Welcome to Gaia! ::

Breathe She drew in a steady breath, filling her lungs to capacity, then exhaled slowly. Just… breathe…

When finally her heart began to calm, Marissa opened her eyes and hesitantly turned her head in his direction. Her gaze, however, could not meet his; not after making such a fool of herself.

“Do I…?” With such a helpless look in her eyes, she hazard a glance upwards only to quickly look back down at the bag he had brought along with them. “Do I what?” She asked quiet enough that she wasn’t certain whether or not he had heard her.

Do I want to swan dive off a bridge? Yes… but I’d probably live through that. Do I want to rewind time and have a redo of the last ten minutes? Yes, please! She let out a groaning sound God I am such an idoit

“Please don’t say you’re sorry… you did nothing wrong.” It was my fault, I made everything awkward.She was the one who mistook his question, read into it and twisted the intent into something wildly inappropriate. Or did you? her youma side seemed to purr as it settled back against her consciousness

That wasn’t the question he was going to ask and yet Marissa felt oddly grateful for it anyway. Both kind and considerate yet equally feral. Both facets of the same gem that was wolframite. Perhaps that is why she felt comfortable around him so quickly. Without a conscious effort on his part, he stirred her youma sides playfulness and yet made her feel human again in that same moment.

You’re more of an enigma than I am. Gradually her shoulders seemed to relax as a small smile returned to her face.

She nodded once so he knew that she’d heard him before finally admitting “It’s my weakness.” Especially on top of a freshly baked brownie or warm chocolate chip cookie in the winter and covered in fruit in the summer. For as healthy as she normally ate ice cream was definitely her one guilty pleasure.

“Maybe later though. I doubt you’re still hungry and I haven’t touched the second taco.” In all honesty, with how upset her stomach was from the emotional rollercoaster ride she just tore through, Merissa wasn’t entirely sure she could keep two taco’s down if she, for some stupid reason, went through that again. “But a walk sounds like a good idea.”

Even if they didn’t talk at least they’d be moving.

Marissa nodded her head when he asked about the fridge. Something like that was kind of mandatory for someone like her who doesn't like eating in the cafeteria.

Allowing him to take the lead, she fell into step beside Winter just as they had been when walking along the sidewalk earlier. Although, there was perhaps a bit more distance between them than before, but not by much. It was actually kind of nice that they were the same height; it meant she didn’t need to crane her head back to look up at him which was a blessing in and of itself.

“That’s a loaded question” She simply stated. Glancing over at him with an almost sympathetic expression that seemed to warn that he might want to tread carefully before opening the floodgates to that specific topic. “Are you sure you don’t want to ask something else?” The answer she had for him was not short by any means but at least she was giving him an out.

Me pick? Marissa nearly balked at how quickly he passed the task onto her.

Her attempt at bringing up sparing was an absolute failure so retrying that was a definite ‘nope’. Maybe later, once they got back to the barracks and let things kind of settle for a few days, then and only then would she try approaching him again and ask for pointers or things for her to work on.

“Mmmm…” Feeling stuck between two options that did not toe the line of being too invasive or personal she pursed her lips together and leaned her head from side to side in thoughtful consideration.

It went without saying that he was indeed a walking fountain of knowledge. From what she remembered from a previous conversation they had, Wolframite had been a member of the Negaverse since before the Rift doors opened. He’s seen how things changed through the years and ventured to the other side where youma seemed to reign supreme. It’s likely there were several stories he could pick from to help her learn more of their factions history.

However, when she glanced over at him, the other topic she had wanted to speak to him about just kind of shunted itself forward in her mind and given what just happened under the tree, now was about as good as any time to ask. “How do you find a balance between your humanity and youma nature?”

Right now, her own personality seemed to tilt heavily towards her humanity while her other half rested deep beneath the oceans cresting waves. Whereas before, it felt like it had breached the surface and was trying to drag her under; something that, as of late, only happened around him.

Am I worried? Marissa looked within herself at her flippant youma side and sighed. “No, not really. I just- I’m” She raked her fingers through her hair and scratched the back of her head. “I’m used to being a bit of an enigma of sorts. I’m usually pretty private about my thoughts and don’t like bothering anyone with my worries but lately, it feels like I’ve become an open book.”

Warning growls, pleased purrs, even her mannerisms had changed; what the hell was this fixation with rubbing her cheek against someone if they touch her face or make her happy? If this was her youma side being true to its, or her, nature then it could go to ******** hell because it was getting exhausting trying to reign herself back in.

“I think I’ll take your advice though, I haven’t spent really any time in trying to understand it so that may be part of the problem. “ No, she had constantly shunted it aside into the fathomless deeps where light could not reach it. It had surfaced three times when her life was threatened but beyond that, she couldn’t really put a finger on a specific rhyme or reason. Perhaps it was just bored and simply wished to be entertained; most notably at her own expense.

“It’s a lot to consider.” Being called half youma by other officers kind of left the impression that her two sides were distinctly different but what he said made sense. People have the capacity to become monsters, but where he claims that his youma side now matches who he was before; Marissa had to wonder if the same was true for herself.

“Like water under a bridge, this too shall pass…” It was a saying that she lived her life by and for the first time in years it felt like it took on a whole new meaning. “Or better yet… Like the river, I guess I should just go with the flow.” She moved her hand in a motion akin to a twisty rapid then looked over at Winter and smiled.

“Too punny? Too soon?” She laughed then jumped up as they passed under a maple tree. Grabbing ahold of the limb it bowed downward and from it, she plucked a bright yellow leaf. “It is your turn!” Her voice took on an almost British accent as she handed it to him. “Perhaps a game maybe? And, if you win desert will be on me!” After all, he did pay for lunch.

Marissa slowed in her walking until finally, she came to a stop. When it seemed that he was going to keep on going she reached out and took ahold of his hand so he’d turn to look at her.

He should have just gone back to the other topic instead.

“Before I answer you, promise…” She leveled her gaze with his, knowing he wouldn’t like the answer. “Promise that you won’t get angry and you’ll let me finish before you say anything.” Her hand around his tightened, not in any sort of painful way, but rather so he knew how adamant she was about this.

When she felt sure enough that he’d keep his word, Marissa drew in a deep breath and from it found the courage to answer him honestly.

“Had someone actually approached me and asked if I would be interested in joining the Negaverse, I would have probably thought that they were playing some practical joke for a random up and coming reality TV show or some creeper. I would have either laughed at them or ran away; either way the answer would have been the same.” No… Never… Not in this lifetime or the next would she have ever agreed.

“I’m not a fighter,” Her shoulders sagged as if a heavy weight had just been set upon them. “Nor do I think I was ever meant to be one.”

“But if I knew then, what I know now.” The youma shifted and she could feel it nudging her gently, encouraging her to continue. “I may have considered it.” Marissa let go of Winter’s hands and cupped the sides of his face as he had when she had lost herself to her youma half. “Since meeting you, I’ve found that I want to learn more, and to actually try harder.”

“Maybe it is because we’re both lieutenants, feeling our way through this the only way we know how. But I don’t feel so alone in this, not with you and Lopezite for me to look to when I feel lost or uncertain.” Even though he had been the one break the barrier and set her youma side free, it was because she felt comfortable enough around them that she has been able to slowly continue to grow.

Marissa allowed her arms to fall back to her side once she felt that she had got over the largest hurdle. “As for your other question. Would I pity them? The half youma... maybe. But that’s because even as I am now I don’t fully understand what it means to be me. But that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have tried to learn more, to understand.”

With that said she took a step back and allowed him space to process. “What you asked wasn’t a simple yes or no question, because the answer is both. But what happened, happened. And right now… I’m kind of grateful for it.”