trees by their features. Forst type. Soil preferance of that tree. What animals perfer them. Their growing rate and climate.
That's only the start of it.
There's also wildlife, aquatics (plants and animals), alternitive energy, the forestry, soil, and geographical stuff.
We have a little over a motnh to learn this. Since I'm only starting now, and my friend really hadn't been studing because he thought without me to help it would hopless.
In the end, me and my friend end up carrying the team, it's just how it seems to end up >_>
So, I got some work to do.
I'm also trying to start not sucking at writing. I seem to do my best after lack of sleep and some meds XD
There weas something I wrothe at two in the morning and I thought was terrible, but seems to not be too bad by the two people who said they liked it. Perhaps there is hope I can one day develop some sort of skill.
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 3:57 am
Hey this environthon sounds cool! I wish you good luck! It might be much work, but you can do it 3nodding heart lol
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 6:57 am
oboleia Hey this environthon sounds cool! I wish you good luck! It might be much work, but you can do it 3nodding heart lol It's pretty fun, in the end. One team we beat in '04 are still claiming we cheated XDD (Something pretty impossible to do)
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 3:54 am
IY_and_MCR oboleia Hey this environthon sounds cool! I wish you good luck! It might be much work, but you can do it 3nodding heart lol It's pretty fun, in the end. One team we beat in '04 are still claiming we cheated XDD (Something pretty impossible to do) seems like they don't know how to loose xd
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 8:21 am
Yesterday I had my first counseling session. It was just introductory, so that the therapist could get to know me a little bit and to understand a bit of the trouble I'm having. It was strange that it took a professional to get me to believe that it's perfectly healthy for someone to want to stay at home, and not go out and be social. That a fair number of people do it and the reason why I'm not really aware of it is because all those people are at home, and so I haven't really met any.
She also scolded me for not being as active as I should be. On the bright side, I found that the yoga television programme I used to watch and follow along with is now being broadcast early in the morning. So now I have a good reason to wake up early, and to start my day with that. I have another appointment with her in one week. I brought up that others have told me that I seem to constantly sell myself short, or that I have an inferiority complex as well. Next week we're going to be talking about what's holding me back from being in the workforce - I have to remember to mention my need to be mentally engaged.
In bad news, I received a letter from the National Student Loans center. They want their money back. I'm going to call them tomorrow to tell them that I'd like to return to University, and that I'm presently unable to pay back anything (largely because I don't have enough of an education to get a job that will pay me enough to return the loan in addition to paying bills and for food, et cetera).
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 4:52 pm
Wow Jizo, sounds like things are getting better for you. I hope you can get a good job to help on those loans, though!
I'm too busy for my own good. I just hate waking up every morning to go to math, PE, lunch, Biology, and Written. It's just too much.
Next friday I have to go in EXTREMELY early and do Biology. How ******** perfect. It's only because I have to leave early that day for the play. It pisses me off. And the Biology teacher wouldn't even move it a day ahead. He just kept it there. So yeah, that's going to take me FOREVER. -__-
And I bet he won't even come in early. *sigh*
I noticed that I'm definitely more upset with living right now then anything else. I wish I could quit. It's just too much. I hate thinking and doing stuff. I won't even apply this to the REAL world, why must I learn and cram it all in now?
I hate math. And PE. Not to mention Biology. I hope you all burn in hell D<
That made me feel better.
No, not really, I wish it was real.
I'm skipping eating, I hate food. I hate it all. I hate everything right now. I hope I just die so I don't have to think about it. Or at least make it so my classes weren't such a ******** b***h.
RAGH *destroy*
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 9:22 pm
There is something I want to keep but I have to be careful not to hold it too close, too fast, or it slip away from me.
There is something dear to me that I want to grow, but if I give it too much too fast, or not enough it will wilt and die before it even has a chance.
There is something I am starting to love, but if I float too far up into my illusions, I might pop and disappear along with that hope of it.
So if I go moderately, following my instincts, and fill my moments with joy and love for everyone, having compassion fill my very core and outward, than I and it will survive. : 3
Vague, yes I know. But that's the synopsis in life in Anna-Land right now. x3
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Mariana the Deloved Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 5:12 am
@ Jizo: good news yeah! 3nodding
about the thing with the student loan, I think when you return to the university they shouldn't claim anything. but I know that here in germany it's also not easy, if you're not studying straight to graduation they are making more and more trouble... but normally they don't want everything back in no time. We get some years for paying it back... Good Luck!!!! biggrin
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Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:55 am
I called National Student Loans today, and I qualify for Interest Relief for six months. So I'm going to formally apply for it, then apply for it again mid-April which will allow me to apply for loans again when I (hopefully) return to University in the Fall. This means I'm also going to have to start the appeal process for returning to University. Boo-urns.
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Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 5:32 am
my dad hates me... every thing I do he doesn't like... and it's never good enough for him emo emo emo last night he came shouting and argumenting with my mum and me, but it was all about me... he says I will never be able to get a job and earn money, and I should have done what he wants, but I asked : Ok so what should I do right now that you are pleased? But then he said nothing. I hate him and I hate me because I hate him stressed gonk It really doesn't matter what I am doing he does not approve it....He only what's to controll everything. Shoot I am no little child any more and I do my best to become independent and earn a living with my oboe burning_eyes he always brings me down, it started so good and I was very confident and hopeful that now when I am back I am able to build something up and yesterday he just destroyed it within 15 minutes scream scream
scream scream emo emo emo cry emo emo emo mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad talk2hand talk2hand talk2hand talk2hand emo burning_eyes burning_eyes burning_eyes eek
eek eek eek xp xp xp xp xp scream gonk gonk gonk scream stare stare stare stare stare sad sad sad xp rolleyes xp
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 7:59 am
OH MAH GOODNESS! DDD: .::smiley.overdose::.
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Mariana the Deloved Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 11:41 am
Mariana the Deloved OH MAH GOODNESS! DDD: .::smiley.overdose::. sorry for that, but they are not smiley, they are cryleys....
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 10:37 am
Hooray! oboleia has her ORLY Hat! whee
Today I go in for my second appointment with the psychologist. On Thursday I go in for an appointment to see a government person about employmentses. Some time between today and Saturday I have to look through Exalted: The Authochthonians and pull an adventure or three out of my a**.
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