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 Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:30 pm
"Probably," Jordan said. He had a hunch that Rep wasn't as nasty as he seemed on first impression, might actually be terrified and lonely beneath the facade of aggressive nastiness; but until he could get any kind of confirmation on that, he was keeping quiet. If Rep was anything like Jordan, as Jordan half suspected, any attack on that prickly, unpleasant facade would have to be carefully considered and worded with consideration and caution.
He took another sip of coffee, eyed Jerry with curiosity and sharp interest. "So tell me," he said. "I didn't forget."
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:33 pm
"Oh, um," Jerry laughed weakly, trying to brush it off as something casual, "I... I know you're not really... er... a big um... into er... but... but if you um. I mean I can't just... where I normally... I mean..." He floundered and finally spat out, "You wouldn't have anything to um. Drink, would you?" He kept his voice down, as though negotiating a drug deal.
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:54 pm
Jordan shook his head; awkward, hidden pain showed briefly in his eyes before he locked it down again. "I don't - I don't like to be out of control," he confessed. "You - uh. You know what happened when I got drunk. I said and did something I would never have done sober." He sipped his coffee again, stared into his cup. "It let out a part of me that I don't want out," he said, very quietly.
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:57 pm
"Sorry, yeah um. I know it's not for everyone. It just. I usually... it just.. um. Never mind, like I said, ahahaha. I figured. But I used to get it from H and well..." He swallowed, trying to pretend they hadn't just picked at the wound. "Well. Despite the er. Embarrassment. You did have fun at least? It's nice to see you loosen up sometimes. You need to do it more," He gave him a friendly kick under the table, mouth trembling into a fresh grin.
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:15 pm
Jordan made himself look up, meet Jerry's eyes. "H didn't exactly have your best interests in mind," he said. His hands clenched tightly around the coffee cup, only the fact that he'd gotten a ceramic one keeping him from crushing it. "I - Jerry. Regardless of whether or not I should loosen up ... " He paused, took a breath.
"You're an alcoholic, aren't you," he said. It wasn't a question. It was, instead, a cold, painful ball of lead in the pit of his stomach. It hurt to say; he knew that it hurt Jerry, too, but if he wasn't honest ... if he wasn't honest, what was he?
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 5:44 am
"What? No! No no no I... I just... " Jerry's face went white, and then red, "It just... never mind. I knew I shouldn't have brought it up." He tried to shrug it off, but the nervousness was still in his posture as he quickly took a sip of coffee, and regretted it as his tongue was burnt.
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:38 am
"How long?" Jordan asked, not looking away.
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 10:20 am
"H-how long what?" Jerry's mouth trembled into a weak smile, once again nervously scratching at his cheek.
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:28 pm
"How long have you needed it to stop being scared?" Jordan asked, very quietly.
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:31 pm
Jerry swallowed, his weak smile flickering again, brows creased, "Um. A... a long time? Gran used to um... when I was a kid it would... ahahaha... um. Help me get to bed. I know I... I shouldn't be using it as a crutch," He had been to meetings about it, back in his old life. And he had been doing so well up until that night he was recruited. "But... but it just. With everything, it helps. I don't black out as much. You know. When I'm just a little um. Buffered. I've found."
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:41 pm
Jordan looked down into his coffee again, brows creased with concern as he took that in. All the way back to when Jerry was a kid? No wonder the older man had trouble coping with it. Long-standing habits were the most difficult to break.
Buffered - that was a telling choice of words, a glimpse into the reasoning and justification that propped the habit up. "What are you protecting yourself from?" Jordan asked.
Ferros stirred in the back of his mind, the weapon's attention sharpening with caution.
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:48 pm
Jerry shrugged the sort of shrug of someone who knew what he wanted to say but had trouble articulating it, "I don't know... my brain just.... Gran called me sensitive. It just... feels easier, coasting along when I don't over think." Candace liked him better with a little buzz, especially if she didn't know he had it. That much he knew.
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:59 pm
"Easier in the short term, maybe." Jordan's eyes unfocused, a look that Jerry might recognize; he was thinking hard, rapidly flicking through possibilities and linking ideas together. "You're not in control of yourself," he said. "Who - " He stopped himself, shook his head, looked up apologetically.
"It's none of my goddamn business, huh." He sounded tired, half-resigned. He picked his cup up again. The coffee was cold. He finished it anyway.
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:59 pm
The other man shied back, flinching at the curse in that way he had, even with all of his curse-word desensitization over the months. "Well. If... if it makes you feel any better, I doubt I'll find a drop any time soon, ahahaha..." He tried to keep his voice light and casual, although there was a pathetic sort of sadness to his expression. "I wish I didn't... you know. Um. Need that sort of thing. But. I'll get better."
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 6:54 pm
"I know you will. I'm sorry." Jordan sighed. "I didn't - mean to come harass you, man."
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