> "Edible Rainbow" was found to be too similar to another essence already in use. Rather than bust my head in with reworking that idea, "Evasive Sand" has replaced it. (I like this idea better, anyway. |3)
> Raevan profiles have been completed, but may be edited at any time. Right now, Cheetah/Evasive Sand is an immature, hyperactive boy with no sense of boundaries, and German Shepherd/Eternal Stump is an over-protective, confident girl who keeps boundaries set. |3
Posted: Thu Jul 11, 2013 9:28 pm
-Boops thread and wiggles- o3o
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Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2013 9:12 pm
-Tosses life into quest thread- I'm leaning towards Cheetah boy, really, I am. owo
Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2013 9:48 pm
YEAH, Cusick wins, I really want my Cheetah boy. *w*
However, there are still some questions.
> Which Fel Essence is the right one to pick for him? > Do I need to rework these Essences? > Should I think of something else?
I would love some help! <3
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Posted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 am
-Bops this back up- I'm still interested in this quest! |3
Posted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 8:12 am
Hello Pidge! Honestly, the best essence is the one you can continue to be inspired by and enjoy. <3
Personally, I favor your sand one more, because it seems more versatile and unique. Plus, sand is free form and loose which seem to fit with the personality of your cheetah boy well.
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Posted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:36 pm
shushida
Hello Pidge! Honestly, the best essence is the one you can continue to be inspired by and enjoy. <3
Personally, I favor your sand one more, because it seems more versatile and unique. Plus, sand is free form and loose which seem to fit with the personality of your cheetah boy well.
I agree, I've been thinking about it for a while now. :3 The Evasive Sand fits his soul much better than the Eternal Stump will, as well as his personality. (I'm going to make his personality more detailed, but, basically, he's an endless source of energy and cute. |3)
-Stamps quest- Cheetah Soul + Evasive Sand! Yay for decisions! (It only took me, what, two years? XD)
Posted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 3:47 pm
A small critique from me (goodness it's been awhile since I've done one!)
You need to flesh out Cusick's personality more! What you have now is very bare bones and I really don't get a feel for him outside of what you have written down there. Being immature and obnoxious are a good start on flaws, but what others does he have? Adversely, what are his good traits besides being friendly? Being curious and excitable are more neutral traits to me and he should also have a few more of those as well I think! You want to give everyone the best glimpse of him as possible - and I don't mean 'fresh outta the tank' either! What do you think Cusick will be like two or three years down the road when he's more mature? That being said, what personality traits do his soul and Essence bring to the table? When I judge a Lab flatsale, what I look for in a Raevan's personality (besides it being solid of course) is what comes from the Soul and what comes from the Essence. While not exactly 50% one side and 50% the other for personality, how does each part of him make up who he is and how he acts?
If you're uncertain of how to pick out a few things from each try making a chart like so:
Essence: (Personality traits from Essence here) Soul: (Personality traits from Soul here) Unique: (Personality traits that don't derive from either aspect here)
I use this with my characters and it's quite handy to pick things apart and work things into a full fledged personality!
I hope this helps, good luck! >v< <3
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Posted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 5:21 pm
Ravina Loki
I was going to start fleshing it out once I got back from dinner, which is now, but thank you for the chart! ;w; This will really help me out!
Once I feel I have everything I need for him based on this critique, I'll quote you again for a check over! <3
Posted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 12:12 am
Ravina Loki
Let me know what you think of the traits now! :3 I'll have the personality done properly soon, I'm starting to fall asleep. |3
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Posted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 12:58 pm
Ravina Loki
All done, if you want to take another look! <3
Thanks for the critique, again! I'm grateful for the help!
Posted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 10:33 pm
Hmm... Maybe I should get more references for Oliver.
Three new refs have been made for Oliver!~
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Posted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:43 pm
HM. I'm not sure what else to do here. ono -Lays food traps out in the thread-
Posted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 2:16 pm
Critique dump from Ravi!~ (PM)
My questions
Alright, so I believe I've done everything you've asked me to do based on your critique, but if there's anything I may have missed just let me know!
So, I'm going to break down my questions based on who and what I'm concerned about.
Oliver (Guardian) -
Any opinions on him? Is he alright as a guardian? Is his personality alright? Do I need to change anything about him to fit what is required of a LAB guardian? Is his smoking habit something he'd need to kick? He lives near the forest, but can walk to the nearest town, is that okay for Cusick as a living arrangement? He owns a few pets, namely a dog and a mouse, are they okay to stay? (Cusick wouldn't eat the rat. |3)
Cusick (Raevan) -
Did you have anything else, besides his personality, to critique? His possible powers, I'm leaving everything up in the air, which are more plausible? Based on what I've changed with help from you, is there anything I need to edit or change about his personality that I may have missed or gunked up in the process? Any overall opinions on his concept as is?
General -
If everything seems to be in order, how would I go about bribing Kyou? I have what is listed for a semi-custom, but do I pm the bribe, wait for a specific slot opening, an announcement, or something else? When, and if, I get approved, is there a certain protocol for journal set up? Do you need to have banners, or is simple text alright? (I will, eventually, have banners, just not fancy ones. My PS skills are minimal at their best) Do you have any further questions for me about anything?
I feel bad for bombarding you with all of these questions, but I'm in love with my concept and I just want to get all the bases covered. <3 Thank you for helping me, by the way! (It makes me feel so much more comfortable. |3)
Her answers
If my answers are a little sparse, I apologize. I'm pretty tired from today but I'm gonna answer as best I can. ;v; <3
Oliver
Any opinions on him? Is he alright as a guardian? ---He seems quite alright to me! He seems like a really nice guy and that's always good Guardian material in general. >v< If you ever enter with him in any flatsales I'm sure you'll get by the Guardian round no problem!
Is his personality alright? Do I need to change anything about him to fit what is required of a LAB guardian? ---His personality seems fine to me. He seems like a very balanced individual and that's a great thing to have as a Guardian hopeful! Just remember that if you enter him in any flatsales, you will need to cut his personality and history down to fit some word limits!
Is his smoking habit something he'd need to kick? ---Him smoking is fine. I think Domevlo's Guardian smokes, but if you want to do a little character arch for him where he kicks (or attempts to kick) the habit because he's a Guardian to Cusick, go right ahead! c:
He lives near the forest, but can walk to the nearest town, is that okay for Cusick as a living arrangement? ---That sounds perfectly fine. Just remember the shop is set on Gaia so use that as a basis for major cities within the setting. ouob And you can feel free to make some cities and towns up if need be. It's a very stretchy setting, city and land wise, haha.
He owns a few pets, namely a dog and a mouse, are they okay to stay? (Cusick wouldn't eat the rat. |3) ---Pets are totally cool! Zeke has three himself and Anya has her own pet, and there's plenty of Raevans who share households with their Guardian's pets with there being no problem.
Cusick
Did you have anything else, besides his personality, to critique? ---Well technically I critique as a whole when I do critiques XP I just focused on his personality the first time because that stuck out to me as needing to be dealt with first and foremost.
His possible powers, I'm leaving everything up in the air, which are more plausible? ---Don't leave powers up in the air! >O< Since this is your concept, you want to make sure you have his powers figured out to a degree since you'll be the one coming up with them! Having at least two or three for his soul and the same amount for his Essence would be a good idea, especially if you wanna try entering either aspect into a flatsale. We do ask for powers in those entry foms!
That being said, I think the speed power makes sense. Vocalization seems more like a quirk however, not a power. Communicating with other animals - if you choose to go with this - is a power however and would be limited to his soul to avoid being overpowered or godmoddy. Example: Anya can only communicate with spiders. Cusick could, in theory, only be able to communicate with cats or large cats. His sand powers make a lot of sense and are good in my books. ouob A good suggestion I have for you is to go onto Wikipedia and read up on sand. I find it's a good way to discover more potential for powers!
Based on what I've changed with help from you, is there anything I need to edit or change about his personality that I may have missed or gunked up in the process? ---I would say, firstly, that 'cute' is not a personality trait. That's more...something others notice about a person, whether it be physically or through their personality. Like someone can find his over-eagerness cute, is what I mean, while someone else finds it annoying. You can look cute and attempt to BE cute but as a default trait it's not a thing. What you have written up for the blurb for 'cute' comes off as more like he's the sort who tries to get away with something when he's done the deed or knows he's in the wrong. WHICH IS A GREAT PERSONALITY TRAIT BY THE BY. It'd be a negative certainly since he is, in effect, being evasive which harkens to his Essence. c: But yeah cute should be changed to fit what that blurb is, which is him being the sort to try and get out of doing something or taking the blame.
Other than that though, you've got a good start. You'll find yourself tweaking and adding to his personality over time (I do it myself) as more of his personality is revealed to you and the more you think on his Essence and Soul. Like I said before up in the powers section, read up on cheetahs and sand on Wikipedia and I'm sure you'll discover little tidbits about each that make you go 'oh yeah I can totally add that to his personality!'.
Any overall opinions on his concept as is? ---Concept wise he sounds very neat and I like the idea of a sand Raevan! Just keep researching and hammering him out and polishing him up and I'm sure you'll have a good shot at getting him!
General
If everything seems to be in order, how would I go about bribing Kyou? I have what is listed for a semi-custom, but do I pm the bribe, wait for a specific slot opening, an announcement, or something else? ---For this you should know that Kyou is not taking bribes right now. Someone else tried to bribe her recently and she turned them down, since she has so many Raevans to grow to Frei or Sigel coming up. If you attempt to bribe her (like say, sending her a PM asking if she'd take it) prepare to be turned down. That being said, bribes are very, very rare from Kyou as she generally prefers doing her own thing in regards to design and such. Bribes are never announced as they're never really opened. It's more a thing like you just PM her and hope for the best, but as I said before she isn't taking them at all right now.
When, and if, I get approved, is there a certain protocol for journal set up? Do you need to have banners, or is simple text alright? (I will, eventually, have banners, just not fancy ones. My PS skills are minimal at their best) ---Journals should include a table of contents (keeps everything neat especially if someone is looking for a specific section), a post for the Raevan's info, a post for the Guardian's info, credits, and most certainly a section where you can catalog your RPs. A post for the growth requirements would be a good idea just so you can keep tabs on that. This here is my journal but I also recommend looking at Chrys', Snoof's, Atma's, and kitten's for good reference. Other than that, it's up to you! c:
As far as LOOKS go, banners are always nice but that's more a personal design choice. If you want banners, by all means! If not, that's cool too! Just as long as everything is neat and readable, you'll be fine. c:
Do you have any further questions for me about anything? ---NOPE I think everything is set for me =v=b
> Will edit everything to critique ASAP. Another shop is starting a HUGE war-based meta in a week and my muse is flaming over there. XD
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE SO FAR?:
> "Cute" is now "Evasive"
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Posted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 10:00 pm
You know, I should parent! In which Oliver realizes that parenting might be something he would be good at, and scours the internet for ways to accomplish such an important life event without needing a girlfriend.
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