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 Posted: Mon May 17, 2021 9:08 pm
A part of him was reluctant, unwilling to leave such a mess for Callan--especially as a guest--but he couldn’t say no to Holden right now, and it was so much easier just to listen to him so he didn’t have to worry about making the wrong choice.
...And Callan couldn’t be disappointed in Holden, was he ever? He couldn’t even imagine Callan’s booming voice in any rage, scolding Holden for leaving a mess or asking him to do anything.
And, maybe that made something ache in his chest, too, because all he could think about was how long he was going to be berated when he went home, and he didn’t want to go home, not when everything Holden said was so warm and comforting and perfect.
“I don’t ever want you to go away,” he mumbled, and finally forced himself up. He could feel the burn in his legs, and it almost felt like his feet were bruised.
It would have served him right, he figured, and the stairs suddenly seemed like a daunting task.
But, he wanted to be in Holden’s room, where he’d always felt safe, and comfortable. Hidden away, in case his mother decided to start tracking down his friends.
He wanted that stupid duck, and he wanted to just bury his face in the pillow and try to force away every last indecent emotion, because if he kept up feeling this turbulent, something in him was going to break and he didn’t want Holden to see him weak.
Especially not now, when he was certain he already looked pathetic enough.
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Posted: Tue May 18, 2021 9:39 am
A quick text to Callan, more because he wasn’t sure where in the house his Brother was, he assumed close but… didn’t want to put weight on that assumption. He felt his cheeks burn at the words Jace spoke, never wanting him to go away. It was so good to hear… so good it made his chest ache. He helped Jace up the stairs, taking as much of the weight of him as Jace would allow, noting the stuttering limp, the clear tiredness that had finally crept home to rest like a broody hen. “Come on then…” He murmured, leading his way to the bed. “You sit here, I’ll get mister duck, if you slide in with Mister duck by the wall, then I’ll curl in at your back and guard you too… okay? Bird army is here for you. Callan has the door.” He hurried to the chair and fetched the enormous duck plush, it was at least as big as your standard body pillow, just… a duck. It’s body soft and minky. He handed it to Jace so he could in turn make himself comfortable and murmured that he’d be back in just a moment with a soft brush of fingers against hair escaping onto Jace’s face. He set fresh towels out in his bathroom, a pillow of soft colors neatly folded. Brought out a spare toothbrush as well for morning before hurrying back towards his room with only a glance down the stairs just to see if Callan was there. to offer a smile of tired and worry, and then hurried back to Jace, to put his arms around him and dream that he could do more to sooth away everything that Jace had suffered for so long, and born so stoically. “Do you want another blanket?” He offered. “Socks? I have the parakeets still…”
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Posted: Sat May 22, 2021 6:18 pm
Jace offered no resistance; he let himself be led, guided, instructed. He complied without protest and seemed to relax into the easy expectations. Something tugged at him when Holden was gone and out of sight, and though he got into bed and buried his face into the giant duck, he wasn’t happy to be there by himself.
He squeezed his eyes shut, like it might summon sleep quicker and disperse any of the thoughts, or feelings that he had. If he slept, he wouldn’t have to deal with the aches he felt, inside and out. He didn’t know how to deal with the sensation of needles pricking up his throat, right to his eyes.
He tried not to breathe, tried not to blink. Tried to shut it all out.
He was too tired to deal with these emotions. Too tired to understand them.
When Holden crawled back in, it was like everything bad just washed away, even if only for a moment. There was a split second where he felt anxious, before he remembered it was Holden touching him, not anyone else. No one to shriek or yell or scold.
Just Holden, as perfect as Jace could have ever imagined.
“Just you,” he said, voice ragged. He couldn’t imagine needing anything else when all Holden had to do was show up and wrap his arms around him and he felt warm.
...But, he wasn’t sure how long that would last--or worse, how long before he made Holden uncomfortable.
“...Maybe I should put on socks. I don’t want to give you a heart attack tonight. I get really cold,” he said, in a still apologetic tone. His voice was muffled, because he wasn’t going to pull his face out of the duck, not when his face and throat already hurt so much.
He’d stopped thinking about Callan a while ago, and it felt like he was working through a heavy haze just to get his mind functioning as it was now. And yet, he was filled with relief that there was a duck here, to make him safe. That Holden was guarding his back. That Callan might have the door, like some monster was going to come in.
Briefly, he felt stupid; he was oblivious to the fact that Callan had texted Holden to let him know if they needed anything, oblivious that Callan was trying to be supportive, that he was downstairs cleaning and already googling how to help.
...And yet, for all that Jace did know, he knew that he felt welcome here.
He felt safe here.
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Posted: Sat May 22, 2021 6:45 pm
“I guess it’s a good thing that I brought the socks with me then.” Holden murmured and pulled the small roll of fluffy socks from his pocket and handed them over Jace in a gentle reach. “There you go, no heart attacks, no cold feet. Nothing but soft and warm for as long as you need it.” He murmured. He messaged Callan back too, typing out with a thumb so that he didn’t have to move the arm he had slung now over Jace. Just for a little while, he could pretend that the would couldn’t touch them here. For a short time at least too, that would be true. For just a little space of time they could pretend that nothing else mattered and that nothing could hurt Jace anymore.
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