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"Kay and my name is just as complicated," Tori said with a wink. "Ixi and San," she said as she reached into the other bassinet and scooped up Sanqui. It almost looked like some weird juggling act as she tried to get them both situated. She wasn't perfect but she could manage, she had to since she nursed. "Thank you," she said in response to the compliment.

If anything had been wrong between Tori and Evari or Tori and anyone she wasn't aware of it. To her everything had fallen into place quite nicely. She was a good deal happier than she had been in a very, very long time.

"I haven't seen Kay since I told him I was pregnant," she sighed softly. "I set out to do this on my own with the exception of handful of those I trust. It's what I told him I'd do... you know that."

"Have a seat," she said as she sat down in the rocking chair that was in the corner. With her foot she pointed to the chair that was across the room. She didn't want to be rude. It was easier for her to handle both babies this way.

"Kay is a nickname," Tori said as she glanced down at the little boy. "As for my name... yes it is complicated when you look at it as a whole and not just part. I try my best to use nick names as little as possible for now. I want them to be sure of their names..." but suddenly the topic wasn't about names it was about her.

Tori stood up rather abruptly and thankfully she still had a good 'grip' on the twins. Within seconds she had them back in their respective bassinets. She was remaining calm for the most part, but only because she was around her children. The only thing that gave her anger away was her eyes.

She gripped her friends hand and practically threw her out of the room. The force she used was just enough to make Evari trip over her feet but she knew that her friend would catch her footing before hitting the railing of the stares. As Tori flicked the lights off she pushed a button. The button would signal Alice. And, then the door was shut.

"And you are a heartless b***h for disrespecting a mother in front of her children," she made no attempt to help her friend find her footing. She was pissed and the point of keeping her cool was over. "If you have an issue about my decision that is fine. But that is between you and me," she growled and flashed a set of fangs. "I set a person that I loved free from what he obviously didn't want... If he truly wanted this life," she motioned to the twins door, "then the ******** door works both ******** ways." This was how she saw it. She couldn't be around Kay because she knew how much she would need of him. So she stuck to the path she had picked regardless of right or wrong.

Tori grabbed hold of Evari's arms and slammed her against the wall. She pushed her knee between her friends leg. "This is my house and I don't appreciate being disrespected," she growled. "How I raise them is my business not yours... got that," she said as she moved on her hands from her friends arm to hold her chin so that she couldn't look away. "Got that," she gripped the arm harder.

"When you love someone you learn to surmount the insurmountable. I felt that when he didn't protest my choice that he wasn't ready for this life... to grow up," she growled. "We came to a bridge and I crossed it. Yes I ******** left behind the man I ******** loved most in this world... It was the hardest ******** thing I'll probably ever ******** do." Despite her rage there were tears forming in her eyes.

"And it hurts me that you say you don't even know how to get a hold of me... Because you have always ******** known. You have never been denied information when it comes to me. You have my cell phone, you have my uncles number to the cafe... for ******** sake you have my mom and dads numbers," her grip slightly loosened. "And, Kay was no ******** different."

"The door goes two ways. I wanted so bad to ******** bad to run back to him. To tell him how much I needed him. How much I wanted him. But when he said nothing... When he didn't fight me... what ******** choice did I have but to ******** set him free. You ******** understand that don't you... I am pro choice Evari. I took it as he didn't want me to have his children. It cut me deeper than anyone will ******** ever ******** understand." She let go of Evari, just to slam her against the wall again.

"Any word, just one word... And, it could have all been ******** different. One ******** phone call, just one... I'm ******** sorry that I destroyed so many ******** lives in the process of my choice... But I did what I felt was best for me and the child/children I was caring."

"I ******** promised him that he could see his kids. So where is he... Where is the phone call... Where is the letter... He said once if I remember correctly but I don't care... He could ******** see them a hundred times. I want what is best for them. They deserve a dad. The one thing I can not ******** give them because I felt that he didn't want them, us..." She turned and headed for the stairs. "I guess I'll just have to make the first ******** move... Because apparently he hasn't grown up enough to man up and find a way to find me."

"Just ******** get out... Hate me too for all I ******** care..."

Tori did her best to process what had been said but in truth nothing as getting through to her at the moment. It would probably be over the next couple of days that everything sunk in and made sense. For now she was at a loose. She was right and she was sure of it...

She was about the fourth step down when she finally spoke. "The world isn't about me... it is about them," her voice was barely above a whisper. "And, in putting them first it makes me look selfish because I have to be their voice... I have to be the one to make the decisions. Every choice I make affects not only me, not only them, but this house as a whole."

"It's really a damn shame you'd think that I would let the twins replace you. They haven't replaced anyone. I have heart enough for everyone even though I am the judge, the jury, and the executioner..." she looked down at her hands and all she could see was blood dripping off of her fingers. She feared looking up. She didn't want to see the walls, the floor, or anything for that mater. Blood was all she could see at the moment. It was that night all over again. It wasn't really there, but to her it was real. "I am a monster and I live as one apparently... Forgive me for my sins that are unforgivable... I would kill for you. I would die for you. I love you just as much as them." Her voice faded a little more with each of the last three sentences. She was headed the rest of they way downstairs.

"You know Evari you make life sound so simple. If I don't take care of myself then my children don't eat. If I don't work they don't have diapers. This house was paid for in blood... For every action there is a reaction. This house, my decision in all of this... they are two very key events that are proof of that statement."

"I never claimed for myself or anyone to be perfect. I will do what I always do... Clean up the mess I've made. Maybe not today or tomorrow but it will get done," she sighed softly.

"I am a victim of spontaneity and pour judgment... But in this as a whole, no. I am just someone who lost a person they loved. I am a person who has now lost two people they loved. Each left with me a gift. I wish more than life itself that I could share it with Kay... all of this. I'd never ask him to work a day in his life. All I'd ask is for him to be here for us."

But, yes I have family, friends, and all the things you said. Perhaps I take it for granted because I've always had it with a few exceptions." She ran her fingers through her hair. It was a mess and all in her face and she hated that.

"Who's to say I won't be gone tomorrow... I've got to make the best of today. I've always got to have a plan for the just in case. You may want to pretend that bits of my past don't exist but it is there... It shaped me into who am I today..."

Tori was a bit blindsided by Evari and her actions but her reaction was less that delayed. It was immediate that she freed herself and back handed Evari before pushing her away. Sure what her friend did hurt but physical pain went away easily. It was the emotional pain that never healed quite so easily.

"Who have I ******** lost?" Tori's eyes went large with hurt. This really showed how little her friend listened. Oh that was right Evari never wanted to listen. It was all fun and games when they got together... When Tori tried to tell her. "His ******** head is under the tree in the front yard. The rest of his body, or what I think is his body is out back with the rest of the bodies that I've buried," she growled. "Did it just go over your ******** head. This house is paid for in blood..."

"I buried myself outside under that tree the day I woke up upstairs in a ******** bloody bed... So just deal with it... Because let's just face it you see me as some ******** whore who ******** Kay once got pregnant and gave him no choice. The whore who then became the cold, heartless, beast who won't listen to reason. I get it... So, just get out..."

"You never wanted to be apart of this part of my life. That is why when this house needed cleaning, because I needed a place to live, I called Carina. She is the one who helped me scrub the bloody ******** walls, the bloody ******** floor, and every other bloody ******** thing in the house..." fresh tears slid down Tori's face. "So of course you don't know. You never wanted to know."

Tori looked away from the stairs. She rubbed her arms as if a chill had just run through her. "Where were you all those nights I screamed, I cried, and I fought in my sleep. You were in your own bed, safe and warm. Lily's newest sibling was the one to comfort me when I needed it... When I needed you... When I needed everyone...anyone."

"I'm overwhelmed more than just a little and I have so very few that I can talk to. So, yes, I probably do come off sounding like a victim, a drama queen, and a number of other things... I can only apologize so much before it is pointless."

There is a shower at the top of the stairs and the sofa pulls out into a bed... It is the least I can do considering my actions this evening..." What a bloody ******** mess. A really good evening gone bad. Tori sank to the floor as if she had nothing left in her. She was so done at this moment.

"If he was around I'd apologize. But, he's not and won't be anytime soon..." She sighed. She pulled her long, thick curls over her right shoulder as she took a deep breath. It wasn't worth the further words. It was done and over with as far as Tori was concerned.

"I'll hold you to it when I have to have a house cleaning party again," she was half teasing. It was her attempt at being light hearted. She really hated fighting with Evari... hell she had never had to do it before. It was so much easier being nasty when you didn't know the person.

"You act like I don't know that things aren't ******** up," she chuckled as she stood up. She stretched for a second before scooping up Evari. "Not that I wear make up but I do have some make up remover in my bathroom. We could both use a nice hot bath..." among other things Tori thought but that wasn't wanted mattered at the moment. Keeping the 'train on the tracks' is what mattered. With that goal in mind she headed up stairs with her friend in her arms.