Welcome to Gaia! ::

It was probably a good thing Hel wasn’t looking at Mot…or she might be even more upset. She sighed, and grimaced when asked if she was afraid. Yeah. She was. She also felt like she needed to explain some more to Mot…to give him an idea of where she was coming from.

“…So…remember when I spoke to you some time ago about letting my feelings be known…? Well, I did.” She looked over at Mot, and smiled a bit wryly before it faded. “He did not reply. He still has not.”

Hel turned her head to look back at Mot. “No…it is not…like…” She trailed off, and stared down at the ground. She wanted to defend him. She wanted to let it be known that he wasn’t this awful person everyone made him out to be, that there wasn’t an answer because he was dealing with his own issues…and she knew Mac had some issues to deal with, on his own, no matter how much she wanted to try and help…and the rest of her reasoning…maybe it was just excuses. Some reason to justify trying to stay, when maybe…just maybe she did need to go.

The reaper reached up to rub her face with her hands, sighing heavily. She then snapped them down, and looked over at Mot with an angry look. “I can not tell you how much I wish I would just stop feeling.” She stressed, her hands moving animatedly while she spoke heatedly. “I wish I would stop throwing everything I am into it. I wish I could be distant and detached. I wish I did not feel like I felt it with every stupid fiber of my being, ugh!” She grabbed another stone out of her apron and just chucked it as far as she could out into the lake, watched as it made a plop and a splash into the water.

“It is alright, Mot. I exhaust myself, too.” She rested her hands on her hips, her expression sour. “But I do not know how to be anyone but myself.” She was silent, thinking. “…As much as I hate it…I know I would hate feeling a lack above anything else.” She kept going, getting these thoughts off of her chest. “I respect and admire and love Shun like a brother…but I would never want to be like him. It is just…sad to me, yanno? It…I know he is happy with Mitsu, and that he takes pleasure out of our company but…I could just not imagine not smiling…not being loud, not screaming when I needed to…” She looked over at Mot, exasperated, and then sighed again, and returned to look out over the lake.

“…Thanks, Mot. I appreciate it.” She murmured, and then glanced at him, and managed a slight crooked smile before it fell again. “I suppose it would not be me if I was not in some sort of turmoil.” She sighed again.

The ghoul looked back over at Mot, her hard expression softening. Don’t change, he said, and she couldn’t help but feel touched about that. Despite everything…Mot said don’t change. “Heh…” She chuckled softly. “Ya…you are right. I am not always in turmoil…but it sure as…hell…feels like I am. I can not remember the last time I was not having something eat away at me.” She paused, and at his question, she stared. And stared, and stared, and stared.

Then she busted out laughing, loudly. The ghoul doubled over, her arms immediately moving to wrap around her stomach. “Oh gods!” She choked out. “Yes, please!” Hel cried, still laughing.

Hel’s laughing died down eventually, and the ghoul moved over to where Mot sat. She climbed up on the boulder with him, and then flopped across his lap on her back. “Good. I will hold you to it.” She trailed off, and then chuckled.

“Maybe I should just leave…right now.” She mused. “That way there is no good byes! Who needs a piece of paper saying one graduated, anyways?”

“What friends, Mot?” Hel deadpanned, staring up at him. She raised a brow as well.

Hel wanted to keep her dead pan expression going…but it was hard when Mot dead panned back…and then said Mac’s name in a stressed tone.

She giggled.

“Awww, were you?” She asked. “I was almost fairly certain you would be thrilled…maybe celebrate that it was quiet and I was not exhausting you.” She grinned cheekily at him now. “Moooooot. You will come visit me lots, ya?”

“Lots, Mots.” She cackled. “NEVER TOO BUSY FOR ME! You will drop everything for me!” She then reached up and pressed her hands on his face, and laughed. “Awww, stop that, stop being so cute!” She snickered again.

“Oh, oh…Mot, I have another plan for the future! Okay…” She got serious. “After I graduate, I am going to give the world an honest try. After three years, if things do not work out and I am still single…I am going to move in and live with Gramps forever and ever!” She exclaimed happily. “…Oh…he is a Famine Horsemen…really, really, really old…white hair, looks like a pile of gaudy laundry that billows in the wind…has skeleton feet!”