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His grip tightened on the senshi, hands sliding just up from his wrists so that fingertips could bite into the fabric of his fancy coat as he fell quiet. Ocean blue eyes settled on the Senshi of Spiders, breath caught in his chest. Rikard Colby.

The Cosmos Knight snorted softly, a light puff of air passing his lips as his head tipped back against the ground. "You were wrong about something, Arachne. He wasn't a civilian-- It wasn't the wrong place at the wrong time. He knew exactly what he was doing there and he was doing it to prove his loyalty to the Negaverse. You are right about one thing, though... I am the one responsible for killing him." No malice or anger lingered in his voice, the words spoken softly; plain and simple.

No matter which way the story was spun, he was responsible for the 'death' of Rikard Colby. In order to shed the Chaos that had sullied his starseed and leave the Negaverse behind, the loss of his former life had been the price-- One that he would pay again in a heartbeat if it meant being true to himself.

"What would I have to gain by lying to you?" One hand released its hold on the senshi so that it could fall to the ground. He used it to push himself up onto one elbow, watching the other man.

"He was in a dark place and there weren't many who knew about it because he was damn good at hiding it. He'd been in the Negaverse for five years. He was a Captain." Those were things that he knew because he remembered the dark, desperate way he'd felt as a civilian and he had the medals to confirm the information that he'd given to Corvus to pass back to him because some things weren't meant to be forgotten.

"How many people do you know that are the same at twenty-two or twenty-three as they were at seventeen? A lot can change in five years. It's possible for a seventeen year old boy to go from being a juvenile delinquent stuck in a boarding school for the criminally inclined to a Lieutenant who tries to climb the ranks so he feels important and valued. Paranoia and fear chase the darkness and before you know it, you're stuck." The Knight of Cosmos relaxed his hold on the senshi's forearms before finally releasing him entirely, hands falling down to the grass beside him, lightly pulling at the green blades instead.

He had no memory of the time he spent as a Negaverse agent. The only information he had on Richterite, the Captain that he had been, came from Corvus. She had trusted him and expressed the same faith in the strength of his character that Arachne did now. In turn he trusted her to be true to him in regards to the information she provided; that she wasn't lying to him about what he'd told her of the things he could no longer recall from his past.

"There are good people on both sides of this war, Arachne, just as there are assholes and terrors. When you're lost and alone and someone offers you a family? A place you belong?" He did recall that. That offer had been extended to him by the blonde haired, green eyed Captain who... Mag Mell closed his eyes, wincing again as a shot of pain drove through his temples. He was pushing himself too hard again, too close to being spread too thin as he tried to think and remember.

"You can't tell everyone everything, can you?"

"You're making assumptions that aren't true," he grunted as the other man shoved him back, puffing as his shoulders hit the grass again. It was easy enough to remain lying there for the time being, steadying his breath while trying to gather his thoughts into something that both made more sense and wouldn't get him kicked while he was lying on the ground.

"The timeline you've got in your head is one where you seem to think that the person you knew was recruited into the Negaverse after the two of you met; that there was a choice made then and there drawing a line between the two of you. That would be wrong." He shifted, pushing himself up into a sitting position with a low groan. Mag Mell drew one knee up to his chest, staring out over the pond reflecting the moon and stars above. Somehow it had been easier to discuss this with Lucien, even knowing that Luc wanted to kick his a** too.

"Rikard Colby picked a chance at being something more over being labeled a juvenile delinquent for the rest of his life. He thought that he was joining an organization that would make a difference. I remember that." It was one of the things he could remember clearly-- Wide-eyed wonder, a bit of terror and pain before it cut off abruptly, his assumption being that was when he'd become something more. "That was before a lot of things happened, before meeting you happened. It was too late when you left town and it only got worse when one by one everyone else moved on too... But I wouldn't expect you to understand that. On a basic level? Sure. But not the way those thoughts interacted with everything else."

Especially not the way Chaos had amplified them.

A small smirk quirked his lips as he shook his head, finally turning to look to the Senshi of Spiders. "You're hurt because you didn't know Rik's secret, yet I don't remember if he ever found out yours. Seems like neither of you found someone important enough to tell everything, if we're going by your rules as to what counts as important."

"You're hearing but you're not listening." The Cosmos knight released his knee so that he could shift to push himself to his feet, shaking off his cloak in an attempt to dust himself off. The action was more of a fidget than because he cared about whatever grass or debris might have been left behind as a result of their tumble on the ground.

"No, that's not right..." He shook his head slowly before looking to the Senshi of Spiders once more. "You're listening, but you're not understanding. I don't-- My memories are still scrambled. I don't remember anything about the Negaverse-- About Richterite, other than his name and what I've been told. There was a reason for staying behind. I don't know."

His own voice was starting to become strained, pain radiating from behind his eyes the more he tried to pry into everything, the more he tried to think. "Stars, don't you ever think that something isn't about you? That the choices he made-- The choices I made weren't about anything other than me? I wasn't dragged out, I made a ******** choice and who I am right now, the man you see standing here, is a result of that choice."

"Except where it wasn't just about you." His voice was low, rather certain that the senshi wouldn't hear him-- Not that it mattered even if he did. Arachne was only hearing what he wanted to hear, jumping to conclusions and making accusations that weren't helping anything.

He brought his hand up to rub at the bridge of his nose before turning on his own heel. He wanted to put as much distance between himself and the Senshi of Spiders as possible before powering down to catch a cab back to the apartment. If he was lucky he'd catch Luc at home and the other might have an ice pack waiting for him.