1. Paragraphs
You've got the concept of the paragraph down, but not the technique. it's good that you didn't make it all one big block of text, but it's still too jammed together. Try breaking it up a bit more. early English classes say that it's best to make a new paragraph every time a different character speaks. It's actually a really good rule of thumb to follow.
2. Grammar
Okay, yes, I realize your sick. it's easy to miss things when you're sick. But it still made me cringe in some spots, and I'm not a grammar-nazi. sad it was mainly that there were spots without the proper capitalization when it really should have been there, and without commas to separate ideas. although, alot of that came from the paragraph structure itself, too.
story-wise, though, biggrin very good. nice bit of humor to contrast the suspense from last chapter. *thumbs up. very nice. xd I think my favorite lines were:
Skitty
“can I see my Fishy?”
Quote:
With a nod, or a head bang from Trenn, the two were off.
