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 Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 8:52 am
He considered those moments. "I'm glad you do that without calling me a p***y." He was okay with her making the occasional joke, but she was never belittling of him or ever asked if he really was a man. "I appreciate that you don't tell others about that either."
He tried to think of something for her.
"I like it when you argue with me, because I get worried when we stop talking. When that happens, I think I've ******** up too far that even talking won't work. I can't figure things out if we don't talk." He thought about it. "I like when you call me a idiot sometimes, because then I won't know what I'm doing wrong or if I'm doing something wrong."
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:27 am
"Sometimes I just like the peace and quiet." Rin pointed out. It was rare for silence to mean anger in reality and even when it did it would be staring daggers too, like a certain recent event. She sighed and cracked a little smile, "don't forget I say that affectionately too. When I call you an idiot, I don't always actually mean you are an idiot."
"I like it when you relax. It's so rare but the moments when I just see your muscles untense, even a little, I love those moments." She was rubbing his cheek very slightly. "I feel relaxed too when they happen. Like I lose my excuse to be on high alert."
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:43 am
He took a few deep breathes, trying to keep his swirling emotions from jumping up and down, which was a struggle in itself. "I'm sorry I'm so tense. My mind is just...always on. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around everyone, even you, and I hate myself because I don't know what I did to set it off sometimes. Then I usually just get pissed off at everyone." And that tended to make things worse.
"I want to give the best impression to everyone, and I don't want to slip up sometimes. Say the wrong thing. I want people to like me and consider me normal, and it's constantly on my brain. I didn't know you were getting tense from it too. I just thought you were angry about other things that I didn't know what I was doing, and sometimes I thought you were just being overly-sensitive or demanding."
That wasn't the best note that he wanted to leave off of, and he tried to think of another like. "I like that you changed your toothpaste when we first met because I didn't like the brand. That meant a lot to me."
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 10:07 am
"I'd like it if you worked on that train of thought. You can't please everyone Melvin and you will never be happy putting yourself aside to try it. I want you to spend more time acting the way that you are comfortable with - not just because someone might like it." She looked thoughtful as she tried to figure out how he could attempt that exactly. "Instead of asking what other people like; ask what you like? You are the person you are hoping likes you." She hoped that she was making sense.
"And I wasn't, I'm just very reactive. If you are agitated - I am really ******** agitated. When you are relaxed; I am too. I also was extremely annoyed in the first place because you wanted to sleep in this morning instead of helping me out with my newest project." She finally admitted to a few things.
She sighed before adding, "I like the moments when you like being touched."
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 10:15 am
"Well, I didn't really get to sleep in with that meeting. I'm was annoyed you didn't tell me why you were annoyed, didn't talk, and then told everyone in the room. I don't want people in the room talking about us. They gossip too much on twitter and are made fun of. I'm afraid you'll let something slip about me when you get angry in public about me."
He touched her hand at his cheek. "I like the few moments I can be touched." When his mind wasn't pointing out questions and concerns. Are you wearing gloves? What were they touching? Did they eat recently? Did you eat recently? How many hours had it been since you last saw that person wash their hands? Do you know they are prone to washing their hands? Is that dirt under their nails? Has this person ever picked their nose? Picked their ear? Given anyone a happy ending?
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 11:26 am
"I didn't talk because I knew I would shout at you. When I refuse to talk like that, there's a reason. Usually that reason is you wont want to hear what I'll say once I get going."
She smiled a little at him touching her hand, "What is it that causes it to be so hard for you?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 11:40 am
He looked away from her and dropped his hand. "It's just...thoughts in my head. I want to keep people safe when I was young, so I cleaned up. The monster woman that attacked me, who started making me see things, who infected me with that bug that no on saw, was in the dark and the dirt with bugs. So I started to clean up, and then I worried my sister or brother or parents might get sick with me. So I cleaned myself up, and it made my stress over the dark and the bugs go away a bit. It makes me feel relaxed when I can check all those thoughts off...........Better."
He looked at his hands and the cleaned, short nails. "I get worked up when it doesn't work that way. Every part of me feels disgusting and it nags at me until I fix it. I can't stop thinking about it until I do. It feels wrong and I start panicking that something bad will happen."
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 7:04 pm
Rin reached her arm out further to haul him in for another hug if she got away with it. "Do you still think you're diseased? Knowing now that despite the mark on your neck, it is long dead and gone?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:53 pm
He allowed in, moving in closer to her. "No...and yes. I've had bugs go into my mouth in the desert. I've had worms and lice just in me from that hoard. I don't feel exactly like the healthiest person out there, and it's a feeling I've had since I was 12. Not exactly the easiest thing to shake off. We even aren't always sure how Fear seeing even works at times. It makes me wonder a lot at night."
"I just keep getting more marks with worms, too. It doesn't make me feel great." Or attractive in any way. His hand absently went to the mark on his ribs where the other worm had now made a mark. He felt disgusting. A bug sack. A hunk of meat with holes in it from being eaten away.
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Posted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 3:37 am
"It's part of being a hunter. I mean, look at me. I'm marked all over too. I've had the same s**t come and go and then some." To make a point, she 'waved' her stump a bit. "It's not always bugs, bugs are just an easy vector for fear. A lot of people are either scared of bugs from the start or become scared of them after dealing with them enough. Especially when they are the favourites of our more... sadistic... enemies." She lifted her shirt and lowered her trousers a bit on one side to flash him a mark on her hip resembling a flower surrounded by what appeared to be a vein-like root system, "This was caused by a plant. That plant is long dead but I am left scarred forever from it. I hated plants for days after this but then I realized. The plant was just a tool. It was used just as much as I was." She re-covered the scar. "All plants aren't my enemy."
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Posted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 6:16 am
He pulled away from her, slightly insulted. "But you weren't afraid of plants all your life. You weren't attacked by a plant when you were a kid and suddenly saw monsters in a day, changing your life forever. Plants didn't ******** everything up for you. It didn't cause what made me eligible to be a Hunter."
He crossed his arms, feeling tired as he looked down. "I'm not about to start liking bugs so easily. I'm not going to just stop going into a panic when I see one. If it was that easy, I would have figured it out ages ago. You're not the first person to tell me that everything is fine and there isn't anything to worry about. I've had my family, friends, and professionals try and reason that logic with me for a while now. I KNOW that a moth isn't going to kill me, but that doesn't stop my heart from racing." He looked back up at her. "I'm not trying to cling on to being pathetic."
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