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 Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 1:36 pm
Dear Sneak-Thief:
... all those pictures in the drawers of my desk, you know the ones with naked men. They're not mine. That box of similar pictures is also not mine. And that filing cabinet? Still not mine.
...
I worry about my friends sometimes.
...
Yeah.
...
Sincerely,
Alice
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Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 6:22 am
Dear Alice,
I am your biggest fan. I love you with the fire of all the stars in all the universes. I don't care about the pictures in the drawers, or the boxes, or the closet, or under your pillow. I want you. I need you. Please tell me you feel the same.
With love,
Sneakie-pie.
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Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:27 pm
Princess_Feylin Dear Alice,
I am your biggest fan. I love you with the fire of all the stars in all the universes. I don't care about the pictures in the drawers, or the boxes, or the closet, or under your pillow. I want you. I need you. Please tell me you feel the same.
With love,
Sneakie-pie.
Dear Sneakie-Pie:
Of course I do! In fact, let me get you a special present! I like to call it a 'restraining order'. <3 Enjoy.
Hey, you know what they say. Being far, far, far away from me makes me love you more. Go make me love you lots, ok?
Sincerely,
Alice
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 5:44 am
Dear Alice,
I've recently been gifted a female gryphon. The problem with this, she treats me as one of her chicks at times, and will not cease preening the crest of feathers on her head as if she's on display. Anything I could do to get her to stop, or at the very least find some other human to get attached to?
Sincerely, Not Pleased
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:55 pm
Malikztiah Ankhere Dear Alice,
I've recently been gifted a female gryphon. The problem with this, she treats me as one of her chicks at times, and will not cease preening the crest of feathers on her head as if she's on display. Anything I could do to get her to stop, or at the very least find some other human to get attached to?
Sincerely, Not Pleased
Dear Not Pleased:
Waitwaitwait... let me get this straight... you receive a gryphon, absolutely free of charge, and you're upset? Damn, girl, what the Hell is wrong with you?! I'm assuming you're a girl because there's a certain type of insanity that's difficult to find within the male brain.
Here's what you do. Find a healthy brick wall, lower your head, and charge. Do this until something cracks.
That'll solve your insanity problem.
Sincerely,
Alice
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 9:03 pm
Pardon me, while I burst... Zarin - *presents piece of paper, slightly ripped, with some ink stains* ????? And rise above the flame.
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Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 7:09 am
Dear Alice,
Uh... sorry, those pictures are mine. You'll take care of 'em right?
-Not really pervvy
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 4:04 pm
Arctic Vixen Pardon me, while I burst... Zarin - *presents piece of paper, slightly ripped, with some ink stains* ????? And rise above the flame.
o_o;;
...
'Aaron': ... -eats the note- <3
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 4:07 pm
Aldessa Dear Alice,
Uh... sorry, those pictures are mine. You'll take care of 'em right?
-Not really pervvy
Dear Not Really Pervvy:
If by 'take care of', you mean 'shred' and 'never look at again', then yes.
'Shred' and 'never look at again', in this note, have the meanings of 'hide in my desk and only look at when reeeaaally drunk or desperate'.
...
Certainly. :3
Sincerely,
Alice
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 5:46 pm
Dear Alice,
I know where you live.
I know where your friends live.
And your publisher.
And I know who you got drunk and took advantage of last Tuesday.
And where all your photos came from.
Just thought you should know.
Not-love,
Not Prejudiced; Hates Everything
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 6:04 pm
Haisyn Fierra Dear Alice,
I know where you live.
I know where your friends live.
And your publisher.
And I know who you got drunk and took advantage of last Tuesday.
And where all your photos came from.
Just thought you should know.
Not-love,
Not Prejudiced; Hates Everything
Dear Hates Everything:
Oh yeah? Well, I hear you have scabies. That's scurvy and rabies combined. It's the leading cause of Ugly---also called Uggo---in Ugly People.
Also, your breath stinks of baby brains.
And, for the record, Thursday is the night when I get people drunk so I can molest them at my leisure. XP Shows what you know.
Sincerely,
Alice
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 6:13 pm
Dear Alice,
I guess you were drunk too, last Tuesday. Not my brain cells, so I guess it doesn't matter.
And it's not scabies, just psychotic episodes and abusive mutilation by my family members and my brother's griffon.
...I thought I brushed my teeth? I guess I should try harder next time.
Up yours,
Hates Everything
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 6:22 pm
Haisyn Fierra Dear Alice,
I guess you were drunk too, last Tuesday. Not my brain cells, so I guess it doesn't matter.
And it's not scabies, just psychotic episodes and abusive mutilation by my family members and my brother's griffon.
...I thought I brushed my teeth? I guess I should try harder next time.
Up yours,
Hates Everything
Dear Hates Everything:
Nope. It's scabies. Cut down on the baby brains and eat... I dunno. An orange or something.
Sincerely,
Alice
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 6:35 pm
*random delivery person arrives at Alice's office with a box which contains an orange carved to resemble a baby brain and a note*
Alice,
Need I really say anything?
-Hates Everything
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Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 11:48 am
Haisyn Fierra *random delivery person arrives at Alice's office with a box which contains an orange carved to resemble a baby brain and a note*
Alice,
Need I really say anything?
-Hates Everything
Dear Hates Everything:
Are you sure you don't want your brain back? I think people kinda need a brain to live and all that. Although, your lack of brain does explain things...
Sincerely,
Alice
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