Thanks for the crit, given me some things to think about.
Maryke Jimenez
First and foremost I suggest you have a backup animal. There's not usually combinations allowed unless there's a good reason. Plus if it's a regular event or auction then you're going to have to pay for add ons yourself. Plus WHY is he changing genders? There needs to be a better reason then Sabin wants to test it, I mean a reason for YOUR character, why/how/the reason for it effecting him.
I've actually have preliminary approval for the animal from one of the staff but your right I do need a backup. Why the TG? Two reasons, first, Richard prides himself as being unflappable and the transformation like this would be incredably frightening. Nothing is predictable about his changes, not his gender, not his number of appendages. Everyone else on the island knows their target more or less, Richard will have no idea.
Second, Richard's courage is rooted in the fact he has nothing to protect. He has no family, no close friends. The TG will force him out of his lonely old man shell he's built for himself. Materinal Instincts make him examine his assmuption that he has nothing to look forward to.
Maryke Jimenez
Another thing I noted was that you have him investigating Feral Labs. This is fine in itself, it's a plausible reason for him to get to the island however you should also explain WHY he would be interested in Feral labs in the first place. The company just seems to want to cover their tracks too well to raise an eyebrow or two. You
could have him want to do something more simple, like something even Feral labs wouldn't notice and that could be as easy as saying he's doing a human interest story on the HR department. Something like that. Which wouldn't bring too much backlash on Feral labs but it'd be small enough to were it could happen and they not notice.
You know what, your right. What if he starts investigating Moreau himself? Tracking down his old college professors and listening to stories about moreau's strange pet projects. That would be threatening to feral labs, and Moreau personally.
Maryke Jimenez
However, since you have Moreau meeting him through this reason perhaps the doctor simply heard about the story or something of that nature. I just thing it'd make your arrival that much more solid if you have that one more connection. On the whole I thought this was a well thought out bio. You've got a few spelling mistakes that could be fixed, but other then that I like this character. It's nice that he has a tragedy and you have him handling that realistically. Given his age I really COULD see him doing a midlife crisis type deal. The only thing that you could definately use fixing on is his personality info.
First why does he become more reckless if he's comfortable OR stressed. So basically he's reckless like......always? You should choose one or the other, and I could forsee him doing it if he's stressed. I like that you have his attachment and that he chooses reasons to die and doesn't think it's a loss if he does. HOWEVER, that's only in hindsight. It works well because of the wife dying plot. But, you don't read that till AFTER you read his personality so the audience doesn't know she's died yet.
It just comes off as confusing and wondering why the heck he's suicidal, cause that's what it sounds like. What ya could do is add a simple reason for why he's like that. If you don't want to give away that his wife's death then just put a simple, 'because of a tragedy' etc, etc, etc.
Hope that helps! If you need to respond do it in my thread otherwise I won't catch it here.
I think I fixed the personality a bit and I think I was editing the history while you were writing the crit, so that should be a little better now. Thanks for the review.
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