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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:04 am
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I'm 21 right now, and on my 3rd boyfriend, and I dunno, if you've been single, maybe that's a good thing. The relationships I've had through people that I have stayed friends with have been much more rewarding than my dating relationships and much less damaging.
If I take the chance to date someone, typically in the end I know I will lose them even as a friend if we break up. We may be able to tolerate each other in the same room afterwards, but we will never have a close bond anymore or want to spend time with each other.
Plus dating someone seems to lead to extra expectations from both people, it you both have to work a lot harder for each other. When I stay friends with people, we just hang out and have fun. I still have my serious or even slightly romantic moments with guys even when we are just friends, but I feel like they make better companions when don't you try to "trap" them into all of the commitments of dating and relationships. And maybe I have this point of view right now because all I am looking for is closeness or companionship right now, and waiting for marriage until I am 25 or 26 years old. Friends satisfy those basic needs just fine, and dating just seems to bring more trouble and drama than what it is worth.
To answer your questions though, it isn't really odd that you haven't been on a date yet. There are a lot of people out there who haven't been on a date yet at your age. In fact, there is one friend of mine that just turned 25 and she hasn't been on a single date either. There just hasn't been any guy that is a "right-fit" for her. Nobody that's compatible. And trust me, never try to push for a date if the two of aren't compatible or don't really seem to "click" at all. It will end disastrously.
So, for now, just enjoy being single and enjoy your friends. When it's for something to happen, it will happen. You just have to be patient.
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 6:36 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:43 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:07 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:34 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:41 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:54 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:24 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:15 am
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I've already off-topiced this very thread once before emotion_awesome That's actually the reason it got moved to "serious conversations" from the main forum.
I don't doubt at all that causes of bad relationships extend beyond dating for superficial reasons and clinging, but from what I've witnessed, that's the cause in quite a number of them to varying degrees.
Granted I know nothing of your family beyond what you just posted, I'm just going to use that general scenario as an example {not saying this is actually what happened with your family, because I honestly wouldn't know}. There are cases in which people will think they are in love and take things to the next level because of it, and in their mind it isn't superficial at all. However, that desire to be right about being in love causes them to ignore the warning signs that this person is not right for them. As time passes, these things become harder to ignore, but once they've taken that step into marriage, they feel an obligation to make it work no matter how much this person ends up clashing with them, and if there are children involved, even more so.
Everything then just keeps building and building, trying to keep something together that didn't quite fit right to begin with, until it reaches a breaking point, which by then, is bound to be devastating to everyone involved.
Had they not been so insistent that this person was "the one" early on when the signs started popping up, then all of that could have been prevented.
There are also cases in which people grow and change over time. While they might have been in the same mindset when they got together, sometimes they end up in different places as they age due to different factors, which is something that no one can predict or prevent.
Knowing the preventable greatly reduces one's chances of doing emotional damage to themselves and others with bad relationships, but there's definitely still that risk there. Finding someone that's as much on the same wavelength as you as possible as far as relationship expectations go and plans for the future does a lot for building a successful relationship, but if there are some things that cannot be compromised and life with this person just doesn't work out in the manner to accommodate these expectations, then things will start falling apart. Trying to be flexible would help in that instance, but it can be a difficult thing to ask.
Anyhow, my policy is that one shouldn't necessarily actively search out relationships just for the sake of having them, but one shouldn't run away from them when opportunity arises either. One can still be in a relationship without becoming damaged from it when it doesn't work out if they can see it for how it is and not for what they want it to be.
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:25 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:32 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:39 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:42 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:44 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:48 am
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