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 Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Molly Finn was just as confused as Alistaire was, but for all the opposite reasons. The trainee straightened herself, but wrapped her arms around her stomach, tilting her head as she regarded Alistaire with that confused expression. Confused why the poor man was getting so worked up over this. "Because it's...okay?" She started a bit weakly. "Because...not everyone is the same, and it's okay if you don't like being touched?" She slowly shook her head. "I...don't think there's anything wrong with you, Alistaire...I met someone recently who doesn't like being hugged...and that's okay, too..." She blinked. "I just think...it's okay to not like things...that's what makes everyone different."
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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 10:07 pm
He was angry, half at himself for letting himself get dragged into this in the first place, and half at Molly for not understanding. The confusion on her face was mirrored on his own, though where Molly's was a quiet confusion, Alistaire's was an angry one, his face reddening.
He didn't understand this at all.
"You're..." He floundered for the right words, teeth gritted, hands shaking. He couldn't seem to make them stop. "That is an incredibly naive point of view, Miss Finn. This is not a difference that is good, this is a defect. There is something wrong with me and I need to fix it, I need to control it, I need to - "
Alistaire dragged in a ragged breath, stopping, his eyes flashing.
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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 10:19 pm
Molly immediately looked ashamed when the word naive was brought up. As far as she knew, it wasn't a good thing to be called that. That word, naive, in any context now she felt, was a bad thing to be. It was uttered like an insult...but she didn't know how to be anything other than herself. She didn't know how to not be naive. The trainee looked down at the ground, at the tips of her boots and one hand fiddled with the hem of her coat sleeve. "I'm sorry." She murmured. Sorry she was naive. Not sorry about how she felt about this, though. " I'm sorry....but..." Her voice had gotten quiet. " I think it's great you're trying to work through it, but...I don't think it's a defect and....I still don't think there's anything wrong with you." She kept her gaze down on the ground still though. Still too ashamed to look up, especially after voicing what she thought.
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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 10:31 pm
He couldn't do this. They were in public; people could hear what they had to say, and he could almost feel the weight of their stares on him, the eyes of those around him who wanted to pry, who wanted to know so they could mock.
It made him flushed and angry, his face pale, a bead of sweat sliding down his cheek.
She still didn't get it. How could she not get that this was something that wasn't supposed to be. All his adult life, since he was sixteen, since he was eighteen, that was all he'd ever been told, was that this was a problem, something that needed to be fixed.
And here was Molly Finn, telling him the exact opposite.
"You," he said hoarsely, but his voice was quiet, the anger slowly ebbing away. "You're wrong."
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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 10:42 pm
Alistaire, Molly wouldn't disagree with that. She had spent her entire life under those two words. You're wrong. She's wrong. I'm wrong. Molly was her own worst critic, and she never let herself have a break. Everything was under constant scrutiny by her own self, always second guessing and doubting. Never wanting to step on other people's toes. Just wanting to get by without even being a blip on a radar. But she'd been on this Island for almost three years now, and no one stayed the same. While Molly still beat herself up pretty bad over little things, this was one thing she found she could not beat herself up about. She couldn't feel why she should. Molly's eyes left the clovers that were around her boots, and she hesitantly looked up at Alistaire. She couldn't look him straight in the eye with confidence, but she tried, and her eyes were lidded as she offered him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. I don't think I am."
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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 10:58 pm
I'm sorry. I don't think I am.
He stared at her, utterly taken aback by these words. Alistaire's mouth was slightly agape, and for several seconds he seemed, for the first time, at a complete loss for words. Whether this was because he was astounded by her ignorance or astounded by her refusal to back down was unknown, but either way, Alistaire seemed quite unable to formulate the proper words to convey what exactly he was feeling.
He wished for a distraction, anything, but got nothing, and time stretched between them, the silence awkward and messy and unsolved, until one of them spoke again, and it was Alistaire who opened his mouth first. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, barely audible, thick with restrained emotion.
"...you are...a very curious individual, Miss Finn. Why are you so adamant that you are right?"
His hands were still shaking. He couldn't seem to get them to stop, and, not for the first time, wished that Harland was there with him. In fact, if he thought hard enough, he could almost hear his voice, the lilting cadence of his accent echoing in Alistaire's ears.
It'll be all right.
Hang in there.
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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 11:28 pm
Actually, despite the small surge of strength Molly had felt from uttering those words, it was immediately followed up by worry. Change took time, and even if it wasn't a big step, it was still a huge improvement for her...but old habits were hard to shake. He wasn't going to hate her now, was he? This was her new concern. As the tension fell into an awkward silence, Molly's eyes slid from Alistaire's face and back towards the clovers. Those few precious moments of courage were gone now, and in place stood Molly in her usual worrisome fretful glory. She startled at his question, when the silence had finally been broken, and bit her lip as she mulled over a reply. She wasn't sure she could explain why she...felt like she was right. Even feeling like she was right somehow felt wrong, even though she did feel right. Her feeling right was odd. "No...I'm...really not..." She murmured in regards to be called curious, and her eyes lidded once more as she nudged some clovers around with her boot toe lightly. "It's just..." She paused, and then took a deep breath, struggling to form the thoughts and words needed to express herself. "There's...bullies out there." Molly started softly. "Bullies...people who are hurting so they take out their pain on others, and they say and do mean things. and it's not okay, but it happens. Bullies tell you it's not okay to not like being touched. That's cruel. It makes me sad. If you don't like being touched...that's not wrong. It's just who you are, and no one has the right to make you feel bad about who you are." Molly was turning red now, and squirmed in her spot. She wasn't used to talking so much, either, or talking about 'deep' stuff like this. kuroopu darn u Kuro /rolls over in feels
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 3:02 pm
Every time he moved his hands he could feel the gentle clink of the bracelets around his wrists, reminding him of Grimshaw and of his status as a hunter. But he could also feel the gloves, smooth against his fingers, sometimes too warm to wear them, but he wore them anyway, because he felt safer with them on, he felt protected from the dangers of the outside world.
Molly stood in front of him, her face red, and she kept averting her gaze from him, but he stared resolutely in her direction, his lips pressed together in a thin line. His own cheeks were flushed, from a combination of confusing emotions twisting within him.
"That's..." he said, and then stopped, his voice low.
"That's a ridiculous way of thinking," muttered Alistaire, but it wasn't said with anger, or even annoyance. Instead it was almost hesitant, Alistaire turning his head away from Molly and focusing his gaze on the ground instead. He shifted his feet awkwardly, a strange picture of a man acting childishly like a boy instead.
"...you are ridiculous, Miss Finn," he said quietly, but again, there was no anger or irritation in his voice; in fact, there was almost a strange note of curiosity mingled with a faint awe.
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 5:18 pm
Molly kept her stare down, and fidgeted every now and then in the silence until Alistaire spoke up, and it was then that the tension she had been feeling earlier just faded away. Her lips pulled up into a smile, and then she giggled. Molly stopped fidgeting and glanced up at the other trainee, still red in her cheeks and looking bashful. "You're right, Mister Alistaire." She murmured.
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 6:43 pm
He heaved a sigh and reached a gloved hand up, running it through his hair. The fact that he'd exposed more of himself than he'd intended to made him anxious and angry, not at Molly, but at himself, because so far he'd only ever let Harland see him that close.
Alistaire felt terribly unsettled, but Molly was...well, Molly. He leveled a look towards her.
"I would prefer, Miss Finn, if you did not speak of this to anyone," he said stiffly. "You might think things such as these are completely normal, however I do not, and many others do not. I would appreciate...your discretion on the matter."
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 8:28 am
Molly raised a hand, and then raised her pinky finger. She waved it a bit, and smiled. Pinky promise. She'd take it to the grave.
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