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 Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 6:01 am
Azra Reyne Kisame Hoshigaki - he is like a human-ish shark so I don't see the issue with allowing any kind of tails or ears.
- Approved-
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 10:16 am
 Sukyana, Toushaki, Keshigomu + Negative Release - HakaraDescriptionPhase One: Sukyana and Toushaki
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Name: Sukyana
Description: Manifesting itself in the right eye of the Hakara clansmen, the Sukyana is the first half of the Hakara clan's Kekkei Genkai. This ocular ability is unlocked when the clansmen learns to control their chakra well enough to flow an balanced, uninterrupted amount into their eye. At first the ability was discovered by accident but as the clan evolved more and more parents would pass the ability onto their children as they developed into young shinobi. Upon activating Sukyana, the eye changes in appearance to a strange swirling purple color. When active, the user of the Sukyana can perceive any jutsu used in their sight perfectly, gaining an understanding over how it works, what its purpose is, the element of and even the amount of chakra used to create it almost instantly. This allows them to react accordingly and defend or use this information to activate the second half of the power, the Toushaki. Unlike the Uchiha clan's Sharingan which deciphers jutsu before they are used, the Sukyana reads the jutsu's characteristics itself. This itself is a simple process of first storing the amount of chakra used as read by the eye, next discerning the element of the chakra and finally taking a mental "video" of the motion of the chakra. Side Note: The Sukyana can perceive most advanced releases by ascertaining the two elements of which it is composed, though the Toushaki cannot reproduce advanced elements due to its inability to handle more than one element at a time. The eye will store this data for anywhere up to a few hours before the "data" is lost. As some jutsu's can happen over short periods of time, more often than not giving the ninja very little time to react, the eye developed a sort of counter measure to this. Fighting with the Sukyana active allows the user to see things in a sort of slow motion, allowing them time to think and plan out their moves accordingly. This however does not allow them to move beyond their bodies own ability, it only means that while active their movement's will be as efficient as possible. This process is accomplished by the eye tapping into the bodies own potential, pumping the heart past its normal limit, flowing adrenaline into the blood at an enhanced yet controlled rate and boosting the bodies metabolism. Although it can provide a useful combat ability boost, it can also be hard on the users heart. With prolonged and repeated use, it has been proven to weaken the heart and can lead to cardiac arrest among other catastrophic heart failures. As such, this is not meant to be used as a combat aid, only supposed to give them time to understand a foreign jutsu and activate the Toushaki, but still, many Hakara use it as a melee combat augmentation. There are also more limits to its use besides the long term damage it can induce, the Sukyana can only store the data for one jutsu at a time, meaning that once a jutsu is copied, if they copy another then the one previously copied is lost forever. Much unlike the Sharingan where the user can copy as many jutsu as they desire, memorizing them as they go, the Sukyana does not collect data on the handseals meaning that the user cannot replicate the jutsu without using the Toushaki. This ability also uses chakra to maintain, not a lot as it is a very slow draw, but any lost chakra is detrimental in a fight.
Type: Scan
Clan: Hakara
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Name:Toushaki
Description: The second half of the Kekkei Genkai used by the Hakara, the Toushaki is easier understood when you think of the ability like a copy machine. In this way, the Sukyana would be the scanner, taking down exact information and sending it to the second part, the Toushaki, which replicates the information to the best of its ability. When activated, by opening the left eye during the use of the Sukyana, the eye takes a swirling blue appearance. This ability is often unlocked soon after the Sukyana as the user learns to more effectively control his or her chakra, as chakra needs to be evenly distributed into either eye in an exact balance or the imbalance could cause the connectivity of the eyes to fail. This ability allows the Hakara clansman to replicate an enemy jutsu almost perfectly without the use of handseals or any previous knowledge of the jutsu. By using the data stored inside the Sukyana and chakra from the users body, the Toushaki creates a likeness of the enemy jutsu to either counter or attack with. This is done by simple mimicry, much like a child would mock his parents. By using the eye as a focal point for their chakra, the Sukyana will feed the "data" into the Toushaki and upon the users command begin to force a predetermined amount of chakra into the eye where it is converted into the necessary element. As stated before, as the Toushaki can only convert one element at a time, advanced releases are not able to be copied. Once the conversion is complete, the eye will push the converted chakra out of the eye and manipulate its density and motion to mimic the effects of the original. Side note: once the process is started it cannot be stopped until the likeness is created. This obviously leaves something to be desired when faced with the actual jutsu, as most of the original jutsus will often have a slightly higher density in chakra making them a bit more effective than the copied type. Like the Sukyana, the Toushaki requires chakra to activate, doubling the draw of chakra on the user. This can be a very dangerous technique as, if the enemy jutsu cost more chakra than the user has left, they will be drained of their chakra and perish. This eye does not assist the user in any way other than allowing them to use the copied jutsu, meaning having this eye active and not using jutsu with it is a waste of chakra.
Type: Ninjutsu
Clan: Hakara
Advantages:
- Can surprise an enemy with one of their own jutsus
- Can use jutsus even if user does not have the ability to use that elemental type
- Makes The user able to react to Jutsu and Melee attacks more effectively
- No limit to how many times one can use a jutsu as long as the data remains intact
Disadvantages:
- Only one jutsu can be saved at a time, the last is overwritten when a new one is copied
- Uses chakra to keep active
- Long term heart damage
- Can cause death if chakra use is to great for userPhase Two: Keshigomu
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Name: Keshigomu
Description: After mastering the use of their eyes, a Hakara clansmen can unlock another ability in said eyes much unlike the previous two. The mastery of the previous two eye can take years, as both eyes mature in different ways, however. The Sukyana's scan ability must be at its top form which requires repeated use and the Toushaki's converter has to evolve into a completely new form. The second eveolution is the one that takes the most time, however, as when it does evolve it unlocks the use of a latent chakra ability altogether. (More on that below) Once both eyes have evolved to a state where the unlock of the Keshigomu is possible, the next time both eyes are active they will morph into the Keshigomu. Once unlocked, the Keshigomu eyes will take over whenever the user tries to activate the Toushaki, although activation of the Sukyana alone is still possible. When the Keshigomu is activated both of the Hakara's eye turn a fiery red color, signaling the transformation. In this form, a combined form of the others, the user experiences the time slowing effect and has the ability to both scan and copy enemy jutsu but is given yet another effect at a cost. This ability is for jutsu that the Hakara clansmen cannot copy due to either impracticality, time restraint or the inability to copy, allowing them to "delete" a jutsu using a new type of chakra created by the eye that mixes with the regular chakra and dissipates its effects, turning both the clansmen and enemy's chakra into a neutral, harmless form. This ability cost's the exact amount of chakra to perform as the enemy used to create the jutsu, meaning that once again if the user does not have enough chakra, using the ability can cause death. This is done by Scanning the jutsu quickly, the reason for the needed maturity of the Sukyana, and then forcing the amount of chakra needed to counter into the left eye. Once there, the chakra will undergo a strange transformation into an element less, negative like form. Once the transformation of the chakra is complete the eye will push it out into the path of the enemy jutsu where acting like an impassible shield, the "negative" chakra will transform itself and the enemy's chakra into neutral chakra, similar to that of ambient chakra that can be found everywhere in trace amounts. As the process is stressed enough with time constraints, the Keshigomu can only process and delete one jutsu at a time, having to complete the process fully before being able to start again. But, when used properly, this can be considered the perfect defense to any fixed amount jutsu, completely ridding the battlefield of the jutsu and its harmful effects. However this ability can also be used against the Hakara, as an enemy with great chakra can force them into using the Keshigomu to help rid them of their chakra, so using the eye can be dangerous if not done properly. It has a chakra cost as well, using the same amount of chakra as both of the other eyes combined.
Type: Defensive/ Augmentation
Clan: Hakara
Advantages:
- Can Completely "Delete" an enemy jutsu, completely negating the effects
- Works with any type of jutsu as long as it can be seen
- Makes The user able to react to Jutsu and Melee attacks more effectively
- More effective than countering some jutsus
Disadvantages:
- Only one jutsu can be deleted at a time
- Uses chakra to keep active
- Long term heart damage possible
- Can cause death if chakra use is to great for userPhase Three: Negative Release
Image: No Image
Description: After gaining the ability to control the Keshigomu, the Hakara will soon learn to funnel his or her chakra through their eyes to utilize the negative effect chakra that the Keshigomu's ability uses to delete jutsus. This strange chakra is formulated of a high density chakra that contains trace elements of all elements inside it. Unlike normal chakra, the "negative" release chakra is "hostile" to other forms of chakra, reacting strangely to anything other than itself. When it comes into contact with a foreign chakra, it tries to eliminate it by smashing its mass into the other chakra repeatedly. Though the chakra is not destroyed, both parties lose an even amount of force and density as the reaction takes place, leaving behind the harmless and neutral, ambient chakra. In the Keshigomu's case, an even amount of chakra is presented so an even amount is neutralized. The negative release gives the Hakara the ability to create negative versions of some of their known jutsus, adding a chakra eating effect to said jutsu. Unlike the Keshigomu's delete ability, however, this requires the user to be able to manage the elements in the eye perfectly to not only represent all other elements evenly, but also increase the density of one type to give it the desired elemental effect. This requires a bit of time, making using this a chore and rater time restricting as the chakra cannot be even slightly imbalanced or catastrophic consequences could be invoked. When hit with one of the negative jutsus, the enemy will not only suffer the effects of the jutsu, they will also lose 1/2 the amount of chakra the user put into making said jutsu. These jutsus can also be used to deflect or destory other jutsus as long as the other jutsu used less chakra, if it has more it will only reduce the effect of the jutsu. The other downsides to using the negative chakra are two fold, the first being that the negative chakra can affect the user if they are in the effect range of the jutsu, draining their chakra as well. The second and probably more troubling of the two is the stress it puts on the users eyes, potentially causing blindness if used too much. Unlike the Mangekyo Sharingan the damage caused by the negative release chakra is not permanent unless they actually damage the eyes during use, meaning that if used in proper moderation the Hakara clansmen could potentially never suffer the effects of eye degradation.
Type: Release
Clan: Hakara
Advantages:
- Adds a chakra drain equal to the amount of chakra put into the jutsu
- Retains Jutsu's original effect
- Makes The user able to react to Jutsu and Melee attacks more effectively
- Can Still use Sukyana, Toushaki and Keshigomu effects
Disadvantages:
- Stresses users eyes, permanent damage possible
- Takes more time to use jutsus
- Negative chakra can affect user as well
- Some jutsus will not work with negative chakraBackgroundThe origin of the unique bloodline trait shared by all Hakara members remains as somewhat of a mystery. Many clansmen have devoted their lives trying to discover the exact manner in which it was created. Was it a hybrid of pre existing bloodlines or was it a new evolution of the human race. On man came closer to the others in this field. Ein Hakara. Spending most his life with a profound curiosity of how exactly the strange power came to be. Back before him, no one had yet unlocked the power of the negative Keshigomu eye, making him the first to do so, paving the way for many great Hakara warriors to follow. Requirements & Rules● Cannot Be Stolen From Hakara Members ● Sukyana Is The Only Level Attainable by Genin ● Toushaki Can Be Attained As A Chunin ● Keshigomu and Negative Release Are Both Jounin Level Techniques ● Can Only Use For A Short Amount Of Time Or Eye Damage Will Occur ● Cannot Replace Damaged Hakara Eyes With Any Other Type Clan Jutsun/a
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:26 am
Sukyana
"When active, the user of the Sukyana can perceive any jutsu used in their sight perfectly, gaining an understanding over how it works, what its purpose is, the element of and even the amount of chakra used to create it almost instantly."
......This can't happen. Maybe a basic understanding as in the element and a the gist how the technique works and it would only be apply to techniques at the same level as the user or lower. So as a genin you'd be able to "scan" techniques C ranked and lower.
"This ability also uses chakra to maintain, not a lot as it is a very slow draw, but any lost chakra is detrimental in a fight."
.......Good start. Needs to take a set amount of chakra each turn.
Toushaki
"This ability allows the Hakara clansman to replicate an enemy jutsu almost perfectly without the use of handseals or any previous knowledge of the jutsu..."
......Handseals...are a must. They have to take the same amount of time as the user to cast the technique. "Almost perfectly" Again no at least not until at least Jounin level with adamant training. Needs to be limited to Ninjutsu and only ninjutsu. No copying of taijutsu, kenjutsu, genjutsu, kekkei genkai jutsu, fuuinjutsu, ect...Also limited to copying techniques at the same level as the user or lower. So as a genin you'd be able to "copy" techniques C ranked and lower.
......Needs to take a set amount of chakra each turn.
Keshigomu
"Can Completely "Delete" an enemy jutsu, completely negating the effects"
A bit confused about this one. Does it instantly make the technique 'vanish' or does it stop the user from using the techniques. If the latter of the two then denied! If the former then it's going to be limited to once or twice before the eye goes blind, similar to Izanagi because of it's power.
Negative Release
No go period. Too op and honestly I can't see a way in which you can change it to make it fair.
Overall
The bloodline is pretty cool over all. Don't take this the wrong way or personally however, this bloodline will need a bit of work to be approve. It's a bit OP and because of that will inhibit other role-players from having a good role-play experience.
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:44 am
Give one more disadvantage, so it may be even with Strengths.
Done
Ranton users are immune to Raiton, and Suiton heals them.
-Edited
Reizaa Saakasu [ Laser Circus ]
-Made it five hundred words
Saegiritte [ Interrupting ]
-Edited
Mizu and Rai
-It requires double, yes.
Hikari no Kekkai [ Light's Barrier ]
-Edited
Amagumo [ Rain Clouds ]
-It just makes clouds.
Kumo no Fukushuu [ Arachnid's Revenge ]
Kumoritte [ Becoming Cloudy ]
-It's now 150ft.
Makaze [ Devil's Storm ]
-Made it into an A-Rank
Raiun • Honba [ Storm Cloud • Home ]
-Can't use other jutsu.
Hijutsu: Ryuuki Boufuuryuu [ Secret Technique: Rising Dragon Storm ]
-I'd prefer not to... I can raise the rank, but that technique has never been changed that drastically before.
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:48 am
I guess me and your definition of op is a bit off, or maybe you didnt read through it completely. Lets go point by point shall we. Sukyana- As I'm not used to guilds that limit roleplay in such a way im not used to assigning everything chakra values. As the system is completely flawed, not all jutsu take the same amount of chakra to make even if they are ranked the same But anyway. Lets put it this way, if we went by your logic, this technique would not work until one reached jounin. What this does is watch what the chakra does outside the body and discerns the element. Nothing more, nothing less. It has nothing to do with jutsu rank as it isnt copying the jutsu, its copying the chakra and its element. So I don't figure that needs to be changed, as for the draw. Ill levy a 5 chakra per post and once the other eye is added ill up it to 10. Toushaki- Handseals are not a must, as the user has to mold the chakra into their eye and re purpose it. The reason it doesnt require hand seals is because it is not technically a jutsu the eye creates but instead a nature transformation of chakra that emulates a jutsu in a weaker yet similar form. The eye moves the chakra in a similar way but it is not the same or as powerful as the actual jutsu. So in esscence, as long as she had the chakra capacity to perform the jutsu, she could mimic almost anything. However there are limitations on what jutsus this works with. It cannot be used for earth jutsus or any jutsus that do not have a casting effect. Keshigomu- The Keshigomu uses the sukyana effect to scan a jutsu that has already been launched, lets use a fireball jutsu. Say that you launch a fireball at momoko and she wants to get rid of it for whatever reason. The sukyana will scan the attack to discern the exact amount of chakra required to delete it and force it into the eye where it will be molded into the negative chakra and cast in front of the jutsu where the negative chakra will eat the fireball and turn both chakra's into harmless ambient chakra. This costs her the exact same amount of chakra to do as the amount used by the attacker who launched the jutsu. And its nothing like the izinagi. It simply forces chakra through the eye, it does not nullify damage done to a body. She can still be hit by jutsus that it cant stop. The blindness in the Hakara's eyes are not as serious as it is not as strenuous as the Izinagi by far. Their eyes can heal as long as full blindness had not been achieved Negative release- I can do without this, i wont fight about it, however momoko was built around her bloodline eyes and those i would very much like to keep intact as much as possible. And please before you comment on my creations again, please read all the way through them, it doesnt say much when a vice captain in charge of judging someones hard work misses vital details. And this bloodline exists in two other guilds where it has been deemed acceptable and has been used. If you understood what it took to use these bloodlines you would perhaps understand exactly why they are set up the way they are.
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:56 am
iMama Harkles Hijutsu: Ryuuki Boufuuryuu [ Secret Technique: Rising Dragon Storm ] -I'd prefer not to... I can raise the rank, but that technique has never been changed that drastically before.
^_^ Fine with Me, that is very acceptable.
-Approved-
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 12:14 pm
I've read through the entire bloodline and talked it over with the other Mods, as we tend to do, and that was the decision that we've come to. Sukyana. "Ill levy a 5 chakra per post" << Good. Toushaki. I can understand your desire to not use hand signs. As for it being weaker, it needs to be a full rank under the original technique. So if you're copying a C ranked technique then your version would have the power of a D ranked. Keshigomu. The way that you're explaining it now makes more sense and I'm a little more content with it. It will have to be limited to deleting techniques at the same level as the user or lower. So as a genin you'd be able to "copy" techniques C ranked and lower. To be completely honest if you don't plan to make corrections or adjustments to the bloodline it's denied. I understand that other while other Role Playing Guilds have allowed this bloodline as it is we at ES do not, sorry. Please don't take it personal as I understand the work required for one of these creations. ^_^
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 12:28 pm
I am quite disinclined to believe that you do, for if you understood what kind of work it took to create something similar your affinity would persuade you into understanding the finer intricacies of how this bloodline behaves when prompted. Unlike the sharingan, this mimicry is not of the jutsu itself but of its conduct outside the body. Not only is it impossible to use handsigns in this situation, it would also render the bloodline completely obsolete as it does not create a jutsu. Think of the Rasengan, does that require handsigns? No. Because it is an extension of chakra from the body just as this is, the eye extends and amount of chakra outside the body in a "SIMILAR FASHION" to the copied jutsu. In other words, the attack will look similar but its effects will be dulled down a bit. As for the limitations, once again you did not read through the bloodline fully or you would not be making these sophomoric claims that my chacter can only copy this or that as a genin. It says in the rules that genin cannot even access the copy ability. The only way this Genkai can be limited is by how much chakra the user has in his or her disposal, and as its a !!!!!!!!CHUNIN!!!!!!!!!! technique and not....I repeat NOT!!!! a genin technique, the limitations should be fine as is. The delete ability, once again I'm not going to change at all as if you, once again, have read the rules of it you would understand that this is a Jounin ability.....so if you would stop wasting my time and making a mockery of my creations that stems back to your own inability to comprehend what is put in front of you, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 12:37 pm
I am speaking (well typing to be exact) in a calm tone and would appreciate it if you do the same. As for the who bit about genin, chunin, and jounin rank I read that and am well aware of that. If you're basing that on the example I used then sorry if it gave off the appearance that I didn't read it however it was just an example and not my true intentions. I will in fact stop wasting your time staring now letting you know that your bloodline is Denied. You aren't willing to compromise to fit the will of the guild and for that I am sorry. I do not plan to go back and forth and argue with you so I would be pleased if you refrained from posting in this thread thank you ^_^. Any further argument will result in you being banned from the Guild. Sorry that it's come it that.
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Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 5:56 am
How about this then, since you said you would give me another shot, approve the sukyana for now and I will work on the other things to make them useable. Sound good. The sukyana is her genin ability and you said it was adequate. Its the other two i need to work on.
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Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 9:19 am
Scuse me but I never got my bloodline (waaaay back on page 1) reviewed. sad
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Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 9:33 am
White Rathian How about this then, since you said you would give me another shot, approve the sukyana for now and I will work on the other things to make them useable. Sound good. The sukyana is her genin ability and you said it was adequate. Its the other two i need to work on. As long as you agree on the two 'restrictions' that I put on the Sukyana I'm fine with approving it.
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Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 9:34 am
- Not Approved-
Dragon Eyes C rank
This is too much like the Rinnegan and Byakugan
Dragon Eyes B rank
This is the same as the Sharigan isn't it?
Dragon Eyes A rank
This ability gives the user an advantage by 'auto learning' a technique that they couldn't normally ever learn, this one is straight out Not allowed.
Also, the usage of the eye's what is the Downside?, An I'd like to see some form of chakra consumption while the eye's are active.
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Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 9:44 am
Could you explain the restrictions
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Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 9:47 am
Metal Trsu - Not Approved-
Dragon Eyes C rank
This is too much like the Rinnegan and Byakugan
Dragon Eyes B rank
This is the same as the Sharigan isn't it?
Dragon Eyes A rank
This ability gives the user an advantage by 'auto learning' a technique that they couldn't normally ever learn, this one is straight out Not allowed.
Also, the usage of the eye's what is the Downside?, An I'd like to see some form of chakra consumption while the eye's are active. The C rank I have no problem with The B and A rank though, It's not the same as sharingan. Sharingan allows one to copy a jutsu regardless of element, Dragon eyes is a more limited version. And I don't see how A rank is straight out not allowed when Sharingan lets Kakashi copy jutsu he's never supposed to normally learn. Example: The Ice jutsu he used in the first movie Also the fact that, despite that his elements are lightning and water, he's used Wind, Fire, Earth techniques, AND genjutsu.
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Reply
