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Phobius nodded. "That sounds like something he'd enjoy, yes." He wondered what he should get Harry, though? He wasn't terribly good with sentimental stuff, and he didn't want to risk angering, disappointing, or upsetting his friend...

Harry smiled faintly, trying not to move too much lest he dislodge his crush. Hearing a noise, he glanced over at Mitis, only to find the pyromaniac gone and a sticky note in his place:

Loyal Minions,

Mitis bored, going to go burn Minion Boogeyman's arse again - I think he's on the verge of getting broody about his lack. Mini-Me, first lesson: when you think someone is about to get all broody, set their arse on fire. Then they'll be too cranky to brood.

Let the Flames of Youth guide you,
Mitis Rapax Ignis MacBoon, Certified Pyromaniac, Worshipper of Garyx, and Future Ruler of the World
(Also known as "Firesinger", "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Provoked-If-You-Do-Not-Want-To-Be-Marinated-In-Your-Own-Blood-And-Served-With-Ketchup-(Which-Is-Actually-Quite-Tasty-I-Checked)", "That Crazy Man-Eating Pyromaniac", "Bloody Hell, We're All Going To Die", and "Loopy, Great-Great-Grandson of Slinky".)
In an alternate dimension completely unrelated to this one, two spandex-wearing fitness freaks sneezed simultaneously before resuming their usual ranting about the Flames of Youth.

Harry blinked, staring blankly at the sticky note, and then promptly decided not to think about it too hard.

Phobius, meanwhile, was drawn from his thoughts by a familiar smell. "...Mitis, what have I told you about trying to set me on fire?" he asked in a deceptively calm tone of voice.
Mitis shrugged, still holding a match to Phobius's robes, which for some reason refused to burn (mostly because Phobius had taken to buying fireproof clothing nowadays). "Dunno; Mitis can't remember, since Minion Boogeyman smacked Mitis's head into wall for it last time."

Mitis, meanwhile, just stared curiously at the wand Hermione was pointing at him before resuming trying to set Phobius's arse on fire.
"That would be nice," Phobius admitted freely. "I'm afraid I'm not particularly good with sentimental gestures. Also, bluebell flames will do nothing to stop Mitis whatsoever, water-related spells work better. Mitis, stop trying to set me on fire or I fire an Aguamenti at your face."
Mitis actually hissed like a cat at that, slinking into a corner and staring at Phobius's wand warily; apparently he was an aquaphobe.

"She's an Animagus, which basically lets her turn into an animal," Harry explained to the excited little boys, smiling. "Don't try it without supervision, though - Kat nearly got stuck in animal form at one point."

Harry gave Katherine an amused look. "Katherine, maybe you should at least wait until they get wands first if you're going to teach them?" he suggested.

Almost immediately, the spot the spell hit was promptly pelted with a rather impressive fireball; fortunately, that only resulted in steam as opposed to the floor igniting.
"I was thinking perhaps seeing if I could find a copy of the Potter family tree in the Black family library." Phobius answered.

Phobius smiled faintly. "If I knew you'd be that interested in the family library, I'd have mentioned it sooner." He led the excited bookworm off to the library... which turned out to be at least as large as the Hogwarts library, if not a little larger. "The shelves are labeled with the different categories of books they have in them. Just call me over before you take anything from the Dark Arts section - my ancestors were a nasty bunch and might have set traps on the books for anyone who isn't a Black."

Mitis, realizing Phobius and Hermione were gone, left, wandering the place aimlessly. Eventually, he found the fireplace and lit it, staring at it intently with a knowing little smile as if listening to something no one else could hear. After a moment, he began to sing softly in an unknown language, a song of fire and destruction, of revival and renewal, of burning the old to make way for the new. As he sang, the fire formed into dozens of little phoenix/dragon hybrids, all flying around in a beautiful display.

Eris looked up and smiled when she saw the parents enter. "Ah, welcome. So, lemme see if my uncanny knack for reading people still works: you have questions about magic and the magical world by the bucketload. Well, you've come to the right place, so fire away."

Harry gave her a stern look. "Will you know how to reverse anything that goes wrong if they start trying it on their own?" he asked pointedly in reply. "And do you really want to risk Phobius's wrath if he learns you're teaching three boys who don't even have wands yet how to do one of the more risk-filled magical disciplines?"

Phobius smiled faintly at that, following her in case she had any questions about any of the books... and to get an idea of what sort of books she'd be interested in getting for Christmas, since they had a few duplicates. "Any particular subjects you're interested in?"

Harry sighed softly; he could definitely understand that. "All right... but if your eagerness to teach ends up with one of them becoming some sort of irreversible human-animal hybrid, I won't stop Phobius," he warned.

"Ah, starting off with the health questions, are we? Well, first things first, witches generally don't have a period quite as bad as that of non-magicals - the magic helps them out with it. Acne is also rarer among teenage witches, but not by much. Also, if any of you have magical creature blood in your ancestry, puberty's probably when it'll start manifesting, otherwise it'll come into play when they reach magical maturity - which is at their seventeenth birthday, in case you were wondering. And finally, puberty is also when their magical alignment starts fully developing, depending on their actions and their environment, though it won't be set in stone until magical maturity," Eris finished, ticking off each item on her fingers and smiling to the parents. "Other than that, though, they'll pretty much mature the same way as a non-magical would: with the usual physical maturation, a spike in libido, and an increase in hormones and interest in boys."

"If he isn't interested, I'll eat my cat," was Phobius's blunt reply.

"True," Harry agreed grudgingly. "I stand by my statement of not stopping Phobius if something goes wrong, though."

Eventually, Mitis finished his song, the fire returning to normal... and then promptly contorted in such a way that he ended up falling on his back, starting to gnaw on his ankle.

"Yeah, I'm not going to lie to you - a good portion of the Wizarding World are bigoted assholes, mostly due to the deficit of common sense. If they aren't hating on Muggles and Muggleborns, they're hating on the Dark Arts," Eris answered with a sigh. "Fortunately, jobs are one thing you probably won't have to worry about. Phobius is heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, a position with a rather impressive amount of political power. Once he comes of age - again, seventeen, not eighteen like in the non-magical world - he'll be able to pull some strings for your children if they have any problems getting jobs because of their blood status." Eris paused. "...Then again, given how vicious and sadistic he can be occasionally, he might just sic Mitis on anyone who refuses to employ them just because of their blood status... hard to say, really. Anyway, point remains: your children most likely won't have any problems finding a job unless something goes horribly, horribly wrong and/or they piss someone with a large amount of political power off."

"Considering she can become the size of a panther, you're probably right," Phobius conceded.

"Well, 'Mione's pretty easy - I was just going to try and think of a good book to get her. Phobius is a little trickier," Harry admitted.

"Well, the concept is pretty simple: they get the animal, feed it, et cetera, and in exchange the animal helps out. Basically the same as any non-magical pet, except that magical pets are borderline-sentient, not to mention loyal to a fault. Personally I suggest an owl or a Kneazle, which is basically a magical housecat." She smiled. "Of course, there are spells and rituals to increase the bond between wizard and familiar, bringing other benefits to both of them, but that would take a lot more time to explain."