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 Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:30 am
Ren felt stupid. Of course Jove didn't want cookies; the poor boil had been through hell and back - they both had. He just looked up at him, his expression gaunt, before turning and pressing his face into Ren's chest, which constricted painfully. He was slightly stung by the rejection, though he knew it was not Jove being mean or anything of the sort; the puppy probably just did not have the energy or the stomach to eat anything at the moment.
His fingers trembling, Ren set the bag on the bedside table. After a split second, he pushed it hastily behind the lamp, out of view; he suddenly did not want to even look at the cookies. After all, they only served as a reminder of what things had used to be, not what they were.
Ren lay back on the bed, curled up with Jove's head against his chest. His gently brushed the back of his shaking hand against the side of Jove's face, trailing his fingers across the fine lines of the puppy's cheekbones before settling it in his hair, atop his head. Around them, the room was silent, the only sounds that of Ren's breathing and the quiet, muffled snores of Takashiro, Ren's incendia, sleeping a few feet away on top of Ren's dresser. It might have been normal; might have been any ordinary day.
Except it wasn't. And it wouldn't ever be normal ever again.
A pause. Then "...do you want me to sing to you, Jove? Help you sleep?"
He was not sure if it would work, or if the boil would even want him to sing, or want to sleep, or if his voice would even work. "Or to help you relax," Ren amended himself, his right hand tingling painfully as he reached up, rubbing the back of his neck.
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Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:23 am
The pup missed Ren's hurt look, and was unaware of how much his reaction pained his brother. All he knew was that the gryphon was being so nice, so gentle, even though he too was a complete wreak after the events on the island. Ren shouldn't have worried about the cookie rejection, there was nowhere Jove would rather be in that instant than right where he was.
When Ren spoke up again, he lifted his head and fixed the boil with a tiredly curious expression. He had never been sung to before. It had to be good for relaxing, if listening to Ren talk quietly was helping him relax certainly a lullaby would do the trick as well.
On a good day Jove might have once scowled at the mere thought of Ren singing to him. After all, he wasn't a child. Well, he was, but not that sort of child, one who needed others to hold his hand and stories and songs before bed. He tried so hard to be independent and act older than he seemed, but seeing his friends die in front of him had greatly shaken that independence, and undermined the stubborn self-assurance that had grown to balance out his weaknesses. Now he was just weak. And exhausted, it seemed like little bouts of activity were all he was capable of as he nodded timidly.
It didn't matter if Ren's voice cracked or was off tune, just hearing his friend's voice was all he needed.
Little fingers once again reached for Ren's shirt, and clutched it like a safety blanket as he closed his eyes again and tried to relax.
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Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 8:55 pm
His head ached. His hand burned. And his back and lower back felt as if someone had stepped on them repeatedly. But most of all, Ren's heart hurt. It was similar to what he believed he felt getting one's heart broken would feel like; a painful sort of clenching, a tightness in his chest. He had felt it when Gabrian had found him in his room, felt it when he had seen LW and Alessa again for the first time.
Ren's entire world was falling apart and he could not do anything to stop it.
Fingers trembling, Ren attempted a smile that did not entirely go through as he gently brushed stray strands of pale teal hair away from Jove's face. The puppy's fingers were gripping his shirt again, which made Ren feel both more secure and guiltier at the same time.
"All right," he said. "I'll sing. I can't promise it'll be that good."
Ren loved singing normally. And despite everything, he had a good voice; it went right along with his FEAR, but seeing as how his FEAR, as well as Ren himself, had been severely compromised during the past few weeks, he did not know how well his voice would be now. But if it would make Jove feel better...he swallowed back his desire to bury his face into his pillow and hide away forever, instead opening his mouth and letting the words of an old lullaby drift out softly.
"Sway to and fro in the twilight gray,
This is the ferry for Shadowtown;
It always sails at the end of day,
Just as the darkness is closing down.
Rest, little head, on my shoulder, so;
A sleepy kiss is the only fare,
Drifting away from the world we go,
Baby and I in the rocking chair,
See where the firelogs glow and spark
Glitter the lights of the shadowland;
The winter rain in the window, hark!
Are ripples lapping upon its strand.
There! where the mirror is glancing dim,
A lake lies shimmering cool and still,
Blossoms are waving above its brim,
Those over there on the windowsill,
Rock slow, more slow in the dusky light,
Silently lower the anchor down!
Dear little passenger, say "Good night" -
We've reach'd the harbor of Shadowtown."
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Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:46 pm
The pup never knew Ren had a voice like that. It was soft and soothing, much like the fingers that brushed his bangs from his face, and had earlier taken care of his injuries with such tenderness. As his brother sang, Jove's eyes slowly closed and he relaxed his grip. Not letting go, but holding it comfortably instead of needing to cling like they could be pulled apart any minute.
Jove didn't fall asleep, but for a few sweet bars he was able to imagine the soft sounds of a boat ride, and a peaceful starry sky over a little shadowy town, where shadowy people would sleep until the sun rose. He wanted Ren to sing again, but at the same time he didn't want to break the silence to ask for another lullaby. Instead he sighed deeply, comfortably, and let his body relax.
If Ren had glanced down, he would have seen a peaceful look on the pup's face. No tightness around his eyes or furrowed brows, not even a frown.
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Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 7:18 pm
A small part of Ren felt much better after he had sung, if only because he found out that he still could. His voice was a bit rougher, a bit hoarser, but it was still the same as it had been, and that was a soothing thought in and of itself. That, combined with the look Ren saw when he looked down at Jove's face, made the moment just a bit sweeter, a bit more like it would have been before the field trip, before they had both gone through hell and back.
Ren slipped his arms around the boil's waist, hugging him gently, so as to not disturb his arm. "I wish I had met you sooner, you know," he said, his voice slightly muffled due to the fact that he had his face buried in his little brother's fluffy hair. "Because I've always wanted a younger brother, except I didn't want him to go through what I did when I was growing up. You weren't raised by my parents, so I don't have to worry about what they would be like to you." A pause; Ren's voice was shaking slightly. "I'm not good with family, Jove. And it takes me a long time to open up to people and to let them into my life. LW was the first to weasel her way in, and then Gabrian and Alessa, and now you."
Why was it so hard to be attached? It only meant pain.
And happiness. Somewhere along the lines, sometime in the past, Ren knew he had felt happy - indescribably so, especially when it came to his friends. But now he wondered if he would ever feel that again.
"I do love you, you know," Ren said softly. "I know you're probably going to scowl and tell me that I'm cheesy and lame and that you don't need that, but I do. You're more of a brother to me than my own sister was a sister. And that means something to me."
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Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:29 pm
Jove made a little noise as he was pulled close, not a pained noise, something more like the sound one would make when they settle into a more comfortable position. Really, the exhaustion along with the comforting sounds of Ren's voice were putting him into a strange and almost affectionate mood.
His brother's admissions threatened to pull him out of that drowsy state, what was that about worrying and stuff? What was it about Ren's family that would make him worry? He had to disagree about the last self-depreciating statement though. Since arriving at the academy the pup had realized what family really was. It's not just about having an adult figure in your life to watch over you, it was about warmth and always knowing you had someone to turn to when you were in trouble. In a way experiencing the love of others had helped him realize that it was the same with his caretaker.
The pup let go of Ren's shirt and let his fingers run over the fabric before loosely clutching it again. He did know Ren loved him. And maybe he would have scowled had he been in top form, and not a little tired and a little beaten down. Instead he sleepily brushed his nose against the gryphon's neck and gave him another little puppy kiss. Except this time it really was a puppy kiss, the flat of his tongue running over Ren's collarbone. Old habits die hard...
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Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 9:07 pm
Ren rather liked the little noise Jove let out, mostly because it almost sounded like old!Jove, normal Jove who was scowly and stubborn and adorable and lovable all at once, the Jove who would push him away with a glowing blush on his cheeks each time Ren teased him, or was affectionate with him. The Jove who, before The Incident (as Ren had taken to calling it in his mind), would absently curl his tail around his legs without realizing it, ears flicking up when he was interested.
Maybe things will go back to normal after all... Ren thought, exhaling a shaky breath. Maybe, someday, this won't be so painful.
Maybe someday I'll be able to wake up and see Jove smiling. Or scowling, at least, at the very least.
He felt the puppy's fingers open and close on his shirtfront, moving over his chest as he gripped the fabric. Jove scooted closer, his face against Ren's neck, and then something warm and damp pressed against his collar. Ren blinked, momentarily taken aback. It took him a few seconds to realize that Jove had kissed him, but it was not a human kiss - it was a puppy kiss. The ends of Ren's mouth twitched just slightly - and then, there it was - a smile. A small one, barely visible, not big at all, just ghosted across Ren's face, but it was a smile nonetheless. It was the first smile that did not feel forced, and did not feel fake.
Ren ducked his head, pressing his nose against the side of Jove's head, inhaling his scent before he gave the puppy another kiss, this time to his temple instead of his forehead, lingering there for several seconds before he pulled back, smoothing back his little brother's hair away from his forehead.
"Thank you," he said. "Thank you, Jove."
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 9:18 am
Unlike his brother, Jove wasn't thinking about the future, and wasn't thinking about the past. He wasn't really thinking much of anything. The pup just let himself feel the sensations running through his ghostly body, the dull ache, the heaviness, the soft blankets under him and the warmth of Ren's body so close to him... The exhausted weight growing in his body would have been troublesome if it weren't for Ren's gentle attentions, but at that moment it simply added to the feeling that he was safe here and could rest.
The overwhelming comfort was making him feel so sleepy...
Jove snorted softly, his own way of letting Ren know there was no need for thanks. His breath would have felt cold against the damp spot on the gryphon's skin, but he followed it up with another sleepy tongue kiss before once again slipping off to sleep.
At that point he was just about dead to the world, Ren could have left him with a pillow and a hot water bottle and he would have comfortably slept all morning, or all day. Regaining his strength would take some time, but until then he was completely vulnerable and trusting himself to Ren's care.
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 1:07 pm
Jove's breath felt cool against his neck, and it was soon replaced by another warm swipe of the boil's tongue against his skin. It kinda tickled, his throat tingling, and Ren's fingers tightened on Jove's shoulder, drawing the other close to him. The boil's body was small, all bones and sharp angles, but Ren didn't feel that. Instead all he could feel was that cool breath, the soft, muffled noises of Jove as he slept, and it made Ren feel comfortable and warm, as well as more secure. His anxieties were not calmed by any means, nor had they gone away, but right now, in this moment, it was just the two of them. Big brother and little brother, and it made Ren not happy, but satisfied. At least for this one moment in time, it could be quiet and pleasant, and they could both just fall asleep with each other and forget about the world.
And so he did.
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