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Jimbob Not Home

Original Elocutionist

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Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 10:10 pm

Ayame207

How do you know if there is a percussionist knocking at your door?

-The knock slows down...

I heard one similar.

How do you know if there's a drummer at the door?
He rushes.

Here's more:

Can a trombone sound like a french horn?
Sure, just stick your hand in the bell and miss half to notes.

Why does a viola burn longer than a violin?
It's still in the case.

What do you call a tenor sax player who marches in time?
Gifted.

Ok, that's enough of the hate jokes.
You guys heard of the "that's what she said" jokes?
For those who haven't, they are rather perverted comeback jokes to what people say to you. Band directers give out the best one's without realizing it. For example:

"Hold back just a bit, don't let it all hang out in the beginning, save some for later."

Insert a "That's what she said" and BOOM! Instant comedy gold!

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 11:06 am

AoiNamida

I Am The Milkman

Cruelty + Humor = Good Joke.

An oboe, clarinet, and flute jump off a cliff. Who hits the ground first?

Who cares? They're woodwinds.

yeah, but what happens to the stupid brass who were standing below them?

You tell me.

I Am The Milkman

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layel

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Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:18 pm

haha

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 4:24 pm

omgosh those r hilarious
as a flute player i only had one joke that was offensive but the one about shooting a piccolo player-i agree
i only play pic sometimes cuz my band director wants me 2 but this really strange guy plays it and he's soooo stuck up...and somwhat gayish
but he is NEVER in tune!!! shoot him plz!!!

nracttechie272

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Who is Puffer Fish
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 7:28 pm

Um...crud. I had a really good one before, but I forgot what it was...

Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 11:10 pm

Blue_Vampire

This ones a little mean if you don't have a sense of humor. Personally I love it and think it's hilarious.

How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?
You shoot one of them.

LOL. OMG. That is so true, I remember we had two piccolo players and they were tuning, I wanted to shove my drum sticks in my ears to damage my hearing it hurt so bad ;_;.

Grimsveil

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Who is Puffer Fish
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 6:46 am

Hartmetz used the piccolo joke a few weeks ago...

And then there was this one:
"What's the difference between a saxaphone and a lawnmower?......You can tune the lawnmower!"

Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 6:55 am

I Am The Milkman

Cruelty + Humor = Good Joke.

An oboe, clarinet, and flute jump off a cliff. Who hits the ground first?

Who cares? They're woodwinds.

flute is not woodwind

queen _of_the_dirty_ninja

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exdraghunt

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Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2007 7:08 pm

^Actually, It is. ^

Anyway, I love some of these jokes. I can't think of any at the moment, though.

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 9:55 am

Purified Ace

Ok, that's enough of the hate jokes.
You guys heard of the "that's what she said" jokes?
For those who haven't, they are rather perverted comeback jokes to what people say to you. Band directers give out the best one's without realizing it. For example:

"Hold back just a bit, don't let it all hang out in the beginning, save some for later."

Insert a "That's what she said" and BOOM! Instant comedy gold!

That's what she said....lol. Everyone knows those.
So for our homecoming skit, we were playing the Star Wars Gangsta Rap, and we had gotten to the part where Luke says, "OWWWW. Why'd you slice off my hand?!" Except the BD cut us off right as he said "OWWWW" and one of the guys in my section (or maybe one of the percussionists) instantly replyed with a "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" It was hilarious. xD.

I have soooo many more that's what she said jokes....I just can't remember them. xD.

agmo82

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rockslide6

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Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 6:11 pm

Chiru013

This one's kind of mean... But funny.

There was a newly-wed couple who decided to go to the Amazon on vacation, so they hired a tour guide who knew the area well. As they were walking, they began to hear the steady beat of a drum.
"Is that bad?" the husband asked.
"No. As long as the drums keep playing, we'll be fine." the tour guide replied.
A few minutes later, they realized the drums had sped up.
"Is that bad?" the wife repeated.
Same answer.
Then, all together, the drums stopped. The wife and husband turned to look at the horror stricken face of their tour guide.
"What?" they asked. "What happens after the drums stop?"
"...Trombone solo..."

its funny but i resent that! the trumpet solo is worse than mine!!!

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 4:52 pm

how do you know when a drumer is delivering your pizza

he knocks on the door off the beat and dosen't know when to come in

shortmanx

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Who is Puffer Fish
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Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 6:54 pm

I resent that.

Before a game, though...one of the 'that's what she said's came up.

Pit person 1: *is talking about a soda* You've never heard of it?
2: I have!
1: Tell them how big it is!
Me: XDDD
2: Oh! "That's what she said!" XD
1: XDD

Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 2:09 pm

Q: How many low brass kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It's not *gonna* get changed; they're all gonna sit around laughing about "screwing" and "unscrewing."

My friend Becca came up with that one. xD
Please don't take offense, I didn't mean any...

Taken from the folder we're issued at the start of the year...
(Think about them for a second, you'll get it.)

Play your whole instrument!

Blow through the whole passage.

Good performances are planned that way.

The music turns you on, but only you can wind yourself up for it.

Don't repeat your mistakes - they become a disease.
^That's my favorite. xDD

ohcrapitskaty

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RikoYuzuyu14

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Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:15 am

i knwo this oen lame but stil kind of funny

That do you get when you say saxaphone really fast. Sex on the phone! whooo!

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