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 Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:56 pm
I hope you dont mind a few crits.
Your character is too perfect, she is a Supermodel, she is a paragon of morality, she helps charities etc etc
There really doesnt seem to be anything 'human' (faults, bad habits) about her.
You dont really state why you want this particular animal for her serum, but it seems you just chose it because it was pretty (if there is any other reason I cant really see it explained)
She has strong family ties - wouldnt they go looking for her?
Anyways, I hope this helps. ^_^
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 6:42 pm
Sayuri_Nitta I hope you dont mind a few crits. Your character is too perfect, she is a Supermodel, she is a paragon of morality, she helps charities etc etc There really doesnt seem to be anything 'human' (faults, bad habits) about her. You dont really state why you want this particular animal for her serum, but it seems you just chose it because it was pretty (if there is any other reason I cant really see it explained) She has strong family ties - wouldnt they go looking for her? Anyways, I hope this helps. ^_^ yes that helps...i thought i had it in there that she loves huskies and she has two at home... and yeah i'll add some faults. Thanks!! blaugh
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Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 3:11 am
any one else got anything to say? please??? sad
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Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:27 pm
More updated in Bio and Family information.
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Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 2:12 am
New journal updates and on a lighter note!! Heres something funny to look at!!! 
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Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:28 pm
I would still really like some help on what i need to fix, and what should be added...please. blaugh
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Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:43 pm
In my opinion, and I don't mean to offend, this quest needs a lot work.
Just in general, you may want to run spell check over anything you type, because it makes it easier to read and understand.
Also, like Sayuri said... What are your character's flaws? You don't go enough into her personality, you don't reveal what makes her tick, what annoys her, etc, etc. That's something that would be nice to build on.
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Posted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:22 am
Teh_Sil In my opinion, and I don't mean to offend, this quest needs a lot work. Just in general, you may want to run spell check over anything you type, because it makes it easier to read and understand. Also, like Sayuri said... What are your character's flaws? You don't go enough into her personality, you don't reveal what makes her tick, what annoys her, etc, etc. That's something that would be nice to build on. thanks! it helps a lot to hear more stuff like this. i wont take anything offencive inless someone comes in telling me im friggin stupid and should not bother or something. then id get mad. but this stuff helps! SOoo thanks!!! heart
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Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 9:03 pm
Anyone else got some helpfull information for me?
heart
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Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 11:00 pm
*Pouts* Well...i havent been able to fix some of the things yet...but im going to work on it. Right now im really sick so im trying to get a lot of sleep. I'll keep working on this laters.
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Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 12:40 am
*Sighs* No one else has anything helpfull to say?? I havent fixed anything cause i fell off a horse last week and have been drawing mostly but i would really like some tips or something....please.
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Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 1:44 am
Updated my funds. I'm working on fixing her flaws and going into her personality. i was never good with personality....well im working on it but slowly...
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 12:04 am
UPDATED Funds again and some background and habit stuff. ALSO Fixed most spelling errors.
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Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 2:24 am
Updated funds and a new journal entry.
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Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 6:31 am
This quest still needs quite alot of work, no offense.
She just emmits that "I'M PERFECT." Seriously. She's a super model that's nice, gives to charity, isn't anorexic? She has a children's series?
And maybe you could make the history a bit more descriptive? HOW was she spotted by the Agency, how did she get her dogs? Why did her boss give them to her? Did she go to college? What about when she was a child? Why did her parents divorce? Stuff like that.
And a bit more on the serum..
The doctors there aren't exactly the nicest, so if she kept talking about her dogs, they would pretty much choose like, a cat or something. Just to piss her off. So you have to find a new reason. I'm here to help, if you want. I haven't been here long, but you can AIM PhysicCrow. <3
Oh, and how she got to the Island. Why was she out on her yacht? How did it crash?
None of this is personal, just trying to help. <333
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