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Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 11:48 pm
To be fair, this promo left a little sour taste in my mouth. Don't get me wrong, it's really well written, you've improved dramatically. However, bringing 'real' religion into things gets a bit under people's skins. As you've probably attested to in the main chats. However, the sour taste from me comes from the fact that you could've done more. Allow me to elaborate Imagine, Boxer coming to the ring dressed in priest robes, and standing at a podium as he's delivering a sermon, telling people 'Now now, settle down children' stuff like that. he's reading he has small reading glasses. Really just make it seem he's making a mockery out of church sermons, stuff like that Now just visualize that scene, makes everything a better, draws out the heel factor of Boxer that you're trying to convey. Now paint the picture you head of this scene: "The demon paused; he looked into the sea of pure hatred. Returning his eyes back down at the bible in his hands, Boxer continued. " That's what you wrote, good buuut.. Imagine this: "The demon paused as he looked into the sea of pure hatred, he had a eerily warm smirk on his face. He scanned the audience until his eyes gazed upon a young child in the crowd, his smirk turned into a twisted grin, as he licked his lips, then he quickly returned to reading his passage' Give him a Hallelujah chorus as he's leaving, with demonic gospel singers that are jumping around and s**t. That'd be fantastic Really, bring the heel heat. The difference between a good heel an a great heel is the actions in what they do.
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Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 9:33 am
CultureSHOCK: It's time for a change!Theme music is original, and Jamie Rocks dialogue was written by him. just need some advice on where to take this...I'm in a bit of a slump as of late.
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Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 10:17 am
0o-The_Angel-o0 CultureSHOCK: It's time for a change!Theme music is original, and Jamie Rocks dialogue was written by him. just need some advice on where to take this...I'm in a bit of a slump as of late. So why do you always insist on feuding with yourself? I mean doesn't it get tiring doing the same s**t over and over and over again? It's hard to take you seriously when you're injuring yourself, and stuff like that. But looking past that it's the whole "I'm going to injure this guy because he did this' kind of thing that you always do Or the 'pretend to fight on twitter/promos' then become a team to 'fool' everyone,something you've also done countless times.. I think you're capable of doing more than just simply what you always do...
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Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 1:36 pm
A Friend, An Offer, A ChatI'll layout what's going on, so it will be easier to critique. Who - It involves myself, a new character (which is introduced now as she will play a role in the story), and a mysterious character (for the sake of a big reveal). What - This marks the beginning of a story for Dion. When - This one I'm fuzzy on, since I'm not sure if you mean the action that is going to take place, or... Where - It does mention Mugen, and it is taking place in EWA, as it is prior to a match. I think that's enough? Why - See "What." How - The goal mentioned is the power Dion seeks, and he must make a decision by next card if he wants to follow through with the idea.
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Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 4:24 pm
Dion Necurat A Friend, An Offer, A ChatI'll layout what's going on, so it will be easier to critique. Who - It involves myself, a new character (which is introduced now as she will play a role in the story), and a mysterious character (for the sake of a big reveal). What - This marks the beginning of a story for Dion. When - This one I'm fuzzy on, since I'm not sure if you mean the action that is going to take place, or... Where - It does mention Mugen, and it is taking place in EWA, as it is prior to a match. I think that's enough? Why - See "What." How - The goal mentioned is the power Dion seeks, and he must make a decision by next card if he wants to follow through with the idea. A good idea is to separate the fonts for characters so is easier to distinguish different people talking. If they have the same font, same color, I'm going to assume they have the same voice. I do like the story it conveys, especially since I know what's happening and who the mystery guy is. So at this point, I'm finally watching things come together, in something I helped start.
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Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 7:36 pm
My PromoMight as well get into this, got to give other people entertainment.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2013 2:13 am
Promo LinkPromos are something I plan to be doing more, some critique would help with improvemnts.
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 4:47 pm
"Raising the Bar"I am trying to find a direction to take Strikeforce in that isn't him bringing up UFC all the time. Maybe you can give some insight that is useful.
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 7:39 pm
Beta Flyer My PromoMight as well get into this, got to give other people entertainment. I laughed out loud, quite literally. Except, Justine was all woman at least when I created her. Of course you wouldn't know that but it was hilarious. It told a good solid story, and had a comedy segment The Number Three Promo LinkPromos are something I plan to be doing more, some critique would help with improvemnts. Hey! This one is kinda old... 0o-The_Angel-o0 "Raising the Bar"I am trying to find a direction to take Strikeforce in that isn't him bringing up UFC all the time. Maybe you can give some insight that is useful. Never really liked MMA gimmicks, the big a** font for the announcer is annoying. I get you want to make it seem like he's yelling, but that's pretty much a given in what announcers do.. The perfection gimmick? That's what you're going with? Who hasn't done that? On a side note, do you not see the problem with an MMA fighter telling people they don't know what wrestling is?
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 7:46 pm
Yukari Clepsydra 0o-The_Angel-o0 "Raising the Bar"I am trying to find a direction to take Strikeforce in that isn't him bringing up UFC all the time. Maybe you can give some insight that is useful. Never really liked MMA gimmicks, the big a** font for the announcer is annoying. I get you want to make it seem like he's yelling, but that's pretty much a given in what announcers do.. The perfection gimmick? That's what you're going with? Who hasn't done that? On a side note, do you not see the problem with an MMA fighter telling people they don't know what wrestling is? He's a 2 time all american wrestler as well. I put it here for maybe a little help with the direction that I am trying to take him in. so maybe some suggestions? I get you don't like the mma gimmick, but give me some ideas to make him better.
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 8:46 pm
Take the first thing and the second thing that comes to your mind... Don't do those. Also, stop doing what you always do.. If you continuously the same thing over and over again, gets old..
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 8:52 pm
Yukari Clepsydra Take the first thing and the second thing that comes to your mind... Don't do those. Also, stop doing what you always do.. If you continuously the same thing over and over again, gets old.. how is this helping me improve Strikeforce? You know you could offer something a little more specific, like oh I don't know..some real advice. I am trying to come up with some new things to do, because in case you haven't noticed I am stuck in a slump. Why else do you think I would be asking for some help?
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Posted: Sun May 12, 2013 9:52 am
Because this is a promo critique thread, where I give my thoughts on it. Not a character advice thread.
If the promo content isn't working for the gimmick you are portraying, I'll comment on it. If I say something like 'It's been done before several times' then maybe you should work out a way to not do that gimmick.
If I ask you 'Why are you doing the same thing over and over again', then maybe you should work on not doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.
Allow me to elaborate
Angel/Angelus Arson and now Strikeforce
All of them, are the same to me. They all come in talk about accolades that don't really apply to anything in the situation They all walk in with an attitude of 'Yeah I'm hot s**t, I'mma put this company on notice, I'mma be a world champion, I injured this guy, I injured that guy.' The sad thing is, the people you listed who are injured? You play them...
And people know you play them, so in regards to that it completely negates the point you're trying to make.
They all gun after the top dog in the company and expect them to put their title on the line for a nobody. (and yes Angel is a nobody, you may /think/ he's a big deal but he's not, he is a b***h)
Who does that? No one puts their title on the line against people who haven't earned a shot, haven't proven themselves.
Yes, the ultimate goal is to be noticed Yes the ultimate goal is to be a champion But if that's /all/ you want to do is be a champion without so much as a storyline or anything going for you then it defeats everything.
Get noticed for the right reasons, not for being a carbon copy of everything, everyone else is already doing. Especially yourself.
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 2:56 pm
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