So I want to hear your thoughts on polygamy

[Skreemer]

Eh, as far as my view goes, polyamory is merely following a natural urge as simple as our urge for loving whoever we do.
Or if you want the ultra cynical side of things, it's all just chemicals and nerve twitches. But really, its a logical extension for those who need it and should at least be respected if not outright accepted.  

[Purple Robot Queen]

I don't really have a moral problem with polygamy, as long as it's not one of those situations with a bunch of 14 year old girls forced to marry their dads' friends. I think the real issue is legal and logistical complexity, since to be fair it has to be able to go both ways (both men and women being allowed to have multiple spouses).

So say a man has 3 wives, and one of those wives has another husband, and another of those wives has 2 other husbands and 2 wives of her own, and each of those other husbands and wives has other spouses as well. Well in such a web of relationships divorce proceedings, custody battles, inheritance, decisions about life support, collecting social security, determining who is covered under healthcare plans, determining dependents for income tax returns, and a number of other issues can easily become extremely convoluted and difficult to solve. If marriage were simply about who lives/sleeps together it wouldn't be a problem, but as we all know marriage (at least in the USA) is a legal institution with a lot of specific considerations attached to it. For that reason I think polygamy is highly problematic from a practical legal standpoint.

As I said though, on a personal level I don't really care.  

[MadHatterDA]

I personally couldn't bring myself to participate in one, but I could never bring myself to judge others either. I think considering we're a group of people fighting everyday for our own sexual freedom it would be hypocritical to judge another group for theirs. I also believe it depends on the people involved in the relationship. I've known some that have done well in those relationships...matter of fact when I started dating my wife I met the people she used to be with. I know for her she just wanted a single relationship, but they were all still friends and avoided anyone being hurt in the process. It's possible, and I don't believe I'm fit to judge them.

I will say I'm not sure how that would work out legally, and they have a longer road ahead than we do. I think.  

[Daffodil the Destroyer]

I don't think I could ever be in a polygamous relationship. I would get far too jealous at the thought of my husband having sex with someone else, and he would feel the same about me. It would be a disaster waiting to happen.

However! There are people for whom polygamy works, and even works well! And as long as the people involved are all consenting adults who have agreed to having multiple partners, I don't think I can rightly tell them they need to stop doing it. We all tell people to butt out of same-sex marriage because "love is love," right? Well, some people love more than one person. It would be hypocritical of us not to recognize the legitimacy of that.

 

[Esiris]

Purple Robot King

Well in such a web of relationships divorce proceedings, custody battles, inheritance, decisions about life support, collecting social security, determining who is covered under healthcare plans, determining dependents for income tax returns, and a number of other issues can easily become extremely convoluted and difficult to solve.

I don't think any of that is more or less convoluted than other monoamourous relationships- family members can be jealous, or hate a spouse and can cause just as much conflict as multiple partners.

As someone who is poly, I can say that we already have our own dynamic figured out pretty well and won't have any problem with anything that you mentioned- so most of that stuff is taken care of with planing, good communication and being emotionally mature and psychologically healthy- take away that stuff and it is just as hard for mono couples.

It might be more footwork for people like me- but that's only because we're building from the ground up all the rights and responsibilities that are already law for mono couples.

Quote:

For that reason I think polygamy is highly problematic from a practical legal standpoint.

Every generation has altered the legal standards for marriage- in fact, people replace the word polygamy in your sentence with "gay marriage" a lot in the current debates that deny freedoms to LGBT people.
A generation before people did the same thing to keep people like my dad and my mom from marrying because of the color of their skin.
Before that (and sometimes today) there are fights about Catholics marrying Protestants or Jews or whatever- real love, the kind that grows deep in the hearts of loving and rational partners will always find a way.  

[Blackrose_Knight]

lilla muchi

Personally i don't agree with it. I feel if you are with someone you should be totally and completely committed to that one person. polygamy, to myself seems a way to merely populate the world through one male and many females. also in many senses, to myself, it's cheating because either way, even if they know, your still seeing and sleeping with another person.

I am deeply, totally, and madly in love with three people. Polygamy is simply many marriages *shrug* polyamory - which is what I am in the paradigm and ability to hold multiple romantic relationships at once.

Relationships can be compared to games - each game has different rules. Perhaps I am playing American football, I carry a ball to score a point. Perhaps you are playing basketball, you carry a ball and you get a foul. In this way, when I am with one of my partners, I am not cheating in my own romantic rules, but if you were do to do what I do it would be cheating because of the rules of your own game. Get it?  

[lilla muchi]

Blackrose_Knight

lilla muchi

Personally i don't agree with it. I feel if you are with someone you should be totally and completely committed to that one person. polygamy, to myself seems a way to merely populate the world through one male and many females. also in many senses, to myself, it's cheating because either way, even if they know, your still seeing and sleeping with another person.

I am deeply, totally, and madly in love with three people. Polygamy is simply many marriages *shrug* polyamory - which is what I am in the paradigm and ability to hold multiple romantic relationships at once.

Relationships can be compared to games - each game has different rules. Perhaps I am playing American football, I carry a ball to score a point. Perhaps you are playing basketball, you carry a ball and you get a foul. In this way, when I am with one of my partners, I am not cheating in my own romantic rules, but if you were do to do what I do it would be cheating because of the rules of your own game. Get it?

no sorry but i still say its wrong to do so to be with someone is to commit to them and them only so im sorry but i agree to disagree with you  

[Blackrose_Knight]

lilla muchi

Blackrose_Knight

lilla muchi

Personally i don't agree with it. I feel if you are with someone you should be totally and completely committed to that one person. polygamy, to myself seems a way to merely populate the world through one male and many females. also in many senses, to myself, it's cheating because either way, even if they know, your still seeing and sleeping with another person.

I am deeply, totally, and madly in love with three people. Polygamy is simply many marriages *shrug* polyamory - which is what I am in the paradigm and ability to hold multiple romantic relationships at once.

Relationships can be compared to games - each game has different rules. Perhaps I am playing American football, I carry a ball to score a point. Perhaps you are playing basketball, you carry a ball and you get a foul. In this way, when I am with one of my partners, I am not cheating in my own romantic rules, but if you were do to do what I do it would be cheating because of the rules of your own game. Get it?

no sorry but i still say its wrong to do so to be with someone is to commit to them and them only so im sorry but i agree to disagree with you

I agree that is how you personally are as a human being, and YOU can only commit to one person - which is spiff for you. I can and do commit to more than one person and I am sorry if you don't somehow think I am lying or something, but I can do commit to more than one person whether or not you like that idea. It happens sugar lumps. Remember I am playing football and you are playing basketball - our rules are totally different.  

[lilla muchi]

Blackrose_Knight

lilla muchi

Blackrose_Knight

lilla muchi

Personally i don't agree with it. I feel if you are with someone you should be totally and completely committed to that one person. polygamy, to myself seems a way to merely populate the world through one male and many females. also in many senses, to myself, it's cheating because either way, even if they know, your still seeing and sleeping with another person.

I am deeply, totally, and madly in love with three people. Polygamy is simply many marriages *shrug* polyamory - which is what I am in the paradigm and ability to hold multiple romantic relationships at once.

Relationships can be compared to games - each game has different rules. Perhaps I am playing American football, I carry a ball to score a point. Perhaps you are playing basketball, you carry a ball and you get a foul. In this way, when I am with one of my partners, I am not cheating in my own romantic rules, but if you were do to do what I do it would be cheating because of the rules of your own game. Get it?

no sorry but i still say its wrong to do so to be with someone is to commit to them and them only so im sorry but i agree to disagree with you

I agree that is how you personally are as a human being, and YOU can only commit to one person - which is spiff for you. I can and do commit to more than one person and I am sorry if you don't somehow think I am lying or something, but I can do commit to more than one person whether or not you like that idea. It happens sugar lumps. Remember I am playing football and you are playing basketball - our rules are totally different.

okay i played nice stop trying to attack me and piss me off because you are unfaithful and can't fully commit to one person. being with more then one person is easy. committing to one person isn't. just because you are with more then one person doesn't mean you are committed to any of them. you need to rethink your relationship(s) because to truly love someone and commit to someone is to be faithful. sleeping with/ being romantic with more then that one is and always will be cheating on all parties involved. no matter how you want to slice the cake its still cheating the only diff is the people allowing you to do so are cuckold and willing to allow it to make you happy even though it most likely makes them unhappy. no matter how you do it i don't care. that's your personal choice i just don't agree with it.  

[Blackrose_Knight]

lilla muchi

okay i played nice stop trying to attack me and piss me off because you are unfaithful and can't fully commit to one person.

And I am done playing nice, stop deligiimizing my relationship type. What you are saying is hurting me - hurting my relationships and making me unconformable so i have EVERY right to fight back with facts.

Considering the guild I am in I would have considered a more... open minded bunch. Listen here bucko I am not "unfaithful" if all of my partners know and consent to what I am doing. Those are the rules of my relationship - I get to have more than one partner if my other partners know and like my partners.
So you are wrong to call me unfaithful. You WOULD be right in calling me unfaithful if I took another partner and my other partners didn't know - or if I was in a monogamous relationship set up - neither of which I am or do so admit your are wrong here.

No. Cheating involves deception and violation of an agreement. The point of polyamory is not secrecy but openness, communication, acting with caring and integrity, and sharing the love.

Most poly people agree with their partners to maintain certain boundaries -- things they will or will not do -- and to communicate honestly about who they are involved with. It's about disclosure, trust, and respect.

When cheating happens in a polyamorous relationship, and sometimes it does, it involves the same violations of trust and agreements, and the same likely dire consequences, as cheating in a monogamous relationship.
poly faq

I fully committed to 3 people, not half-assed committed to one like are are implying - which by the way is slanderous and trolling. Commitment is not about numbers. I am committed to my schooling I am 2 quarters away from a BA in psych, I am also committed to my work I have worked at the same place for 5 years. As per dictionary.com commitment is defined as
noun
1.
the act of committing.
2.
the state of being committed.
3.
the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.
4.
a pledge or promise; obligation: We have made a commitment to pay our bills on time.
5.
engagement; involvement: They have a sincere commitment to religion.

There is no mention of numbers. Again you are wrong in what you say about me and slanderous and possibly trolling.

lilla muchi

being with more then one person is easy.

I would beg to differ. I have to juggle individual likes/wants and needs of my partners. Who likes what, who does want to go on dates with me, who would rather spend time at home. Who likes olives and who doesn't. Who laughs at one joke compared to another. Then the time management between them. Hardly a cake walk.

lilla muchi

committing to one person isn't. just because you are with more then one person doesn't mean you are committed to any of them.

Prove it or I call bullshit. Please demonstrate to me with proper logic how commitment is placed in a singular individual.

Are polyamorous people really just afraid of commitment?

Actually, poly takes a whole lot of commitment if it's to work long-term for most people. Polyamory requires a commitment to honesty, to sexual safety, to facing one’s own insecurities, to making difficult sacrifices when necessary, to the difficulty of standing up for oneself when necessary, and a willingness to be with a partner through some very strong emotions.

Most people in today’s world carry a lot of emotional baggage, and relationships are one way we sort through these emotions. When a person loves and commits to more than one person, it requires a willingness to move through insecurities, to deal with our own and our partners' deep emotions, and to keep communications flowing. In some ways polyamory can require more commitment.

As in all relationships, however, there are people who hang out in polyamorous circles and situations to avoid intimacy and commitment.
poly faq

lilla muchi

you need to rethink your relationship(s) because to truly love someone and commit to someone is to be faithful.

Nope, I am faithful to each of my partners and madly in love with each of them for different reasons. I would rather keep on being happy then break something that isn't broken.

lilla muchi

sleeping with/ being romantic with more then that one is and always will be cheating on all parties involved.

Incorrect. Cheating is breaking specific relationship rules. Each relationship is different and therefore contains different rules. Again if I am playing American football and you are say a basketball ref - do you have the authority to call a foul on me for traveling with the ball - traveling, or carrying the ball without bouncing it is an infraction in basketball. No you do not have that authority because you ref basketball not American football. Just like you have no authority to describe what is and is not cheating in MY personal relationships. The only authority you (or I) have to call a cheater a cheater is in our own relationships or where we understand someone else's relationship dynamics.

lilla muchi

no matter how you want to slice the cake its still cheating the only diff is the people allowing you to do so are cuckold and willing to allow it to make you happy even though it most likely makes them unhappy.

How do you know these things? Have you talked to my husband? My partner? My other partner? Do you read minds? I am fairly certain we are all happy with what we have considering we live together, have dinner together, play video games together and work towards the same goals... together. And if someone was unhappy I am certain they would speak up about it as we live in a house atmosphere conducive to open, honest, respectful communication.

lilla muchi

no matter how you do it i don't care. that's your personal choice i just don't agree with it.

No, you don't agree with it and that is okay since my ******** for people who b***h at me for following my heart is pretty much nill. Just like the ******** about people freaking out when I say I am bisexual is pretty much nill. But to call me names, to slander me, to put words in my partners mouths, to erase me, to accuse me of things I haven't done, to demonize me, to attack the way I live because it is different than yours and not something you would do is not okay and that is what you have done here.  

[Taeryyn]

lilla muchi, Blackrose_Knight, I think that's enough.

Lilla, you've said your bit, and no one attacked you. All you've done is repeat over and over that poly relationships are wrong and that those involved in them are somehow cheating. It's perfectly fine that you personally are monogamous; I am as well. It's also perfectly acceptable that you do not agree with poly relationships. However, that does not give you the right to tell someone else what is and isn't fair or right in their consensual adult relationship.

Blackrose, although I can certainly appreciate you wanting to defend yourself, Lilla has indicated that she has nothing more to add and that she feels attacked. So please, let it go.  

[Purple Robot Queen]

Esiris

Purple Robot King

Well in such a web of relationships divorce proceedings, custody battles, inheritance, decisions about life support, collecting social security, determining who is covered under healthcare plans, determining dependents for income tax returns, and a number of other issues can easily become extremely convoluted and difficult to solve.

I don't think any of that is more or less convoluted than other monoamourous relationships- family members can be jealous, or hate a spouse and can cause just as much conflict as multiple partners.

As someone who is poly, I can say that we already have our own dynamic figured out pretty well and won't have any problem with anything that you mentioned- so most of that stuff is taken care of with planing, good communication and being emotionally mature and psychologically healthy- take away that stuff and it is just as hard for mono couples.

It might be more footwork for people like me- but that's only because we're building from the ground up all the rights and responsibilities that are already law for mono couples.

Quote:

For that reason I think polygamy is highly problematic from a practical legal standpoint.

Every generation has altered the legal standards for marriage- in fact, people replace the word polygamy in your sentence with "gay marriage" a lot in the current debates that deny freedoms to LGBT people.
A generation before people did the same thing to keep people like my dad and my mom from marrying because of the color of their skin.
Before that (and sometimes today) there are fights about Catholics marrying Protestants or Jews or whatever- real love, the kind that grows deep in the hearts of loving and rational partners will always find a way.

I'm not claiming that it would lead to any greater conflict, just that it would lead to increased legal complexity. And I'm not saying it's unworkable or immoral, just problematic from a legal standpoint. Looking at it objectively that's just a simple statement of fact. It could still work, it just requires rather complex logistical planning in comparison with the relatively simple alterations necessary to allow gay marriage.  

[lilla muchi]

Taeryyn

lilla muchi, Blackrose_Knight, I think that's enough.

Lilla, you've said your bit, and no one attacked you. All you've done is repeat over and over that poly relationships are wrong and that those involved in them are somehow cheating. It's perfectly fine that you personally are monogamous; I am as well. It's also perfectly acceptable that you do not agree with poly relationships. However, that does not give you the right to tell someone else what is and isn't fair or right in their consensual adult relationship.

Blackrose, although I can certainly appreciate you wanting to defend yourself, Lilla has indicated that she has nothing more to add and that she feels attacked. So please, let it go.

i was never telling her what is or isn't i stated my views and yes she was attacking me since quite a few others said the same thing but she pin pointed me. so don't make me the bad guy when she pin pointed me. i ended it nice and said we agree to dis agree and she took it to far. so i would like to know how im at fault.  

[Blackrose_Knight]

Purple Robot King

I'm not claiming that it would lead to any greater conflict, just that it would lead to increased legal complexity. And I'm not saying it's unworkable or immoral, just problematic from a legal standpoint. Looking at it objectively that's just a simple statement of fact. It could still work, it just requires rather complex logistical planning in comparison with the relatively simple alterations necessary to allow gay marriage.

I actually intend to dip my toes in marriage and its "fun" legalities. I would like to work towards legislating multi-marriages as a life goal.