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Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2019 3:38 pm
She froze and he could see the tension as she leaned against him. Practically feel how rigid she went when he touched her. His immediate response was to move his hand. Of course she was still recovering from his soar with her, and with how she was rubbing her shoulder just now, she was still sore from it.
"Uh...I" she just stared at him, and he felt guilty for even touching her without permission. She was just reading in him and he went and acted like a creeper probably when she was trusting him to just have a nice time outside together. Yet, as he tried to rationalize that she had touched his hand before, he remembered he was glamoured. He was touchable as Wolframite because he was soft looking. It wasn't anything past that. Just because Mali liked rubbing his face against his hand and holding it didn't mean anything more than when others did it.
Then he stared at her eyes and she focused on him, and there was a moment of dread that something terrible was about to be said. Bit then his hand was taken from her brow, a.gestire he immediately took as not wanting his hand on her, before ot was brought down and placed firmly on her chest.
Every muscle in his body tensed as he stared at where his hand was. Planted over her heart, halfway on a soft breast, in the middle of broad daylight in public. For an eternity of a few seconds, all the blood went went either to his face or his crotch, and he was left dizzy as his heart jackhammered in his chest. It took him a while before he noticed a different heartbeat against his bare palm.
But even though she lead him here, she seemed to shrink, appologizing as she let his hand go. Seeing her shake her head, regretting what she did, he pulled his hand up and didn't exactly know what to do. His palm felt as if it was buzzing still from where he felt her heartbeat.
"Oh, no. I'm sorry. Whatever it was. It's okay. I'm sorry that - uh.." What was he sorry for? "..for upsetting you."
What did she think that he thought?
Hand on her chest. Heart racing..
"Marissa....do you....." He paused, stopping himself. Was he assuming too much here?
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Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:44 pm
Breathe She drew in a steady breath, filling her lungs to capacity, then exhaled slowly. Just… breathe…When finally her heart began to calm, Marissa opened her eyes and hesitantly turned her head in his direction. Her gaze, however, could not meet his; not after making such a fool of herself. “Do I…?” With such a helpless look in her eyes, she hazard a glance upwards only to quickly look back down at the bag he had brought along with them. “Do I what?” She asked quiet enough that she wasn’t certain whether or not he had heard her. Do I want to swan dive off a bridge? Yes… but I’d probably live through that. Do I want to rewind time and have a redo of the last ten minutes? Yes, please! She let out a groaning sound God I am such an idoit“Please don’t say you’re sorry… you did nothing wrong.” It was my fault, I made everything awkward.She was the one who mistook his question, read into it and twisted the intent into something wildly inappropriate. Or did you? her youma side seemed to purr as it settled back against her consciousness
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Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:47 am
He stared at her taking in deep breathes and not able to really look at him. Voice small and barely that of a whisper that if they were closer to people, he wouldn't have heard it at all.
What was best to do here?
She could barely look at him that he wondered if she would be able to say anything more about what happened. It was clear she was uncomfortable that pressing harder into what seemed like a mistake might wind up hurting her more deeply than a bite to the shoulder ever could.
If he didn't confront it now, would he somehow be allowing something else to grow or fester? Should he even crush whatever he was suspecting into the ground while it was still small and tender before it grew too strong?
Or was he in the wrong for assuming too much and would wind up making this a mess out of misreading the atmosphere and it all just being in his head?
"Do you like ice cream?" He said, decide that stepping away from this was best yet feeling a bit like a coward.
"I saw a truck selling some. We can get some and walk a bit " She probably would appreciate some distance from this spot.
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Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 8:47 am
That wasn’t the question he was going to ask and yet Marissa felt oddly grateful for it anyway. Both kind and considerate yet equally feral. Both facets of the same gem that was wolframite. Perhaps that is why she felt comfortable around him so quickly. Without a conscious effort on his part, he stirred her youma sides playfulness and yet made her feel human again in that same moment. You’re more of an enigma than I am. Gradually her shoulders seemed to relax as a small smile returned to her face. She nodded once so he knew that she’d heard him before finally admitting “It’s my weakness.” Especially on top of a freshly baked brownie or warm chocolate chip cookie in the winter and covered in fruit in the summer. For as healthy as she normally ate ice cream was definitely her one guilty pleasure. “Maybe later though. I doubt you’re still hungry and I haven’t touched the second taco.” In all honesty, with how upset her stomach was from the emotional rollercoaster ride she just tore through, Merissa wasn’t entirely sure she could keep two taco’s down if she, for some stupid reason, went through that again. “But a walk sounds like a good idea.” Even if they didn’t talk at least they’d be moving.
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Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:14 am
He could feel the tension beside him go lax and was glad for the change.
"Later then. Let's walk down the path then." He said and nudged her to sit up.
"We can get ice cream in our way out or if we spot any other desserts about. I should bring a little cooler bag for use to store food in my backpack to keep and back home. You have a mini fridge right?" He asked as he got up.
He went to finishing his taco in a few bites, not wanting to carry it.
Helping her up, he took out their trash in the nearest bin and wandered back.
"I never asked but - why do you like the water so much? You liked it before everything happened to you." A change in topic to something she liked with probably hell things. He moved to get on the walking path that cut into the woods.
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Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 11:52 am
Marissa nodded her head when he asked about the fridge. Something like that was kind of mandatory for someone like her who doesn't like eating in the cafeteria.
Allowing him to take the lead, she fell into step beside Winter just as they had been when walking along the sidewalk earlier. Although, there was perhaps a bit more distance between them than before, but not by much. It was actually kind of nice that they were the same height; it meant she didn’t need to crane her head back to look up at him which was a blessing in and of itself.
“That’s a loaded question” She simply stated. Glancing over at him with an almost sympathetic expression that seemed to warn that he might want to tread carefully before opening the floodgates to that specific topic. “Are you sure you don’t want to ask something else?” The answer she had for him was not short by any means but at least she was giving him an out.
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Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 12:13 pm
The question seemed like now was not the best time for flooding. Considering how things were going, he didn't want the day to turn even more awkward.
"Uh, maybe another time then." He decided and continued to walk a little bit in silence.
"How about you pick something to talk about?" He said, throwing the ball like a hot potato over into her court. He wasn't sure exactly what to talk about. They talked about dream places to live, hobbies, and foods they liked. He wasn't sure what else to ask about that wasn't personal or awkward in some way. Then again, he never really was good with keeping a conversation going this long without it being about work.
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Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 1:43 am
Me pick? Marissa nearly balked at how quickly he passed the task onto her. Her attempt at bringing up sparing was an absolute failure so retrying that was a definite ‘nope’. Maybe later, once they got back to the barracks and let things kind of settle for a few days, then and only then would she try approaching him again and ask for pointers or things for her to work on. “Mmmm…” Feeling stuck between two options that did not toe the line of being too invasive or personal she pursed her lips together and leaned her head from side to side in thoughtful consideration. It went without saying that he was indeed a walking fountain of knowledge. From what she remembered from a previous conversation they had, Wolframite had been a member of the Negaverse since before the Rift doors opened. He’s seen how things changed through the years and ventured to the other side where youma seemed to reign supreme. It’s likely there were several stories he could pick from to help her learn more of their factions history. However, when she glanced over at him, the other topic she had wanted to speak to him about just kind of shunted itself forward in her mind and given what just happened under the tree, now was about as good as any time to ask. “How do you find a balance between your humanity and youma nature?” Right now, her own personality seemed to tilt heavily towards her humanity while her other half rested deep beneath the oceans cresting waves. Whereas before, it felt like it had breached the surface and was trying to drag her under; something that, as of late, only happened around him.
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Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 9:12 am
He watched her seem to struggle with a question to ask and he felt satisfied in that it wasn't just hard for him. It was nice to know they were all tasked with trying to find something that wasn't so loaded or personal. As she turned her head back and forth, setting her thoughts on some scale to see which one tilted in the best way, he looked about at the green leaves just starting to yellow and took in the smell of the breeze as it sent up a chorus of rustling around them. There was a smell if upcoming rain somewhere in the distance not yet approaching as sun stil filtered between passing clouds.
The question wasn't one he expected but it was a bit amusing. Balance?
"Not to sound depressing here, but people are animals. Humanity isn't much of a word. People, humans, can be as horrible and mean as a youma. Even moreso in my experience. I have seen humans do the worst things to others." He went quiet a moment.
"Youma -" He started again. "They just have different motivations and are more honest with themselves. They aren't out to manipulate, lie, and betray. They bite when they are hungry and tear when they are crossed. I'm not the best candidate to ask that question. I was already bloodthirsty and aggressive before I was made a half-youma. Now my appearance just matches my insides more."
He said everything with a plain acceptance of his person. "But if you want to know about how to control yourself and not go off the deep end, then you have to see what your other side is all about. We weren't just merged by a youma. Our starseeds were corrupted and brought out youma traits. Some part of that youma side is you. So listen to it and maybe let it run around a bit every once in a while. Preferably not around people you could wind up eviscerating. Leashing it - well, you saw during the spar. Even I have issues. I was worse off without my general. He's a half-youma too and a strict one. Getting your a** beat over and over is a good way to train for someone like me. Tires you out too. Can't be too aggressive if you can barely walk back to your bed. Makes you humble. Not take off more than I can chew."
He looked over at her. "Are you worried something might happen? Is it pushing you too much?"
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Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 9:11 pm
Am I worried? Marissa looked within herself at her flippant youma side and sighed. “No, not really. I just- I’m” She raked her fingers through her hair and scratched the back of her head. “I’m used to being a bit of an enigma of sorts. I’m usually pretty private about my thoughts and don’t like bothering anyone with my worries but lately, it feels like I’ve become an open book.” Warning growls, pleased purrs, even her mannerisms had changed; what the hell was this fixation with rubbing her cheek against someone if they touch her face or make her happy? If this was her youma side being true to its, or her, nature then it could go to ******** hell because it was getting exhausting trying to reign herself back in. “I think I’ll take your advice though, I haven’t spent really any time in trying to understand it so that may be part of the problem. “ No, she had constantly shunted it aside into the fathomless deeps where light could not reach it. It had surfaced three times when her life was threatened but beyond that, she couldn’t really put a finger on a specific rhyme or reason. Perhaps it was just bored and simply wished to be entertained; most notably at her own expense. “It’s a lot to consider.” Being called half youma by other officers kind of left the impression that her two sides were distinctly different but what he said made sense. People have the capacity to become monsters, but where he claims that his youma side now matches who he was before; Marissa had to wonder if the same was true for herself. “Like water under a bridge, this too shall pass…” It was a saying that she lived her life by and for the first time in years it felt like it took on a whole new meaning. “Or better yet… Like the river, I guess I should just go with the flow.” She moved her hand in a motion akin to a twisty rapid then looked over at Winter and smiled. “Too punny? Too soon?” She laughed then jumped up as they passed under a maple tree. Grabbing ahold of the limb it bowed downward and from it, she plucked a bright yellow leaf. “It is your turn!” Her voice took on an almost British accent as she handed it to him. “Perhaps a game maybe? And, if you win desert will be on me!” After all, he did pay for lunch.
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Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 9:25 pm
He laughed a bit at that, watching as some leaves fell when the branch bounced back from where she tugged her prized folage off.
"Well, Can't help with that. I used to be able to hide most of my emotions but now I have a damn tail and ears. Can't pretend something doesn't get to me now and if there is a trick to stop it, I haven't learned it." Aside from duct-taping the tail to his leg but that would hurt like hell removing it with his fur.
"And a bit punny, bit I don't mind. We're hanging out. Not at some meeting." If they were at some official mission, then he'd n** at her for not being serious.
"My turn huh?" He said, not exactly thrilled but it was fair.
Well, since they were talking about her and youmafication.
"You have been here for a few months. Do you think you would have joined if what had happened didn't? If someone - like let's say me - came to you, told you what we were about and could offer, and just made you a offer to be corrupted? Not to a half-youma but just like everyone else?" He asked.
"And would you have pitied the half-youma if you weren't one?" He said, jumping up to grab at a leaf and missed.
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Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 9:56 pm
Marissa slowed in her walking until finally, she came to a stop. When it seemed that he was going to keep on going she reached out and took ahold of his hand so he’d turn to look at her.
He should have just gone back to the other topic instead.
“Before I answer you, promise…” She leveled her gaze with his, knowing he wouldn’t like the answer. “Promise that you won’t get angry and you’ll let me finish before you say anything.” Her hand around his tightened, not in any sort of painful way, but rather so he knew how adamant she was about this.
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Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 10:04 pm
His stomach dropped when she stopped and took his hand. Her tone was a forewarning, and it felt more if an answer then what was to come.
Marissa, if she wasn't a half-youma, wasn't an officer, would never be here. She didn't want to be here. There was nothing that appealed to her, but it was as she said. She wanted her studies and the rich future she had worked hard for before she was thrown into those cold waters.
She wanted a civilian's happiness..
She was not a fighter. Still wasn't a fighter. Even with her youma tendencies, that wouldn't make up for it if her human half didn't have the stomach for it.
I'm a friend to someone who is a prisoner of circumstances doing her best.
It felt like Mali too. He never wanted here either. What would happen if she knew about purification? What would she do to know he purified?
She'll leave in a heartbeat.
He squeezed her hand weakly back, smiling distantly. "I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't prepared for all the answers. You can be honest with me. I won't get mad."
"I won't say a peep until you seem done."
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Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 10:39 pm
When she felt sure enough that he’d keep his word, Marissa drew in a deep breath and from it found the courage to answer him honestly.
“Had someone actually approached me and asked if I would be interested in joining the Negaverse, I would have probably thought that they were playing some practical joke for a random up and coming reality TV show or some creeper. I would have either laughed at them or ran away; either way the answer would have been the same.” No… Never… Not in this lifetime or the next would she have ever agreed.
“I’m not a fighter,” Her shoulders sagged as if a heavy weight had just been set upon them. “Nor do I think I was ever meant to be one.”
“But if I knew then, what I know now.” The youma shifted and she could feel it nudging her gently, encouraging her to continue. “I may have considered it.” Marissa let go of Winter’s hands and cupped the sides of his face as he had when she had lost herself to her youma half. “Since meeting you, I’ve found that I want to learn more, and to actually try harder.”
“Maybe it is because we’re both lieutenants, feeling our way through this the only way we know how. But I don’t feel so alone in this, not with you and Lopezite for me to look to when I feel lost or uncertain.” Even though he had been the one break the barrier and set her youma side free, it was because she felt comfortable enough around them that she has been able to slowly continue to grow.
Marissa allowed her arms to fall back to her side once she felt that she had got over the largest hurdle. “As for your other question. Would I pity them? The half youma... maybe. But that’s because even as I am now I don’t fully understand what it means to be me. But that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have tried to learn more, to understand.”
With that said she took a step back and allowed him space to process. “What you asked wasn’t a simple yes or no question, because the answer is both. But what happened, happened. And right now… I’m kind of grateful for it.”
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2019 8:29 am
It was a surprising gesture when she cupped his face, and he wondered if she did it in much the same way he had done to her. A way to calm down a rising aggression, though there was none visible on his features. In fact, he stared back at her, a stoic mask as she spoke.
It was as he thought that Marissa would not have originally wanted to be recruited. He expected that much from what she had previously told him and her unenthusiasm in the past to fight. Being in her room for months didn't reflect an attitude of someone overjoyed by their predicament. Many of them had not been fighters. Fighting was not a societal need anymore and many people frowned against any acts or allusions of violence. You did not engage the bully on the school grounds and you did not lash out when upset. It brought you down to a level humans frowned on because it reminded them too much how primitive they still were.
But Marissa had an abundance of optimism and was looking at the silver lining. That she had someone to help and she had company. It was probably not as nice or as much to the friends she surely had before all this, but she wasn't making comparisons. Maybe she was trying hard to keep it together and preserve her sanity else she would hold up in her room.
She was even soft in not focusing on the horrible injustice done to her.
Go with the flow.
Water under the bridge.
How long would that optimism last her before the leaves and branches got stuck under that bridge and the water rose up over her? He wasn't dumb enough to believe she wouldn't be faced with the demanding horrors and emotional arrows of this path. This life. Someone would die by her hands. Her life would be threatened time and again. She'd with was an unbridled hatred and disgust by those that opposed then.
And eventually, she would see what lied under his own iceberg.
Would she be hard enough not to crack by the time that happened or would that comforting hope evaporate around her in the embers of hell?
"Thank you. For answering that." He said nothing more about it, reaching up to pick a leaf.
"It's your turn."
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