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 Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2016 10:09 am
T A B L E . O F . C O N T E N T S TOC
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Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2016 10:10 am
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 2:26 pm
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 2:26 pm
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 2:27 pm
In with the new Quote: Zandala reflects on her accomplishments as to whether or not she has been a good mother to her daughters. She also reacts to the news that a mystic for the Elaria has been born and what that means for herself, the Alkidikes, and the Elaria. She comes to accept that the future is now in the hands of her children and the Elaria and even though she doubts her abilities as a mother, she comes to the conclusion that she has done her best.
Zandala stood up languidly. “I’ll be back.” She told them, pausing before leaving, perhaps waiting for an acknowledgement on their part but received none. They didn’t need her anymore; they didn’t need their mothers to watch over them, they were taking the reins of their live slowly. Zandala had noticed it and she was sure Lumikani had also. It was worrisome and yet exciting at the same time for her. To see them blossoming into these two wonderful beings, Zandala just hoped she hadn’t messed anything up for them during their training. It was a silly worry, but one she still had.
Her relevance in their life was shrinking and she strangely wanted to hold on and guide them. It only made her worry that they would miss step because they were making their own decisions now. Sometimes if she saw either Zayanna or Kanika do a mistake, she wondered if she’d taught them properly. Had she spent enough time on that subject? Was this mistake her fault? Had she perhaps not explained herself in a manner that they’d understood as children? Those struggles buzzed around in her head and made her worry like she’d never worried before.
A mystic had been born, a tiny thing that made Zandala worry even more. Would she be able to guide them properly? Would she be able to give proper direction? She was after all the sign that the Banished were a dying breed that were no longer needed. Some of the Elaria would be old enough to ask for daughters of their own soon, they didn’t need the Alkidikes anymore. They didn’t need her anymore. The thought brought a pang of worry and sadness to Zandala like she’d never felt before. A sort of hurt.
Could they really all be left to their own devices? As Zandala walked around camp, she eyed the younger Elaria and wondered. She watched how they moved, watched their interactions. Surely they still needed the Alkidikes? But as her eyes moved to the older Elaria, those who walked with confidence, talked with strength and displayed courage it just hurt even more. Still, the mystic was so tiny, she needed more time to grow and be able to show the way for her people. Maybe Zandala was just a bit delusional on that point? She didn’t know anymore.
She didn’t understand her need to hold on to the feeling of being needed. To feel that her daughters still needed her even when they got older. They, the Alkidikes, would all die out one day on Yael, there would come a point that the Banished would eclipse from history never to be seen again. The Alkidikes back on Chibale would live on though, so what it so bad? Was she truly ready for that? To give up that power, to accept that she had done her part, whether good or bad, and let them all go on their own?
Maybe she was just getting old.
Nothing bad had happened to her daughters so far, so she must have done something good somewhere? And as far as Zandala knew, they didn’t want to run off to the mainland whenever they had a chance just so they could see the world. She was a little afraid of how they’d be received there, but felt they were strong enough. Lumikani and she always talked about the mainland to their daughters; they didn’t shun that knowledge from their daughters like some of their other sisters.
That Zandala knew she’d done well on. She felt her daughters were a lot more prepared in the event that they did make the decision to head to the mainland. Zandala wished they’d all stay here though, this was their home soil and where they belonged. Still, as much as she wanted it, this was also not her decision to make anymore and she had to accept that. She might want to shield them from the world but one day they would have to explore it’s depths by themselves. It sounded scary to her, but the more she mulled it over the more she accepted that fact.
Zandala found herself walking back to where her daughters were sparing in the field, they were still going at it with little to no rest so far and she settled back into her spot to watch them. No, Zandala felt like Lumikani and she had done a good or at least decent job in raising their daughters. Perhaps it was just a mothers love but she felt like the Elaria would be a little better off with her daughters. Maybe it was a little conceited of her to admit such a thought, which was why she didn’t share it with anyone.
Deep down, Zandala knew her fears were unproven. She ought to have been happy that she had had a hand in it all, a hand in raising up her daughters the right way. Raising them to be strong and independent leaders, they would be okay. She would be okay. Zandala took a deep breath and smiled. They were ready and she was ready to give up the flame to her daughters. She’d done well. And in any case, she wasn’t gone yet. There was plenty of time to teach them more; they were all still learning after all.
She was learning to let go and they were learning to walk the world by themselves.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2016 8:00 am
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