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 Posted: Sat May 29, 2021 8:08 am
Jace managed another little smile--an accomplishment for him on a good day, so more so now. He took Holden’s hand and nodded, carefully pulling himself. He didn’t drop his hand even when he was standing, and maybe he was holding onto it a little tighter than he needed to be.
“Well, we don’t have to rush to clear out a room or anything,” he reminded, “I don’t know what’s going to happen yet, and I don’t want to give you all that work if things work out.”
Because, he could still cling to hope.
“Anyway, we could, I don’t know,” he shrugged, and mulled over his suggestion before he finally decided to just say it. “We could take it easy today? I might have pushed myself a little too hard. I wouldn’t mind just staying in bed and watching movies or something. Unless you have plans,” he insisted then, like he needed to be prepared for any sort of rejection. “It’s such a rainy day outside anyway, so…”
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Posted: Sat May 29, 2021 6:05 pm
Holden paused to think about it, giving it a very very serious sort of thought, gently holding Jace’s hand and then nodded. “Fair… you probably do need to rest.” He said with a serious nod. So… I think I do have plans, with you.” He beamed. “Like… movies, braiding everyone’s hair…” He tapped his chin with his free hand. “Hot showers… or bath! If you want a bath you get one of my bath bombs.” He added with a sage nod. “And we use the master bathroom, because the tub in there is -amazing-“ He then looked more delighted. “OH! I can make deserts! I mean… maybe… if there is one you like, I can raid Pinterest!!”
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Posted: Sun May 30, 2021 6:02 pm
Jace breathed a little sigh of relief when Holden agreed that he needed rest, and that he said he had plans with Jace. It felt like, all of a sudden, he could breathe again.
“The master bedroom?” he asked, and tilted his head a little bit because he’d just assumed that would be Callan’s room because of how big he was.
“I don’t need a bath, I can just take a quick shower. I…”
He didn’t want to say it, he still felt weak saying it, but decided if he was going to be somewhat honest, he might as well try a little harder.
“...I don’t really want to be alone right now. I feel better when I’m with you. I don’t like what I start thinking when I’m alone.”
He looked guilty about it and reached up a hand to rub at his face, to mess up his hair a little bit, and sigh.
“...You just make me feel better, Holden. You always have.”
And then, because he was being honest, he just leaned forward and pressed his lips to Holden’s forehead in something of an uncertain kiss--because despite his honesty, he didn’t know what he was doing, or what he was feeling, or--
He didn’t know anything, really.
Except, that it felt nice.
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Posted: Sun May 30, 2021 8:59 pm
there was a soft sound Holden made. Categorically, it was somewhere between stunned, and ‘delighted to the verge of tears.’. Because what else did you do, or feel when the person you knew you loved said that you made them feel better. When they kissed you on top of that, even if it was the forehead. He felt his lip tremble, that fine sort of tremulous movement that so often accompanied a surge of powerful emotion. “I- I- “ He stammered. Because he felt like he should say something, felt overwhelmed and worried that Jace would see the tremble and think the wrong thing. “You… make me feel better too…” He said almost tripping over the words. “Always, I L…. “ He reached up to cup Jace’s cheek again, half wanting to bury into his chest and half wanting… he wasn’t sure what. “ “You make me feel wonderful when you’re around. I…. I want you to feel the same way, I …I mean I want you to feel wonderful.”
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Posted: Mon May 31, 2021 6:51 am
Jace saw the tremble. He was immediately thinking the wrong thing. For a split second it felt like his heart had crawled out of chest and splattered against the ground, but the feeling diminished and changed into something better, even if Jace was still reeling to get his mind back in the right place.
His face immediately pressed into Holden’s hand, like there was nowhere else he’d rather be.
“I do. I make a lot of people uncomfortable. I know that.”
Sometimes He wasn’t very good at being nice, and he knew that thing his face did that made him look like he was ready to start snarling. He knew he could be too blunt, and too bitter, and too high strung, and too competitive, and too rude.
“...But for some reason, you stick around. And you’re not like,” he hesitated, “Me, or Q. You don’t have that sharpness I know we get called out for. You’re softer. And sweeter. And kinder, and warmer. And I like all that about you. And more. And I don’t ever want to lose you.”
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Posted: Mon May 31, 2021 5:49 pm
“You’re not going to loose me.” He said shaking his head, a gentle motion. “I’m not going…anywhere.” He promised. God… he should tell him that he had a magical costume too, he should tell him how much he cared, but it was so clear that Jace was going through so much even now. He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the press of Jace’s cheek against his hand. “I thought…” He started. But was it the time, for any of it? “I thought when I heard you were missing, that I’d lost you… I don’t know what I would have done if we hadn’t … if I hadn’t found you. If you’d just… been gone.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2021 4:07 pm
“I couldn’t have stayed gone forever,” Jace said, but there was a distant sound to his voice--not quite sure if such a thing was possible. A part of him probably really did want to stay gone forever--away from his mother. The past few weeks had been so nice--he kept studying, but he felt free.
...And now, he felt the crushing reality that he’d probably never see Holden again, once he went back home.
If he went back home.
There was no way his mother would allow him any distractions. Not until he redeemed himself, at least.
But the next test would be soon--too soon, he realized, and he’d wasted it running around. He should have started studying immediately, and--
And, Holden’s hand was on his face.
He pressed into it again, and closed his eyes, holding his breath until his brain went numb. He allowed himself to exhale before he breathed again, but he was still tingly from lightheadedness.
There were a million things he wanted to say to Holden, but he didn’t know the words, or even how to identify what he was feeling.
So instead, he asked aloud the most intrusive question banging around in his head: “...What am I going to do if I can’t pass the test?”
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Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2021 6:01 am
“Sometimes, people you care about vanish suddenly, even when they promise to be back.” He murmured and squeezed into Jace. For a moment his thoughts were on the parents he barely remembered, the ones that made him ache to think more of what Callan had lost, and everything that Callan had done to make their life what it was. But also… if Jace’s mother got her claws in him, he’d be lucky to see Jace in passing. “If you don’t pass… then we’ll get you a job as like… a paralegal or something, it’d put you right close to where you need to be, and maybe you’re the sort of person who just needs to put things to work before you do such a serious test. Lord knows no one who knows you thinks you could ever -really- fail.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then opened his eyes. He should … tell Jace. Maybe before they went down to breakfast. He could tell him about the secret uniform, about finding him that day with the Youma…
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Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Jace was quiet for a moment; maybe the people who knew him didn’t think he could fail, but that just made this so much harder. He had failed, and all of them knew it, and he’d run away. Cracked, crumbled. Weak.
He couldn’t even face any of them, and if Holden hadn’t found him, Jace wasn’t even sure where he’d be or what he’d have done.
Facing Q or Xander might not have been as daunting as facing his mother, but he was humiliated by all of it regardless.
Settling for less, or rerouting his path, felt like navigating failure--settling into it--and it was an intimidating thought.
Jace didn’t run from intimidating things; he’d always steeled himself against it, stayed firm, and fought.
He didn’t feel like himself right now.
But, here was Holden, who wasn’t telling him what to do. He was making suggestions. He didn’t say Jace had to do any of it--and he hadn’t even implied that Jace would have to do it by himself.
Holden had said ‘we’, which was such a strange, foreign concept. We will do this. Like Holden was going to go all in to support him, to help him.
Jace had never wanted to fail his mother, but even now--more than that--he didn’t want to fail Holden and drag him down with him. Whatever fire that burned in him--that had been smothered by disappointment, by rain, by failure--suddenly sparked. Just a bit.
A small, burning thing, that made Jace want to do better. He didn’t understand anything right now; his head hurt and his heart hurt, but Holden wasn’t giving up on him.
So, Jace couldn’t give up on himself.
He opened his mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by a notification from Holden’s phone.
Rather than calling across the house, Callan had decided to make use of his phone; he texted Holden another picture from where he sat at the table. His full plate was in view, but there were empty seats and empty places on the table, clearly displaying the company he didn’t have.
He texted a sad emoji with a single falling teardrop along with it.
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Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2021 7:23 pm
Holden gave a soft huff of a laugh, turning the phone screen towards Jace. Showing him the emoji, and the photo. “Maybe, we should go eat, and we can continue this conversation after?” He offered with a charmed smile. He loved…this, he hated the reasons for it, hated that Jace was in pain, but he loved that he was here, that they’d woken close to each other and… Well it was complicated. It was just one more thing that he -should- talk about with Jace, feelings, and strange costumes and…everything that fell in between.
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